Notymology, and Other Tales from the Bullshitternet _

The Internet is hardly new, not in terms of providing the “histories” of words and phrases, nor in the context of “fascinating facts,” “Did You Know!!!!?s” and other “just-how-gullible-are- you?s.” Sure, the computer-to-computer linkages are late- twentieth-century, but the dissemination of specious gosh-wows! has a long history involving bulletin boards (pay close attention to the first syllable of that phrase), mimeograph machines, games of “telephone,” and campfire tales—and probably cave drawings, as well (Is that a picture of an alligator in a prehistoric sewer ?). The Internet is simply a far more efficient etymythology tool than its predecessors. (On the other hand, a caution regarding the modern incarnation of the bullshitternet: If it comes to you in email, distrust it. Even if you really need that hair-growth formula. It doesn’t work. Trust me.)

So the specific communications process is moot—electrons or not, it’s all bullshitternet, and here we’ll discuss some of the claims that this ancient net has delivered to us. First, a roundup of inter-not-ymologies—claims and explanations and wide-eyed! “truths”—recently circulated on the Internet, in no particular order, and then we'll dive into a few specifics about specious word histories.