The three of them rode to the funeral together, just as they had ridden to the press conference together. Daniel drove with Tabitha in the passenger seat and Thaddeus in the back seat, parents and child.
They’d been instructed to arrive early and park in back. Anissa would be there to escort them into and out of the church. Kristyn and her family opted to arrive later, driving from their hotel, hoping to shield the children from the reality of what was happening as much as possible.
Sometimes Tabitha worried for her grandchildren, growing up with an enigma for an uncle, understanding from birth that something terrible had happened in the family they’d been born into. Though she missed them, she was grateful they were in California, far away from this place. Maybe, she thought as Daniel eased into the designated parking space, when this was all over, she’d go to California too.
Daniel put the car in Park but did not cut the engine. They looked at each other, exhaling in unison. Daniel looked from Tabitha to Thaddeus like a coach to his players.
“We can do this,” he said.
Tabitha heard the doubt in his voice. He went to remove the key from the ignition, but she reached out to stop him.
“Not yet,” she said.
Both Thaddeus and Daniel looked at her quizzically. She didn’t want to admit she wasn’t ready yet—might never be ready.
“I don’t see Anissa. Maybe we should wait for her?”
Thaddeus peered out his own window. “I don’t see any press. I think we’re safe.”
Tabitha shrugged. “But what’s the hurry?”
Daniel put his hand back in his lap, left the car running, the radio playing low. She could barely make out the voices of Crosby, Stills, and Nash singing about wasting time along the way.
The three of them sat silently. She couldn’t have said what the two men in the car were thinking, but she thought of the many Sundays she’d spent inside the building in front of them. Being back yesterday had been the first time in a long time that she’d darkened the doorway.
The warning chime that indicated a door opening interrupted her thoughts and she looked back to see Thaddeus with one leg out of the car.
“I can’t just sit here twiddling my thumbs,” he said. “I’m gonna go on in.” She let him go without protest. They would each do this day however they could. The point was to get through it.
She and Daniel looked at each other, then away. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been alone in a car with him. She’d been surprised when he suggested last night that they ride together, assuming he’d drive directly to the church from his own place, probably with his girlfriend.
“You didn’t have to drive me,” she said. “I could’ve driven myself.”
“I wanted to,” he said. “We should do this as a family.”
Were they a family anymore? She supposed in some fractured, dysfunctional way they were. At least, when it mattered. And today, it mattered. “Well, that was nice of you,” she said. Then added, because she wanted to be prepared, “Is your girlfriend meeting you here?”
Daniel shook his head. “That was part of why I went back to my place the other night. I had to—I wanted to . . . end it with her.” He swallowed. “Being with you these past few days, it just . . . it wasn’t right to stay with her when I’ve still got all these feelings for you.”
He looked over at her, raised his eyebrows as if he’d asked a question when he hadn’t, not really. Still, she nodded an assent. What they’d shared, what they’d lost, what they’d endured—so many feelings were unresolved. Was it possible to resolve them? In spite of the heaviness of the day, Tabitha felt her heart lighten a little. She didn’t know what it meant, and she didn’t need to know. Not now. Now it was enough that he was there. She couldn’t help but wonder if somehow what was happening was what Davy wanted.
He pointed toward the church. “I think that’s our cue.”
Tabitha turned to see Anissa beckoning them in. She looked back at him, a sense of growing panic at the thought of what lay ahead for them both. This was goodbye, real and official. This was the end of something that had shaped their lives for too long.
“It’s ok,” he reassured her. “We’ll do this together.”
“Ok,” she said. “Ok.” She remained in the car as he got out, came around to her side, opened her door, and held out his hand for her to grip.