Paradise
At midnight Eleanor let the dog out to do his business one final time until morning, and then she locked the front door and went down the hall to her and Vic’s room. He was obviously not coming home—at least no time soon. She could almost picture her husband sitting in a noisy, dim bar somewhere with his buddy Tom. They were both probably quite drunk by now and might have decided to sleep it off somewhere before coming here.
Maybe tomorrow morning I’ll find them in the barn again. Eleanor’s lips pinched together as she removed her head covering and placed it on the dresser. Sleeping in the barn would be better than Vic coming into the house in a drunken stupor. Eleanor opened the closet door and removed her lightweight summer nightgown. If he should enter the house in an intoxicated state, she would not engage in any negative confrontation. Eleanor had learned from Al-Anon meetings that the worst time to attempt communication with her husband was when he was drunk. All that would accomplish was to trigger a blowup, which neither of them needed, and it would solve nothing. She also reminded herself that shielding Vic from the consequences of his drinking would only prolong the course.
Eleanor pulled the pins from the bun at the back of her head and picked up her hairbrush. She sat on the end of the bed, brushing her hair with one hand and gently massaging her stomach with the other hand.
“Dear Lord, what should I do?” Eleanor prayed out loud. “Should I go back to my parents’ house to have this baby, like Mom suggested? Or would it be better to stay here so that Vic can be a part of the event if he wants to?” She set the brush down and squeezed her eyes tightly shut in an effort to keep tears from spilling over. “Please, Lord, open my husband’s eyes so that he sees the need to get help for his drinking. Help Vic come to the place where he will forgive himself and be absolved of the guilt he feels for Eddie’s death. And most of all, Lord, please restore his faith in You so that he can become the spiritual leader of this home, as You intend.”
Lancaster
“It’s good to see that you’re awake, sir. Can you tell us your name?”
Vic blinked at the invading light and the two faces looking down at him: one male, one female, both wearing white hospital-type garb.
“My name’s Vic—Victor Lapp. Who are you, and where am I?”
“I’m Dr. Warner, and this is your nurse, Mrs. Daniels. You’re in the hospital. You were brought here in an ambulance last night.”
“Ambulance?” Vic repeated. He had no recollection of that. He barely remembered leaving the tavern with some man who had promised to give him a ride home.
“Yes,” the doctor replied. “You were badly beaten, and whoever found you in the parking lot of a tavern here in town called for help.”
Vic grimaced as he turned his head to the right. “How bad am I hurt?”
“You have a nasty cut on the back of your head and some facial contusions. You also received several broken ribs from whoever beat you up.” Dr. Warner shook his head. “It could have been much worse, though. You might have been killed.”
“Where are my clothes?” Vic asked without responding to the doctor’s last statement. He was embarrassed by his actions and didn’t need to be told that he’d messed up.
The nurse spoke up. “They were dirty and had bloodstains on them. They also smelled heavy with alcohol. We put them in the closet for you. I’m sure when you’re discharged you’ll want to take them home for a good washing.”
“Oh, I see.” Vic’s mouth seemed terribly dry and felt like it had been stuffed with a wad of cotton when he spoke. He was overwhelmed and powerless, lying in the hospital room in his condition. It was the first time in Vic’s life that he’d been beaten up by anyone. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for himself, not to mention ashamed, because the truth was, he’d brought this on himself by getting drunk and not letting Tom take him home when he’d asked.
“From the looks of your clothes and your bobbed haircut, I’m guessing you must be Amish. Am I right?” Nurse Daniels asked.
“Yeah,” Vic mumbled. He felt embarrassed to admit it—not because he was ashamed of his heritage, but because getting drunk was not a good testimony to others, who most likely thought Amish people were religious and wouldn’t do something like that.
People should realize that we’re all human, and sometimes we do things we shouldn’t, Vic thought. Just because we get baptized, join the church, and go to worship services regularly doesn’t mean we’re perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. Of course, he had to admit, I’m among the minority, not the majority. Most Amish men I know do not have a serious drinking problem that ends up landing them in the hospital, beaten, ashamed, and hurting all over.
“Where’s my wallet?” Vic questioned.
The nurse shook her head. “There was no wallet in your pockets when you were admitted, and no other form of identification. Is there a family member we can call to let them know you are here and what happened to you?”
Vic knew he could never make it home on his own. He was in too much pain. He also figured since he hadn’t come home last night that Eleanor must be worried sick about him. Vic felt like a heel. He wanted to go home—real bad, in fact—but he didn’t want Eleanor to see him like this or know what had happened to him last night when he’d walked out of that bar.
Vic remembered back to when he’d thought his buddy Tom should have gotten counseling to save his marriage. Now Vic’s own marriage was in trouble, and he’d foolishly believed he could solve their problems with no outside help. Vic had made promises he hadn’t kept. He’d lied to his wife and others multiple times. He had said unkind things to Eleanor, often without so much as a weak apology. The guilt Vic felt was overwhelming. He didn’t think he deserved his wife’s forgiveness, although that was what he wanted so badly. He had messed things up and he owed God an apology too. Oh, how Vic wished he could wipe the slate clean and start over.
“Sir, is there someone we can call? You’ll be discharged later today and will need a ride to your home.”
The doctor’s question drove Vic’s thoughts aside. “Uh, yeah. I’ll give you my phone number, but you’ll have to leave a message. We don’t have a phone in our house. It’s inside a little shed near the end of our property, so my wife would not be likely to hear it ring.”
The nurse placed her hand gently upon his. “If you’ll provide me with the number, I’ll give her a call and leave a message.”
Vic swallowed hard. He really had no other choice. He sure couldn’t give the nurse his folks’ number. Vic could only imagine what they would have to say when they heard about the condition he was in right now.
Paradise
A woodpecker’s incessant tapping on a tree outside Eleanor’s bedroom window pulled her out of a deep sleep. She forced her eyes open and looked at the clock on the nightstand by her bed. It was well past 8:00 a.m., which was later than she normally got up, but she’d needed the extra sleep, considering how late she’d gotten to bed last night.
Eager to see if Vic had made it home and might be sleeping on the couch or even in the barn, Eleanor got up and hurriedly dressed. When she left her bedroom, she was disappointed to see that there was no sign of her husband in the living room. However, she found Checkers at the front door, waiting not so patiently to be let out as he whined and pawed at the door.
Eleanor turned the knob, and as soon as the door swung open, the dog darted out and raced into the yard. There was no sign of Tom’s truck outside, so if he had brought Vic home and stayed the night, he’d obviously gone home already. Back and forth, up and down, it seemed that Eleanor’s life had become like riding a roller coaster, never knowing from one moment to the next what to expect where Vic was concerned.
Guess I’d better go out to the barn and see if Vic might be there, she told herself.
A few seconds after Eleanor went out and stepped off the porch, it began to rain in fat, skin-soaking drops. Oddly enough, the birds in the yard sang cheerfully, in spite of the rain pelting the ground. Eleanor figured maybe they appreciated the reprieve from the hot weather. She was glad for it too, but she needed an umbrella for her walk to the barn so she wouldn’t get soaked to the bone.
Eleanor went back inside and came out shortly with a black umbrella, which she opened and held over her head. Carefully stepping around puddles that had already formed, she made her way out to the barn. Upon entering, the only sounds that greeted her were the huffing breaths and thumping hooves coming from the horses’ stalls, along with the creaking boards beneath her feet. She checked each area of the building while calling Vic’s name, but there was no sign of him anywhere.
I’d better go out to the phone shed. Hopefully he called and has left me a message. Eleanor’s heart thumped in her chest. What if Vic’s been hurt and is unable to call or come home? He could even be—
Forcing the disconcerting thoughts to the back of her mind, she made her way down the driveway and entered the shed. The light on the answering machine blinked rapidly, so she sat down and pushed the button.
Beads of sweat erupted on Eleanor’s forehead as she listened to the one and only message. It was from a woman who said she was a nurse at the hospital in Lancaster. Eleanor’s breaths burst in and out when she heard that Vic had been admitted to the hospital during the night with several injuries and the nurse explained the details of what had happened to him. Fortunately, the woman said that none of Vic’s wounds were life threatening.
“I need to call a driver right away so we can go get him.” Eleanor reached for the phone, but then she paused and closed her eyes. “Thank You, God, that my husband is still alive. Please calm my nerves and give me the right words to say when I see Vic face-to-face.”
Lancaster
When Vic saw his sweet wife enter the hospital room, tears gushed from his eyes, and he sobbed like a baby. Pressing both hands against his hot cheeks, Vic continued to weep and didn’t look at Eleanor again until he heard her say, “I brought you some clean clothes, Vic. Are you ready to go home?”
He nodded slowly, feeling such relief. “I’m sorry, Eleanor—not just for putting myself in danger last night by getting drunk and ending up with my wallet stolen, but for all the stupid, hurtful things I’ve said and done since my little brother died. Can you ever forgive me?”
She took a seat in the chair beside his bed, then reached out and took hold of his hand. Her skin felt soft, warm, and reassuring to the touch. “Jah, Vic, I forgive you, but you need to forgive yourself and come to the realization that you are not responsible for Eddie’s death.”
“I know you’re right, but I can’t stop thinking about it. My emotions are a tangled mess of guilt, anger, sadness, and confusion, and I can’t seem to control any of those feelings.” He paused and sniffed deeply as more tears dripped onto his cheeks. “I’ve been using my brother’s death as an excuse to drink. All the pain I kept bottled up inside me is what led me to even start drinking. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. And now I’m struggling with an addiction I can’t control, no matter how much I want to or how hard I try.”
“Jah, Vic, I know. That’s why you need to seek help.”
“Lying here in pain while hoping you would show up to get me, I had already come to that conclusion.”
Tears glistened in Eleanor’s eyes as her lips parted and a smile spread across her face. “I am so thankful you are ready to take the necessary steps for your recovery, Vic. Are you willing to attend AA meetings while I go to Al-Anon?”
“Yes, or maybe I’ll go to a clinic my nurse told me about. The organization treats people who are alcoholics, like me, and they deal with other types of addiction too. It is a faith-based, Christian establishment, and they offer group therapy one evening a week, as well as individual counseling sessions that would give me the support I need to deal with the guilt I’ve struggled with over Eddie’s drowning. I would also be taught stress management, the importance of meditation and prayer, and many other things to prevent relapses.” He paused to take a few painful breaths. “They have clinics, like the nurse mentioned, here in Lancaster, as well as in a few other towns in Pennsylvania, including one in Quarryville. I could go there as an outpatient, and I’m willing to attend AA meetings on a different night each week too.”
“That sounds wonderful, Vic. You will have my full support.”
“There’s something else I need to tell you, though.” Vic winced as he rolled over and tried to sit up. “I did a really stupid thing at the end of the workday on Friday.”
“You mean by getting drunk?”
“Yeah, that too, but it was before Tom and I went to get drinks at a bar that I made a huge mistake.” A knot formed in Vic’s stomach. “I quit my job.”
Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Jah.”
“Why would you do that, Vic?”
He explained everything that had been said and ended it by saying, “I don’t know if my boss will take me back now, after all the rude things I said to him, but I’m going to apologize, tell Ned that I plan to get help for my drinking problem, and see if he’d be willing to give me another chance.”
Eleanor leaned closer and spoke softly. “Once you’re feeling up to going to see your boss, I’d be willing to go with you.”
Vic shook his head. “I appreciate your offer, but pleading for my job back is something I need to do on my own. Even if Ned agrees to hire me back, I won’t be able to start working again until my injuries heal. In the meantime, we can contact the clinic and begin my journey back to sobriety.” He stroked Eleanor’s face with the back of his hand and touched her stomach. “I never want to hurt you again. I want to become the kind of loving father our precious baby will need and deserves.”
She nodded and tears seeped from her eyes. “I want that too, Vic, because our little one needs two loving parents. From this moment on, we shall move forward, with God leading the way, as we face the unknown future. As we are well aware, there will be good days and bad, but whatever life brings, we’ll face it together, always looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” She paused, gently stroking Vic’s forehead. “We just need to remember, and cling to the words found in Psalm 46:1: ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.’ ”