VOWELS, PART IV (AND I MEAN THE ALPHABET LETTERS, NOT THE ROMAN NUMERALS)

See the preceding “Vowels” subheads, rinse, and repeat.

To complete this little roundelay of vowel play, let’s first recap where we are. In Parts I and III, we concluded that our tongue-in-cheek list of vowels now stands at A, I, O, U, and sometimes E, Y, W, and R.

Now, see my entry for the letter Z on page 182, in which I point out that the letters / and U were also used as consonants before complementary J and V were introduced to the alphabet. And in fact V and U were somewhat interchangeable, as were I and J, given

the circumstance: Consider IVLIVS, which is not a Roman numeral, but an English spelling of Julius. U and V were kind of like UV light—visible only under certain conditions. Then add in the fact that double-u was formed literally as two joined U or V characters, and we’re forced to revise the lineup even further: A and O, and sometimes E, I, J, U, V, W, R, T, Y (starting to look like a keyboard row, isn’t it?), and once-upon a time JE.

For that matter, if we get real technical and decide to finally add in A and O as sometimes vowels because they also act as words, well, we have no pure vowels left at all.

I feel like I’ve just completed the linguistic murder version of Agatha Christie’s Ten Little Indians.