A thud and muffled curse woke him, and Logan was instantly alert. He sat up, blinking at Connor near the foot of the bed in the gloom, hopping on one foot.
The alarm clock on the table between the beds gave off enough light to see. It was just past seven. Beside Logan, Seth curled away from him under the comforter. Logan could see enough of his slack face to know he was still asleep.
Connor was in his swimming trunks and a concert T-shirt from a rapper Logan could remember him blasting from his room when he and Veronica had argued.
Connor whispered, “I’m going swimming with some other kids.” He nodded to a folded piece of paper on the bureau by the TV and said defensively, “I left a note,” as if he was expecting Logan to get mad. His chin was jutted out. Always ready for a fight.
Logan smiled and nodded. “Have fun,” he whispered. “You’ve got your card?” He tugged at the neck of his tee, not used to waking up wearing anything but his skivvies.
Connor eyed him warily but held up the plastic key card. With his other hand, he waved awkwardly, then tiptoed into the foyer. In the mirrored closet, Logan could just make him out sliding on his flip-flops and easing open the door. The yellow light from the hallway flared bright, and then was gone as Connor closed the door silently.
Logan sat listening to Seth’s steady breathing and cute little murmurs as he shifted onto his back. His lips were parted, and he drew up one arm over his head. What would he do if Logan woke him with a kiss? Would he like it? Or would he get all uptight?
Would I like it?
He’d never thought of another guy as “cute” before. There was something about Seth that gave him all these weirdly…soft thoughts. Not that Seth wasn’t manly. He was. Even in his grandpa button-up plaid pajamas. Logan wanted to unbutton him and rub his hands over Seth’s hairy chest, roll on top of him and kiss him awake, feel the scratch of his stubble…
The wall was to Logan’s left, and he carefully crawled to the bottom of the bed so he could go piss and stop thinking about stupid shit that would ruin everything. Sure, Seth had kissed him after they fucked, but then he’d seemed horrified. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to kiss a loser like Logan.
After switching off the bathroom light, he opened the door and crept back out—and almost banged right into Seth. Seth jumped back, and they both laughed. Weak daylight was glowing around the edges of the curtains now, and Logan could see Seth’s spiky bedhead.
And his morning wood tenting those plaid PJs.
Seth’s eyes went wide like someone in a dumb movie, and it was so damn cute. He was probably about to make some stammering apology, and Logan couldn’t remember the last time he’d simply liked someone so much. He laughed again, and Seth blinked at him, a hopeful little smile tugging on his lips.
Logan wanted to take care of him. He wanted to say a bunch of stuff, but he had no clue where to start—he’d always been crappy at words. But fuck, he burned with it, and he was moving, pushing Seth against the striped wallpaper. Dropping to kneel at his feet.
Seth gasped, his hands clutching at Logan’s shoulders.
Being on his knees, looking up at Seth—at his chest rising and falling quickly under the buttoned-up PJ top, his tongue licking his lips—made Logan horny as hell. He rubbed his cheek against Seth’s hard dick through the soft flannel.
It had been years since Logan had returned the favor of a blow job. It had been rushed, and yeah, he’d liked it. He’d enjoyed the power of it, even though he was the one kneeling.
But with Seth, it was so much more. Seeing buttoned-up Seth come undone made him excited and stupidly proud. It made him want to do anything—everything—to give Seth what he needed.
Maybe it was what Logan needed too.
He tore down Seth’s pajama bottoms and swallowed him as deep as he could, loving how Seth bucked his hips and gasped again. Logan choked and pulled back, keeping the head in his mouth as he breathed through his nose. He sucked hard, tonguing the slit. He probably wasn’t very good at it, but Seth didn’t seem to mind.
In the hush of the room, their grunts and groans seemed really loud, and it made Logan’s dick rock hard in his boxer briefs. He loved the way Seth was holding his head now, his fingers flexing, digging in one second, and then rubbing the next.
It was probably weird, but he loved how Seth was still buttoned in his pajama top while underneath he was bare, getting his dick sucked. He tasted musky and male, and Logan licked desperately, taking him too deep again, spit dribbling out of his mouth as he choked.
His head spun, whole body tensing as he sucked like his life depended on it. Making Seth come felt like the most important thing in the world.
Logan fondled Seth’s balls, and that did it. He shot his load with a rumble of moans and whimpers, palming Logan’s head. Logan swallowed as much as he could, not caring about the bitter taste, sucking him through it until Seth’s trembles turned to jerks and it was obviously too much.
Logan released Seth’s dick, and his mouth felt messy, his lips swollen. He pushed to his feet, and Seth reached for him, rubbing Logan’s shaft through the cotton of his skivvies.
Seth was wrecked, his mouth open and face bright red in the pale light. Logan moaned, thrusting against Seth’s palm, leaning against the wall, his hands on either side of Seth’s face.
He’d only have to lean in a few more inches and they’d be kissing.
And fuck, Logan wanted to kiss him for real. Wanted to shove his tongue into Seth’s mouth and kiss him until they couldn’t breathe. Would Seth freak out if he did? He groaned as Seth pulled him out of his shorts, and—
The slide of a key card in the door echoed as loud as a gunshot, and Logan stumbled back. He and Seth stared at each other in horror, everything feeling like slow motion as the door handle went down.
Logan dove back into the bathroom, kicking the door shut and crossing the tile floor so Connor couldn’t hear him panting. The T-shirt was too tight on his neck, and he tugged it off.
He heard Connor say, “I forgot my goggles. We’re diving for pennies.”
“Cool!” Seth said, his voice really loud and fake, but farther away. He was probably back in bed with the covers up.
“Um, yeah,” Connor said, and Logan could picture his face creased in his “you’re a weirdo” expression that was usually reserved for Logan. After a few moments, Connor said, “Later,” and all was silent again.
Slumping against the towel rack, his head against the tile wall, Logan exhaled. He was still achingly hard, and he automatically reached down to stroke himself, shoving his underwear to his hips to free himself.
The bathroom door opened, and Seth appeared, wearing his pajama bottoms again, the top still buttoned neatly. They stared at each other, and Seth opened his mouth to say something, probably an apology or whatever, but then snapped his jaw shut, gaze flicking from Logan’s face to his dick in his hand. Even though he’d just come—the taste of it lingering in Logan’s mouth—Seth’s eyes went dark, and he licked his lips.
Spreading his legs, Logan jerked himself. The scars on his chest surely looked too ugly in the bright light, but Seth didn’t seem to mind judging by the way he stared.
As he worked himself, Logan watched the hitch in Seth’s breathing. It made him so hot the way Seth looked at him like that.
He wanted to talk dirty and get Seth hard again—because he bet he could, without even touching him. But words were all twisted up in Logan’s head, and he could only grunt, the slap of his hand on his dick echoing.
Maybe none of this had been part of the casual sex addition to their deal, because as Logan came, he arched his back, his toes curling on the tile, displaying himself for Seth in a way that was very, very gay—or bisexual or whatever the hell people wanted to call it. Sure as shit, none of it felt casual.
Breathing hard, he slumped against the towels. They stared at each other.
Finally, Seth said too loudly, “You want first shower? We should get ready for breakfast. Time to put on a show, right?”
Logan had been panting so much his voice was raspy. “Yeah. Don’t worry, we’ll fool everyone.” He tried not to be embarrassed about the show he’d just put on.
Under the hot blast of the shower, he wondered who the fuck they were actually fooling.
“No. No way.” Seth crossed his arms, staring down the hill. “We’re going to kill ourselves.”
Logan laughed. “That’s half the fun of sledding.” He’d climbed up without his chest hurting, and even after the awkwardness of breakfast—trying to make boring small talk and not think about getting Seth’s dick in his mouth again ASAP—he was excited to sled. It had been years.
They stood at the top of a big wide hill outside of town. There were lots of people sledding, locals and BRK staff climbing up on the sides of the slope and then blasting down the middle. It was a mostly cloudy morning, the snow thick around their boots.
They wore wool hats and thick gloves, and Logan had looped a red scarf around his neck over his leather jacket. Jenna had knit it for him, and she and Jun, Ian, and Connor were all decked out in more of her creations in all sorts of bright colors. Noah was being cared for with some other kids who were too young or didn’t want to sled.
She nudged Seth playfully. “Come on, where’s your Christmas spirit?”
“Since when is Christmas spirit about hurtling down an embankment and breaking our necks?”
“The spirit of Christmas is giving,” Jenna said. “And you’ll be giving us a huge amount of amusement to watch you sled down this hill, Southern boy. Preferably screaming all the way.”
Connor laughed. “Savage.” Jenna gave him a wink, and he grinned.
“You’re supposed to be my friend!” Seth huffed. “What if there’s an avalanche?”
They all laughed, and Jun said, “We’re at the top of the hill, and this isn’t a mountain.” He pointed in the distance at the jagged gray peaks, snow covering the Adirondacks. “Those are mountains.”
“Feels like a mountain,” Seth muttered, holding up his round plastic sled. “And we’re supposed to ride down on this?” He rubbed at the back of his neck.
Logan’s smile faded as he realized Seth was actually nervous. More than that—he was afraid. “Hey, it’s okay.” He stepped closer and squeezed Seth’s shoulder through his puffy parka. “You can walk down.”
Seth groaned. “I’ll look like such a wimp in front of everyone. And we’re so…high. It didn’t look this high from down there.”
Shit, was he afraid of heights? Logan said, “I’ll walk down with you.”
“But you want to sled.” Seth sighed. “I’m being a big baby.”
“You’re not.” He rubbed Seth’s back up and down, up and down, and Seth leaned closer to him. “We’ll walk down together.”
“Or sled down together,” Connor said, looking at them with his forehead creased like it did when he was trying to figure out some hard math thing. “Logan knows what he’s doing. Right?”
It was possibly the first time Logan had ever heard Connor say anything like that. He tried not to be too happy since the kid would probably be telling him he was an idiot in a minute. Logan was still rubbing Seth’s back, and he thumped it now.
“I do. Jenna and I grew up with these flying saucers.”
“Flying?” Seth shuddered. “No flying, please.” He kicked at the plastic. “There’s no way two of us can fit.”
“Oh, you totally can,” Jun said. “My brothers and I used to get four of us stacked on one.”
Logan positioned his sled near the edge and flopped down, getting his butt wedged in at the back. He spread his legs. “Come on.”
For a second, Seth just stood there, his face going beet red, breath clouding out in little bursts. Then he mumbled something under his breath, looking up as if saying a prayer.
Gingerly, he squatted and got into place, and Logan yanked him back so he was snug between his thighs. Logan had worn his long johns with waterproof pants over top, and the material squeaked as Seth squirmed into place.
The pom-pom of Seth’s beanie was in Logan’s face, so he hooked his chin over Seth’s shoulder. “Lift your arms over my legs.” Now Logan could wrap his arms tightly around Seth’s middle. “Lean back into me and keep your feet up. That’s really important, okay? Feet up.”
Jenna bent with her hands on Logan’s shoulders, and Logan said, “No spin.”
“Okay, okay,” she grumbled. “Don’t worry, Seth. Logan’ll take care of you. We’re coming right behind!”
Logan tightened his arms, pressing his cheek against Seth’s, the skin freshly shaved and warm with Seth’s blush even in the cold air. “Feet up!”
Then they were sailing down the hill, the wind whipping, Seth’s feet jutting up perfectly straight in the air like a solider obeying orders. The world fell away and everything was the two of them locked together, soaring so fast.
Adrenaline spiked, and Logan made a “Wooooo!” noise as they flew down. Seth dug his gloved hands into Logan’s thighs, making little gasping, squeaking noises that were so fucking cute Logan could hardly take it.
They slowed at the bottom, sliding along the flat ground toward a tall snowbank that had been built up to make sure no one went into the thick pine trees beyond. They skidded to a stop, breathing hard, the shouts of Jenna and Jun and the kids echoing as they neared the bottom as well.
“See?” Logan said, squeezing Seth with his arms. “All in one piece.”
Panting, Seth leaned back against him, his hands gripping Logan’s knees. “That was… Goodness. Wow.”
The others skidded near, Connor spinning and tumbling out with a laugh. More people were coming down all the time, and they needed to get out of the impact zone, but Logan wished he could just stay all snug with Seth for a while longer.
Jenna held up her hand for Jun, who tugged her to her feet. She grinned at Seth. “Well?”
“It was absolutely terrifying.” He turned his head to look at Logan, his blue eyes lit up. “Let’s do it again.”
They all laughed, climbing up the hill and zooming back down several more times. Seth didn’t want to go down alone, and Logan was happy to share his sled.
When they were tired out, it was time for hot chocolate and donut holes set up near their bus on folding tables. Dale really had thought of everything. Logan wanted to tell him he’d done a real good job, but wondered if it would seem like kissing ass since Dale was supposed to be finding work for him.
As he poured hot chocolate into a paper cup from a big plastic container, thumbing down the spout, excitement skittered through him. Would Dale actually be able to get him a job? Obviously Logan had to do an interview and prove himself at whatever it was, but if he could actually get money coming in, it would be such a relief.
He popped a sugary donut in his mouth. It would be more than a relief to have a job again. It would feel so damn good to not be useless anymore. He could get a place and stop freeloading off Seth, and save money for Connor and be worth something again.
Although he had to admit that the thought of moving out of Seth’s house wasn’t as happy as it should have been. Probably because even with a job, he’d never be able to afford something as nice as Seth’s place. And with Connor at school, he’d be alone most of the time. But that was fine. Maybe he and Seth could still hang out. Maybe…
Shoving another donut in his mouth, Logan told himself to stop being such a moron. He might not even get the job even if Dale could help him, and that was a big if anyway. And he and Seth… It was stupid to think about. They had a deal, and that was it. It was temporary.
“I thought you were just faking it with Seth?”
Stomach dropping, Logan gripped his paper cup a little harder and took a gulp, burning the roof of his mouth. “I am.”
Holding his own cup, Connor was watching him suspiciously, his eyebrows almost meeting. “Really?”
“Of course.” Logan forced a laugh.
“Because you look at him the way you looked at my mom, back at the beginning. When I thought maybe things wouldn’t suck.”
Logan tried to figure out what Connor was saying. It didn’t make any sense. “When you thought… But you hated me from day one.”
Connor looked down at the donuts, shrugging. “You weren’t so bad, I guess.” He picked out a chocolate one and ate it.
“I…” Logan had no clue what to say. “Oh. Thanks?”
Connor huffed, eating another donut and mumbling, “Anyway, Seth seems into you. But you’re just pretending. Right?”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Logan glanced at where Seth stood off with Jenna and Jun, drinking their hot chocolate and laughing about something.
Connor rolled his eyes, licking crumbs from his lips. He looked up at Logan, apparently waiting for an answer.
Heart thumping, Logan chugged his hot chocolate, wiping his mouth after. “Guess we’re both good actors.” Sure, he and Seth were screwing, and they were into it, but that’s all it was. That was the deal—casual.
“Guess so.”
Logan tried to think of something to say. “You looking forward to lunch with Santa?”
There was that familiar scowl. “I’m not some little kid.”
“I know. But it’s Christmas. My mom used to say we all get to be kids at Christmas.” He hadn’t thought of that in years, and for a moment, he missed her so damn much.
This was Connor’s first Christmas without Veronica, and he wanted to tell him that it would be okay, and that it would get easier over time. Or at least it would be different. It would still hurt like hell sometimes, but not all the time.
But he didn’t say any of that because Connor was already gone with a handful of donut holes, off to hang with some kids around his age. Shit, Logan really needed to get presents for Connor to open. Jenna would surely be getting some for Christmas Eve at her place, but they’d be at Seth’s on Christmas morning.
And shit, he needed to get Seth a present too. More than one. With no money, he’d have to borrow from Jenna and Jun, and what if he didn’t get a job after all? He was suddenly afraid he’d puke up hot chocolate all over the snow.
“Okay?” Seth asked as he walked up. “Don’t tell me all that sledding has made you green around the gills and not me.” He squeezed the back of Logan’s neck over his scarf, and Logan concentrated on deep breaths, a stab of pain in his chest flaring and then easing.
He almost said he was fine and shrugged Seth off but let Seth ground him until he could give him a real smile.