Besides counselling and university services, self-care includes taking productive steps to improving your lifestyle. The day after coffeegate, my neighbour Holly offered to walk forty-five minutes into town with me, as I was still too shaken to cycle to our American history lecture that morning, extreme sports helmet or no extreme sports helmet. We took the scenic route through the meadow, and tried to tactically dodge the cows in the middle of the path. Most importantly, she encouraged me to unpack my anxiety attack, and then was kind enough to share her own experiences with mental health. Don’t get me wrong – the panic attacks didn’t magically stop. But I learnt the best ways to manage them, and the positive steps I took after that day made my university experience a lot more pleasant.
Managing my anxiety at university was about pinpointing the main stressors and alleviating that stress as much as possible. If that meant unapologetically saying no, changing deadlines and putting myself first, then so be it. Mental health is important. Don’t do what I did, and delay in addressing it.
To survive every single day in that environment is always going to be a struggle. So, self-care is like having a plant and keeping it alive. – Arenike
Your university room is likely to be pretty basic: desk, lamp, cupboard. It can feel impersonal and temporary at best, a little institutional at worst. At a time at which everything seemed to be strange and bewildering, bringing items from home helped me create my home away from home. By items, I mean anything. Before we left home, I would scavenge bits of wrapping paper, raid old family photo albums, and pile up my favourite throws and blankets. I forced my dad and my older brother to find space in the car for my fluffy red carpet, fairy lights and giant vanity mirror. It was quite a sight watching them lug everything in to my room. I would dedicate the first day of term to organising the furniture and furnishings, before venturing out in search of Blu-tac and a cute house plant or two. I stuck up photographs of my family and friends from home, especially all the important black women in my life, like my mum and my sister, and surrounded their faces with quotes and Ankara fabric. Whenever I felt low or down, going to my room always picked me up. I felt I wasn’t alone.
I never had pictures up, not even a plant, not even a candle. Like, my friends used to come over all the time and be like, not even a cheeky fairy light? What’s a fairy light? No, I want to lay my head, get up and go. Like it did not feel like home. I loved having my own space, but it wasn’t home. I didn’t feel settled in. – Courtney
Taking time to settle in to your new space can make a real difference in adjusting to university life – but even when your room is perfectly decorated, it can still feel as if something is missing. There was a general consensus among everyone we interviewed that surrounding yourself with not only familiar items, but also with people who are like you, online and offline, was crucial to maintaining good mental health.
This is what we say in every BAME network at the beginning of each session: ‘Find your tribe.’ – Fope
Sometimes, self-care just means protecting yourself from environments and people who you might find harmful. The moments you feel energised and alive will be with people who you can relate to the most. This doesn’t have to be only one group; different groups or ‘tribes’ can serve different purposes in your life. In particular, online spaces have become invaluable for black women. In real life, there are not many safe spaces for us to meet, socialise, vent or simply have candid conversations. Black women around the world are waiting and eager to be connected, and to learn about each other’s experiences. Finding your tribe is also about listening to the experiences of older black women, who are accessible thanks to the internet. Through common struggles, jokes and trends, there’s something reassuring about knowing there’s someone out there who looks like you and feels the same as you do. When asked where she found refuge at university, this is what Mikai had to say:
On YouTube! With my subscribers. On Instagram when I be writing those long [posts], when my head is going to fall off and my dissertation is coming to kill me everyone will be commenting, ‘Same, sis!’
Listening to podcasts was revolutionary for me when it came to discovering other online spaces. Schedule at least one hour a day when you can be still, listen and take on helpful tips. You can skip around and find topics that are most relevant to you. The ‘Therapy for Black Girls’ podcast is a weekly conversation with psychologist Dr Joy Harden Bradford. Also, Oprah’s ‘SuperSoul’ podcast is designed to ‘guide you through life’s big questions and help bring you one step closer to your best self’. For around an hour, just listening to someone else talk, laugh and debate was enough to temporarily stop my thoughts. I didn’t need to be stressed or feel particularly down to listen to podcasts, but found it a useful way to wind down and disconnect for a bit. By the end of term, I didn’t care if the whole corridor could hear me screaming or laughing at Tolly T, Audrey, formally known as Ghana’s Finest, and Mamacita Milena Sanchez on the podcast ‘The Receipts’. The girls have carved out their own online haven for women of colour, who have the opportunity to listen to conversations that are unapologetic and open. From ‘The struggle is real but not necessary’ to ‘Role models and the price of virginity’, it’s like being in a WhatsApp group chat with people who feel like your older sisters.
Another outlet, you might be surprised to learn, is self-care apps. We’re regularly told that the key to mental wellbeing and vitality is staying away from our phones and limiting our screen time. I agree that mindless scrolling and scrutinising the lifestyles of others can be really unhelpful when you’re trying to focus on what is best for yourself. But downloading an app meant that self-care didn’t have to be expensive or complicated; it also made information accessible, anywhere and anytime.
The Student Health App is free, and was founded by experienced doctors who want to support the self-care of students, ‘which is about avoiding disease, maintaining health, handling illness and disability’. Bristol, UCL, Lady Margaret Hall at Oxford and St Andrews have partnered with the app. It provides a personalised service for students; with a click of a button, you’re directed to your university’s helplines and services. It’s just one way of addressing the need for mental health services, at least preventative measures, to be more accessible. Apps like Headspace, the @tinycarebot on Twitter and Daylio are some other personal favourites that act as light reminders to address your mental health every day – not just when you’re feeling low.
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But sometimes decorating your room or finding a suitable app isn’t enough. One of the questions I asked our interviewees was whether they ever felt like dropping out. Here’s what some of them said.
Oh, only every day. Every single day. – Mikai
No, I’ll be honest and say no. I’m really grateful for that. – Eireann
I felt like I wanted to drop out, but I knew I never would. I was going to change universities, but I was never going to drop out of university completely. – Kenya
Personally, I really didn’t think it was an option to take time out. Practically speaking, I didn’t know anything about how I would even go about doing it. I was only familiar with taking a year out before university (gap yah) to have a short break before going back into education. It was only once I got to university that I heard of intermitting. The process of intermitting (sometimes referred to as intercalating) is designed to allow students to have a temporary break from studies for medical or non-medical reasons. It serves to reinforce the idea that university isn’t going anywhere, despite being under the constant impression that we have to do things to a strict timeline.
Students have worked hard to make this process more transparent and ensure that support systems, such as providing a smooth transition back into university life, are in place for those who do decide to take a break from their studies. It offers a compromise, in that you don’t have to completely drop out, but you can accept that your mental state or current situation is not conducive to you doing your best.
University self-care is fundamentally about striking a work-life balance. Learn to relax over any weekends, breaks, holidays or vacations you have away from the university environment. Time away is crucial to recouping your energy. Whether that means sleeping for a week straight, or taking part in hobbies or sports, it’s a chance for you to do something that makes you feel good – because no one else will do it for you. Self-care doesn’t have to be a sudden action that dramatically changes your life. Instead, slowly building on something you achieved yesterday and the days before can offer a big win.
Try and have a good time. Even if that does mean sacking off your work sometimes and taking a decent long nap. ’Cos that is fun, believe me. – Nathania
No one’s going to kill you for going for a cheeky cider. – Barbara