Not even the cold post-practice ice strapped to my left shoulder and elbow can pull my thoughts from Madison. My bullpen catcher and pitching coach reprimanded me for not keeping my head on my job today.
Although she’s filled most of my thoughts over the past year, everything changed yesterday. A switch flipped inside of me, I can’t fight my feelings and now I can’t get Madison off my mind.
The moment I walked out from changing into my wedding attire to match the guys, I felt my world shift. All of the air in the barn left—I felt like I took a punch to the gut. I couldn’t breathe. Madison stood hands on hips in cowboy boots, a tutu, and denim vest. Although she dressed just as all of Adrian’s friends for the ceremony, on her it worked. My tumultuous thoughts clicked into place like a puzzle piece. My body hummed to life in a way that did not say she was my best friend. It became clear that I wanted more than friendship—I wanted every part of her. I needed Madison.
In the hours that followed I found myself constantly touching her—she called to me. I played with her hair and leaned closer than usual to whisper in her ear as I reveled in her scent. My lips found their way to her cheeks and temples many times during the evening, but I longed for more.
The favor she asked of me my last night in Athens plunged her into the starring role of every one of my fantasies. That one night with Madison has played on my spank bank reel ever since.
Yeah, I know it sounds bad. I had a one-night-stand with my virginal best friend on my last night in town. Instead of putting myself on the market in Des Moines and Chicago, I relive that night while in the shower and in my bed. I sound like a creep.
She almost slipped away last night. At the stop sign where we would drive in opposite directions, I had to make my move. I darted from my car to hers. When she lowered her window, my brain failed me, and my heart took over. I leaned in, covered her lips with mine, and poured all of my feelings into our kiss. Madison’s lips shared the feelings she’d been hiding from me, too. When I pulled back to catch my breath, her wide eyes, flushed face, and swollen lips parted as they gasped for breath. The vision is now burned in my mind. She wanted me, and my kiss affected her.
Luckily, my brain kicked in and knew I needed to drive, or I’d miss my flight and today’s practice. My parting words haunt me, ‘Eleven months seemed like an eternity away from you. Drive careful. I love you.’ After my confession, I jogged to my car and drove away from my best friend, the girl who owns my heart.
I wince as I adjust the icepack on my shoulder. I attempted to share my true feelings for her during every phone conversation for eleven months. Many times, I opened my mouth, the words on the tip of my tongue, then froze. I promised her our one night together, her ‘virginity favor’ wouldn’t change our friendship. I really did try for months to erase that one night from my mind to allow me to just be friends again. But during our phone calls, I felt her through the receiver. She shared her new college-life, her hectic schedule, about her new friend Alma, and her fears. With each conversation, my heart grew, and I fell deeper in love with my best friend Madison.
Last night I shared my feelings—I admitted I love her. Of course, I quickly ran to my car to hide as soon as I spoke the words, but I meant them. I hope she knows how much I meant my kiss and words. I hope she wants me like I want her. I need her to love me and not just as best friends love each other.
Coach’s gruff voice cuts into my silent reflections. “Armstrong, we need your mind on throwing and not back in Podunk Missouri. Don’t make me regret letting you take an unscheduled day off. Lock. It. Down.” Watching the coach’s back as he walks from the training room, I vow to keep my thoughts on baseball when at work and save my confusing thoughts of Madison for my private time.