I have betrayed Eddie with a kiss. I am a Judas.
The whole thing plays over and over in my mind: Melissa, sneering at me, daring me to kiss Eddie; my jaw dropping open; Lottie’s hand flying to cover her mouth. But the face that means the most to me is Eddie’s. His eyes got big and round, but his face had a gentle look. Tears well up in my eyes when I think about his face. Oh, my Lord, I can’t believe the thing I’ve done.
I’m hiding out in my room. Momma’s making supper. She thinks I’m reading a book, but I can’t concentrate on nothing ’cept what happened. I didn’t mean to hurt Eddie. I just wanted to shut Melissa up. But even as I was doing that, even when I slid my eyes over to see her defeat, I remember noticing his lips. I didn’t know a boy’s lips could be so soft.
It don’t matter now. He hates me. He’ll never be my friend again, and I don’t blame him.
I wrap my arms around my knees. I sit like that for a long time, until I hear the phone ring and Momma call up, “Violet, phone!”
I got no idea who’d want to call me. Maybe it’s a wrong number. My heart starts up. Maybe it’s Eddie’s parents calling to yell at me. I don’t want Momma to know about this, so I rush down the stairs to the kitchen, grab the phone, and drag it as far as the cord will let me. “Hello?”
“Violet, it’s me.”
I sink to the floor hearing Lottie’s voice. “Hey.” I’ll let her yell at me too. Lord knows I deserve it.
But she doesn’t yell. Her voice sounds lonely. “Why did you ask me that question?”
The thing with Eddie is taking up such a big place in my head, it takes me a minute to remember what she’s talking about. “It’s okay,” I say. “You can like her better than me.”
“I don’t like her better than you! Wait a second.” The rustle of the cord comes through, then her voice lowers. “You’ve been acting weird ever since Melissa moved here.”
“No, I haven’t—you have, with all your makeup and magazines, plus now you got a bra.” I hear her sigh when I say that. “You keep talking about boys being cute. You even said that about Eddie.”
“Eddie is cute—haven’t you ever noticed? And I know you think I’m doing whatever Melissa tells me to do, but I’m not. I’m doing what I want to do.”
My eyes narrow even though she can’t see me. “What about Paris Heights and all that stuff?”
She clicks her tongue. “I don’t care about that! It’s just fun because Melissa’s so into it.”
“So she is your best friend now.”
“Violet, would you stop it? Besides, why can’t I have two best friends? You have me and Eddie.”
My heart wells up with sadness. “Not anymore I don’t.”
“Oh.” She lowers her voice and whispers, “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. He don’t want to be friends no more.”
“You don’t know that!”
I remember him running away from me. He knows I can’t catch up to him when he runs full speed. “Yes, I do,” I say. What I said about kissing him was past forgiving. If I were him, I would erase Violet Raines forever. When I saw the person that used to be her, I’d see right through her, like she was nothing but air. “He’ll never talk to me again.”
We are quiet for a few minutes. Then Lottie says, “What did it feel like?”
I push the phone closer to my face. “What?”
“When you kissed him,” she says. “What did it feel like?”
“I don’t know!” I holler. God Almighty, I’m grievous about this problem and that’s what she asks me. I ain’t going to tell her about his soft lips and his boy smell. Or the strange-good feeling it gave me when we kissed.
When I don’t say nothing, she says, “Well, you can’t just not be friends anymore. You’ve known him all your life.”
For a moment, I see Eddie with his fish doll and its worn-out fins, Eddie on his bike riding that wheelie, and I think of Lottie and me carving our names into her bedpost. I feel like crying. All that I’ve given up, just to show Melissa. I am foolish.
“Are you still there?” Lottie asks.
“Yeah,” I say, but my heart is about half a mile away, down the road off the turn.