REVELATIONS

Karrim didn’t speak again until the jug of cider was empty and the moon rose higher in the sky. Naia didn’t want to break the silence either. It was comfortable just to sit next to him, enjoying the calm confidence he emanated. So unfair that after today she and Karrim were probably not going to see each other again. She realized with surprise that this thought bothered her even more than her future with the Jaihar Order. But it was useless to think about it too much, when she couldn’t possibly do anything about it.

She startled from these thoughts as she realized Karrim was watching her, his quiet, sideways glance instantly sending her on alert. How long had he been looking at her like this? More importantly, how much could he guess of what was going on inside her head?

Balance. Right. The best thing she could do was stop second-guessing herself.

“I assume by now you must’ve made your decision on my case,” she said.

He shifted in his chair. “No, actually. Simply because my decision at this point is actually up to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of asking me what I think about your potential, you should really be questioning yourself right now. Is being a Jaihar truly what you want?”

Naia raised her eyebrows. Of all the things he could have said right now, this was the least expected. “I fail to see how what I want could possibly matter.”

“See? You tend to let others make important decisions for you. You should learn to take the initiative, if you’re striving to become one of the best.”

“But…”

“But what?”

Naia heaved a breath. “With everything on my record, after the way I behaved today…” Her voice trailed off as the full meaning of what he was saying finally reached her head.

Karrim leaned closer. His gaze mesmerized, calm and intent all at the same time.

“When I first met you today,” he said, “I saw a talented trainee, who loves her blade fights and is not afraid to speak her mind and stand up for what’s right. It took me a while to understand why, with these qualities, you are willing to let others decide what happens to you. Do you want to achieve a Jai rank or not?”

She frowned. “Of course I do.”

“Why?”

“I…” She hesitated, knowing that her words right now were going to be really important. It had to be the truth, even if it may sound laughable. “I want to learn to fight like you… Even though I know it’s impossible.”

“See? You’re selling yourself short again.”

Naia shook her head. “No, I’m not. You must know how special you are. When we fought today… I never felt this way before. This feeling, the ability to experience it any time I want, is worth everything.”

This couldn’t possibly be good enough. The enjoyment she felt with a blade in hand couldn’t be the reason to strive for a Jai rank. Karrim probably expected her to be speaking about honor, about serving on assignments for the empire’s elite. Yet, if she wanted to take his advice, she had to learn to speak from her heart, however outlandish it seemed.

She expected him to laugh, to mock her for her words. Instead, his gaze lit up with a strange recognition, as if encountering a kindred spirit. Could it be that he felt this way too? Could it be that his own reason for becoming the Jaihar’s best had nothing to do with all these other considerations?

Karrim held her gaze for another moment, then nodded. “That’s all I wanted to know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Speak to our headmaster tonight – hopefully, to clear you of all charges.”

She stared. “Are you forgiving me for attacking you?”

A quick grin slid over his face. “Well, I did act like an ass at some point, didn’t I?”

“Well… maybe a bit, yes.”

“I might have done the same in your place.”

“You would?” Her eyes widened.

“When I was young and stupid, yes. But even then, I would have probably given more consideration to our difference in skill.”

“But…”

His grin widened. “Do you actually think you are the first Jaihar trainee ever to raise a hand to a senior?”

“I am not?” Naia stared.

Karrim shook his head. “Our Order raises the best warriors, by teaching them combat and control. These skills, however, don’t always come hand in hand. By now I expect you know which one is the harder one to learn.”

“Control.” Well, it was certainly true, in her case. If she was always in control, she probably would have handled the situation better – with Karrim, for sure. Probably with Ishim too.

“Right.”

Karrim glanced up at the sky. Naia looked too. It was getting late, definitely past the usual bedtime in the trainees’ quarters.

“Time to go.” Karrim rose to his feet and gestured to the courtyard entrance, letting her go in front of him.

As they passed the guard, Karrim handed him something Naia didn’t quite see. Payment, she assumed, for affording them privacy for the whole evening. Another thing Karrim did for her, above and beyond his regular duties. Would she ever be able to repay him for all that?

“Thank you,” she said.

Karrim smiled. “Don’t mention it. I hope today’s meeting was worth it.”

It was. The thought of everything he did for her filled her with warmth. This warmth stayed with her all the way, past the market stalls, up the meshwork of winding streets and narrow alleys adjoining the back of the Jaihar upper grounds.

Karrim stopped before the last bend of the street that, as she now remembered, would bring the stronghold into view. It was so dark here that she could barely see his shape, the oval of his face, blending with the shadows.

“We are about to reenter our grounds,” Karrim said. “After we do, we’ll have to go our separate ways. If I’m successful in my conversation with the headmaster, I expect you to be transferred to the upper grounds as soon as possible, but I have no control over any of it. I wanted to ask you to be careful.”

“Careful?”

“The Har. If they learn that you got your memories back…” Naia swallowed. If she ran into Valmad after what she’d learned today, she would have serious trouble speaking to him with any level of civility. Of course, she also realized acting any differently around him could lead to nothing but trouble, both for her and for Tami – as well as, probably, for many other servants.

“I will be careful,” she said.

“Good.”

“Jai Karrim…”

He looked like he was about to resume his walking, but he stopped and turned around to her. Readily. She swallowed.

“I… I just wanted to say that no one has ever done as much for me as you did today. I’ll never forget this, whatever it’s worth.”

He laughed. “I haven’t done anything yet, have I?”

She shook her head. “I know how precious your time is.

The training session alone was worth a lifetime, but you’ve also done so much more. You’ve gone above and beyond what is imaginable, to help me out – despite the fact that all I did in response was act like an ass. I don’t think I could ever find a way to thank you enough.”

She still couldn’t see his face in the darkness, but somehow she could tell that he was no longer smiling.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said. “If I manage to clear your record, this would probably be the worthiest thing I’ve done in a very long time.”

On impulse, she stepped forward and hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder.

He stiffened, then slowly relaxed. His arms moved hesitantly, closing over her, easing her into his hold.

It seemed so natural, their bodies molding so perfectly as if they belonged together. The warmth of his toned body, even through the clothes that separated them, made her skin tingle. She knew that holding this embrace any longer was utterly inappropriate. But she simply couldn’t find it in herself to move away. Worse, she seemed to have lost control of her body that insisted on snuggling even closer, turning her face up so that she could smell his skin, a faint scent of spring water and sun-baked sandalwood. She inhaled deeply, feeling dizzy with it.

Dear Sel, no one’s closeness, no one’s touch, ever made her feel so good before.

What in three hells am I doing?

Karrim was keeping so still, probably shocked at her bold move, unsure how to react without making this situation any more awkward. But even if he was attracted to her too, he would never act on it. And neither should she. If this went any further, there would be hell to pay.

Even with this knowledge, it took all her effort to find the strength to step back, to keep her breath even, so that he wouldn’t notice how it quickened at his closeness. She had to maintain at least a pretense that this was just a friendly hug of gratitude, for it could never be anything more.

“Thank you, Jai Karrim,” she said. “Thank you for everything.”

*

Karrim struggled to quiet his agitated senses as he and Naia walked back to the Jaihar Stronghold side by side. What started as a simple assignment to look into a trainee’s situation ended up an experience so overpowering on so many levels that he was having trouble sorting it out.

From the moment he saw Naia, he felt spellbound – not only by the raw power of her talent that shone though, despite the steady abuse she must have suffered on the Har grounds – but also by how similar she seemed to the boy he had been at her age; perhaps outwardly more confident than her, but no less confused on the inside. The first words she spoke to him, the first blows they exchanged, resonated with him on so many levels that it seemed almost frightening. This connection made it easier for him to understand her, to unravel all the layers surrounding her unusual situation. But it also made it so much harder to keep his distance.

The way his body reacted to her didn’t help either. She wasn’t a conventional beauty, by any means – flat-chested and skinny, even if delicately built – but the attraction he felt for her went so much further than looks. She was a ball of contrasts – both vulnerable and strong, honest and elusive, unpolished yet more elegant than the finest court ladies he’d ever seen. Her tomboy looks betrayed a measure of conscious effort toward going around unnoticed by the opposite sex – probably essential for someone striving to succeed on these male-dominated grounds. But when she flung herself into his arms just now, he also sensed the fire beneath it. Holding her made his head spin with the possibilities he knew he was never going to allow to play out, even in his head. She was still a child, for Sel’s sake – or very nearly so. And he was her superior. The mere fact he was having these thoughts right now made him a bastard with no right to go near her at all.

He didn’t trust himself to speak, or even stay too close to her, as he led her back to the side gate of the upper Jaihar grounds, where they parted in plain view of the gate guards, with no more than a few polite words. He could sense her confusion around him – yet another reason to run away from her as fast as he possibly could. After he spoke to Arsat tonight, after he made sure she was going to be all right on her own, he should do his best to forget the whole thing.

It was late, definitely past the hour the headmaster was expecting him back with a report. Yet, when Karrim approached the headmaster’s hall, he was not surprised to see the lights inside. The Glimmerblade guard swung the door open to let Karrim into the study, where Arsat was sitting at his desk, deeply immersed in a pile of scrolls in front of him.

He raised his head abruptly as Karrim approached, looking at him with narrowed eyes as he gestured toward the visitors’ chair on the opposite side of the desk.

“How did it go?” Arsat asked.

Karrim lowered into his seat, running his fingers over the carved wooden armrests. Despite preparing for this conversation, he was still having trouble finding the right words. “Somewhat unexpectedly, I admit.”

“How so?”

“Naia is very talented,” Karrim said. “I cannot tell for certain, but I believe she may be gifted with inborn iron-sensing.”

Arsat’s eyebrows rose, an uncharacteristic display of surprise from the senior blademaster. Karrim expected it, though. This kind of inborn talent was rumored to grace only the very best. Karrim himself had achieved this quality through hard training, which made him even more awed to see someone who apparently came upon it with no effort at all.

“What about her level?” Arsat asked.

“It’s uneven. Her technique needs work. But not as much as you’d expect for someone at her stage. In my assessment, with the right training she’d be able to do well on the Jai grounds.”

Arsat nodded slowly. “What about her situation with the Har?”

Karrim heaved a breath. “It’s not all that it seems, actually.” “How so?”

“Naia had a very good reason to attack Ishim. Perhaps good enough to forgo the usual considerations about subordination.”

“Can you be more specific, Jai Karrim?”

“She believed she was saving a life. I think she was probably right.”

Arsat’s eyes trailed away. “Are you implying that her actions have likely prevented a murder?”

“Yes. And there is more to it, I’m afraid.”

“More?”

“Valmad is deliberately making her take the fall for it, to cover his own ass.”

Arsat cleared his throat, a sharp reminder that the common way people talked on the training range didn’t apply to the Jaihar command. Karrim didn’t feel guilty, though. It was either this or swearing, which he knew wouldn’t be nearly as effective.

“Once again, Jai Karrim, I’d like to ask you to be much more specific.” Behind his cold façade, Arsat seemed surprised – a rare sight to encounter twice in the same conversation.

“I spent some time yesterday evening questioning the lower grounds servants,” Karrim said. “Eventually, I was able to find one of them who was present at the incident. A young serving girl, too frightened during the official hearing to give out any information at all.”

Arsat’s eyes narrowed. “Go on.”

“Apparently, Har Ishim’s tendency to beat servants was well-known, but generally overlooked.”

“It certainly never came to my attention.”

It took close knowledge of the headmaster to notice the way his eyes very briefly flickered as he spoke. Bending the truth. Not something Karrim would ever understand, but a relief for the purpose of this conversation. If Arsat knew about the problems with Ishim, Karrim would have to spend much less effort to convince him.

“None of the servants wanted to lose their jobs over it,” he said. “Everyone tolerated it, until one day when Ishim crossed the line.”

“What happened?”

“He attacked a serving girl for inappropriately entering the trainers’ hall. Naia was nearby and overheard him beating the girl to death. She felt she had no choice but to interfere.”

“Why didn’t she mention any of this during the inquiry?” “To protect the servant. With a good reason, I believe.” “Still, it was her duty to tell us everything she knew.” Karrim shook his head. He knew Arsat understood, even if he would never say something like this out loud. “She chose to take the fall, rather than put someone’s life at risk. It’s true that she could have probably handled the inquiry better, but these things tend to be very hard to navigate. I might have done the same in her place.”

Arsat measured him with a long look. “You mentioned Har Valmad’s involvement.”

Karrim flexed his fist several times, trying to still the rising anger. “Ishim didn’t beat her so badly on his own. Apparently, he was having trouble besting her, until Valmad arrived and held her up. They would have killed or crippled her if the servant she saved didn’t scream for help.”

The pause stretched even longer this time. Karrim couldn’t read any reaction in the headmaster’s face, but he could guess it nonetheless. He had the same reaction when he’d heard this story earlier today. Arsat’s shock was relieving, actually. The headaster probably expected dirty play, but he didn’t expect this.

“This is a grave accusation, Jai Karrim,” Arsat said.

“Yes, I am aware of that.”

The headmaster twitched his fingers around the hilt of his ranking dagger, a habitual motion that used to leave Karrim awestruck when he was still a trainee. The fact that he could now do this too didn’t make it any less impressive.

“What do you think I should do, Jai Karrim?” Arsat said at length.

“Strip Valmad of ranks and kick him out of here. That’s what I would have done, at least.”

Arsat shook his head. “I can’t. To take this kind of an action against a trainer, I need solid proof. The word of one serving girl is not enough.”

“Naia remembers what happened.”

“Do you really want her to testify?”

“No.”

“I thought so.”

Karrim sighed. “At the very least you should clear her record and begin her Jai training immediately. You should also take extra precautions to keep her out of trouble. If the Har learn that she got her memory back…”

“Don’t worry, Jai Karrim. We will protect her. Starting tomorrow, she will be safely in the Jai charge.”

Karrim heaved a sigh of relief. Starting tomorrow. The best possible outcome, given the circumstances. Before he left for Zegmeer, he was also going to put in place some precautions of his own, to make sure Valmad and his cronies never got to Naia again.

“Are you going to do anything about Valmad?” he asked. “I’m afraid I can’t.”

Karrim shook his head. “People like him have no business training anyone, let alone our youngest trainees who really deserve better.”

“It’s more complicated than you think, in Har Valmad’s case. I believe it safer to keep him close by. Who knows what he is capable of without the Jai oversight?”

Karrim’s eyes narrowed. “You think this way of him, and you still leave him with the authority to do his worst?”

“For the most part, he does his job.”

“He is also known to destroy lives. Naia is not the first, I presume.”

“Perhaps not, even though she is probably the first one with this much promise. It tends to be more complex with others.

As the head trainer, Har Valmad rarely trains anyone personally, but I tend to see his zeal as an important character test. Not everyone is cut out to be a Jaihar.”

Karrim glanced away. This kind of thinking was one of the many reasons he never found the idea of joining the Jaihar command even remotely appealing.

“Naia is,” he said. “With the right training, she can become one of our best.”

Arsat nodded. “Thank you for being so thorough with her evaluation, Jai Karrim. I am glad that your findings can remove a dark spot from a promising trainee’s record.”

Following Arsat’s gesture of dismissal, Karrim rose and saluted again, then strode away through the door.

In the past day, he’d learned more about the darker side of the Jaihar Order than he ever cared to know. He supposed his shock at these revelations made him no better than the youngest trainees, too naïve and trusting to have any business in politics. If only everything was as simple as a blade fight, where one could rely entirely on skill.

He hoped Naia would become a great Jaihar – and that, once that happened, she would continue to be happy with this choice. Karrim had done everything he possibly could for her. And now, it was in both of their best interests to forget the whole thing as soon as he could.

He knew it wasn’t going to be easy.