CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

THE DRUMS OF WAR

Despair is a cliff in front of you while an army marches at your back. A broken sword in battle, a quiver with no arrows, a hangman’s noose. It is water in your lungs when all you want to do is breathe.

That morning felt like water in my lungs, dragging me into darkness even as I kicked and struggled against the choking sensation. As far as the Anyus were concerned, Rayyel’s proclamation—if indeed it was his—was true. How many warlords had received the same letter? Who would seize the chance to believe it in order to cause chaos? I didn’t have the support of my father’s army anymore, so it didn’t matter if it was the largest in the land; almost anyone could use this as a blade to sink into my throat.

With no title to my name, what did that make me?

What did that make my son?

I stared at the ceiling, where the wooden beams blocked the clear sunlight streaming through the curtains over the windows. The barred windows. They had given me the most lavish prison-room in the castle, but it was prison nonetheless. I had to escape. Taking me to Shirrokaru meant handing me over to the Ikessars, which would bring me a step further from where I needed to be. A step too far from my son. I didn’t know if I had that much time.

There were two knocks at the door. I held my breath. “Come in,” I said, after a moment.

Huan stepped through the doorway like a man who wasn’t quite sure he was supposed to be there. His hair looked slept in. He was also unshaven, and reeked slightly of drink.

“How are you doing?” he asked, scratching his neck.

“Wondering if I’m torn between wanting to shake Rayyel and demand why he would do this, or shaking him harder and watching his head fall off?”

“You said it, not I,” he replied.

I grew serious. “They tricked me in the empire, over and over again. So that I would hate my husband more than I already did, and set him aside to marry the Zarojo prince. I don’t know if this is another ploy. Do you believe me?”

Huan slumped down on the floor next to the window. “I don’t know what to believe,” he said at last. “The last few days have taken everything from me, Beloved Queen. My mind is clouded. I am angry. I want to throw that anger somewhere. I know this isn’t Kaggawa’s fault, and yet I want to crush his neck between my fingers. And my father—my father is more obsessed with seizing control than mourning his son.”

“I take it he hasn’t changed his mind.”

“We are to attack Dai Kaggawa in an hour.”

I wrinkled my nose. “You smell like you’ve been drinking. War, at your state, seems ill-advised.”

“I’m aware of what it looks like,” he grumbled. He rubbed his nose. “But give this to me, my lady. My brother just died.”

I thought of Eikaro, tearing through the sky with his dragon-wings, and longed to tell Huan what had really transpired back there. But I had to respect Eikaro’s wishes, and given the state that Huan was in, it felt like too much anyway. I might very well push him to the brink of insanity.

“Let me ride with you,” I said. “You’re not in the right state of mind to do this alone.”

“Have you ever led a battle?”

“I’ve been in a few.”

Huan shook his head. “You’ve been accosted by bandits several times, I’ve been told. It’s not the same thing.”

“Reassure me, then, that you’ll prioritize getting my people out. That this isn’t just Warlord Ojika’s ego reacting to Kaggawa’s arrogance.”

I was starting to learn that Huan was a bad liar. He stared at the ceiling, grumbling slightly to himself.

“Lord Anyu—” I growled.

“These people of yours…they’re just your guards, aren’t they? Servants?”

“My cousin, Nor—”

“An aron dar. Yes, I’m acquainted with her. None of them are worth risking your life over. Queen or not, your importance to this nation can’t be overstated. Even what you did for my brother was already a touch too far.” His face twitched as he spoke.

I came up to him. “Do you really believe it when you say these things?”

He swallowed and didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to.

“You kept saying that I ought to have stayed behind and yet you never really did stop me. Your brother means something to you, Lord Huan—that much is clear. Outside of all these structures, our clans, our regions, we exist as people, don’t we? Forget these wolves, these falcons, civets, anchors, oxen…whatever images and words we use to give ourselves worth. Who we are, who we care for, that’s enough, isn’t it? Even if it doesn’t serve the nation?”

Huan ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what you’re saying, Lady Talyien. As royals, it is our duty to uphold the safety of Jin-Sayeng. Look at this man, Kaggawa. His actions the past few decades—his ambitions—they have been threatening this land for ages. Without that oxen strength of the Sougen royals, we would’ve cut him down from the very beginning. But your father told us to hold the peace. Let him insult you, he ordered. Do nothing.”

I looked up in surprise. “My father said that? Yeshin?”

“He said it would throw the land in disarray if we punished Kaggawa. By himself, he isn’t important, you understand. He is an alon gar, sure, but he isn’t exactly descended from the rice merchant families. Kaggawa is a name from Akki, a poor family, with nothing to call their own. But his half-brother through his mother, Goen alon gar Shoho, is heir to one of the oldest rice merchant families, and anything we do to Kaggawa would stir their ire.”

“So why attack now?” He drew away, and I reached out to grab his wrist. “Why attack now, Lord Huan, if my father told you not to? All I did was mention the Zarojo prince. What do you know that I don’t?”

“Nothing,” Huan said. “That’s not a lie, Lady Talyien.”

I tightened my fingers around him. “It is. I know about Eikaro, Lord Huan. I know your obedience to my father was because he threatened to expose what Eikaro was to the land if you didn’t. So. The Zarojo prince. Were you in on that, too? Did you know my father sold me to him before my betrothal to Rayyel?”

Huan shook his head. “I didn’t—I didn’t know that part. Believe me, Lady Talyien—I wouldn’t have asked to marry you otherwise.”

“A proposal you quickly dropped. As soon as your father caught wind of it, perhaps?”

“I know nothing,” he repeated, painfully.

I relaxed my fingers, allowing him to slip away. He staggered back and then, without another word, opened the door and left. I considered running after him, but quickly realized that force would get me nowhere. I just hoped he wouldn’t get his fool head lopped off.

I sat back at the edge of the bed and stared at the wall. No more than a few minutes must’ve passed when I heard footsteps again. “Listen here, Anyu—” I began.

A woman stepped in. Tori, Eikaro’s wife. “Beloved Queen,” she said.

I grimaced. “Didn’t you hear? I’m not allowed to go outside.”

She wrung her hands over her swollen belly. “I heard what you did out there for my husband. How you tried to save him.”

“Tried,” I murmured. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“Lord Huan just left for the Kaggawa estate. You understand that he cannot go against his father’s wishes.”

“The dilemma of the ages,” I said wryly.

She smiled. “But Warlord Ojika is not my father. Come.” Before I could recover from my surprise, she handed me a sword.

I followed her out of the keep, flanked by guards marked with the Meiokara crest, in colours I wasn’t familiar with. I stared at them apprehensively. Tori noticed my gaze.

“We’re Lady Rag-ayaon’s daughters,” she explained.

“I’m not familiar with Meiokara’s politics.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“Did you fight at my father’s side during the war? Or the Ikessars’?”

“Neither. We were some of the cowards who sat it out.”

“I wouldn’t call that cowardice. Prudence is a better word.”

She paused. “When it comes down to it, you really don’t talk like I’d expect from an Oren-yaro. My husband and his brother told us you were friends. I wondered about that. I always thought they were joking. The Bitch Queen, calling anyone friend?”

“I have to admit, I didn’t think they regarded me that way.”

“Not everything has to be about politics all the time,” she said. “Especially given that some of us are born to this. So many of us don’t have a choice.” She placed a hand over her belly. A twitch on her cheek told me the child had turned. I thought I felt it, too; a remnant from when I carried my son.

We left through a small gate that led to a narrow walkway outside the palace. Guards blocked the entrance.

“Step aside,” Tori told them.

“You don’t have the authority, Lady Tori,” the guards said. But they eyed the Meiokara soldiers—with their golden earrings, their bare, tattoo-covered arms, and the wave-patterned, double-edged swords on their belts—warily.

“I’m the mother-to-be to your warlord’s heir.”

“Third in line,” a guard said. “Tell your island savages to walk away.”

Those were the last words he ever uttered. One of Tori’s soldiers drew his blade and cut his neck, as deftly as a butcher bleeding a pig. The soldier desperately tried to cover the wound with his fingers in horror before falling to the ground, blood spurting from the ragged cut. “Grassland scum,” the Meiokaran hissed, spitting on the body.

The other soldiers charged. Tori threw her arm in front of me, urging me back before I could get involved. “This isn’t your battle,” she said.

“Your father will punish you.”

“A woman pregnant with his son’s child? I don’t think so. My soldiers will make it seem like a drunken fight. Don’t worry about me.” She led me past the clash of swords, past the grove of bamboo fences, and towards another gate. She pulled out a key and quickly unlocked it, revealing a bare field overlooking several rice paddies. Cho stood waiting with two horses.

“Thank you,” I said, turning to Tori.

“My husband…” she began, placing one hand on her belly, where Eikaro’s unborn child slumbered.

I held my breath. Huan was easy enough. But I recognized that look of loss and terror in her eyes and realized that if she asked me outright, I would’ve found it difficult to maintain the lie.

She shook her head instead. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Go, Beloved Queen, with all the gods’ blessings.”

We rode between the rice fields, just as the sound of impending battle filled the horizon. Soldiers and horses, swords and spears, warhorns, wardrums. How much of a threat did Kaggawa pose to Warlord Ojika that he felt the need for such a show of force? Was he planning to arrest the farmers and march them all the way back to Yu-yan in chains?

A dragon appeared in the distance, so far away it seemed like a speck of dust. The horse panicked, but I kept it steady, wondering if it was Eikaro. It wasn’t. This one was covered in scales of yellow and green. It dove on the far side of the soldiers, setting yet another field ablaze. The soldiers parted, giving room for archers to step in. A wave of arrows sailed through the air, some imbedding straight into the dragon’s belly.

The dragon roared before flying off, seemingly unhurt, white shafts stuck between its scales.

Just as unfazed, the soldiers returned to their formations. The drums began to sound again, pounding like a thousand heartbeats.

“Why do you even stay in this godsforsaken land?” Cho asked.

“It’s our home, Cho,” I said.

“Your people are crazy,” he replied. “You’ve got dragons and monsters tearing your kingdom apart, and instead you’re going to fight each other?”

I didn’t know how to answer. He was right. It was ever Jin-Sayeng’s disease, and I knew it was going to bring her to her knees.