CHAPTER THIRTEEN

THE FORGOTTEN

My husband’s blood continued dripping, like rain from a hole in the rooftop during a typhoon. I knew his life was fading with every step Khine took. And the worry on Khine’s face was palpable; I had known him long enough by that point to understand what his silence meant.

We hadn’t gone very far when Khine dragged Rai to the side, leaning him on the ground with his legs on a tree root. “Watch for Yuebek’s men,” he told Nor. The exhaustion was plain in his voice. He turned to Namra. “My apologies, priestess, but I will need your help once more.”

“Last time, you said you didn’t like a mage touching your patient,” Namra said.

“I’m taking it back now,” Khine snapped. “He’s dying. He’s your lord, isn’t he? So help me.”

The words made me light-headed. I drew my sword and walked up to join Nor and Agos.

“I don’t think they followed us,” Nor said. “You can go back and sit beside Prince Rayyel, my queen.”

“I can’t,” I murmured.

“How did the pisspot get himself stabbed?” Agos asked.

Nor jabbed him with her elbow.

“I’m just saying…”

“Respect,” Nor grumbled.

Agos took a deep breath. After a moment of silence, he said, “Can I look at your sword?” His voice was softer now, reminding me so much of how he used to talk to me when we were children.

I handed it to him without a word. He wiped the blood off with his shirt and held it up to the light. “It’s chipped,” Agos continued with a grimace. “About as useless as a wooden stick now. I knew that merchant was lying through his teeth. Best Jinsein steel my ass. You can have the one I stole off those bastards.” He all but shoved the new sword into my hands. I tried to look at it, but I couldn’t really see anything beyond a sword—an object, a tool for killing. Rivers of blood. Funny I could still remember Khine’s voice saying that while he was now yelling at Namra behind me.

“It’s a Zarojo double-edged,” Agos crowed. “A lot better than the ones I’ve seen the guards carry. See the nice engraving on the hilt? Consider it your nameday present.”

“But that’s not until…” I blinked. I had lost track of time.

“Yesterday,” Agos said, cocking his head to the side. “I wanted to get back to the village in time with good news for you. Wasn’t counting on your deranged suitor waiting for us back there. Not that you could blame me for that. We thought he was dead.”

“I didn’t even realize,” Nor broke in. “My apologies, my queen.”

“It’s not like we could’ve had a celebration like we do in the palace,” I said. Banners and drums and parades, in addition to the feast. My birth marked the end of the War of the Wolves, which meant a time of celebration. Twenty-seven years of peace. And here I’m about to end it soon. If Rai dies here…gods. My son. What will happen to Thanh?

“Always thought it was a waste of money,” Agos started. “That roast pig, though, always shuts me up. Crackling skin…”

I almost laughed at the irony of discussing food while my husband was dying. But my expression must’ve lightened a bit, because he lifted his hand and very slowly placed it on my shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry if I were you,” he said. “The Ikessars are hard to kill.”

“A well-known fact,” Nor added.

“They’re like insects. It’s why they lasted so long. There’s a joke in the army, you know. How do you fight an Ikessar? Well, if they don’t bore you to death first…”

“No, you’re saying it wrong,” Nor said. “I think it starts with an Ikessar and a Jeinza walk into a bar…”

Agos rolled his eyes and handed me the scabbard. I sheathed the sword before sliding it through my belt. It was built for a much bigger person, and I had to tighten the belt to the last hole. I uttered a quiet thanks.

“Princess—” he began.

I heard Khine call my name and quickly turned away from Agos. I held my breath before I walked back to them, expecting the worst. Rai’s colour was still alarming, but I caught sight of the rise and fall of his chest.

“He’s bleeding from the inside,” Khine said. “We did what we could, but I need to get him back to the village. I…I don’t know how.”

“Does the lord need a litter?” Agos broke in, sarcasm lacing his voice.

“I can walk,” Rai mumbled.

I dropped to my husband’s side and watched as his eyes flickered. He took several deep breaths before he finally opened them. “I can walk,” he repeated, forcing the words out, as if he wasn’t quite sure we’d heard him.

“Should he?” I asked Khine.

“It’s not like anyone can carry him all the way down the mountain.”

Agos gave a smug grin and reached out to help Rai to his feet. Rai ignored him and pushed himself, his face contorted in pain. “I can walk,” he said a third time. “I’m not an invalid.”

“Good that you know,” Agos spat. “Stop holding us back. She may let you get away with everything, but if I’m going to have to wipe up after your perfumed royal ass—”

“This can wait for when we don’t have people at death’s door,” Khine snapped.

Namra drew close, carrying a long stick. She whittled off the last branch with her knife and handed it to Rai. “I know it must be hard, my lord, but we should get started or else we might never get there at all. We shouldn’t spend a moment longer than we have to on this mountain.”

Rai took a step. Blood seeped through his bandages, but he pushed himself forward without a word of complaint.

No, I found myself thinking. I don’t think I ever knew him at all.

I knew my husband, the scholar; his love for obscure topics, his perpetual cluelessness with a sword. I knew that he grew up in the shadow of the Citadel in the mountains, protected by no less than five guards at all times. It was generally accepted that my father would do to him exactly what he had done to General Shan—the torture, the public decapitation, the indecent burial (the man’s body was never recovered for a proper funeral). I knew that despite being a bastard, they had found a way for the priests to name him an Ikessar—something to do with his father dying before he was born and the Hio clan’s rejection of Princess Ryia’s claim that Shan was the father, as if somehow that made it possible for Ryia to have created him on her own.

Everything else I had supplied from the knowledge my father had passed down on the Ikessars and their strange ways. I had never stopped to consider it from his point of view. Not a true Ikessar by blood, but he was—in every way you looked at it—Rysaran the Uncrowned’s direct heir. My father may have been a mass murderer, but Rysaran was the weak ruler who allowed that murderer’s power to go unchecked in the first place.

I had my burdens; Rayyel had his. Bleeding from the inside, Khine had said, but Rai walked like it wasn’t just a piece of cloth holding him together. The silent way he struggled gave me a glimpse of what the past six years had looked like for him. I had kept myself busy nursing my injured pride; he, on the other hand…

Was all of this just an effort to find ways to assure his worth? That he was not everything my father had accused his clan of? Yuebek’s words must’ve stung, but I didn’t know where to start with that. I didn’t think to mention it at all—Rai was too busy not dying, and everyone else was worrying about Yuebek’s men on our tail. Small problems overshadowing larger concerns…it didn’t matter what Yuebek had planned for us if we didn’t make it back to the village in one piece.

It was on the long, winding sloped road near the lake that Rai finally collapsed. He crumpled to the ground, one knee awkwardly bent under him, and his body slid along the mud until Khine and Agos caught him. The bandage had come loose, and he was beginning to bleed again. “You got this far,” Khine said, wrapping my husband’s arm around his shoulder. “Don’t die on me now, Rai.” I wonder if anyone else had noticed how he neglected his honorifics, calling my husband by his familiar name. For a man who had once lectured me on them, he seemed completely oblivious to his own quirks.

“Akaterru-damned Ikessar can’t even take a stab wound,” Agos snarled. “Maybe we should just leave you for the dogs. You know how much I’ll enjoy watching you get ripped apart after all the trouble you’ve caused the queen? Brain ground to a pulp, entrails on the dirt…”

“Enough, Agos.”

“Why? Is he going to cry? Did I hurt his feelings? Come on, you bastard. I know you hate me. Come and take a swing. She went all this way for you—you’re going to die on her now? Get up and prove me wrong, you fucking waste of air.”

Rai didn’t reply. His face was ashen. But I could see him struggling to maintain consciousness, his face flickering.

I held on to hope and rushed ahead to see if I could get help from the village. But before I reached the first bend, a man came running up to us. “Khine!” he called out.

“We’re busy at the moment,” Khine said.

“The elders—Khine, you’ve got to see…”

“Let me take this man back to my mother’s house first.”

“I don’t think…”

“I have to take care of this man first,” Khine said, walking past him. The hint of anger in his tone was enough to make the villager fall back, but he followed us all the way to the streets before disappearing by the bridge.

The village was eerily silent—not a single elder was in sight. Agos dashed off as soon as we crossed the first bridge, but I was too distracted over Rai to give it much thought. We reached Mei’s house, where Khine called for his mother, asking if she could get some hot water ready. There was no reply as we dragged Rai into the common room.

Khine began stripping Rai’s shirt off. I caught sight of the flesh around the wound, purple and black at the edges. The wound itself was small, which was the worrying part. Khine grabbed a metal case from the shelf and then, as an afterthought, turned to me. “Outside,” he said.

“But—”

“I need Namra to assist me. But you step outside. You can’t see this.” He turned to Nor. “I need to open his wound up. Captain, please, take her away…”

“My queen.” Nor grabbed my arm and led me through the door. From behind, I heard Khine asking Namra to hold Rai’s legs.

Rai started to scream. Khine covered his mouth with a piece of cloth, and the sound dropped to a groan.

Nor led me to the street, where I slid to the ground, closed my eyes, and counted stars in my head. The sound of footsteps distracted me and I looked up to see Agos return from the alley. There was a strange look on his face.

“Did you see Mei?” I croaked out.

Agos shook his head. “Not a sign.” He nodded towards the hut. “Bastard going to make it?”

“I don’t know.”

He snorted. “Good riddance if he doesn’t.”

“Agos,” I said. “You know it’s not that simple.”

“Because you still love him?”

“Agos!” Nor barked.

His words gave me a headache. I struggled to keep my voice low, because I felt like screaming. “Because in case you haven’t been paying attention, Agos, Yuebek has both his hands deep into this mess and likely won’t back out any time soon. If we lose Rai right now, what do we tell his clan? There’s this Zarojo prince who claims my father wanted me to marry him instead and oh, by the way, we got your heir killed, so there’s that. No, that doesn’t look bad at all.”

“There’s that,” Agos grumbled. “It’s always been a mess.”

“Of course it has.”

“There must be a way that doesn’t involve allying yourself with the Ikessars or your father’s wishes.”

I turned to him. “Have you become a politician all of a sudden?”

Agos smirked. “Not in a million years. I’ve seen what it does to you.” He paused. “There’s something you should know.”

I sighed. “Out with it.”

“Before we left Anzhao, someone…came up to me. An agent of the Shadows.”

Nor’s eyes widened. “This is the first time I’ve heard of this. What have you been doing behind my back, Agos?”

“She was the one who helped me escape Qun’s dungeons,” I said.

“So she told me,” Agos replied. “She must’ve also spoken about the ship, then.”

I frowned. “I don’t know whether to trust her or not. I’m almost sure I don’t want to.”

“About that…” Agos started.

I narrowed my eyes.

“She’s here,” he continued. “She…she tailed us from Anzhao. She was concerned that you chose to be alone with Lamang instead of taking your guards.”

“Someone’s been following us this whole time?” Nor snapped. “Agos, you’ve gone too far!” Her hand dropped to her sword.

Agos’s eyes flashed. “Don’t you want to get home at all? What other options do we have?”

“Do you even know what dealing with the Shadows means, you thick-skulled excuse for a soldier?” She turned to me. “My queen…”

“We do have to get home, don’t we, Nor?” I asked. “We need to know what’s happening back there, how many of the Oren-yaro are under Yuebek’s control as he claimed. And no matter what happens with Rai—” I swallowed. “So she’s here?”

Agos nodded. “They’ve got a boat docked somewhere on the east shoreline. She said they’ll meet you there when you’re ready.”

From inside the hut, I could hear Khine swearing under his breath. I could also smell the sharp, iron-tinged scent of blood, enough that I could’ve sworn I was soaked in it. I didn’t want to spend another moment there—I didn’t want to see Khine walk out shaking his head.

I got up. “Bring me to them.”

From afar, the boat looked like a simple fishing vessel, moored near an outcrop of jagged rocks where it rose and fell with the waves. It seemed abandoned, but when Agos placed his fingers in his mouth to whistle, a woman emerged from belowdeck. She pulled herself onto the closest boulder and made her way to the sand, where she dropped to one knee in front of me. A Kag-style bow—I made a note to remember that.

“My queen.” It was the voice of the agent who broke me out of prison.

I was stunned by how much younger she was than I had thought. Fifteen, perhaps sixteen—you would’ve taken her for a fisherman’s daughter in a heartbeat. She was short and thin, the sort of person who could probably fit in a wine barrel with the lid closed, with a plain face fringed by shaggy black hair that would be hard to pick out from a crowd. I had severely overestimated her; this mere mite of a girl wouldn’t last two heartbeats in a fight. “It’s about time you tell me who you really are,” I said as she rose. “If Dai Kaggawa is as smart as he believes he is, he would’ve sent a formidable warrior. Instead, you’re here. There must be a reason for that.”

“I am Lahei alon gar Kaggawa, my queen,” she said.

“Kaggawa’s eldest?” Nor spoke up.

Lahei nodded. “My father wouldn’t entrust this task to anyone else. He would’ve come himself, but the Sougen is…well. We have many, many problems in the Sougen, the sort we were hoping the queen could lend her assistance with.”

“What sort of problems?”

“Well, to start with, we have mad dragons, and the Anyu clan…”

“I know about all of that,” I said. “We’ve done what we can. What else would Kaggawa want from me?”

“That’s not for me to say,” Lahei replied. “There will be enough time for talk later, I think. Your…business. Is it finished? We can bring you to the Aina’s Breath in no time.”

“What will you do if I refuse?”

“My queen…”

“I’ve been betrayed too many times in this godsforsaken land,” I said in a low voice. “You know I have nothing else to fall back on. My husband is hurt, I’m down to two soldiers, and there are Zarojo politicians after me. You’re using my situation to your advantage.”

She looked surprised at my honesty, enough to be speechless.

A log drifting out on the horizon caught my attention as I awaited her reply. I stared at it for a second longer than I should’ve before I realized it was a body, floating facedown. Something clicked, followed by a harrowing thought. Without a word, I waded into the water to get a closer look.

I saw three more bodies as soon as I reached the edge of the rock outcrop. They bobbed silently underneath a mass of shrieking seagulls. In the distance, the sun was beginning to set.

“What the hell is happening?” I heard Nor gasp. A body drifted close enough for me to grab. I pulled and with some effort, managed to flip it over. The body was bloated, its face black and swollen, but I thought I recognized one of the elders from the village, Mei’s neighbour. Underwater, her white hair spread out like tendrils.

I bit back against the prickling sensation in my stomach as I dragged the body to the sand. There was no sword mark on it, nothing except a gash on the head, like someone had smashed her with a rock, hard enough to tear the flesh open down to the skull. I also noticed that her arm was twisted unnaturally, as if it was ripped from the socket. And as I stared at her, I thought about what had happened up in the temple, how fast the effigies fell. My heart dropped. Nor turned to say something to me, but I ignored her and sprinted back to the village, to Mei’s house.

The man that had met us at the trail earlier was talking to Khine by the doorway. Before I got within earshot, Khine’s eyes widened.

“No,” Khine mumbled when I reached them. His sleeves were soaked in blood.

“I was trying to tell you earlier—” the man said.

“It’s Mei, isn’t it?” I broke in.

Khine didn’t answer, nor did he look at me. It was as if he had been jolted out of his senses and into a world of his own. I followed him from the elders’ compound all the way to the southern bridge, which ran across the sea towards a small island. A handful of people were on the shore below it. I caught sight of Thao.

“The elders started acting strangely earlier,” she said without bothering to greet us. Her eyes were red, her face white and tearstained. “They started fighting amongst themselves, said they felt empty—hollow. Like someone was pulling at them with invisible strings. Mother came to try to calm them down, and then…” She turned to me. “You told her it was the priests’ doing. That they’ve been working with mages, that the villagers are being used.”

“It’s true,” I said.

“You told her this. You told her they were tainted.”

“I didn’t—”

“What else did you do?” The accusation bubbled from her throat.

“I said I was going to fix this. I told her—” They haven’t gone mad, it’s all the mages’ doing…

“She said she could see you and Khine and that you were in trouble. She couldn’t explain what was happening, but she said she couldn’t let this go on any longer, she said she was done being a burden to us all, and that if the other elders were wise, they would…” Thao shook her head. She was beginning to cry again.

“Thao,” Khine said blankly. “Where is she?”

Thao pointed. “She jumped off the bridge. The others followed. What did you tell her?” She grabbed me by the shoulders. Her words tore a hole through me. Worse, though, was the look on Khine’s face, that stricken expression of someone whose life was flashing right before his very eyes. He started for the edge of the shore. I glanced back at Thao, who dug her nails through my shirt before pushing away in disgust.

Wordlessly, I stumbled after Khine. More bodies were strewn across the shore, but none were what Khine was looking for. With barely a glance at them, he plunged into the water, heedless of the waves. I called for him, but my voice fell on deaf ears. He was too busy searching, calling for his mother. Every wave that came washed my husband’s blood off him…I could imagine the drops spinning into the distance, the current carrying them to the ocean the way it did his mother’s broken body.

Somewhere in my memories, I remembered my father telling me that life wasn’t fair; that for everything you were ever given, somebody paid a price.

There are many things I have carried to this day, no matter how painful the process of recollection might be. Call it respect, call it penance—a twisted way of punishing myself, though others might tell me I’m not responsible for it, not really. I know only that I burned every moment of that evening into my memory, that even now, all I have to do is close my eyes and I will be there again, watching the circling seagulls and listening to the waves while Khine falls apart in front of me.

Some of the details, of course, have faded since. How many times did Khine call out for her, and was I only counting to drown out my own panicked thoughts? Was there hate in his eyes when he looked at me, or did he simply decide I wasn’t there at all?

I know that I stayed with him there the whole night, even after the other villagers had taken away the few bodies that had washed ashore. That he argued with Cho when the boy tried to tell him there was no point, he’d tried to look himself as soon as Mei jumped and would Khine just stop pretending like he could control everything for once? Khine sent him flying across the sand once he had finished speaking. Cho got up with a split lip and a bruised nose.

“Mother’s dead and you’re still a fucking ass,” Cho hissed. He pointed at me. “You know this is all her fault, right? You’re the one who brought her into our lives! If you’d known to leave it alone from the beginning…” His words were garbled in his grief, and he stomped off before he could finish what he was saying.

Inzali—Inzali was nowhere to be found. I didn’t have the heart to ask. Something told me that the only reason I stayed was because I didn’t have it in me to leave Khine to grieve alone. Perhaps my guards understood this, because no one came to bother me except when Nor arrived with rice balls wrapped in lotus leaves. Despite everything that had happened, my stomach gurgled at the smell.

“Prince Rayyel is still sleeping,” she said. “You should, too.”

“He won’t want to.” I nodded towards Khine.

“You’ll catch a cold out here.”

“Then bring blankets,” I suggested.

She didn’t argue any further and left me alone. I ate a bit of the rice and saved enough in case Khine wanted any. I didn’t think he would. When my father died, I forgot to eat for two whole days.

The moon came up. After everything that had happened that day, it seemed almost serene—a shadowed grey, waning. Clouds drifted past, not enough to block the light completely; a few wispy white ones along with the odd black, bloated with rain.

“Khine,” I called out to him. “We have to go inside. It’s getting cold.” I took in a lungful of damp air.

He didn’t answer. He had been crying, although the dark did a lot to obscure the tears.

“Khine,” I repeated, hoping the sound of his name would bring him back.

“They did that,” Khine finally said, holding his breath for a moment. He returned to sit a few paces from me. “Most of us would be dead in Yuebek’s courtyard if they didn’t…sacrifice themselves. I don’t think they even knew what they were doing.”

I wanted to hold him. I tucked my hands into my arms so I wouldn’t give in to the temptation. I didn’t think I wanted to find out if he was going to lash out like his siblings had. It was not the most important thing at this time, but I didn’t know if I could give him comfort if he was of the same mind as them. “Your mother knew,” I whispered instead. “Thao said she had a glimpse of us in the temple courtyard. A link, perhaps, to the dolls. And the others must’ve seen it themselves, or else they wouldn’t have believed her.”

“If I had actually managed to become a doctor…” Khine fell silent, the rage plain on the angles of his face. I suddenly remembered what his mother told me about him. A chipped sword still has an edge. But I couldn’t say it out loud—I felt like I was incapable of saying anything that wouldn’t come out ragged and hollow. What right did I have to intrude on his sorrow, to pretend like I knew anything about his life or that my words meant anything?

It did hurt to understand that even a queen cannot change the ebb of a single life. Perhaps that was why people like my father spoke in multitudes and generalizations. We cloak ourselves in power as if it could make all the difference in the world, but it changes nothing. My father had the largest army in the nation when my brothers died. I knew he would’ve torn himself apart to save them.

I heard footsteps. I looked up and saw Inzali. She was followed by Namra.

Inzali bowed. “You must forgive my family, Queen Talyien. My brother and sister sometimes let emotions get the better of them.” There was a slight tremble in her voice, but she was calm compared with her siblings. She handed me a blanket.

I glanced at Namra. “Is Lahei still there?”

“Yes. She’s been getting acquainted with the whole situation.”

“She shouldn’t be. You’re aware she’s from the Shadows?”

“I am,” Namra said. “Which is why there’s no point trying to hide this from her. The Ikessars may no longer have the Shadows’ loyalty, but we still know how they operate. She claims to be a servant of the Dragonthrone, which at this point in time may be all we have to hold on to; we don’t have the privilege to be suspicious of everyone.” She cleared her throat. “I left out the part about Yuebek’s involvement with the Oren-yaro, of course. As far as Kaggawa knows, you followed your husband out here and stumbled upon these sinister events entirely by chance.”

“Thank you.”

“Not that it will do you much good if any of his men or Yuebek himself decides to talk. I’m…forgive my candour, Beloved Queen, but I think it’s best that I offer you my advice.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Dragonlord Rayyel is still unwell. We’ve stopped the bleeding, but Khine says he will need to stay in bed for a few weeks, at least. I know you want to bring him home as soon as possible, but there is wisdom in taking Kaggawa’s offer and heading to Jin-Sayeng now.”

“I’m not going to leave my husband on his own,” I said. “Yuebek may come for him at any moment.”

“With all due respect, Beloved Queen, the only thing this man wants is you, and the further you are from Prince Rayyel, the safer he is.” She gave an apologetic nod. “I’m not proposing that we stay and leave the doors wide open for Yuebek to just come striding in, of course. I have secured Belfang’s cooperation. We can head east and find an inn where my lord can rest undisturbed.”

“Belfang? The priest?”

“He came limping in tonight. He will not speak of what happened back there, only that he is done with Prince Yuebek. He believes that Yuebek will try to rally more men and come for you as early as tomorrow. He says that he will raze the entire village and leave no stone unturned.”

“I don’t know if we can trust the man.”

“I’m aware he could be a rat. But a watched rat is better than one lurking in the shadows. Trust me on this, my queen.”

“But that’s…I can’t leave now if you put it that way.”

Inzali cleared her throat. “I’ve spoken to Iri Feng about all of this. We’re leaving with what remains of the village, hopefully before Prince Yuebek arrives. Belfang’s words were enough to sway her—her father died up there, you know.” I tried to pretend that didn’t bother me. “With you heading back north, Prince Rayyel east, and the rest of the villagers scattered, this monster will be welcomed by nothing but empty houses. We’ll return when it’s safe, perhaps find time to bury our elders.”

“Why are you doing this for me, Inzali?”

She paused before glancing towards Khine.

I curled my hands into fists and followed her gaze. He was staring at the sea as if we weren’t there, transfixed by the odd shape the moon made on the water’s edge.

“I wonder if you could take him,” she said. “If it’s not too much trouble.”

My heart leaped at the words, but I fought to suppress it. “It’s too dangerous.”

Inzali grunted in acknowledgment. “There is nothing for him here but painful memories and lost dreams. It was difficult enough for him when our father died. I still remember how deep he fell. I didn’t think he’d ever come out of it. And now this…” She tightened her face for a moment, choking back her own grief. “I…I will ask Cho to go with you, too. I am not trying to foist a burden on you. You’re a queen, we’re nothing. But I know he can be of some use to you, and you seem to enjoy his company.”

“It’s not a burden,” I said. “But…”

“Please, Queen Talyien. I just lost my mother. I will not lose my eldest brother, too.”

“You know the troubles that follow me,” I said. “You’d entrust your brother to that? To what I am and what I’m about to face?”

Her voice was like cut steel.

“He’s got nothing else.”