When I was a preteen, I watched two movies that, unbeknownst to me at the time, made a huge impact on my life: Without a Trace, starring Judd Hirsch and Kate Nelligan, and Adam (about the disappearance of Adam Walsh), starring JoBeth Williams and Daniel J. Travanti. I think the concept of these films—of a parent separated from a child and the not knowing—must’ve really stuck with me because, well, I wrote this novel all these years later.
Two things stand out to me from those movies that I think you see reflected here, in these pages: First, the storyline in Without a Trace follows a young man who worked for Kate Nelligan and is accused of having something to do with her son’s disappearance, and it ruins his life, at least for a time. And second, in Adam, the scenes where JoBeth Williams repeats, “He must be so afraid,” and when Daniel J. Travanti tears a hotel bed apart upon learning of his son’s death. I did not have to rewatch or look up either of those movies to confirm these things. They have stayed with me through the years and were, I guess, formative.
Joan Didion wrote, “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” I suppose that’s what this book was for me—an exercise in all of that. To the families who have lost a child in a similar way, I sincerely hope I represented you well. And my deepest apologies if I didn’t.