‘It was Humanita, you said, wasn’t it?’ I asked you later.
‘Yeah,’ you said. Your finger was tracing the bridge of my nose, still feeling for the bump I’d told you had come from a childhood break.
‘I went near there today. The church, I mean. Fuck me, the paella days are over.’
‘Like I told you,’ you said, ‘very much still in business.’
‘Then why are they against the LandSave stuff?’
‘What do you mean? Did you go in?’ Your finger paused.
‘There was a big fuck-off sign on the door. Said Meyer must be stopped.’
‘Why did you go though? If you’re hungry I can help.’
‘Not hungry. I came to see you, you numpty. Wanted to see you in action.’
‘Isn’t it weird to go without asking?’
‘How’s it weird?’
‘I don’t turn up to your job.’
‘It’s just I thought you said Meyer was good?’ I said. ‘So that’s all I’m asking, why don’t they like him? Is it because he’s a bit “England for the English”, all that? I mean, most of them are.’
‘I don’t know,’ you said. ‘I mean, maybe it wasn’t even Humanita who put the sign there? Maybe it was just someone who stuck it to the door?’
But it had a Humanita stamp on it, I wanted to say. I didn’t want to fight though. It was like I told Davey. There were enough fights everywhere else. I changed the angle of my body. ‘Might have also wanted to check in on you, too,’ I said. ‘See if you look good when you do it. Like a sexy Mother Teresa or something.’ You looked at me. ‘See if they have crushes on you,’ I went on, ‘the people you help.’
‘No,’ you said. ‘Don’t worry.’
‘Oh no, I’d like it. Tell me about one, at least. Some dude with no teeth.’
‘Barry doesn’t need teeth,’ you said. ‘It’s the way he looks at me.’
‘I’ll kill him.’
‘Seriously, though,’ you said, ‘you’re not hungry or anything?’
‘Me? I’m out at five-star restaurants all the time. Got great nutrition,’ I said. ‘I mean, look at me. I’m completely fine.’ I started twitching.
You laughed then and I looked at you, and I felt it all. It was the edges of your eyes. It was your mouth when you smiled. I did not expect this. To feel this. I’d never felt like this.
I looked down at the floor. I could tell from the way the box of sunlight slid in through the windows in a slant like that, that it was nearly time. ‘Let me just check the tide,’ I said. I peered out of the front door, then came back. ‘Okay, we’re good,’ I said. ‘Come with me a sec.’
I took your hand, held your finger, took your hand again, and led you down the empty street, dry sand at the kerb, red-brick buildings lining the path down to a little set of steps. And then, there it was. The beach out towards Westgate. It stretched out ahead of us – a thin, sandy bay, hidden from the main town. The sea was low, the beach looked like bright white dust. Further out, little alleys of black seaweed made their way back to the water.
‘What’s it called?’ you asked, as we found a spot to sit down.
‘My beach.’
‘Is that the official name?’
‘Course. What do you expect? It’s got the best sand. And yeah, it’s good ’cos…’ I looked behind me. ‘I can’t see my flat just staring down at me.’
‘Right,’ you said. You nodded. ‘Does your mum get the binoculars out?’
‘Oh yeah, a proper telescope. Long lens. My number-one protector.’ I shook my head. ‘No, not at all. I just don’t want to see it. Prefer to see that,’ I said. I pointed in the other direction, along the length of the sand towards the sun, which was starting to go down. The sky was this bright, burning gold, a bursting cloud of it, like it was reaching forwards towards us. ‘It’s mad light here,’ I said, leaning back. ‘It’s got all these colours you wouldn’t expect – like it shouldn’t make sense, but it does make sense? If that makes sense. I mean, look at it.’
‘The sky’s so much bigger than in London. I’ve noticed that a lot.’
‘Like, I don’t believe in God, but sometimes it’s like he just kind of licks his finger and points magic at us.’
‘Didn’t know God was a finger licker…’
‘You know what I mean, though. And those green parakeets.’ One bopped past us from the roof of one of the beach huts behind us. ‘Fucking funny, like little tennis balls just whopping through the sky. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is. Things can be rubbish, but then you see a sky like that and it’s like – I have that. That’s mine. Which is why I wanna look in that direction,’ I said. ‘Not behind me.’
You picked up some sand. You rubbed it between your fingers and your thumb, grains falling slowly enough that you could almost count them.
‘Okay, honest question,’ I said. It was time to ask. ‘Are you planning to stick around here? Just for a little bit?’
‘Here?’ you said. ‘Right here, right now?’
‘Just ’cos I wanted to give you this.’
It was a key. I held it out in my palm.
‘It’s to here. There, I mean.’ My head tilted towards the China House. Heat burned a hole in my cheeks. ‘Just ’cos it’s easy,’ I said. ‘Easier.’
‘Just ’cos it’s easy,’ you said.
‘Just ’cos it’s easy.’