My phone signals a text from Adrian shortly after we leave St. Louis. Alma reads each text while I remain focused on the road.
Adrian: Can’t call tonight
Adrian: Dinner with Winston’s parents
Adrian: Sorry
I ask Alma to text her back for me.
Me: I understand
Adrian: Twice as much gossip for next Sunday
Me: (smile emoji)
I’m surprised that I’m not more upset by her texts. Over the past year, we’ve only missed three Sunday evening calls. Lately, each call leaves me sad. I’m no longer a constant in the lives of my friends. Perhaps the decision to keep my daughter a secret pulls me farther from my friends.
I fill the kitchen sink with warm water, gather bath items from the nursery, then announce to Liberty it’s time for a bath. She loves the water as much as I enjoy watching her in it.
Barely sitting in the sink, Liberty begins slapping her palms against the water while cheering and spraying me with warm droplets. As I pretend to protest, she laughs her adorable deep-belly laugh. Alma joins our fun time.
When my cell vibrates on the counter, Alma offers to play with Liberty while I check it.
Hamilton: Busy?
Me: Never too busy for u
Immediately my cell phone signals and incoming FaceTime call. I step from the kitchen after Alma takes over bath duty, briskly seeking my quiet bedroom as I answer.
“Is it raining there?” Hamilton’s voice greets.
“No, why?”
His laughter causes my belly to flip-flop. Liberty laughs just like her daddy. I quickly lie claiming I was cleaning my shower.
I take in his dress clothes and use of his Bluetooth ear piece. He’s not on an airplane. “Where are you?”
Hamilton explains he’s on the shuttle from O’Hare back to Wrigley. “I wanted to call you before it got too late.” His hushed tone calls to every cell in me. I recall this whispered voice while cuddling in his arms, his lips near my ear.
“Madison,” he calls to me. “Where’d you go just now?” His chocolate eyes squint as his brow furrows.
I shake it off. “You had a great game today.” I mentally scold myself for my lustful thoughts as I change the subject.
“Tell me you didn’t hear your Cardinal fans boo me through your TV.”
“Actually, Alma and I were at the game today.” I witness shock slide over his face. “I cheered for you on the inside while Alma jumped up and down in her Armstrong jersey beside me.”
“Crap!” Hamilton turns to his right informing his teammate everything is okay. Looking back into his phone, he rejoins our call. “I wanted to plan dinner or something while in St. Louis. I got so busy with the long road trip that I couldn’t get the logistics straightened out.” He runs his hands from his scalp slowly down his face. This draws my attention to his dark brown tired eyes. “I can’t believe you were in Busch Stadium today and I didn’t get to see you. You were so close…”
“With my summer classes and your schedule, I’m not sure it would’ve worked out.” I can’t take the sad eyes he now stares back at me with. “Alma and I had to make a quick day trip to squeeze the game in. We left when they made the pitching change.”
“I need to check on a few things tomorrow.” A small smile slips upon his perfect lips. “What does your schedule look like from the 15th though the 17th?”
My eyes look to the ceiling as I attempt to recall my calendar. “That’s dead week. I’ll have projects to work on, papers to write, and finals to study for.” His smile fades and the twinkle in his eye disappears. “But, I can shift things to squeeze you in.”
“That’s my number one fan,” he teases. “Give me a day or two then we’ll make our plans.”
“I hate to seem like I don’t want to see you, but what happens when you make the All-Star roster?” I know Hamilton doesn’t believe he stands a chance his first full season with the Cubs, but I know he will be playing in this season’s All-Star Game. Which means he will be much too busy to visit me. As much as I want to see him, it’s easier than arranging a visit and asking Alma to keep Liberty for me.
Hamilton rises from his charter-bus seat, he promises to call me in a day or two, then ends our call with an ‘I love you’. His teammates within earshot catcall and tease him as he disconnects.
My mind reels. Hamilton stated he loves me in earshot of his team. He pretty much just outed our long-distance relationship to his closest friends. Relationship. Is it really a relationship? We haven’t been on a first date. We only share conversations via text and phone calls a couple of times a week. He did step things up a notch at Adrian’s wedding over a month ago, but he hasn’t really made it clear where we stand since then.
The remainder of the night I spend reliving every word, touch, and kiss from May until now. Even though I give up finding there’s no way I can figure out what’s in his head, sleep evades me for many hours.