I lean against the shut bedroom door allowing myself to slide to the floor. My mind still focuses on Hamilton’s bare back and shoulders with water droplets glistening. His white towel secured low on his hips as it hints to what lies beneath. The eighteen months since I experienced what hid under his towel seems like only yesterday and at the same time an eternity ago.
I’ve replayed our time together over and over in my mind. His body, his words, and his touch are burned in my memory. Part of me desperately yearns for a repeat performance. It’s been eighteen long months since I’ve been with him. My fantasies are no replacement for the real man only a room away.
I peel myself off the floor, slip on my pajamas, and crawl into bed. I unsuccessfully attempt to clear my mind of all things Hamilton. I flip from my back to my stomach and then from one side to the other unable to find comfort. After what seems like eons, I tiptoe to the bathroom in the hallway. I splash cool water on my face then pat it dry with the hand towel. As I return to my room, I sneak a peek into Hamilton’s room to check on him.
“Hey,” his sleepy voice calls as he lifts his head slightly.
“Just checking if you need anything.” I twist the end of my tank-top around my finger.
“Having trouble sleeping?” When I nod, he slides over patting for me to join him. I stand frozen. “C’mon, I promise not to bite.”
Hesitantly I move towards him. He lifts the covers and I slip under leaving plenty of room between our bodies. Having none of it, Hamilton wraps his arm around my waist and pulls my back snug to his front. I’m home. Wrapped in his warmth as his breathing evens out, I slide into slumber.
I fight the urge to wake as several slight tugs on my hair beckon me. Slowly I blink open my eyes adjusting to the morning light seeping in through the open blinds.
Hamilton’s blinds.
Hamilton’s bedroom.
The bottom falls out of my stomach at my realization I slept in his bed with his mother just down the hall.
“Good morning,” Hamilton whispers from behind me. “How’d you sleep?”
His eager face shocks me. I fully expected a hungover, cranky Hamilton this morning. I planned to force a little hair of the dog down him in an attempt to help him bounce back for the wedding this afternoon.
Recalling his question, I answer. “I haven’t slept this soundly in months.” Guilt consumes me immediately. Being away from Liberty is equally responsible for the sound sleep as the proximity Hamilton is. I don’t mind giving up sleep for her. I’d give up so much more if I needed to. She’s my world and yet here I lie acting as if she doesn’t exist.
“Hey,” Hamilton whispers, pulling my chin towards him. He searches my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head fighting the tears that threaten. He tucks my hair behind my ear. I’m sure my bed head is atrocious. I force a smile. “How’s your head?”
Hamilton assures me my nursing skills last night scared off any hangover he might have deserved. I don’t believe he feels no pain, but it’s clear he feels much better than he should. I decide to remedy this.
“I washed your clothes and cleaned your bathroom last night, but I couldn’t bare cleaning the cab of your truck in the cold and dark.” I squeeze my tongue between my teeth on the verge of hurting to fend off a smile.
A long groan rises from Hamilton’s chest.
“I’m sorry, I know I should have taken care of it immediately…”
“No, it’s not your fault. You cleaned much more than you should have. I shouldn’t have put you in such a position.” He slides from his side of the bed.
He’s fully dressed. Come to think of it I smelled toothpaste while he was next to me. “How long have you been awake?”
He sits on the bed beside me. He’s been up for an hour or so, he even ate breakfast and got a tongue lashing from Memphis. She ran to town for a bit, so he came to wake me up. When he excuses himself to go clean his truck, I admit I was teasing. Before I can react, he tackles me on his bed, braces my hands above my head with one of his hands, and tickles my ribs. I squirm attempting to escape. I flail desperately in my attempts to evade him.
His dark brown eyes lock on mine and we freeze. I’m extremely aware of the alignment of our pelvic regions, the fact that he pinned my hands just like this the night we were together, and we are alone in the house. Every cell springs to life—my body hums. My nipples pebble in my thin tank, it suddenly feels one-hundred degrees in his room, and I can’t peel my eyes from his.
“Breathe Madison,” his husky voice growls just as he did our first time together.
Slowly he closes the distance between our lips. When I can take his slow descent no more, I fight against his restraint to meet him.
“Patience,” he chuckles mere inches from my mouth. “We are in no rush.”
Finally, he allows his plump, warm lips to meet mine. I moan and melt under him. I part my lips granting him access to more of me. His warm tongue strokes mine, stoking fires deep inside me. Always needing more, I lift my pelvis infinitesimally to grind against his. He tugs my lower lip between his teeth pulling back slightly and I grind again. He moves, kissing behind my ear, licking, then blowing. His breath causes goosebumps on my damp skin. I tilt my head exposing more neck for his attention. My core is on fire.
“Ham,” I beg.
“Yes?” He moves kissing my collarbone still pinning my hands above my head.
“Ham, I need…” He nips then kisses.
“Tell me what you need.”
“Ham, please I need you, now, everywhere,” my husky voice further demonstrates my arousal for only him.
He wastes no time. He releases my hands, pulls up my tank, and tugs off my boxer shorts. His eyes turn molten as he scans my body head to toe. I no longer have the tight body he’s seen before. I have more curves at my breast and hips along with stretch marks. Suddenly I’m worried what he might find on his explorations. I throw my arms around his neck and pull his mouth to mine. My kiss is primal, needing him inside me now.
Hamilton pulls away, reaching for a condom. I tug him back.
“I’m protected and I’m clean.” I stare into his eyes.
“Um,” he hesitates. His eyes search mine. “I always wear a condom.”
“I’m giving you permission to skip the condom. I get a shot every three months. I’m not going to get pregnant.” This time I think to myself. “I’ve only been with you.” I sound desperate as I try to talk him in to entering me.
“I’m clean.” He clears his throat. “You really haven’t been with anyone else?”
“Only you,” I promise.
He throws my leg around his waist, gently places himself at my wet opening, then with eyes on mine slowly glides in to the root. I raise my other leg around him. As he finds a delectable rhythm, my eyes close unable to fight to keep them open any longer. My fingers dig into his shoulders and my head falls back into the mattress. Hamilton’s mouth is everywhere. He kisses my lips, licks my neck, and sucks on my nipples. He slides one hand between us. At first contact I groan and grind into his fingertips. Quickly I wind tighter and tighter, growing closer to my release.
Hamilton trails kisses from my breast, to my collarbone while his stubble scrapes and ignites my sensitive skin. His hot breath fills my ear. “I’m not going to last, you feel so good around me, so hot, so…”
His words combined with his fingertips and to his thrusts are my undoing. I scream his name as my orgasm hits. I arch, I grind, I beg him not to stop. Every muscle tightens, my breath hitches and white flashes of light shoot in every direction behind my closed lids. “Y-e-s!” I growl.
Hamilton’s hand on my hip bites into my flesh holding me as he pounds again and again. His other hand winds in my hair and pulls me toward his chest. With one, two, three more thrusts he shutters inside me. His veins pop out in his neck and his head looks to the ceiling. I feel his growl move from his abdomen, through his chest, and escape his open mouth.
“F-u-c-k,” his breath comes in rapid pants as his every muscle relaxes over me. He falls beside me, breaking our connection.
I stare at the ceiling afraid to make eye contact with him. I really messed up. I need to tell him about his daughter before I allow myself to be confused by our relationship. As my breaths slow and my body relaxes, I worry how Hamilton will feel when he finds out I had sex with him while keeping his daughter a secret. Why am I making things worse instead of opening up to him?
“I haven’t either,” Hamilton states, turning to face me.
I struggle to understand him. Did he speak while I was lost in my head? I turn toward him, my brows raised.
“Since we were together, I haven’t been with anyone else.”
His words are a hundred-pound anvil to my chest. As if I needed anything else to complicate things, his confession is everything I want to hear. Tears pool and my throat closes tight.
“Mady, don’t cry.” Hamilton pulls me tight against his chest. His hands rub up and down my bare back. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head. If it weren’t for Salem’s wedding, I could spill my guts right here, right now. I know lying naked in his arms is not how I want to share we have a daughter. I want to, I need to unburden myself of my secret. “I…” my voice quivers. I take in a deep breath then exhale. “I’ve got something major I’m working through. I need to plan some things out before I can share it with you.” I glance into his eyes.
His brow is furrowed. “I can help you if you let me,” he offers.
I have no doubt how he will help once he knows the truth. This is just not the right time. “Your mom asked me about it yesterday. I guess she can see I’m holding something back. I just can’t tell the two of you, yet.” His eyes beg me to open up. “I need some more time, I need to do something first, and then I promise I’ll share it with you.”
Internally I cringe at my words. I make my daughter sound like a burden, a complication that I am avoiding for the time being. I can’t give any hints to my secret. I need to change the subject before I mess this up further.
“Your mom claims you are keeping something from us, too.”
My words hang heavy in the air. He sighs heavily while scrubbing his hands over his dark stubbled face and into his hair. “I’ve just been so busy, it seems like I have no off-season that’s all.”
Although it’s the truth, I know Memphis speaks of something bigger than this. I feel like a bad friend as I didn’t notice until Memphis mentioned it. He does carry a burden. We used to tell each other everything. We helped each other come up with plans and ideas to solve our problems. Life was much simpler when we were in high school, visited our cemetery, and were available to each other 24/7.
Hamilton’s long muscular arms wrap around me. “I hate being so far away from you most of the year. I want you with me—I need you in my life.”
His confession fills me with hope and scares me to death at the same time. I can’t contain the hiccuping sobs that overtake me. He kisses my forehead and nose before hugging me. One arm holds me tight against him at my shoulders, the other glides up and down my bare back.
“It’s okay, we will find a way. I promise.” I hear his words but continue to cry. “We will figure something out—we will find a way to make us work.”
“You may not…” I wipe my running nose on the back of my hand and I gulp in air. “You may not want me when I…”
He interrupts me. “I will always want you. I’ve tried to think of every reason the past eighteen months not to be with you. I can’t fight it anymore. You are all that I want, all that I need. There is nothing,” He lifts my chin, so I must look directly at him. “and I mean nothing that you must work through and tell me about later that will change my wanting you.” His eyes search for my understanding.
Through more sobs I attempt to speak. “You don’t know that. It’s big, it’s huge. It’s not something you will consider no big deal. You’ll feel differently about me. I know you will. It’s that bad.”
He wipes my tears before engulfing my mouth with his. His kiss demonstrates his declaration to me. It proves his conviction as he attempts to swallow my fear, my guilt, and my doubt. He attempts to fill my heart and mind with his love for me and the knowledge that he will always want me. It’s a passionate kiss, but not in a sexual way. His passion is for me and for us. My crying stops. I cling to the hope that there just might be a chance.
I squeal as Hamilton tugs the towel from my body. Our eyes lock in the vanity mirror. In his I find feral desire. He spins me, lifts me, and carries me back to his bed.
I giggle as he gently tosses me to the mattress then leans atop me.
“Hamilton, your mother will be back any minute.” I attempt to be the voice of maturity in this moment.
He blatantly ignores my mention of his mother’s return. Instead he removes his shirt and jeans while peppering kisses on my lips, my neck, my collarbone, and my ribcage.
At the sudden absence of his mouth, my eyes open. He’s smiling while his eyes skim my face. His lips slightly part.
“You are so beautiful.” His molten brown eyes sparkle. They match his dazzling smile. His dark wavy hair has grown too long—I can’t keep my fingers from tangling in it. His dark stubble is more than evading the razor for a day or two. It’s soft and prickly at the same time. His brown eyes, I could swim in their chocolate depths forever. And his body, oh his body, has only improved with time. Although always muscular and strong, it’s now defined and powerful. He now sports dips and contours as his soft skin covers the rock-hard muscles. I rapidly blink to regain focus on Hamilton’s words.
“Welcome back,” he teases. “I’ve always known you are beautiful inside and out. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder—it’s cheesy, but it’s true.” Hamilton places a gentle kiss upon the corner of my mouth. “It seems our distance apart caused my true feelings for you to surface.”
“Or my sexual prowess on our one night together…” I attempt to tease, but he places his fingertips on my lips.
He replaces his fingers with his mouth. My brain grows quiet and I feel. I bask in every glorious sensation he awards me. I moan softly when his strong hands part my thighs and his hot tongue darts to tickle my clit. My back arches and my fingers clutch hold of his soft waves. His strong palm flattens to my abdomen in an attempt to halt my thrashing. His hot breath assails my sensitive nub when he blows for a moment before he lightly scrapes with his whiskered chin. I cry out at the overwhelming sensation. Sensing my approval, he repeats the warm wet lick, the hot breeze, then the tantalizing torture of his stubble—once, twice, and I cum.
Like a sniper’s bullet I am not prepared. I scream as my every muscle tightens then spasms, my head burrows into the mattress, I grind my pelvis against him, and shatter into a sextillion pieces.
I’m lost in a sea of sensations while he nips, licks, and kisses his way over my stomach, my breasts, my neck, to my mouth. I lazily return his kiss.
I finally summon the strength to partially open my eyes. He’s there, inches from me a proud smirk upon his face. I swat his shoulder begging him to stop. When he doesn’t, I take our situation into my own hands, literally.
I firmly grasp him in my palm. My treacherous body outs me. I quiver. I’m trying to harness my inner-sex vixen and I quiver at the anticipation of his heavy cock about to enter me. I focus on my task. I watch his pupils dilate as I apply pressure with each stroke. I position my thumb upon the ridged nerve on the underside enjoying the groan I evoke while his eyes close. My fingertips slide the slick drop of pre-cum over his tip.
I gasp suddenly rolled over and impaled upon the cock I massaged in my hand the moment before. My fingertips bite into his pecs as I adapt to the full sensation. Hamilton’s hands on my ass urge me to move.
While my hips grind, my eyes beg his to love me. I urge them to love me in spite of my secret, and to love me and our daughter. His eyes seem to be talking to mine at the same time.
Tears well in my eyes at the realization while our hearts and bodies communicate our eyes display the secrets we withhold. When wetness escapes to my cheeks, Hamilton’s thumbs swipe them away as his fingers hold my jaws.
With an ab crunch his lips rise to mine. He presses his forehead to mine while whispering everything will be okay.