Eleanor stepped into the kitchen and took a carton of eggs from the refrigerator to begin making breakfast. She hoped Vic wouldn’t want anything more than that this morning. It had been a little over three weeks since they had returned from Sarasota, and for the last several days she’d felt nauseous every morning. The pungent, fatty odor of bacon frying was especially repulsive, so hopefully he wouldn’t ask her to fix any of that to go with his scrambled eggs. Eleanor hadn’t said anything to Vic yet, but she suspected that she might be pregnant, because in addition to an upset stomach, Eleanor had also missed her monthly.
She set the eggs on the counter and glanced out the kitchen window at the dismal sky. They would be celebrating Christmas next week, and she wondered if they might have some snow by then.
“It would be schee,” she murmured.
“What would be pretty?” Vic asked, stepping up to Eleanor and placing his arms around her waist.
“Snow, if we have any for Grischtdaag.”
“It would be nice to have a white Christmas.” Vic kissed the back of Eleanor’s neck, causing goose bumps to erupt on her arms. “I hope you weren’t planning a big breakfast for me this morning. I’m running late, and Tom should be here soon.”
“Nope, not today. I’ll just fill my kaffi mug, grab a few kichlin, and be on my way as soon as I hear Tom honk his horn.”
Eleanor turned to face him. Pressing both hands against her stomach, hoping to quell the queasiness, she forced a smile. “Sounds good. I’ll put the oier away.”
She reached for the carton of eggs, but Vic stopped her by placing his hand on her arm. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m all right. Why do you ask?”
“Because normally when I rush off without eating before leaving for work, you remind me that a healthy breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and you’d say that coffee and cookies were not substantial.” He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Besides, you look a little pale this morning. Maybe you’re coming down with something or didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
“I’m fine, really. My suntan is probably fading, so that would explain the reason for pale skin.” Eleanor didn’t feel ready to tell Vic about her upset stomach. She wanted to be certain that she was pregnant before saying anything. When she felt well enough to hitch her horse to the buggy today, Eleanor planned to make a trip to the pharmacy in town and buy a pregnancy test.
“How was your weekend?” Vic asked after he got into Tom’s truck.
“Saturday was great. Sunday, not so much.”
“Oh? How come?”
“Saturday, I went to a friend’s keg party and had more than my share to drink. Sunday I woke up with a hangover and slept most of the day.” Tom glanced over at Vic. “I thought about inviting you to join me on Saturday, but then I remembered you’d quit drinking again.”
Vic bobbed his head. “Yeah, it wasn’t doing me any good, and my marriage was being affected.” He wondered if his coworker might comment or say that drinking hadn’t done his marriage any good either, but Tom kept quiet and headed down the road with a stoic expression. Apparently he was either unwilling to admit that drinking too much had affected his marriage, or he believed that it had nothing to do with his wife leaving him.
Vic was glad things were better between him and Eleanor now, and he hoped to keep it that way.
Eleanor left the pharmacy with a paper sack. Inside was a pregnancy test and a few other items, including a package of mint-flavored gum, which she hoped might help to settle her stomach. She’d wait until she got to her buggy to try a piece.
Eleanor was almost to the hitching rail when she spotted Letty Zook coming down the sidewalk. Not wishing to appear rude, she paused and waited for the older woman to catch up to her.
When Letty approached, she smiled and gave Eleanor a sideways hug. With her black handbag in the way, it was probably the best hug the bishop’s wife could offer. “It’s good to see you. We haven’t had a chance to converse since you and your husband got back from Florida.” Letty shifted her purse straps to the other shoulder. “How was your trip, and how is Vic getting along? Has his depression lifted at all?”
Eleanor wasn’t sure which question to respond to first, so she began by telling Letty a little about the trip. She ended by saying, “I think all we both needed was to get away for a while, where it was peaceful and warm, and we didn’t have any distractions or things to remind Vic about the loss of his brother. To answer your other question, Vic is doing much better, with no sign of depression at all.”
“That’s so good to hear. Michael and I have been praying for you and your husband, and it’s nice to know that our prayers are being answered.” Letty’s lips parted slightly and then turned into a smile. “I will make sure to give my husband the good news.” Her chin dipped down as she readjusted her handbag. “Of course, Michael might have already spoken to Vic, and he could be aware that things are going better now. Sometimes my mansleit forgets to share things with me. Although,” she quickly added, “there are probably some things he doesn’t share because they are confidential between him and the person he’s spoken to.”
Letty asked Eleanor what plans they had made for Christmas.
“Vic and I have been invited to join his parents at their home for a meal on Christmas Day,” Eleanor replied. “We will spend Christmas Eve at home, just the two of us.” She placed her free hand on Letty’s arm. “What about you and the bishop? Will you be with your family for the holiday?”
“Oh jah, and since Michael and I live in the daadihaus next to them, we won’t have far to go.” Letty’s face broke into a wide smile. “How about your family members from Indiana? Will any of them be coming to Pennsylvania to join you for Christmas?”
Eleanor shook her head. “Mom and Dad will spend the holiday with my siblings and their families, and I’m sure they’ll have a pleasant time.”
The cold wind shifted suddenly, blowing Eleanor’s white head covering ties across her face and causing her to shiver.
“I should let you go,” Letty said. “It’s chilly today, and you appear to be kelt, as am I, so we’d both best be on our way.”
“I am cold,” Eleanor admitted. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t get some schnee pretty soon.”
“Jah, snow can be quite lovely to look at, but it can also make a mess of the roads.”
One more hug was exchanged between Eleanor and the bishop’s wife, and then they said goodbye and went their separate ways. With her nausea increasing, and the chill from the wind seeping under the neckline of her jacket, Eleanor could hardly wait to get inside the buggy and head for the warmth and safety of her home. One of the first things she planned to do when she got there was to take the pregnancy test. If it was positive, she would happily share the good news with Vic as soon as he got home from work this evening. If Eleanor was expecting their first child, she felt certain that he would be as excited as she.
As Eleanor went about her chores for the rest of the day, a wonderful feeling of warmth and happiness infused her whole body. The results of her pregnancy test had been positive, and she found it impossible to keep a smile off her face. Based on when Eleanor had missed her last monthly, she figured that conception must have taken place while she and Vic were in Sarasota. That was logical, since they’d both been so relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company to the full extent.
Eleanor entered the living room and lowered herself into the rocking chair to wait for Vic’s arrival. She placed both hands on her belly and gave it a few pats. I wonder if our baby will be a boy or a girl. Either one would be fine with me. I just want our child to be healthy.
Eleanor had been thankful that the peppermint tea and saltine crackers she’d tried earlier had helped to settle her stomach. From what other women in a family way had said about nausea and sometimes vomiting, she knew it could hit anytime of the day, not just in the morning hours. Eleanor was also aware that for some women the sick-to-the-stomach feelings could continue for several months or even during all nine months of one’s pregnancy. She hoped that would not be the case for her. Feeling nauseous would make it difficult to cook meals, not to mention doing housework, shopping, or attending church and social events.
I shall take one day at a time, she told herself, and try not to worry, because that would not be good for me or the baby. I will also make sure to eat right and get plenty of rest.
Eleanor leaned her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes. Thank You, Lord, for the new life growing within me. Please help me to feel strong and healthy during this special time in my life, and I ask that You would give Vic and me the wisdom and understanding to raise our child so that he or she will grow up to love and serve You.
Eleanor’s prayer ended, and she opened her eyes when she heard the front door open and Vic call, “I’m home!”
She rose from the chair and went to greet him with a welcoming hug. “After you take your hat and jacket off, let’s go to the living room so we can talk. There is something important I want to share with you.”
Vic’s voice lowered as he gently touched her face. “You sound so serious. Should I be concerned?”
“No, not at all. Everything is fine. I will meet you in the living room to talk about it.”
“Okay.” Vic ambled down the hall to hang up his coat and hat, and he joined Eleanor a short time later.
“Come sit beside me.” She sat in the middle of the couch and patted the cushion beside her.
Vic did as she asked and took hold of her hand. “Now what’s that big smile on your face all about? Did you make my favorite chocolate chip pie today?”
Eleanor shook her head. “My news is much better than any dessert.”
Vic tipped his head to one side. “I can’t stand the suspense. What’s going on, my dear wife? What is it that you have to tell me?”
Laughter bubbled up in Eleanor’s throat as she moved his hand to rest on her belly. “I’ve been feeling sick to my stomach for the past several days, and I missed my last monthly.”
He glanced around the room, as if looking for answers. “Wh–what are you saying?”
“I took a home pregnancy test today, Vic, and it was positive.”
His eyes widened, and after letting go of Eleanor’s hand, he leaned slightly away from her. “You’re in a family way?”
“Jah. Isn’t it exciting, Vic?”
“This can’t be happening now!”
She blinked several times, surprised at his unexpected reaction. “What do you mean?”
“I am not ready to be a daed.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I would not make a good dad, and you should know it, Eleanor.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know that at all. I think you would make a wonderful father. You’re a kind, loving man, and—”
“Have you forgotten that I couldn’t even look out for my little brother? How am I gonna be trusted to keep an eye on a baby?”
“You will, Vic. We’ll both take good care of our child.” Eleanor placed her hand on his arm. “And you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for Eddie’s death.”
“I can’t believe this has happened.”
She lifted her gaze toward the ceiling. “Seriously, Vic? We’re married, and we share the same bed.”
“Yeah, I know, but we’ve been married over a year and you’ve never gotten pregnant. Why now?” Vic shook his head vigorously and repeated, “I am not ready to be a daed.” Before Eleanor had the chance to respond, he jumped up and raced out the front door.
Eleanor felt an unsettling heaviness in her chest as she clasped her hands tightly against her stomach. She had never expected that Vic would not share in her joy over the news that they were expectant parents. She thought he would be as happy about becoming a father as she was at the prospect of being a mother. Surely once Vic had the chance to think things through, he would change his mind and see her pregnancy as a blessing from God. Eleanor just needed to give him some time. She sat quietly for several minutes, until another thought crept into her mind, one that was quite unsettling. I hope Vic doesn’t go off the deep end over my news and start drinking again.
Vic entered the barn and began to pace. He hadn’t given any thought to the fact that Eleanor might get pregnant while they were on vacation. The simple truth was, after being married this long without her becoming pregnant, Vic had convinced himself that one or both of them was incapable of producing a child.
“And that would have been fine with me,” he mumbled, kicking at a bale of straw outside of his horse’s stall. When they’d first gotten married, Vic had wanted Eleanor all to himself and hadn’t relished the idea of them having children anytime soon. But after a time, he’d looked forward to the day that he and Eleanor would become parents. Then Eddie died, and from that time until their trip to Florida, Vic had not been intimate with his wife, partially for fear of her becoming pregnant and also because he’d turned to alcohol for comfort instead of finding solace in Eleanor’s arms.
Vic looked up at the hayloft and grimaced as the urge to drown his sorrows gripped him like a vise. Vic wished he hadn’t promised Eleanor that he would quit drinking. He put one hand on the ladder. Maybe I have a few cans of beer still hidden up there somewhere.
Vic climbed up and began searching. He looked under the scattered straw, behind bales of hay, and in every nook and cranny of the loft. Nothing. Not even one can of beer.
Vic had thought his craving for the stuff had disappeared, but after hearing the news that his wife was expecting a baby, he felt desperate to drink a beer or something else to help him relax and take his mind off the situation. Vic also felt betrayed by his own stupidity. He never should have allowed it to happen, and now he was stuck with the consequences of his unbridled passion.
Vic took a seat on a bale of straw and rested his head in the palms of his hands. “Dear Lord,” he prayed out loud, “please help me figure out how to deal with this situation that I have no control over.” Vic’s ribs felt so tight he could hardly breathe, and he stood, raising his hands over his head. Maybe it will help if I take a long walk and try to think things through. One thing for sure, Vic could not go back into the house and face Eleanor right now. He needed some time by himself.