Sixteen

Thin Ice

When I got back from the resort, Rachel asked if I could take her ice-skating during the half-day the school had scheduled toward the end of the week. When the day arrived, I switched a few patients around, and Rachel and I went to a local rink to skate and drink hot chocolate. For the rest of the afternoon, she lounged around in her sweats, reading, watching preteen Disney, and giggling, back to her old self. On days like this, I wondered if her quiet and lonely persona had been a mirage? When she wasn’t in the classroom fending off the cliques, and now that she’d made a friend, she seemed like a happy and well-adjusted girl.

The next morning my daughter was back in class, and I was in the Mayfair office, finishing up with a couple I’d been seeing for the past few months. The hours flew by and I marveled at my stress-free reentry.

Then Amy strolled in, ranting about how she’d run for office in the PTA, but had been turned down. “How can they reject someone like me for a volunteer position? I have years of legal experience, great organizational skills. I swear there’s something wrong with these people. All they do is follow their preteen children around and go to PTA meetings. Their worlds are so small.” I’d asked her to say more about the woman or tell me what she imagined, but she’d changed the subject. Twice.

What wasn’t she sharing?

I’d been wondering when all the boundary issues would come to a head. I assumed it wouldn’t be long now until all my problems with Lee bled into the sessions with my patients from town.

Amy was two steps ahead: “I heard someone faced off with the PTA uber-bitch at a rec game a few weeks ago. Gave her a dirty look and insinuated she needed to get a life. My husband caught the tail end of it before Lucy’s game started, but he wasn’t sure who the woman was.”

I was about to tell her that I lived in Mayfair and had a child at Barnum, before working my way up to the scene in the gym, but she cut me off. “I ran into a woman at the supermarket who was in tears, sobbing in the frozen food aisle about how her kid, Francesca, is being bullied and has started cutting herself. I didn’t catch the whole story, but apparently Francesca got into it with Collette, and after that, Fran was done. The kids targeted her, sending texts, posting on Instachat, leaving her out. The mom, Emily, was beside herself—not that I blame her. I gave her your number. Maybe you can make a referral.”

My head was pounding. The last thing I needed was another Barnum mom calling to confide about Lee. I nodded as the hour ended and texted Julie asking if she could give me another hour of peer supervision. I also filed away the story about a fifth grader who’d started cutting. That was upsetting.

Once Amy had left, I called Jim. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hi.” I loved the rich tenor of his voice. “Glad you called.” I wasn’t about to mention patient problems and went with a lighter touch. “How are things with you?”

“Well with this wind and rain, no one can get around, or make it here for their interviews, and everyone is panicking. Other than that, work is a laugh-riot.”

Jim sounded stressed, and I was glad I hadn’t started off with a complaint. “Sounds like you need another shoulder rub. If only I were there to relieve some of the pressure.”

He sighed loudly into the phone. “That would be nice . . . .”

I was worried he’d heard that Lee and I had argued at the rec game. Since he viewed her as “harmless,” I wasn’t sure he’d believe my side of things, though I knew what I had seen. When he failed to mention anything, I left it.

We hung up, promising to speak later in the evening. Then Rachel texted telling me she’d been hoping to move up a reading group, but it hadn’t happened. She was still with Collette, who’d been ignoring her. Despite the patient conflicts, Lee situation, and Rachel’s difficulties, I managed to put one foot in front of the other and go into work.

The following morning I was at the Westchester office where I started the day on Tuesdays, working until noon before heading into New York, and seeing my city patients into the evening. The red light was blinking on my answering machine. There were two messages asking me to reschedule.

Having sworn that at the next cancellation, I’d run over to Jim’s school, I texted: Can we meet midday? If I jiggered everything in the right way, I’d have a block of free time and could stop and see him on my way into the city. He sent a “thumbs up,” and said he’d see me at noon.

Two dabs of perfume and ninety minutes later, it was déjà vu as I passed through the doors of his school and walked down the main hallway to the administrative offices. I gave my name to the secretary, hoping I wouldn’t run into the headmaster who’d been so condescending.

Several moments later, Jim was walking toward me, smiling. “Want to come in back?”

“Sure!” He led me toward his office and invited me to sit down. Once the door was closed, I decided to pull his leg a little and leaned over the desk, exposing a thin red bra strap and an unflinching amount of cleavage. “Mr. Reilly, I’m here to discuss my daughter’s application.”

Jim reddened a little, which was adorable. “I’m sure someone, somewhere has led with that.”

“You can’t blame a girl for trying.”

We stared at one another across the desk. “Maybe we should table this discussion,” I laughed, glancing around at the diplomas and photos that lined the wall. “So this is the inner sanctum, the room where futures get made?”

Jim shook his head like I was being silly, and closed a file he’d been looking at.

“Would you like to get some coffee or something?” I asked.

“Something would be nice.” Jim stood up and ushered me into the hallway. “How much time do you have?” He asked as we headed downstairs and into the parking lot.

Ten minutes later, we were in his bed, my red bra on top of a crumpled pile of silk next to the bed. Sex in the middle of the day—at my age! I felt like a character in a book or film, hair spilling over the pillow, sunlight streaming into the room, as Jim kissed my neck and shoulders.

“Lunch has now become my favorite meal,” he said, pulling me on top of him. I knew just what he meant.

The time flew by. I didn’t want to leave, but forced myself to sit up and resist the temptation to go in for another kiss. I lowered my left leg to the ground and was about to get out of bed, when Jim tried to pull me back on top of him. “Sorry, I have to leave. But let me make it up to you. Can you come over for dinner on Friday?”

“Definitely.” We sealed it with a kiss, and then wasted no time jumping out of bed, getting dressed, and making it to the elevator in record time. Jim drove us back to his school, parking near where I’d left my car. I blew him a kiss before making my way to the city. I let my mind wander as I drove.

Things were great between the two of us, but I knew it was only a matter of time before Lee made trouble.

Rachel was at the kitchen table when I walked in, figuring it made sense to prep her. “So, you remember my friend, Jim.”

“Obviously. You just introduced us.”

“Right. Well, he’s coming over on Friday.” I didn’t know how long to wait after introducing them at the game; was a couple of weeks too much? “Is that okay?” I asked, worried she’d be threatened or overwhelmed.

Rachel gave me a “whatever” look, and told me a new planet had been discovered in the solar system, if I wanted I could read the article with her before bed.

The next couple of days passed quickly. Before I knew what hit me, it was Friday afternoon, and I was thirty minutes behind in my cooking prep and house cleaning, running in circles trying to get the place and menu in shape for Jim. Rachel was sitting on the sofa as I flew past.

“Why are you being weird?” she asked.

“I’m not.”

She began staring at her phone, ignoring me. “You’re not making chicken nuggets again, right?”

“I got the ones shaped like dinosaurs. I thought Jim would enjoy those.”

Rachel looked appalled, and I laughed. “Kidding. I’m baking a chicken.”

“That’s better.” She started walking up the stairs. “Getting dressed,” she called over her shoulder.

Moments later the doorbell rang, and I went to peek out the side window. Jim was standing there, his face friendly and open. He had a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers . . . and he was forty-five minutes early.

With circles under my eyes, pale cheeks, stringy hair and no makeup, I looked like an old mop. I glanced in the mirror by the entrance. At this rate, it would take a team of aestheticians to make me over. Jim looked freshly showered, and he was wearing a nice jacket.

I ran upstairs to my room and called for Rachel to go down and let him in. Grabbing perfume, accessories, and a hairbrush, I shoved them into a portable shower caddy. I felt like I was on the game show where you won money by being the first to fill your shopping cart. I threw on a tank top with my jeans, then dabbed my lashes with mascara. I glanced in the hallway mirror as I raced downstairs. I looked slightly improved: a mop with eyelashes at least.

They were in the living room. Rachel had changed for dinner. She wore leggings, a T-shirt, and shoes with cute appliqué.

“Candy Crush?” Jim said, pointing to her shoes.

Rachel nodded. “Do you play?”

“I get by.”

They started discussing Harry Potter. Then her phone pinged and she began texting with a friend.

During dinner, Jim and Rachel talked about Dumbledore and basketball.

“Do you like teaching?” Rachel wanted to know.

“I’m more of an administrator. But working at a middle school has its moments,” he told her.

“Is it anything like Hogwarts?” I couldn’t tell if Rachel was trying to be a good hostess, or if she was genuinely interested in learning about Jim. “Seriously, what’s your school like?”

“It looks a little like a small college campus. There are a few ivy-covered buildings. Classes are small. The students like it, I hear.”

Rachel took a photo of herself and started tapping the screen to compose a message.

“Rach, no texting at the table.”

“It’s a ‘Snap.’” She rolled her eyes. “No one texts that much anymore. Can I go upstairs now?”

“You have dishes in your future.”

“Awwww.”

After the dishes were done, I led her upstairs and told her she could read for thirty minutes before bed.

Then it was just Jim and me.

“Rachel is a really smart and funny kid. I like her a lot, Vic.” Before I could respond, Jim led me over to the sofa and leaned toward me.

“Mom!” Rachel called. “Is my quarter zip clean? I want to wear it tomorrow.”

“Be right back,” I whispered. “You have to go to sleep, hon,” I called up to Rachel.

When I’d come back into the room, Jim and I kissed until I tore myself away. Watching him drive off, I promised myself it wouldn’t be much longer before I’d feel like he could stay over sometimes.

The next morning was Saturday. Rachel was sleeping late. It was raining hard, and the house was peaceful. I checked my machine: all quiet at the office. As the bathtub filled, I enveloped myself in soapy, hot water and wished I were splashing around with Jim. I soon heard Rachel’s voice through the bedroom door: “Mom, where are you?”

“In the tub, honey.”

“Zoe called. It’s like the first weekend in ages that she doesn’t have travel practices or scrimmages, and she’s staying in the city. They invited me to sleep over. Can I go?”

The girls hadn’t seen each other in a couple of months. I was thrilled she’d reached out now. A true friend was exactly what my child needed. “Of course. Just let me know what time and I’ll drive you.”

“I’m invited for the day, for lunch and dinner. Can I miss basketball?”

“Fine by me. Email your coach.”

I heard her moving down the hallway as she FaceTimed Zoe. “Be there soon. My mom will drive me.”

My heart was beating fast. Now I could visit Jim. Stepping out of the bathtub and wrapping myself in an oversize towel, I grabbed my cell and pressed his name. It was raining like crazy, and I expected his team’s football game to be canceled.

My eyes fell on the FaceTime button. Did I dare? What if he was with friends and someone saw me?

Seconds later his face popped up. “Are you wet?”

I panned down to my bare shoulder, and he didn’t miss a beat.

“You know, it looks like you had some trouble with the knot on your towel. Would you like me to help you tie it properly?” he said.

I repositioned the camera to capture my face. “That’s the best offer I’ve had today.”

We continued looking at each other until I finally broke his gaze. “Actually, Rachel got invited to sleep at her friend’s house. And I was wondering if we could get together even though it’s last minute?”

Jim looked surprised. “The field is flooded so they called the game. I was supposed to be at a dinner with people from work later, but I’ll let them know I’m exercising the option to use my plus-one.” He smiled at the screen. “I’m really glad you called.”

“Me too.”

“The dinner is for senior administrators and a few members of the board,” Jim volunteered. “Lee and Jack are hosting, and it’s casual.”

Dinner at Lee’s home seemed like a terrible idea, but backing out now would be too obvious. I felt my anxiety rise. Lee would probably make all sorts of snide comments. Imagining tense exchanges and thinking about the nastiness that lay under her lilting tone made me feel jumpy. I couldn’t discuss any of that with Jim. But at least I could ask what to wear. “She’s so fashionable. Casual for her probably means a ball gown.”

Jim laughed. “Let me get the invitation.” He was back moments later. “Cocktail attire.”

More anxiety. I couldn’t wear the black sheath again. It was time to buy a new dress.

We hung up, agreeing to meet at his apartment, and my dread at seeing Lee mixed with a thrill of excitement. I was spending the night at Jim’s! First, I had to get Rachel moving. “Hon, I need to run out to the County Center. Please pack your stuff. Be back in an hour and we’ll leave then, okay?”

At the store, I chose an elegant black suit—on sale—and lapel pin to complete the look, then raced home in time to shove my things into an overnight bag and slip the suit on.

My nerves were all over the place, but I kept it light as Rachel and I drove into the city. “Jim’s taking me to a dinner party. It happens to be at the DeVrys’.” She made an annoyed face. I tried again. “Are you excited to see Zoe, now that she’s finally free?” She nodded, dead-ending me. “You haven’t mentioned anything; have you tried to reach out to anyone else? Are you finding nice people, not chasing a closed group?”

“You know I don’t have that many choices. We mostly stay with our class. Nothing new.”

“What about Maya?”

“I like her. She’s really funny.”

“Would you like to invite her over again sometime?”

“Probably. I’ll see.”

Rachel yessed me for the next few minutes, but was mostly silent until we pulled up in front of Zoe’s apartment. I glanced in the review mirror. She appeared to be deep in thought, hopefully weighing what I’d said.

“Bye, Rach. Have fun.”

I watched her run into the building, praying her time with her friend would go well, and hoping the Barnum cliques hadn’t permanently damaged her self-esteem.

I was excited to be spending time with Jim—even if I had to share him with the DeVrys.

It took only thirty minutes to drive back to his place after dropping Rachel at Zoe’s. The doorman let me go straight upstairs. Jim was in the doorway, waiting. “You look beautiful,” he said, kissing me and holding me close. “Street clothes, no towel?”

I shrugged. “Hope you’re not disappointed.” He pulled me into the apartment and onto the sofa, and started kissing me again.

Jim buried his face in my neck: “I wish we could block out the rest of the world.” I was so swept up in the urgency of his needs, the intensity of the moment that I felt like telling him he was the one.

We sat side-by-side as he ran one finger up and down my shoulder and along the length of my arm, slowly, languidly. I was free of PTA moms and problems . . . until it was time to leave.

As the navigation system announced our arrival, my stomach lurched. Hopefully Lee wouldn’t provoke me.

The valet opened my door.

“Lee and Jack hire staff to park whenever they host,” Jim was saying. “Despite their success, they’re nice people.”

That was news to me. I’d rather stick a pin in my eye than eat salad and pheasant—or whatever was on the menu—with the DeVrys. But Jim had to work with them, and I’d have to toe the line if I wanted any sort of relationship with him.

A butler opened the sky-high metal doors. “There’s a helipad,” Jim whispered. As Lee came down a long hall to greet us, I glanced around at the white walls and modern art, breathing in to steel myself. The dinner would be fine. I’d make sure of it. She stared at my new suit and pin: “Victoria, welcome to our home. And Jim. Mwah.”

Everyone had arrived. Lee steered us into a rhombus-shaped library filled with leather-bound volumes. Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Foucault. I bet she hadn’t read any of them.

Jack was just as I remembered him from the evening at Jim’s club: broad, probably an ex-football player. He stepped forward, handing me a glass of rosé and Jim a tumbler of amber liquid. “Thanks for coming, Victoria.” His voice echoed across the room.

There were ten guests for dinner, among them Dr. Lacanne, the headmaster, who either pretended or had no recollection of meeting me, his wife, Caroline, and a couple of buttoned-down looking men, William and Henry, board members, I assumed. Their wives were named Sally and Ann. I wasn’t sure who went with whom.

The talk was mostly about “numbers” and “the yield,” admissions terms that were of little interest to me. Jim stayed close and even wrapped an arm around my shoulder a few times. I studiously avoided locking eyes with Lee.

When it was time to eat, we made our way to an enormous circular dining room with a cathedral ceiling and a gigantic venetian-glass chandelier that hung down two stories until crowning over the table. I was seated close to Lacanne and Lee. Caroline was at the other end of the table near Jack and Jim. Sally, Ann, and William rounded out the group.

Lacanne made a “little boys room” joke and slipped out. I got up, intending to follow.

“Victoria, please use the powder room in my office.” Lee was gesturing to a stressed out looking woman in a black dress and white apron. “Josafina . . . .”

The maid led me down a long and well-lit hallway until we were in another part of the house. Lee’s office was large and paneled with family photos and an oil painting of her and Jack on the wall. As I passed by the desk, a silver frame caught my eye, in it a photograph of Lee and Jim, arm-in-arm. “In recognition, Ten Years of Service to the Guardian School” had been engraved, along with the date. “I knew him first,” was her message.

When I got back to the dining room, I complimented Lee. “Thanks for letting me use your private powder room and see more of your beautiful home,” I said, digging into the aspic.

For the next several minutes, the guys made a number of golf jokes, and Jim smiled at me. The evening was going better than expected.

As Josefina served the Cornish game hen, William picked up a carrot with his fork, and accidentally dropped it onto his pants. “I think you need a mulligan, Bill,” Jack boomed, and all the men laughed. Golf humor was even worse than the tennis stories I’d recently been subjected to.

Lee and Henry were discussing an off-Broadway play they’d seen while Jack glanced at his phone, telling everyone his fantasy football team had traded for the number one draft pick. I thought I saw Caroline roll her eyes.

And then it happened. Someone, maybe William, made a “small world” comment, and Lee pounced. “It IS,” she purred, tilting her wine glass slightly toward Josefina, who rushed over to refill it. “Ah bet most of you don’t know how small,” she held my gaze, and I froze. “Victoria, ah’ve been wondering. Was that Rachel’s daddy that morning at the basketball game?”

I felt Jim’s eyes on me. “Just an old friend.” I shifted in my chair. “So, Lee, I was looking at the portrait in your study. How long did you have to sit until the artist had finished?”

“A month, maybe less.” She dismissed me with a quick wave of the hand. “Jess and I agreed your companion was a very handsome man. Your former fiancé?”

Jim winced. So Lee was willing to publicly embarrass a friend to goad me. That was low, even for her.

I smiled at Jim, but he glanced away and looked down at his plate. I’d be sure to tell him the Colin story and apologize the first second we were alone.

There was a communal shifting as Lee glanced around the table. “Mah Collette heard from Victoria’s little Rachel that ah actually went to the same university as Victoria’s ex.” She turned toward me. “Rachel told me when we chatted that you’d called the wedding off. It was last spring, right? Ah admire you for bouncing back so quickly.”

As Sally and Ann exchanged a glance, Jim fought to conceal his anger. I was desperate for a subject change when Caroline cleared her throat. “I think we should all start a school down south, move somewhere warm,” she said. “Escape from the frigid temperatures we’ve been having.” I nodded and tried to catch Jim’s eye, but he was avoiding me, focusing on Jack: “That reminds me, we should have Jean send that email out to all alumni.”

“Good idea,” Jack’s eyes were glued to his phone. “Back to business. It’s almost time for the second-round pick.”

I was furious at Lee, but held my head high. “So,” I said, “how did you and Jack become involved with Guardian, since Collette attends a different school?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Why Victoria, you ask the most interesting questions. Always two steps ahead, aren’t you?” She took another sip of wine. “Isn’t that right, Jackie?”

He looked up from his cell. “Our older daughter, Mariel, is a senior at Guardian,” he said, then turned back to Jim, “they’re about to post . . . .”

Caroline jumped in. “I think we should discuss the Spring Gala. I finally spoke with the woman at the Botanical Gardens. It’s looking good as far as the venue goes.”

I leaned into my chair, my thoughts racing a mile a minute. Lee started pouring coffee from a polished silver service.

“We must be going. Please excuse us.” Jim stood up and nodded for me to follow.

Before I could speak, he’d moved around the table, putting a hand on my back and steering me toward the hallway leading to the front door.

Lee sprinted behind. “Lovely to have you,” she said as a butler handed us our coats. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other, Victoria.”

“Everything was delicious, Lee. It’s always a pleasure.” Jim said, bending down for a hug.