Chapter 16 - Ben
“Melody. Why are you up at this hour?”
“Ben, I need help. Ali keeps crying and I don’t know how to comfort her. She won’t let me.”
“How about if you give her a nice hot bath? I saw Marni do that with her often.”
“She’s crying so hysterically, I can’t keep her still enough to take off her clothes. What shall I do?”
“Let’s take her for a walk. She’ll calm down when she hears the ocean.”
“Why am I so bad at this, Ben? Marni never had problems. You don’t seem to have issues. Is it just me? Or is it that my daughter doesn’t want me?”
“Don’t be silly, Sweet Melody. You’ve only been at the motherhood role for a few months now. You and your daughter need to get to know one another a little better. Relax and let Ali know who her mother is.”
“I’ve tried but I don’t get the same response from her like you and Marni. Do you think Ali doesn’t understand that I’m her mom? Could she be confused? Maybe she still wants Marni.”
“Melody, you are doing a wonderful job raising our daughter. I had serious doubts about using Marni as your surrogate, but I think it all turned out well. Our daughter is beautiful and she’ll grow up to adore you.”
“Do you think so, Ben?”
“I know so, Melody. Look at how she’s asleep in your arms already. I told you our baby loves you.”
“Oh my gosh, she is asleep. When did that happen? I love her so much, Ben. I hope she’ll grow to love me too.”
“She will, Melody. Of that, I have no doubt.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Melody, but maybe we should continue this talk inside. I don’t like the way you’re coughing. This cold came on out of nowhere.”
“You’re right. I haven’t felt too well the past few days. Maybe I shouldn’t even be holding Ali. I hope she doesn’t catch what I have.”
“Our Ali is a strong girl. She’ll be fine. We just need to get you well.”
“I just wanted to ask you...if by some crazy chance...let’s say if I died before you, would you consider reuniting with my sister?”
“WHAT? Where is this coming from, Sweet Melody?”
“I don’t know. I wonder if you would have been better off with my sister. If I wasn’t here, could you two fall in love again?”
“I think this head cold has gotten to your head in a crazy way. You need to sleep. I’ll put our baby down then come take care of you.”
“I love you, Ben. I always have. No matter what happens, please know I’ll love you.”
We had a successful trip where the three of us were a “family” but we were still Ben, Marni and Ali. Back at home, Mar kept everything status quo except for the sleeping situation. It was odd not having her here at nights. There were times I wanted to ask her opinion on Ali matters as well as work matters, but I was alone. It seemed inappropriate to call her to talk about life; we didn’t have that kind of a relationship. When I needed a friend, I went, instead, to the studio and wrote music.
My career was at a high. Teaching was always rewarding. Music for Hollywood was continually challenging and lately, I felt inspired to create music for myself. There was a part of me that wanted to sing again. Instead of thinking about eating wings and drinking beer with my friend, I thought about words to music that was never-ending in my mind. I had no idea where all this inspiration was coming from, but I was on a musical high.
“Ben? Hello?” I heard Mom in my house.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m in the kitchen.”
“Hello, Son.” My dad greeted me with a bear hug whereas Mom kissed my forehead like she used to when I was young.
“What brings you by at this late hour?”
“We scored two tickets to Wicked, the musical. Have you seen it?”
“I can’t say that I have. Melody and I tried to get tickets one time and I don’t know what happened.”
“Good. Why don’t you use the tickets? Your dad and I have already seen the musical in London.”
“What would I do with two tickets? Ali’s too young to sit through a musical.”
“This is our not-so-secret way of telling you to go on a date.”
“A date?” What on earth?
“Yes, a date. You’re young, Ben. You can’t stay single forever. Melody will not begrudge you the fact that you want to live again.”
“But Mom…who would I take?”
“Really?” Mom asked in a tone that begged, “Are you stupid or something?”
“Yeah, really.”
Mom shook her head looking quite exasperated. Dad only said, “Think it through, Son. I’m sure there is someone you could take.” He slapped my back and left me to think.
What the hell. Did I want to date already? Melody’s passing was only a year ago. Was I ready to meet someone new and go through the get-to-know-you process? As I thought about it, I’d only really been with two women in my life. The first ugly fact was that they were sisters. The next wonderful fact was that they were already my friends. I didn’t have to impress them or wonder what to do on a date with them. We progressed naturally from friendship to relationship. Shit! The more I thought about it, the more lost I was. I had no damn clue how to ask anyone out and what to do during a date. These Wicked tickets were stressing me out.
The easy solution would be to take Marni. However, I didn’t need every family member, Marni included, wondering why we were on a “date.” It wasn’t smart to do anything social with her. But, I didn’t want to be social with anyone other than Marni and my daughter.
Damn tickets!
“Hey. Good morning. You’re up earlier than usual.”
“Hey, Mar. I have a lot going on today so I thought I’d get to the studio earlier than usual. I need to submit some music for the score I’m writing.”
“Hollywood stuff?”
“Yep. Hollywood stuff.”
“What’s this?” Mar found the tickets and asked.
“Mom and Dad brought them over and told me to find a date for the show.”
“Oh.” I thought I saw a flash of something on her face, but she turned away too quickly for me to know what it was. “Who will you ask? You do know these tickets are for Saturday night?”
“Shit. Really? Where am I going to find a date in two days?”
She shrugged and went about her business of making Ali’s breakfast du jour. Lately, all she’d eat were waffles with strawberries. “You need me to babysit Ali Saturday night?”
“Uh, yeah…I guess. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“Should I take Ali to my house so you can have some privacy?”
“Why the hell would I need privacy? It’s so quiet here after Ali sleeps, even my own thoughts are too noisy at times.”
“I thought maybe…never mind.” She pushed away our conversation but I wasn’t willing to let it go.
“No. Finish your thought.”
“I thought maybe you might want to bring the woman back here after your date.”
Seriously? Maybe I was losing it, but I had no thoughts of bringing any woman back here. Shit, I had no thoughts of even going out on a date. Where the hell was I going to find a woman?
“You thought wrong, but if this is your roundabout way of asking if Ali can sleep at your house, that’s fine. There’s no need for you to hang around this house twiddling your thumbs while Ali’s sleeping.”
“Thanks. Mom will be excited to have Ali over.”
I laughed at Mar’s statement. “It’s not as if Jackie’s granddaughter isn’t over at her house every single day. Mom and Dad tell me of all the fun you five have while I’m at work.”
“Many days, I’m not included in these activities. They each take turns escorting her to a class of some sort. Mom takes her to the Y for swim lessons. Shea takes her to the rec center for art classes, and your dad takes her to the kiddie gym for playtime. And let’s not forget the music class that all three attend with her. I don’t think you’ll find another kid as loved as…ours.”
That ours part was weird to hear. Even Mar had a difficult time spitting it out. I guess we had really turned into a friendly divorced couple.
“So what do you do with all your free time?” I kidded and glossed over the awkwardness.
“Work. Someone’s gotta pay the bills.”
“Do you need help? I’ve told you this before, I’m happy to help financially. Just tell me, Mar.”
She looked appreciative when she answered, “Thanks, Ben. I think we’ll be all right. I’ll do my share in raising Ali.”
“That was not what I meant and you know it, Mar. We are friends. We are family. If you need help, ask and I’ll do the same when I need help.”
Now she was relieved. “Thank you, Ben.”
While Mar went about fixing Ali’s meal, I went to get our daughter who was yelling at us to pick her up.
“Good morning, Baby. Did you sleep well?”
“No Dada! Mama!”
“Your Dada is getting awfully offended, Baby. You need to show me a little more love. I’m a lot more fun than Mama.”
“No!”
I guess she told me. “How about I change you out of your soggy diaper so you can go say hi to your Mama.”
She nodded her head in approval, which made me shake my head in wonder. What in the world was happening where I was taking orders from a discontent one-year-old and still happy about it?
Once she was done with her morning routine, she butt-scooted down the steps and ran to her Mama.
“Hi Mama!” My baby girl’s smile was as wide as Jupiter.
Her mother’s smile was even wider. “Hello my Ali-Girl! You were able to form another two-word sentence.” Mar picked her up and kissed her all over. “I’m so proud of you. Did you just say, ‘Hi Mama?’”
Ali nodded and repeated, “Hi Mama.”
Mar whispered sweet words in Ali’s ears and kissed her some more. This sight gave me an overwhelming relief that I’d made the right choice in openly talking to Mar about our status. Never had I seen Mar this expressive with Ali. It was a blessed interaction to watch. Both mother and daughter flourished from loving one another.
“Hello? Where’s the love for your Dada, Ali?”
My daughter gave me a cursory glance, and then hugged her mother again.
“Ali-Girl, can daddy take care of you so I can finish your breakfast?”
She smiled and nodded yes. My beautiful redhead ran to me as soon as Mar placed her down and kissed me on the lips.
“How about a ‘Hi Dada?’ beautiful girl?”
“Hi Dada,” she declared and hugged my neck. I loved having a daughter. There was no better greeting in the mornings than a hug and kiss from my baby.
“All right, Baby. Let’s have you sit and eat your waffles with strawberries.”
Ali dug in with gusto.
“She’s a doll, isn’t she?”
“She is, Ben. Why don’t you join her? I thought you had a lot of work to do today?”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I, too, wolfed down the delicious breakfast.
“So...have you thought about who you’re going to ask out?”
“I’ve no idea, Mar. Maybe I’ll ask a colleague at work. There’s another teacher who’s always asking me out for coffee. If she’s interested, perhaps I’ll ask her out.”
“Yeah?” she asked between sips. “Great. What time shall I pick up Ali on Saturday?”
I couldn’t quite grasp if Mar wanted me to go out on this date or not. She asked the questions, but the tone of questioning was strained. Odd. This entire conversation felt odd and wrong for some reason.
“If you want, you can keep her at your place starting tomorrow. I have a few deadlines I have to meet, and it might help to work at school the entire time. I might be really late Friday.”
“All right.” Mar finally put out a genuine smile. “If you don’t mind, Mom and maybe even your parents, will put Ali down for the night.”
“Why?”
“I’m having dinner with Noah and his father.”
“You are?” That sounded way too involved. “Why?” And that sounded no better.
“Noah called a few days ago and asked to meet.”
“What does he want now?”
“I’m hoping he just wants to be friends. It can’t be anything else since I told him we were over.”
“You did? For sure?” These high-pitched words were not helping my cause. I sounded like an over-eager teenage boy.
“Yeah. I did. I told you Ali is all I need. I don’t see a man in my future.”
“OK. I suppose I agree with you.”
“Have a good day, Ben. I’m going to clean up Ali and take her for a run. Since I’ve stopped swimming, my body’s itching to exercise.”
I placed my hand over Mar’s and stopped her from what felt like an escape. “You know you’re welcome to use the pool here. Just because you live a few blocks away doesn’t suddenly make you a stranger. Don’t behave like one, Mar. You’re hurting my feelings.”
There was relief in her face, but she didn’t say much other than, “See you later.”
Without a doubt, I liked our newfound relationship where Ali was concerned. Still, Mar remained distant and that bothered me. Maybe after all these deadlines were met, we’d talk again. Our talks have always taken our friendship to a deeper level. I wanted to be her close friend again.