When I return home Monday, I check on Liberty napping in her crib before I change from my interview suit. I barely have my yoga pants on when Bethany pops on the screen of my ringing phone. I answer the video call.
“So, how did the interview go?” Bethany immediately asks, making it clear her reason for calling me.
As I hang my suit in the closet and return my heels to the shelf I answer. “They hired me on the spot. I start on January Fourth. I’ll be teaching social studies and current events at the middle school for at least five weeks.”
Bethany smiles and claps the entire time I talk. She asks if she can tell the others in Athens and I give her permission. I am much too busy this week to worry about another long phone call to the girls.
“What does Libby think of her mommy’s new job?” Bethany segues to her favorite part of our private video calls.
I walk into the nursery with the camera facing away from me. Although she was sound asleep only moments ago, she’s standing at the railing of her crib smiling when I enter.
“There’s my girl,” Bethany announces through the phone. “Hi, Libby.”
I lean my phone with the camera pointed at Libby’s face against the wall, while I change her diaper on the changing table. Bethany coos and babbles, but Libby looks at me. As soon as my hands are free, I position the phone, so Bethany can see my daughter again.
The two jibber and jabber for long minutes before Bethany claims she hears the garage door and needs to go before Troy walks in. I tell her I’ll see her Friday and we end the call.
As I wrap Liberty’s Christmas gifts ‘from Hamilton’, I fight tears while I imagine her big, strong father excitedly shopping then gift-wrapping them himself. Remembering the gifts he gave me during my scavenger hunt the day he left Athens, I know what a great gift-giver as a dad he will be. I know my wrapping gifts from her dad will never make up for really having Hamilton in her life. This is another reason I must introduce the two before she gets any older.
I hurry to wrap the remaining gifts as I attempt not to think of Hamilton, his future relationship with Liberty, and my failures as her mother for keeping her a secret from her dad and his family. I climb into bed knowing I will struggle with sleep as the thoughts still swarm my head.
When sleep finally comes to me it’s fitful with nightmares of losing Alma. Recently my fears of Alma’s age and health infiltrate my dreams in horrible scenarios. Images from these nightmares haunt me when I should enjoy my time with her. I over analyze every ache she mentions, and her occasional memory lapses.
Friday arrives before I know it. I enjoy a slow easy breakfast with Liberty in her chair near me. When I arrived home last night she was already in bed for the night. I spent Wednesday and Thursday away from her and today I will leave for two days in Athens while she stays home again with Alma. Every day away from her seems like an eternity. I want to help my friends celebrate, but the thought of leaving my precious girl in an hour sickens me. I need to finally confess to Hamilton, so I’ll no longer have to travel without her.
Alma allows me time alone with my daughter before offering to help me load my car for my next journey. I’ve only packed a small suitcase and a garment bag—Alma carries them to the car while I soak up another hug and smother Liberty with kisses. I’ve learned fast goodbyes are best and am soon on my way to Athens.