Strasburg
Susie grabbed a hunk of weeds growing close to the carrots in her garden plot. As she gave it a good yank, a puff of dirt nearly hit her face when the unwanted plant pulled free. With her two able-bodied daughters helping her today, Susie hoped to get every single weed gone within the next few hours, leaving a clean-looking garden plot. So far, they’d gotten a good amount of green beans from the garden this year, and with Kate and Clara’s help, most of the beans had either been canned or frozen. The three of them had also canned beets and pickles, so the pantry looked well stocked with an abundance of veggies and also some fruits and berries. Susie had appreciated her garden, especially this year, as caring for it and putting up all the produce had helped to occupy her mind after losing her youngest child.
She paused and looked at the nicely manicured plot of ground as Clara and Kate continued weeding. The only produce left in Susie’s garden were carrots, winter squash, onions, and potatoes. There was also some swiss chard, which they needed to pick before the end of October, or else it could likely freeze in the colder weather.
Susie’s youngest daughter plucked several weeds by the potato patch and threw them into the garden cart. “Do you realize what day this is, Mom?” She brushed some dirt from her gardening gloves and blinked her blue eyes rapidly as she looked over at Susie.
“Jah, Kate. It’s the first of October. Last year at this time we were getting things ready in the house for your little bruder’s birthday supper.”
“That’s right,” Clara interjected. “What a wunderbaar time we had celebrating Eddie’s gebottsdaag.” She leaned close to her sister and snatched up a few weeds that Kate had missed. The girls looked so similar that, if it weren’t for the four years’ difference in their ages, they could almost pass as twins.
Susie blew out her breath in a rush of emotions. She had been fully aware of what day it was and didn’t need the reminder, but she would not avoid talking about it with her girls. If there was one thing Susie had realized during the four months since her son’s death, it was that holding things in wasn’t good. She had learned early on that talking about her loss helped her deal with the pain.
She still missed Eddie and always would. After all, how could a parent not miss their dear child? There wasn’t a day that had gone by since her son drowned that Susie hadn’t thought about him. It had been difficult not to sink into depression after he died, but reading God’s Word, praying, and sharing her feelings with friends and family had gotten her through the most difficult months. Today would be one of the hardest days for Susie, as she tried not to dwell on the fact that Eddie would not be here to celebrate his ninth birthday. There would be no party or cake and ice cream. This would be like any other day this week, except for the memories of her youngest boy.
Susie couldn’t help but think about what it would have been like if Eddie hadn’t drowned. Would he have learned how to swim by now? What would he have wanted for his ninth birthday? Would he have been out here helping them weed the garden today? Susie could almost picture her son, right here, mingling with them, and tossing an occasional dirt clod at one or both of his sisters. Or maybe the little rascal would be out in the barn, hanging around the cats or playing with his dog. But all was gone—all except her memories of him, which she would carry deep within her heart forever.
Susie felt the weight of another clump of weeds in her grip give way as she gave a tug. Tossing it in the garden cart, she felt a sudden wave of peace come over her as she looked up at the cloudless sky. Her boy had gone to heaven when he died, and for that she was ever so thankful. Dear Lord, she prayed, if it’s possible, please give Eddie a big hug and tell him that his mama said, “Happy birthday.”
Susie opened her eyes and looked out past the barn, to the building where her husband’s shop was located. I wonder how Ethan and Stephen are doing. Do either of them remember that today would have been Eddie’s ninth birthday?
“Hey, Dad.” Stephen bumped Ethan’s arm as they worked side by side in his shop. “You know what today is?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Today is the first day of October.”
Stephen’s brown eyes darkened as he gave a slow nod. “If Eddie was still alive, today would have been his ninth birthday.”
Ethan scrubbed a hand over his face and down his full beard. It had been a sad day when his boy drowned, and since that time, he’d dealt with many regrets. He regretted not having spent more time with his boy. I should have set my work aside and taught Eddie how to swim, he thought. If he had learned, I’m sure he wouldn’t have drowned in Vic’s pond—maybe wouldn’t have even gone there at all.
Ethan stared straight ahead, pondering how hard Vic had taken Eddie’s death. He too blamed himself for not taking the time to teach Eddie how to swim. Vic had also stated several times that he felt guilty for not watching his brother that day. If only the past could be undone. But all the shoulda, woulda, couldas cannot bring back my son.
Ethan wondered how his wife was doing today. No doubt Susie knew what day it was. He figured she’d be feeling down, same as Kate and Clara. Although Eddie pestered them some, both girls loved their little brother dearly. It seemed so strange without their youngest son around. Ethan visualized Eddie’s face and all those freckles he had. Things were definitely different now, without Eddie asking multiple questions about whatever popped into his curious head. His boy had enjoyed nature too and would often ask if they could go fishing. It was one more thing Ethan hadn’t done enough of with Eddie or any of his children.
He shifted his stance. If only I had taken more time out to spend with my boy. That was a regret he’d have to live with from now on. Some people’s lives could be long, and some were cut short, like Eddie’s. We really don’t know how much time we have on this planet, he thought. But I’d best get back to my work, because now isn’t the time to waste on pondering life’s many mysteries and things I can do nothing about.
He reached for a piece of sandpaper and began working on the rungs of a chair. It felt good to feel the rough surface slowly becoming smooth beneath his fingers. He’d cut a lot of wood and done a lot of sanding today and had sawdust coating the hair on his arms to prove it.
Now that the weather was cooling, Ethan figured he wasn’t likely to get many orders for outdoor furniture, so he’d recently begun making some indoor chairs and tables. He’d made some last year too but planned to make even more this winter, if for no other reason than to keep his hands and mind busy.
“Remember the kitten Eddie wanted to name Gebottsdaag?” Stephen’s question pulled Ethan’s thoughts aside.
“Jah.”
“Can you imagine wanting to call a bussli ‘Birthday’?” Stephen snickered while rolling his eyes.
Ethan stopped sanding and gave a little chuckle. “That would have been pretty silly, all right. I’m glad he gave up that silly notion and called the kitten ‘Fluffy’ instead.”
Stephen dipped his brush into the can of stain near his feet. “I sure do miss my little bruder.”
“I miss him too, but he’s in a much better place now.”
“You mean himmel?”
“That’s right. I believe God took Eddie’s soul straight to heaven when he died.”
Stephen gave the chair he’d been staining a few swipes with his brush. “How do you know? Eddie never got the chance to grow up and join the church, like I’m planning to do next year when I turn sixteen.”
“That’s good, Son. You’re at the age of accountability, but your little brother was not.”
“You mean ’cause he hadn’t taken classes, gotten baptized, and joined the church?”
“Jah.”
“But Dad, I’m sure Eddie knew what was right and wrong. He sinned just like every other person who’s been born.”
“That is true, but I know for a fact that Eddie went to heaven, because one night before he went to bed, he tearfully admitted to your mamm and me that he’d done something wrong that day. Then he asked me to pray the sinner’s prayer with him.” Ethan gave a decisive nod. “Eddie prayed, asking Jesus to forgive his sins and to come live in his heart. That boy’s in heaven, as sure as you and I are sitting here in this shop.”
Stephen sat for several seconds, as though pondering Ethan’s words. Then a smile formed on his oval-shaped face. “I’m glad, and it helps to know that someday, when I get to heaven, I’ll see my little bruder again.”
Ethan nodded one more time. “Those of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior will be reunited with Eddie, my parents and grandparents, as well as many other people we know who have passed away.”
Paradise
When Vic pulled his horse and buggy into the yard, he was glad that Eleanor wasn’t outside. If she had been, she might have followed him into the barn when he went to put Domino away. That would have been bad, especially if she’d tried to kiss him and gotten a whiff of his beer breath. Although he’d struggled with the desire to do it when he’d gone to Tom’s place, Vic had downed one can of beer before he’d left there. It had taken the edge off a little bit, but he needed another one now to truly calm down. The realization that today was his little brother’s birthday had been like a punch in Vic’s gut. He would do almost anything if there was a way he could bring Eddie back to his family.
Vic heard Checkers barking from his pen, but he chose to ignore him for now. There was something more important that needed to be done before he let the dog out. He stepped down from the buggy and reached inside for the cardboard box that held his haul. Vic glanced around one more time to be sure he wasn’t seen, and then, satisfied that he was alone, he hurried to the barn and set the box inside Domino’s stall. Pausing to wipe a trickle of sweat from under the warmth of his hat band, Vic went back outside to unhitch his horse. His mind was on only one thing at the moment, and he barely took notice of the sparrows chirping as they flew from tree to tree in the yard.
After leading Domino into the barn, Vic put the gelding in his stall, made sure he had fresh water, and gave the horse’s warm flank a brief pat. “I’ll be back soon to brush you down.” While Domino slurped his water, Vic picked up the box that was filled with cans of beer and hoisted it onto his shoulder. Using his left hand to hold the box steady, he stepped onto the wooden ladder, holding on with his right hand, and hauled his purchase up to the loft. In no hurry to go back down, Vic opened one can and leaned against a bale of straw to drink it. Ah, that tastes good. I feel better already. When Vic finished the beer, he was tempted to have another but didn’t want to take the risk of feeling tipsy. The last thing Vic needed was to end up drunk again. That would not go over well with his wife. And since tomorrow was a church day, Vic couldn’t risk waking up with a hangover that would no doubt include a pounding headache. No, he had to play it safe today.
An aggravating fly buzzed around Vic’s head, and he waved it away. Domino’s whinny was a reminder that Vic still needed to brush the horse. He put the empty can of beer in the box with the full ones, pushed it to the back of the loft, and covered it with straw. It was unlikely that Eleanor would climb up here for any reason or start snooping around, so Vic felt safe about leaving the box here. If he found a better hiding place, he could always move it, but for now he felt confident that the box was safe.
Vic climbed down the ladder, and when his feet touched the creaky floorboards, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of mint-flavored gum. If Eleanor came anywhere near him, he needed to make sure that his breath did not smell like beer.
“I’m glad you’re back,” Eleanor said, trying to sound cheerful when Vic entered the house with Checkers at his side. “You were gone quite a while, and I was beginning to worry.”
He shrugged. “Errands can take time, especially when traffic is bad.”
“That makes sense.” Eleanor left the kitchen sink, where she’d been washing several canning jars, and walked over to him. “Would you like a cup of kaffi?”
Vic’s eyes narrowed and his cheeks flushed a bright pink hue. “Why would I need any coffee?”
“I didn’t say you needed it. Just thought you might enjoy drinking a cup with me.”
Vic shook his head. “The only thing I need right now is a nap.” He brushed past her and quickly started down the hall.
“Wait a minute, please.” She followed. “I thought it would be nice if we could sit down and talk for a while.”
“Not now. I’m tired, and I need to lie down.” Vic kept his back to her and continued to move toward their bedroom at the end of the hall.
Eleanor wasn’t sure what to do. Vic rarely hugged or kissed her anymore, and she craved his attention and touch. Had the thrill of being married to her worn off for him, or did it have more to do with the despair he felt over Eddie’s death?
Eleanor quickened her steps, hoping to catch up with Vic before he entered their room. “I hope you have a good rest,” she said, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
He just shuffled into the room and closed the door.
Eleanor’s eyes watered as she gave a frustrated shake of her head. Was there nothing she could say or do to bring her husband out of the pit of depression he’d been in for the last four months? She turned and headed back to the kitchen. Maybe I will have a talk with our church bishop sometime next week, but I won’t make any mention of that sorrowful evening Vic came home drunk. She swallowed hard. I fear, though, that if something isn’t done soon to help my husband deal with his deep-seated grief, he might resort to drinking again. Eleanor’s lips compressed. If that should happen, I don’t know what I will do.