Chapter 8 - Ben
You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go ~Bob Dylan
“I have a crazy idea and I need you to hear me out Ben, OK? Please don’t shoot it down before you think about it. You promise?”
“All right, Mel. What’s wrong? Why are you so antsy? Sit and tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I think we should get a surrogate.”
“What?”
“Please, Ben. You promised to hear me out.”
“OK. I’m listening.”
“The doctor told us that chances of me getting pregnant are slim. But, he also told us that we can have babies through other methods.”
“Didn’t we agree that we would use that if we had no other choice?”
“Ben, it’s been nine years. I’m at my prime. I should have been pregnant several times by now. None of the hormone treatments have worked. I think we have to face the fact that I’m infertile.”
“Mel…”
“I want a baby. I want someone half you and half me. Please give this to me.”
“This is what you really want?”
“There’s nothing I want more. Will you agree to a surrogate?”
“If this is the only way, I will, but where do we even begin to search for a surrogate? Is there an agency for something like this?”
“I’ve found her already. It’s just a matter of convincing the both of you that this is the right thing to do.”
“I’m not sure I like where this is going, Mel. Do I want to know?”
“You already know. You know as well as I do that the best and only person to carry our child is my sister.”
“Hell no! We cannot go there, Mel. I cannot do that to Marni.”
“Why not? Why can’t we at least ask? She’s perfect. She and I look alike, we share the same genes, and she’s family. She’ll want to do this for us.”
“How the hell do you figure that your sister, whom you’ve barely contacted the last decade, will want to carry our child for us?”
“She’s a kind person and deep down, she still loves you. She’ll do this for you, if not for me.”
“You do know that she and Noah have been together for a long time now? Your sister fell out of love with me the day she broke up with me.”
“Trust me. I know her well. She still loves you and even with what I’ve done to her, she loves me too. She’ll do this for us.”
“I can’t do it, Mel. Please don’t ask this of me, of her.”
“This is the best solution for everyone. I promise, in a few years, you’ll be glad I forced this upon all of us.”
“Mar?” I hated to interrupt her last night with her mom, but my daughter needed her. “Ugly-Ali has appeared. She’s spiked a fever again.”
“Shit.” Mar ran out of her hotel room and into mine without a second thought. “Don’t cry, Ali-Girl. I’m here for you.”
“Mama.” Her face was drowning in tears.
“Get me some Tylenol,” she told me, “and some water,” she told her mother. “How about you and I take a nice cold bath, Ali-Girl? It’ll bring down your fever and we’ll relax, just the two of us.”
Ali held onto Mar and wouldn’t let go long enough to take her medicine. I went around them to spoon some into her mouth. Jackie gave her some water right after.
“What can I do?” Jackie asked.
“You go sleep, Mom. There’s no need for all of us to be here. Most likely, I’m the only one Ali will respond to right now.”
“I’m going to remember this when you need help learning to ride a bike, Sweet Girl. You favor your aunt way too much.” I kissed her hot forehead and helped Mar take off Ali’s pajamas. “Should I hold her while you undress?”
“And then what?” Mar asked with a laugh.
I hadn’t thought through the ramifications of standing here while Marni stripped. Whenever we took care of Ali, everything just worked.
“It isn’t as if I haven’t seen you naked before,” I whispered while Jackie was busy getting a bath together.
“Um…that was back when I was still in my teens and I was about twenty pounds lighter. If I was into exhibitionism, I would’ve hit the gym a little more.”
I tried to help by taking Ali into my arms but she wouldn’t let go of Mar’s neck.
“All right, you two. I get it. I’m not wanted in this equation.”
With Jackie’s help, Mar and Ali hopped into a cool tub. Within half an hour, the water plus the medicine took effect. Marni had somehow put on a robe and brought out a sleeping baby.
“Can you hand me her clothes?” I did as asked and we placed her in a sleeper dress without waking her up. Carefully, Mar laid her on my bed. “Should I take her into my bed?”
“What about Jackie? Where will she sleep?”
“Shoot. That’s right. I wish they’d given us two queens as requested. I want to sleep with Ali tonight. I have this fear she’ll be up again when the medicine wears off.”
“Go back to your room, Mar. You need your rest. I don’t want to make you the on-call doctor tonight.”
“Don’t be silly. Ali’s sick. Did you doubt I’d want to care for her? If you don’t mind, I’ll lay in bed with her for a little while. Once I’m convinced she’s sound asleep, I’ll leave.”
Mar got into bed with Ali and once again, my girl snuggled into her aunt. It was a beautiful sight. I longed again to form that perfect triangle with them.
“Can I tell you something, Mar?” I pulled up a chair as close to the bed as possible, facing Marni.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“As inappropriate as this is for me to say the night before your wedding…I’d really like to join you and my daughter on the bed.” As expected, Mar didn’t answer. But she also didn’t tell me to go to hell. That was a positive sign. With an eagerness I’d never known, I slid in bed and hugged my daughter from behind. My hand was over Marni’s hand, which was placed on Ali’s tiny body. “Will this piss off Noah?”
She chuckled softly. “What do you think? Would this scene have worked for you if I were Melody and you were her ex?”
“Hell no.” We both laughed.
“What’s on your mind, Benjamin? This will be the last night you can talk to me freely. After tonight, when you look at me, only see the sister-in-law.”
“I wish Noah hadn’t acted so quickly. Had he given me a little more time, I would have had the courage to ask you if you’d like to start all over with me, again. Regardless of how you’re taking this, I do have feelings for you. It was the guilt that kept me from acting on them.”
“Benjamin, you’ll always love my sister. That’s how it should be. I don’t want to play second fiddle to her anymore. When a man tells me he loves me, I don’t want him thinking about what his late wife might think. You and I have too much history, too much baggage. You’ll find another woman soon. It’s best this way.”
I linked my fingers with hers and asked, “Can you honestly tell me we’re better this way? You still have feelings for me. I’ve developed feelings for you. Will it all go away once you say, ‘I do?’”
“One day you’ll thank me for letting you go so you can find your future love. Until then, let’s stay friends, Ben. Please don’t hate me for doing this. It’s something I need to do for myself.”
“I could never hate you Marni. Just remember that, given the chance, I would’ve told you that I loved you.”
With those words, we fell asleep—hands entwined, hearts unfolded.