I know I shouldn’t drive by. I already know her car is there, yet I find myself driving by the corner bar. Just as I thought. It’s not even 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday and she is drinking. I’m not surprised she’s here—I am only surprised by what I do next.
I park my car in the tiny gravel lot and walk into the Black Jack bar. The smell of stale beer and smoke assault my senses. My eyes struggle to focus in the dark space. The walls and ceiling are all painted black. The tables, chairs and bar stools don’t match—some are even held together with gray tape. I easily spot my mother. She’s leaning on the bar with a man on either side of her. The bartender and two men look my way as I enter. My mother doesn’t bother turning her head.
Henrietta, the bartender, claims she’s happy to see me back in Athens. I don’t want her to get her hopes up. I don’t plan to stick around. I won’t be available for her to call to pick up my mother. That hasn’t changed.
Even with Henrietta greeting me by name, my mother doesn’t acknowledge my presence. I figure it’s because she has already had too much.
I call to my mother, when she doesn’t turn, I tap her on the shoulder. The man on her left places his arm out to steady her as she jerkily turns to look over her shoulder my way. Her eyes barely open and she speaks not a word.
“Just stopped in to say hello. It’s been almost two years and I haven’t heard from you. I’m glad to see you’re not dead, nothing has changed, and you’re still having fun. Guess I will stop by here to say hello in another two years.” I hate my cold words.
I leave the bar and return to my car with my head held high and shoulders back. She doesn’t define me. I am a good mother. I love my daughter. I’ll never abandon Liberty the way my mother abandoned me years ago. I don’t cry as I drive through Athens. I have no tears left for her just as she has none for me. I must be crazy to hope she will ever change. I was crazy to drive over here and go inside. It won’t phase her, and she doesn’t deserve my time.
I decide to treat myself hoping to change my mood before the long drive home. I purchase some cheese tots and a vanilla diet cola from the Sonic Drive-In. With a drink and a snack, I return to my audio book and head to the place I want to be most—Liberty is my everything.