MISTLETOE

Even though there’s no toe in mistletoe, you can nonetheless stub your mistletoe.

There are no toes involved with mistletoe, unless, of course, the Christmasy couple are playing footsy while smooching under the mistle twig. Mistle is an Old English word describing what we now call mistletoe. By complete mistake. (And by complete now-accepted mistake regarding plurals, I remind those who gripe about kudo, for reasons explored on page 148.) A tan in Old English was a “twig.” Mistletan, therefore, was a compound meaning a twig of the mistle plant. Now, at that time, plurals were formed with a suffix formation that we’ll punningly call “N-dings.” One ox, two oxen. One brother, two brethren. Ton was also the plural of ta, or “toe.” So our ancient English speakers looked at mistletwig and saw mistletoes, and shaved off the N pluralization to make the word “singular.” A kudo to them.

So how do we stub a mistletoe? Remove the toe entirely, because the “stubbed” mistle could perform its old duties more efficiently than the longer mistletoe, though our footsy-playing lovers might regret a shorter kiss.