“I’ll pay you back.”
Expertly balancing the car seat with a sleeping Noah inside, Jenna opened her front door and called, “Hi, Pop!” To Logan, she said, “I know. I heard you the first three times.”
Logan nodded and kicked the door shut behind him, his hands occupied with canvas grocery bags. He’d had to borrow the money from Jenna to pay for the repair on his truck. The garage had been impatient for him to pick it up right away, and if Logan was going to be staying out in Saratoga Springs, he needed wheels.
Friday was Jenna’s temporary day off until she went back to work full time in the new year, so she’d picked him up at Seth’s and taken him to the garage.
He took off his boots and leather jacket and followed her through into the kitchen. Noah was somehow still fast asleep in the car seat, which Jenna put on the kitchen table. Logan took things out of the bags and put them on the island for her.
“Seth’s house is so beautiful,” she said for the hundredth time, tightening her ponytail. She wore sweats with a dark stain of something that had dripped down her chest. Peering around her beige and pink kitchen with a miserable expression, she sighed. “God, this is so nineties. All this laminate. Ugh.”
“It’s nice.”
Jenna narrowed her gaze. “Don’t shit a shitter. I’m dying for a new kitchen, but these kids keep wanting to eat and stuff, so.” Her face lit up again. “But wow, Seth’s great room looks incredible now. I only saw it once, back before Brandon sleazed off and I’d shamelessly invited myself over. It’s gorgeous now.”
“Yeah. Slept like a baby on that couch.” The wide leather had been soft, yet firm, and Seth had given him a pillow with cool foam in it. Logan had gotten more sleep than he had in weeks even though it had gotten too hot with the fireplace on.
He was a jobless loser who couldn’t afford rent, but Seth had brought him a steaming mug of coffee and acted like he was a real guest, not just a freeloader. They’d made a deal, but Logan was sure as hell getting more out of it.
He’d found himself thinking about Seth a lot. Seth wasn’t like most people he knew. He was…fancier. Not arrogant, though. But the way he didn’t swear, and how he did everything so neat and orderly…
For some weird reason it reminded Logan of his grandma’s sitting room, with fake flowers in vases and plastic on the couches. Which probably sounded like an insult even though he didn’t mean it that way. He’d always wanted to rip the plastic off those couches and bounce on them.
Logan asked, “He’s a good boss?”
“Oh yeah, the best. I mean, he’s technically not my boss, but he should be. Will be after this caper.” She grinned, waggling her eyebrows and adding fresh bananas to the fruit bowl by the toaster. “I still can’t believe you’re doing this.”
He snorted. “Me either. Not a lot of options.”
Her face softened. “I know. But Seth really is so great. Kind, generous, patient. He deserves this promotion so much. I’m really glad you’re helping each other. I can’t tell you how many times he covered for me when I was pregnant and puking. Picked up so much of my slack. I just wish he wasn’t so tough on himself. I think it’s because of his upbringing.”
“Right. Crazy religious parents?”
Jenna grimaced. “Yup. I mean, we grew up with standard-issue Catholic guilt, but his family’s evangelical church took it to a whole new level. Seth’s always been a bit reserved, but when Brandon dumped him, it was a big shock. Really did a number on him.”
“What happened there?” Logan had already decided this Brandon was a fucking idiot.
“Ugh.” She opened the fridge and loaded up the crisper drawer. “I guess Brandon was already having doubts before they moved, but he thought the change of scenery would fix their problems or something. Like a fresh start would make him fall back in love with Seth. That’s apparently what he told Seth when he was leaving. Obviously that never works, so when he met another guy at the gym, he bailed. That was over a year ago now, and Seth seems…stuck.”
She opened a cupboard and pulled out a jar of natural peanut butter, taking a spoonful and saying through it, “I think this caper will do wonders for him. At least he’ll finish his house.” She held out the jar, the spoon inside.
Logan filled his mouth with the sticky peanut butter, pondering what Jenna had told him. When he swallowed, his tongue still coated with thick residue, he asked, “Seth’s not seeing anyone else?”
“Not that I know of. Of course, I don’t want to pry.”
“Of course not,” Logan said dryly.
She smirked. “Shut up. But as far as I can tell, he hasn’t dated at all the past year. He’s such a catch! Handsome and sweet. Don’t you think?”
Shrugging, Logan said, “Sure.” He didn’t usually think of men’s looks or personalities that way since that stuff didn’t matter when it came to simply getting off.
But yeah, Seth was in good shape and had a nice smile and blue eyes. And a lot of people would have backed the hell out of the deal after Logan and Connor started going at it, but Seth had been patient with them.
“I’m sure he could get laid easy,” Logan said.
Jenna sighed. “He could if he wanted to, but I think he’s got some hang-ups about casual sex. When I suggested he try Grindr, he almost choked on his tongue.”
Logan had to laugh. “Do you ever mind your own business?”
“Nope.”
“You know, I was wondering about the house. Seth said he bought it, not they bought it.”
“Yeah, apparently Brandon’s never been good with money.” She swirled the spoon around the peanut butter jar. “It’s a blessing that Seth was smart enough not to put the house in both their names. Honestly makes me think he had his doubts too, even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself.”
“I guess.” Logan thought of that voice that had told him marrying Veronica was nuts and that they barely even knew each other. But his life had been garbage, and there she was, beautiful and kind and taking care of him.
“Do you think Connor’s going to agree to go on the retreat next weekend?” Jenna asked. “And, more importantly, that he’ll behave?”
“Maybe. Guess he won’t have much choice. And he’ll be stuck with me all the time if he doesn’t get in line at school.” Logan hesitated. Might as well just spit it out. “He’s getting kicked out if he doesn’t.”
The spoon clattered to the counter. “Shit.”
“Yup.”
“But he’s a genius. I remember Veronica saying he practically had a photographic memory.”
“Yeah, but he’s been skipping class and blowing off assignments. Being an asshole to other kids. Acting reckless. He has to do good on his exams next week, or else.”
“Maybe it would help to supervise him this weekend. Make sure he studies.”
Logan unpacked a jumbo box of bran cereal. “Maybe.”
“I think Seth can be a good influence on him. And you.”
“Me? I ain’t studying for jack shit.” He slid some jars of baby food across the island. “Thank Christ. You know school wasn’t my strong suit.”
She rolled her eyes. “I mean just that you and Seth could, you know.” She shrugged. “Become friends.”
The back of his neck prickling, he shrugged. “I’m going to go say hi to Pop.”
“No, no, no.” She blocked his path and stared at him, hands on her hips. “You always blow me off when I bring this up. You used to hang out with your buddies from the railway all the time. But when was the last time you talked to them? Saw them? Liked one of their Facebook posts?”
He huffed. “You know I hate that shit.”
“Yes, I’m well aware you and social media are not on the same wavelength. But you used to go out drinking and watching football games with those guys every week. Why don’t you call them up?”
His lungs tightened, and he forced a jagged breath. “Just leave it alone.”
“But those guys—”
“Those guys never came to see me in the hospital.” He raised his voice, clenching his fists. “Okay?”
She blinked, jutting her chin forward. “What?”
“The bosses said the accident was my fault. Huey went along with it—said he couldn’t remember anything. Everyone knew I was taking the fall for faulty equipment, and since it happened in the train yard and not out on the line, and no one got killed, there was no investigation. Maybe they paid off the feds, I dunno. But they said Huey got hurt because of me. I was poison after that. I haven’t fucking seen my friends once since I woke up broken on a ventilator.”
Jenna opened and closed her mouth. Then her eyes glistened with tears, and Logan felt like a piece of shit. He begged, “Don’t cry. It’s fine. Really.”
“It’s not fine! I should have known!” She hugged him fiercely, standing on her tiptoes. She smelled like Vaseline and spit-up, and Logan held her tightly. Voice tight, she whispered, “It makes so much more sense—why you moved so fast with Veronica.”
No sense in denying it. “Yeah.”
“I should have known.” She stepped back and shook her head. “Why didn’t I know?”
“Because I never told you?”
“I should have realized.”
“You can’t read my mind. You’ve spent your whole life taking care of other people. What do I ever do for you?”
She slapped his arm. “You do plenty. You’re my big brother. Remember when you terrified that asshole Billy Morgan after he made fun of my training bra? Not that I condone the threat of violence, of course.”
Laughing softly, he swiped at her tears with his thumb. “Haven’t done much for you lately.”
“True,” she joked with a wink. “Think you can keep an eye on Noah for half an hour or so before I have to pick up Ian from his half day of preschool?”
Logan was more than happy to stop talking about all this emotional shit. “Sure.” The kid was still fast asleep, so it would be simple enough.
“Awesome. I know eventually when Ian is Connor’s age and wants nothing to do with me that I’ll long for these days when he wants to be with me every second he can, but sometimes it’s just so nice to go to the bathroom by myself. Maybe even have a shower all alone.”
“Go nuts. Noah and I’ll be fine.” Then he frowned. “If you need help with the kids during the day, I can come over. It’s not like I have a job.” He should have offered ages ago and kicked himself silently. Useless sack of shit. Can’t even babysit.
“No, no, we’re fine. Jun helps before and after work. I shouldn’t complain.”
“Why not? Wanting to drop a deuce in peace isn’t exactly asking for the moon.”
She grimaced. “Must you use Pop’s old classics? And I know, but the kids already spend time away from me at preschool and daycare. In January, I have to work full days. I’m lucky I’ve been able to ease back part time.”
“If boss lady’s got such a hard-on for families, she should pay for more maternity leave.”
Jenna smirked. “Indeed. But she gives a lot, comparatively. I was damn lucky to get almost six months off because BRK took over—it was barely a month with Ian. Okay, if he gets fussy, just shout.” Smiling down at Noah, she ghosted a kiss over his forehead before straightening. “And just… I’m sorry I pressed. I only want you to be happy again.”
“I know. Now go read Facebook and take your dump.” He kissed her cheek and waved her off before easing out a chair at the round kitchen table. Sunlight beamed in over the sink, which was full of dirty dishes. Logan wondered if he could wash them quietly enough.
The TV murmured distantly from the den, Pop watching some morning game show by the sounds of it. Noah was still fast asleep, making little whimpers from time to time, opening and closing his round little mouth. His dark hair was spiky the way Ian’s had been.
It was strange to imagine Ian and Noah at Connor’s age, and just as hard to imagine Connor ever being so small and peaceful. Of course he had been—Logan had seen the pictures. Veronica had said Connor was a happy, easy baby, and a good toddler until his father had abandoned them.
As Noah fidgeted, kicking out his little boot-covered foot and grasping the air with tiny fingers, Logan wondered if Connor would ever be happy again. God, he hoped so. He wanted to help, but he was so unqualified to be a father figure. And had Mike bothered to return Connor’s messages? Sometimes it took weeks.
He gave Noah his finger to grasp, the baby gripping on with surprising strength and blinking blearily. Logan tried to imagine actually abandoning your own kid and couldn’t. There was a special place in hell for cowardly fucks like Mike.
When Noah started kicking harder and whining, Logan carefully unbuckled him and lifted him out, taking off his coat and boots and holding him. The kid seemed to settle a bit when Logan walked around with him, patting his back and making soothing noises the way Jenna and Jun did.
Logan headed into the den as Noah gurgled against him wetly. The blinds were shut, probably to avoid glare on the TV. The Christmas tree was lit with gold in the corner, strands of silver decoration stuff all over the carpet. There weren’t any presents under it yet.
“Hey, Pop,” Logan said, walking closer to the tree with Noah still in his arms.
On his ancient stuffed armchair, slippered feet up on the matching orange footstool, Pop grunted. He’d never been much of a talker, but after the stroke, he talked even less. He could after a lot of speech therapy Jenna paid for, but chose not to most of the time, especially when watching TV. On the screen, a contestant played Plinko.
“Anyone guess an exact price today?” Logan asked, peering at the tree’s glass balls and icicle ornaments along with the old decorations he remembered from his childhood. He smirked at the butt-ugly beagle he’d made in Boy Scouts, its tongue too long and ears too short. He didn’t know why Jenna had hung on to all that stuff, but he had to admit it wasn’t bad to see it every December.
“Pop?”
“Nah. These guys are guessing for shit.” Pop took a sip from his mug of coffee, which was probably stone cold by now. He folded his hands over his gut, the TV reflecting in his glasses.
He was only sixty, but after the stroke five years before, he’d stopped dyeing his thinning hair, and it had gone completely gray now. His glasses slid down to the end of his nose, and he was constantly pushing them up.
Shifting Noah to his other arm, Logan reached up to the treetop to brush his fingers along the fringed bottom of the old angel’s dress. His mom had loved that angel with her gold-flecked halo that got bent one year in storage. It was still bent, but the angel beamed like everything in the world was perfect.
“Getting big already,” Pop said.
Logan rocked Noah gently. “He is.”
“How’s Connor?”
“Fine,” Logan lied, lowering himself and Noah to the worn couch carefully.
Pop grunted, watching the TV again. They sat in peaceful enough silence until the next commercial break. “Jenny says you need help finishing a kitchen.”
“Yeah. The bones are all in place. Just needs the finishing touches.” Truthfully, Logan probably could have done the work himself as long as there were enough extra hands to carry the heavy pieces. But it would be good to get Pop out of his chair. “Could really use your help.”
He grunted again. “If it’ll make you and Jenny happy.” Pop was the only person allowed to call Jenna anything but her proper name.
“Thanks. Maybe we can go over and take a look. See what equipment or materials we need.”
The grunt was accompanied by a shrug this time. “After the Showcase Showdown.”
“Sounds good.”
“It’s Jenny’s boss’s kitchen? She said you’re staying over there.”
“Yeah. Just temporarily.” They’d decided there was no need to tell Pop about the deal Seth and Logan had made. It would probably just confuse him. Mostly Logan didn’t want to go there. His father had never seemed to have an issue with gay people, but… Yeah. Just didn’t want to go there.
“That warehouse job fell through?”
Shame simmered in his gut, and he braced for Pop’s judgment. Yet Pop only grunted when Logan nodded. After a few moments, Logan added, “I’ll get a job soon.” Noah gurgled and squirmed, and he rocked him. “I’m trying.”
Pop actually looked away from the TV, bushy eyebrows drawn tight. “’Course you are. Those bums at the railway fucked you over. Sons of bitches. You always tried hard. Skinned your knees raw, but you rode a bike before any of the other kids.”
Logan blinked. He couldn’t remember the last time Pop had talked about something from the past. After the stroke, just getting him to talk about The Price is Right had been a massive win. He tried to think of something to say, a swell of emotion sticking in his throat.
Pop turned back to the TV and farted. Smiling to himself, Logan settled back on the couch. Maybe he wasn’t good or great, but he hadn’t felt so okay in a long time. He still didn’t have a job, and his stepson still hated him, but at least thanks to this deal with Seth, he wasn’t homeless.
He watched the Showcase Showdown with his Pop, yelling at the contestants for their stupid bets, and let Noah suck on his finger until the kid started screaming for the real thing.