On these pages, I’ve presented a few smartass mock etymologies and rules (and of course, I’ve identified them as just that). And I’ve neologized a number of words (with, I admit, unabashed glee). I’m the first to suppose that someone will pick up those facetious and sarcastic falsities out of context, deliberately or otherwise, and circulate them as truth. This does not bother me. First, because it may be the first time that anyone has adopted my “conclusions” as the truth, and second because I spent some time as a youth on a farm, and I realize the importance of reseeding the field, and of planting the falsities that I will harvest in further volumes.
I’m just kidding about that. I think.
Better yet, email me your favorite falsities, stupid notions, persnicki- tahons, and bullshittemetisms about our glorious English language to Bill@EverythingYouKnowAboutEnglishIsWrong.com (or at Bill@WhyTheHellCan’tYouGetaShorterWebsiteNameForYourBook. whew!), and I'll attempt to persuade my brilliant and perceptive publisher to throw money at me while I vigilantly discount submitted delusions in sequels to this book. Until that happens, however, I concede that there’s great poetry in the English phrase that has been with us for many centuries, “Would you like fries with that?”