EMILY GLANCED AT Rachel as they walked. She hadn’t said a word since they’d left the house. Probably wanted to be alone with her own thoughts on what would have been her father’s forty-eighth birthday. Or was she mulling over how spooked she must’ve appeared earlier? Maybe she was waiting for an explanation, a chance to bring the subject up.
Emily would lie rather than burden her with that.
In single file, they negotiated a difficult section of riverbank that had fallen away in places, eroded by heavy rain. Once past the obstacle, Rachel paused, her eyes drawn to a tall figure casting his line from the centre of the river beyond their boundary fence.
The landowner lifted his head, tipped his cap and carried on feeding his rod.
Although filthy rich with an estate covering hundreds of acres, he was so like Robert in many ways, a thoughtful neighbour they had known for years. And, like Robert, he was completely at one with his surroundings. The two of them had liked nothing better than to while away their days hunting or fishing together. Often out until dusk, they would come up to the house, crack open a beer and share their stories until the early hours.
Good times.
‘I’M GOING BACK to college tomorrow,’ Rachel said. Emily’s heart leapt. It was the news she’d been hoping for but never imagined would arrive, especially not today. ‘And I want to learn to ride too – a motorcycle, I mean.’
‘I don’t know about that, love.’ Emily felt instantly sick.
Rachel’s wish to ride was hardly unexpected. She’d grown up on bikes, in a sidecar as a kid, on the pillion when she was old enough. She’d also seen many accidents over the years, some fatal, one a very close friend of the family. She knew the risks. But the idea scared her mother, even though she rode herself. It was on the tip of her tongue to say no when common sense prevailed. She couldn’t allow her anxiety to colour every decision she made about her daughter.
‘It isn’t as easy as it looks, y’know, darling.’
‘You managed.’
‘I had a good teacher.’
Emily wished she hadn’t said that. But Rachel was too engrossed with their neighbour to react. As he cast his line again, Emily experienced a sudden flashback. In exactly the same spot on the riverbank, Robert had hooked a fish. Looking over his shoulder, he’d called out, ‘Rachel! Come and see!’
A four-year-old raced towards her father, her chubby little legs obscured by long grass, her ponytail bobbing up and down as she ran. Watching her father land the fish, Rachel started to cry, gently at first, then in huge sobs. Big blobs of water fell from her dark lashes, soaking her T-shirt. Seeing her unhappy face, Robert lifted the fish from his net, put it back in the water, hugging her close as it swam away.
‘No more tears.’ He pointed at the disappearing fish. ‘He’s starting a new life, see?’
‘NO MORE TEARS, MUM.’
No more tears . . .
Rachel’s adult voice pulled Emily from her daydream.
‘C’mon here . . .’ Rachel tucked her hand inside the sleeve of her fleece jacket, took out a tissue and wiped the side of Emily’s face. ‘Tell me, Mum. What’s wrong?’
Emily could find no words.
‘Is it because it’s Dad’s birthday?’
Emily shook her head.
‘It’s me, isn’t it?’ Rachel said.
‘No!’
‘What then? Look, I know it’s hard for you too. You don’t have to hide it from me all the time, or tiptoe around me. I’m a big girl now. I’m getting there all by myself.’
Emily put her arm around Rachel. ‘Darling, learning to ride won’t bring him back.’
‘I know that! I do . . . I’d just feel closer to him, that’s all.’
At that very moment, so did Emily. It was as if Robert was standing there with them creating that all important watershed when they could finally turn the corner. The fighting would stop now. Things would return to normal. Emily could feel it. She smiled at her daughter. Maybe learning to ride was exactly what she needed.