SLEEPING SOUNDLY, GARETH made a face. “Dear gods, what is that smell? It’s like something died—” He opened his eyes and yelped in shock, suddenly awake when he found himself nose to nose with the great panther. “Ky-Lar!” He blinked a few times. “Ky-Lar? Tiwaz is back?” The panther bobbed his head, padding to flop on a clear spot of the small apartment.

“Gods, what time is it?” he wondered, dragging himself out of bed and standing to stretch.

“Late afternoon,” Tiwaz said from the doorway, carrying a tray with food and drink on it. She arched an eyebrow when the nude man grabbed his blanket to cover himself. She pointed out in bland tones, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Not the largest I’ve seen, but better than average.”

The panther rolled over on his back, wiggling to scratch himself on the rough stone floor. Goodness. His hide rivals Marchen’s in redness, Ky-Lar observed blandly. All over, too. I am impressed.

“I keep forgetting you were a bona fide gladiator and have not an iota of modesty,” he muttered as he grabbed his trousers and pulled them on before turning around again. “You can stop laughing now, Cat.” Ky-Lar only bared his teeth in a grin, still sprawled on his back. “When did you get back?” As she sat out the plates of food and poured the tea, he blinked in surprise. “And you…brought me breakfast? Where is Doom?”

“I returned this morning after dawn and went with Doom to meet this dragon who has been training him in flight and tutoring him in other things.” Her eyes remained on the cups as she filled them. “They are together working on his reading and writing. Father Bura’an suggested you might like some food.”

Gareth paused to study her when he pulled his head through his shirt. A small smile touched his lips. “Ah, you want to resume our private lessons?”

“'Want’ is a strong word.” She fixed her gold eyes on his. “If I live through facing Alimar, knowing how to read and write might be useful.” She put her hands on her hips. “Don’t look at me like that. Alimar is over five thousand years old, and I’m not even as old as you are. No matter how strong I may be, no matter how skilled a warrior I am, he has many years more experience than I have.”

“You should think positive.” They sat across from each other at the small table. “Expecting failure usually brings failure.”

“Don’t feel the need to lecture me. I have heard it all from Doom already. I will not lose,” she stated in such chill tones, Gareth shuddered. They remained silent for several minutes, lost in their own thoughts as he ate and she sipped her tea. Gareth glanced over as Ky-Lar abruptly flipped back onto his feet and went to his aceri, bumping her side with rough affection, his expression anxious.

“Are you all right, Tiwaz?” Gareth kept his tone as mild and as unconcerned as he could manage. Her response surprised him. And concerned him.

“No, I am not.” Her eyes never wavered from her empty cup. “I have lived my whole life expecting to die. I think…I have lived my whole life trying to die, because death was the only escape from life, and life was slavery. I never feared death. I prayed for it. Shape-shifters…do not endure captivity well. It has always been freedom or death. It is instinct.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled, closing her eyes as she put her hand on Ky-Lar’s brow, the panther resting his head in her lap comfortingly. “The only thing I ever feared was Doom being made to suffer, and he did whenever I failed my master’s…Alimar’s expectations. So I pushed myself. I dared not fail, but I yearned for death. I cannot fail to kill Alimar, else Doom will suffer his wrath. But if I die…”

“Doom would suffer from losing you,” Gareth finished in a gentle voice. She looked up at him and the understanding in his tones. “He would not be the only one, Tiwaz. Your death would cause many who have attachments to you to grieve. The Dramaden arena master. The people of Bralden. Even those of the temple, despite not having the chance to know you themselves, would grieve because they know you through Doom.” He smiled sympathetically at her stricken look. “I bet even that pirate magic user Simpkins would mourn your passing.”

“They wouldn’t have to find out,” she argued, her voice more like a frightened child’s than the fearless warrior most knew her as.

“Do you really think no one would learn the fate of the single person willing and able to bring down Alimar the Black? Or the identity of who did it?” He flinched back when she struck the table with both fists in utter frustration, surging to her feet to pace the floor. Ky-Lar kept out of her way, but his expression was still worried for her. “Is living such a frightening prospect?”

She spun to face him, fists clenched, eyes wild. “I fear nothing!”

Standing calmly, Gareth dared to approach her, putting a hand on her arm. “Yes, you do. You fear being the cause of pain for Doom. And you fear life after Alimar’s demise. It is not uncommon for those who have fixated on a singular goal to feel lost once they have reached it. Few have the foresight to realize what ‘after’ might mean for them.”

“I am a gladiator! We are not supposed to have a future! We fight until we die. And we always die. That is our future.” She brushed his hand off her arm, stalking to the wall and punching it, then leaning against it with her head bowed. “I am not supposed to live, but I cannot die. What will I do if I live? I have nothing. I am nothing but Alimar’s slave.”

“You are not a slave, Tiwaz,” Gareth stated firmly, aghast at the revelation of her heart.

She shook her head sharply. “I know what you are thinking. If I still think I am his slave, that I might obey him if he ordered me to do anything.” She punched the wall again, leaving faint cracks in the rock. “I hate him. I obeyed him only to protect Doom. Since I can remember, I have wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him and try to rip his throat out.

“I tried once during the first year. He stopped me. And Doom…he nearly died. Alimar kept us separated so I could not mercifully end his life nor aid him. I watched him suffer for my rebellion. He never knew why Alimar hurt him so badly. How could I tell him it was because I put myself before him?”

Gareth forced the tension out of his shoulders. “You have never told Doom?” He looked at Ky-Lar. “And you kept it from your aceri?”

Gold eyes flashed in simmering anger and despair. “You barely know me and it upsets you that I still consider myself a slave. Doom’s life has been focused on our freedom. Especially on my freedom. This…inability to accept freedom. It is my failure, not his. Not Ky-Lar’s. I do not want them blaming themselves.” She looked at her bondmate apologetically. He rubbed his head against her hip. She grimaced, turning her face away from both panther and man. “I don’t even know why I am telling you.”

The bard quirked a wan smile. “It is a gift from my parents. Our presence draws the deepest pain and fears from those around us. So we may try finding a way to ease it.” His smile faded. “There is no weakness in sharing such burdens. Keeping these kinds of feelings locked inside erodes our strength. You cannot afford to be anything but strong for the battle you will face.” He paused. “Please. Tell us what distresses you.”

Tiwaz remained silent, but both man and panther waited patiently, knowing it was not easy for her. “I have lived my entire life with only two purposes. To keep Doom alive and to see Alimar dead so no others will suffer and die. But…once I kill my master…if I live through killing him…what then?”

“I don’t know,” Gareth replied with quiet gravity. “But I do know this, Tiwaz.” She looked over her shoulder at him when he rested his hand on her back. “You will not be alone to face ‘after Alimar.’ Ky-Lar is here for you. I will be here for you. Doom has always been here for you. And my father, aunt and uncle will always be there for you. For now, just focus on the task before you.” He let his hand drop. “You are the Warrior, legendary gladiator. The only living person to have confronted Alimar the Black and survived. You cannot afford any distractions in the coming battle.”

After several minutes, she finally nodded, straightening away from the wall and taking a deep, cleansing breath. “Yes. You are right. I am allowing myself to be distracted. Distractions only benefit Alimar.” She turned her golden regard on him. “Do you know where that ogre mage is?” At Gareth’s unspoken question, Tiwaz stated, “I want to minimize how many might be harmed with Alimar’s death. Maybe…even survive the confrontation. Simpkins is the only magic user I trust with our lives. We will need his help.”