Chapter 26
It was evening, and a fire danced in the big stone fireplace, reflecting off the polished cherry wood of Amanda’s grandmother hutch in the dining room. Peter leaned back on the couch before the flickering television, and Jake lay sprawled in his armchair. They were laughing so hard they could barely hear Amanda singing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ as she fed the girls dinner at the dining room table.
“I can’t believe you remember that, Peter.”
“Who could forget? That surfboard, man! What made you think just walking around with it would get you chicks? You know, you have to learn how to ride those things.“
“Excuse me, Mister Chick-Magnet. It worked for a while.”
“Yeah, right up until—” Peter began laughing so hard he lost control of himself. He and Jake leaned forward, gasping for breath.
“What are you two laughing so hard about?” Amanda called out from the dining room.
Jake waved a hand to shush Peter. “You’re getting me in trouble with the boss.”
“What was her name?” Peter whispered. “That surfer chick you kept making excuses to?’
“Laura. Man, she was something.” Jake whispered. “ The most muscular legs I’ve ever seen on a girl.”
“Jake the Rake!”
“Shut up.” Jake took a swing at Peter. “I didn’t have girls hanging all over me like you did. I had to be creative.”
“You paddled out there looking so scared and pathetic.”
“My teeth were chattering so hard I thought you could hear them clear back on the beach.”
“Am I going to have to separate you two?” Amanda called above the renewed laughter.
“Stop it!” Jake waved his arms at Peter. “It’s Peter’s fault, babe,” he called over his shoulder. “Dude won’t be quiet so I can watch my movie.”
Peter couldn’t remember how many times he had seen The Jerk, but it didn’t matter. Jake’s reactions always made him laugh so hard his sides ached.
Peter missed living in the midst of a noisy, laughing family. While he was growing up in Chatham, his mother had always been singing or listening to music in the kitchen. Friends were in and out of the house all day. Sometimes he stopped on his way home from hockey to say hello to his father and the neighborhood men in their huddle at the end of the cul-de-sac. Sometimes it was his mother’s canasta friends who greeted him when he came through the door after school. The ladies always fussed over him, crying out over the silkiness of his shoulder-length hair, while Sheila leaned back in her folding bridge chair and laughed with pride.
“Jake!” Amanda called from the dining room table. “I could use some help with Janie. She’s getting squirmy, and she won’t eat.”
“Sorry, honey. I’ll be right there. Just let me see this part.” Jake clutched Peter’s arm, still watching halfway out of his armchair.
Peter glanced up at him, smiling.
“Jake!” Amanda screamed suddenly from the dining room. “Janie!”
Jake bolted from his armchair, and Peter threw himself off the couch after him. Amanda was squatting by Janie in her high chair, banging her between the shoulder blades as the baby gagged.
“Jake, she’s choking! Oh, my God! Do something!”
Hope burst into tears and clung to Amanda’s neck, pulling her off-balance. Janie’s eyes were huge, her little face turning blue. Jake yanked Janie from the high chair and began slapping her back frantically
“It’s not working!” Jake cried up at Peter, his face drained of color. “Janie, baby!”
Hope screamed and struggled against Amanda.
Peter snatched Janie out of Jake’s arms, and fell into a chair. In a quick motion he laid Janie facedown over his knee and gave her one swift, perfectly placed tap. A wad of bread shot out of the baby’s mouth and hit the leg of the table by Peter’s foot, and Janie burst into hysterical screams.
Amanda cried out and swooped Janie off Peter’s lap into her arms. “Janie! My darling! My sweetheart!”
Janie sobbed uncontrollably into Amanda’s face, her small, wet arms tight around Amanda’s neck, while Jake picked up Hope and she leaned her head on his shoulder, crying and shivering.
“Daddy, Daddy,” cried Hope. “Janie was a scared baby!”
Peter put his arm around Hope and kissed her cheek. “It’s okay, honey. She’s all better now.”
Jake took Janie from Amanda and kissed her all over, checking her face. Amanda lifted Hope from Jake’s other arm and hugged her tightly, burying her face in Hope soft hair.
“Mommy.” Hope pulled back. “Janie scared me.”
“I know, sweetie. We were all scared.” Amanda looked up at Peter; her cheeks wet, and put out her arm. He stepped forward and held her close. “Uncle Peter,” Amanda laughed and cried as she reached up to press her face to his. She pulled away and looked deep into his eyes, smiling through her tears. “I will never be able to thank you enough.”
“She was going to be fine.” Peter stroked the hair back from Amanda’s face while Hope watched with her thumb in her mouth.
“No, Peter, you saved her.” Amanda kissed his cheek and spoke in a low voice into his ear. “You’re a super-hero.”
Peter’s heart leapt, and for a brief, shining moment he heard another voice echoing the same words to him, so many long years ago.
Late that evening, Peter sat in his car in front of Tara’s house. Tired and heartsick as he was, he knew it was time. He stepped out of the car and climbed the stairs, carrying a cheesecake in a bakery box under his arm. He had climbed these stairs so many times with a heavy heart. This would be the last time.
Tara opened the door before he even rang the bell. “You’re on fire,” she whispered in his ear. “How do you know exactly what I’m thinking? It’s as if we’re on the same wavelength.”
“Were you thinking about cheesecake?”
“I don’t even like cheesecake.” Tara almost knocked it out of his hands. She pulled him inside and tossed the cake box on the table, and before Peter could take another step she was holding his face in her hands and kissing him greedily.
Peter pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” She pressed herself against him.
“I’m sorry. You just took me by surprise.”
“It’s been forever, and I need to get my hands on you, to touch you, to kiss you—to do things to you.” She pulled him into the living room and tugged off his jacket. “Make love to me.” She began unbuttoning his shirt. “Right now.”
“Where’s your mother?”
“My aunt took her to dinner. They wanted me to go with them, but I needed a break. I’ve been with her every second of the day ever since Dad died. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Tara, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.”
“Drop your pants, Peter.” She was working on his belt buckle.
“Slow down, slow down.” He put his hands over hers. “Tara, you’re a strong woman. I know you’ll get through this.”
“It’s not that. It’s having you, making plans for our wedding. In fact, I’m glad you came over. We need to talk.”
“I need to talk to you about something, too.”
Tara stopped undressing him. She pulled him to the couch and sat him down. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to postpone our wedding.”
Peter breathed slowly. “I thought you said it wouldn’t be wise to celebrate so close to your father’s passing.”
“I’m not talking about a party. I’m talking about the wedding, the vows. I want to be Mrs. Peter Michaels. I know that’s what Dad would want for me, too.”
Peter sat quietly, his face drained of blood.
Tara paused and looked at him. “Are you still with me? Because you don’t look so good.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He waited and waited for the words to come.
“Peter, what?”
“No,” he blurted. “Listen, Tara, I don’t think it’s right for us to get married.”
“Because of my father?” Tara sat back on her heels.
“I can’t marry you because I’m not in love with you. I’m sorry, Tara. I do care about you and want you to be happy, but not in the way I should. I’ve done quite a bit of soul-searching. I wanted to be certain before I said anything. But I believe you deserve more than what I can offer, more than I can give.”
“What?” Tara’s voice was furious. “I don’t believe this. Why did you play me along if you weren’t serious?”
“But I was serious—”
“Then I don’t get it—” As the words came out of Tara’s, mouth, and her eyes widened. “It’s her isn’t it? It’s that stupid shoebox.”
“I don’t want you to have the wrong idea. I told you the truth. Nothing happened in Denver—”
“How dare you!”
“Tara after being around her I realized she’s always been in my heart. Tara, I have tried, and I can’t let go of her. Even if she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Did I do something?” Tara flexed her fingers with their long, polished nails. “Was I not attentive to your needs?”
“You did nothing wrong, Tara. You have everything any man would want.”
“Except you?” Tara laughed harshly. She was breathing hard, one hand on her chest. “You would actually rather be alone than with me?”
“No. I would rather be honest with you. I’m in love with Maddy, and I always will be. She had my heart first and I think you’ve somehow always known.”
Tara lifted her face to Peter. With anger in her eyes she stared at him. “I know!” she finally cried out loud, bursting into tears in her hands.