Lizzy was still seething over Wesley’s attitude a week later. The last of the performers had arrived only the day before. They were full of excitement about the 1901 show calendar, and Uncle Oliver and Jason had called a meeting for that afternoon. Meanwhile, Jason had done everything in his power to get Lizzy alone. He hadn’t succeeded, thankfully. Lizzy had no desire to spend time in private discussions with him when she had Wes on her mind. The trouble was that Wes was always on her mind.
As everyone gathered in the large living room, Lizzy sat in the corner, wondering why Wesley’s opinion mattered so much. She felt bad for the way she’d acted. He had good reason to hate trick riding, and she knew he only wanted her to be safe.
Mary plopped down beside her. “You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“I’m still upset over what happened last week with Wes.”
“He hasn’t even been around to pester you,” Mary reminded her. “Your mother said the men have been so busy with calving that she’s not seen much of them.”
“Yes, but Wes will be back soon enough. I ran into Phillip, and he said Wes intends to take the wrangler position with the show.”
“But that’s a good thing. You’ll have all year to work on your feelings for each other.”
“Thanks everybody for being here so promptly,” Uncle Oliver said as he brought the meeting to order. “We’ve got some exciting news. Next year’s show schedule is fully set, and I’m delighted to announce we will be going abroad in the fall to England.”
There were gasps, and several people had questions that spilled out all at once. Uncle Oliver held up his hands. “If you’ll just quiet down, we’ll give you all the details.” He proceeded to explain how they would tour extensively throughout the Midwest and move toward the East Coast. They would perform almost every day but Sunday.
“The schedule will be grueling, but we will have a nice rest when we sail to London in August. We will perform in England for much of August and September, then sail home to finish out at the Pan-American Expo in Buffalo, New York.”
It was exhausting just listening to the details. It was worse still when Uncle Oliver explained they would do all of this with half the crew.
“You expect us to keep a schedule like that and take on other duties?” Alice Hopkins asked.
“Not many,” Uncle Oliver assured her. “We want our performers to be well rested. We realize a daily performance is going to be hard enough. We haven’t worked out all of the details, and some of them won’t be known until we’re actually in the throe of things.
“Now, Agnes has agreed to do part of the year with us, and while she’s with us, she’ll continue to train her niece Brigette, who’s been her assistant the last two years, to handle costumes and laundry for the troupe. Meanwhile, Brigette’s good friend Sally has joined up and is training to cook and clean. By having these two on board with us, we’ve been able to eliminate two positions, and once Agnes retires, we’ll be down another. All of this will save money in the long run.” He looked to Lizzy’s mother. “I presume training has been going well?”
Mother nodded. “We’ve only just started, but it’s going well. Sally had experience in cooking for large groups, so she’s quite capable.” Everyone looked at the shy young woman who sat beside Agnes and her niece. “She’ll be ready when it’s time to go.”
“Brigette too,” Agnes assured everyone.
“Wonderful.” Uncle Oliver flashed a big smile.
The meeting went on for over an hour before Uncle Oliver finally brought it to a close.
“I want you all to finalize the performances you plan to give so that Jason and I can review them with you one by one. We want to pack as much into the show as we can. The acts will be in twenty-minute increments as before. This year, however, two hours prior to the show, there will be a local shooting contest that each individual town will advertise. The top three winners will compete against Mary. We’ll offer a prize of five dollars for the man or woman who can beat Mary.”
“But it isn’t likely Mary will lose.” This came from Gertie.
“Exactly. No matter the outcome, Mary will pose for newspaper photographs with the three top shooters. It will all be quite celebratory, and as word gets around from town to town, more people will be driven to try their hand.”
“What if I do lose?” Mary asked.
Uncle Oliver chuckled. “Given the fees we’ll charge to participate in the contest, it won’t be that big of a loss. If a man beats you, we’ll play it up that you were distracted by his stunning good looks or something.”
Lizzy put out her own thought. “What if another woman beats her?”
“Then we’ll hire her on,” Uncle Oliver said with a shrug, making everyone laugh. “There’s more. We’ve also made arrangements with the towns to handle concessions. The one provision is that they must carry our banners and programs and be prepared to give back our inventory and money immediately at the close of the program. Jason will be responsible for managing this, as well as the ticket sales.”
Always in the past, a couple of the older men were responsible for these things. Lizzy thought it only right that if Jason was getting rid of the men, he should be responsible for taking on their jobs.
When the meeting finally concluded, it was understood that the staff working with the horses had been cut by half and those taking care of household duties had been cut by three. Jason had also eliminated the need for two of the train cars and had re-outfitted the others. Gone was the family car, as Lizzy and Oliver both agreed they could bunk in with the others. Jason also explained how new, up-to-date arrangements for the horses allowed them to need fewer cars for the animals. She hoped—prayed—that he knew what he was doing. Transportation was hard enough on the animals.
Glad to be out of the stuffiness of the house, Lizzy started for the arena, then changed her mind. There was plenty of time, and she wanted to work with Emerson. The colt was making great strides. Phillip and Lizzy had been working with him whenever time allowed. Soon, however, she’d be gone, and the responsibility would fall solely to Phillip. She didn’t want to miss an opportunity for the colt to become more familiar with her.
At one end of the barn was the extended stall where Emerson was kept during the night. Temperatures had been brutal lately, and everyone felt it wise to afford the yearling extra protection. Lizzy grabbed a lead and went to the stall gate. Emerson was used to her now and came over in search of a treat.
“Show me what you can do, and then I’ll give you a reward,” she told him, attaching the lead to his halter.
She opened the gate and led the colt out of the barn. He was quite good on the rope. Wes had told her they’d worked through the summer with him, and it showed.
The air was crisp, but the temperature had warmed to the mid-twenties, according to Cookie. With the sun out in full, the intensity of its heat was welcoming, and Lizzy lifted her face to let the rays wash over her. All the while, she walked with the colt beside her.
She stopped several times, teaching him to respond to her commands. When he performed correctly, she praised him. “Emerson, you are quite the little stallion. I think you’ll be an amazing sire.”
She continued down the main drive, stopping and doing turns with him from time to time. It was important to keep him working on these skills. While most ranchers would have put him in a field until he was three and then have someone break him in hard and fast, that wasn’t Lizzy’s style. She wanted to form a solid relationship with the colt. She’d trained Longfellow and Thoreau, and both now handled as if they were extensions of her own body. She didn’t plan to use Emerson in the shows, but she would still like to ride him.
Lizzy had started the colt back to the barn when she saw Jason Adler making his way toward her. She sighed. “Well, we didn’t need his company, did we, Emerson?”
“Goodness, Lizzy, you are hard to find at times,” Jason said as he reached her side.
“I have work to do.” She reached up to stroke Emerson’s face. “A lot of work, actually.” She started walking toward the pens. “What can I do for you?”
He chuckled. “I would be brash and say marry me, but I doubt that would get me any further than my previous proposal.”
“No. It wouldn’t get you anywhere at all.” She glanced up to find him frowning. “Did you enjoy Chicago?”
“Very much. I prefer city life in the winter.”
“Only the winter? I figured you were sold on the city year-round.”
Jason kept pace with her, and when they reached the pen, he opened the gate for Lizzy. She led Emerson inside, then took off the lead. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a few slices of dried apple. The colt was to receive them, then took off to join the other horses and see who he could push around.
Lizzy laughed at his antics. “He’s such a fine animal. I’m more and more impressed with him.”
Longfellow and Thoreau made their way over to her. Lizzy gave them each some apple, drawing the colt’s attention.
“He’s definitely pushy,” she said, refusing to give him anything more.
“A fella has to be around here to get any attention,” Jason replied.
She ignored the comment and attached the lead to Longfellow. “Don’t worry, Thoreau, I’ll send Ella to get you next.” She walked Longfellow from the pen, grateful that Jason was happy to manage the gate.
“Thank you,” she told him as she moved off toward the arena.
“Don’t you have even a few minutes to talk with me?” Jason called after her.
He sounded so disappointed that Lizzy motioned for him to follow. “I can take a couple of minutes while I check over my saddle straps.”
Jason nodded and caught up with her in two long strides. Inside the building, Lizzy tied off Longfellow, then went to the equipment stall.
“So what’s on your mind?”
“You are, of course. I missed you, Lizzy. If anything, the time away only proved to me how much you’ve become a part of me.”
She had figured he’d take this line and decided to change the subject. “I see you managed to talk Uncle Oliver into England. I’m sure that pleases you.” She checked the saddle from top to bottom and back to front. She’d worked with Zeb to add a new strap for her latest trick.
“It pleases me because it will allow me to show you London and our country estate. I know you’ll love it, Lizzy, and I know my parents will love you as well.”
“Yes, well, I generally get along with everyone.” Pleased with the saddle, Lizzy grabbed a blanket. She was about to take it and the saddle to Longfellow, but Jason was at her side, pushing her hands away. He spun her around so quickly that she nearly lost her footing.
“Please, Lizzy. Won’t you at least give me a chance? I’ve fallen quite madly in love with you.” He held fast to her arms. “You know that I want us to marry.”
“But I don’t.” She decided against any attempt to sugarcoat her words. “I don’t ever intend to marry. Not you or anyone else.”
“But that’s not even reasonable. You’re a beautiful woman with so much to offer. Marry me, and I’ll give you anything you want.”
“You can’t give me what I want, Jason.” Her throat went dry, and she bowed her head. She didn’t even know what she wanted. “Please try to understand. I like you well enough.” She forced herself to look up as he let go of her. “But I don’t love you.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
She didn’t need him to use a name to know that he meant Wesley. “Yes.” She hadn’t intended to admit such a thing to Jason, but now that she had, she felt the need to continue. “I never set out to, and God knows I have no intention of doing anything about it. But I do love him, and because of that, I won’t give you false hope.”
“You don’t plan to marry him either?”
“No.” She tried to keep all emotion from her voice. “As I said, I don’t ever intend to marry—not that Wes has asked.”
Lizzy smiled. “I don’t think so. I think he may be the only smart one.”
Jason let go a long breath. “I don’t intend to stop trying to win you over and change your mind.”
His statement only furthered her frustration. “What happened to us just being friends?”
“I lost my heart to you. That’s what happened. I can’t imagine taking any other woman for my wife.”
“I am sorry, Jason. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn’t want anything more. Now, please, leave me to work.”
She thought he might argue with her, but thankfully her mother appeared from the shadows of the doorway. Prince was faithfully at her heels.
“Lizzy, here you are.”
Jason gave Lizzy a slight bow and exited the arena without another word. Mother came to Lizzy and glanced back over her shoulder. “I thought if I made myself known, he’d leave you be.”
“Thank you. He can be a pest.” Lizzy leaned down and scratched Prince behind the ear. “I am so impressed with how quickly you’ve brought him in line.”
“He’s a smart dog and learns quick.”
Lizzy gave him one final pat and straightened up. “I wish everyone would learn as quickly.”
“Are you speaking of yourself or Jason?” Mother asked with a smile. “I’m sorry, but I overheard a great deal of your conversation. I was in the back room taking inventory.”
“I didn’t realize anyone else was out here, but that’s all right.” Lizzy lifted the saddle in her arms. She carried it to Longfellow and placed it on the ground beside him. “I didn’t say a thing to him that I wouldn’t have said with you at my side.”
“Why did you tell him you never intend to marry?” Mother asked.
Lizzy put the blanket atop Longfellow and smoothed it out. “Because I don’t.”
“That doesn’t sound like you. You’ve always talked about wanting to marry and have a family.”
“That was then.” Lizzy planted the saddle atop her horse, then rocked it back and forth to make sure it was in the right place. She’d secured the cinch and flank billet before Mother put her hand on Lizzy’s arm. Lizzy looked up. “What is it?”
“Why have you changed your mind about marrying? I know you still have deep feelings for Wes. I heard you tell Jason that you love him. Why don’t you want to marry him?”
“First of all, Wes sees me as a child—the daughter of the man he works for . . . or worked for. Second, he doesn’t return my feelings. Third . . .” She fell silent. Looking in her mother’s eyes, Lizzy knew her reasoning would only cause pain. “It’s not important.”
“I think it is, and I want you to tell me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you more by remembering what you once had.”
Mother’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Is this about your father and I?”
“Yes. I know what it cost you to lose Father. Your love for him and his for you was such a strong and beautiful thing. Now that he’s gone, you’re left with all this misery and pain. I hear you cry at night, Mother. I know how much his loss has meant.”
“Yes, it’s been very hard,” Mother admitted. “But I wouldn’t trade a single day we had together to be free of this sorrow.”
“You wouldn’t?” Lizzy found that hard to believe.
“Do you honestly suppose I would?” Mother sounded as if Lizzy had just suggested the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“I can’t imagine that a few years of happiness is worth the pain you feel now.”
“That’s how little you know about love.” Mother put her arm around Lizzy and drew her away from Longfellow. She led them to the bench. “Sit with me a moment.”
Lizzy took a seat beside her mother, and Prince settled on the ground between them. Mother clasped her hand in Lizzy’s. “My darling girl, is this why you’re avoiding Wes?”
“I’m not really avoiding him. He’s been very busy with the calving.”
Mother smiled. “I first met your father when I was just fourteen. I lost my heart to him almost immediately. I think he’d say he did the same. We were nearly inseparable from then on. We knew we’d marry and hoped we’d have a large family. Of course, the latter didn’t happen. You were the only child we were able to have, but you were such a blessing. Your father often said that instead of giving us ten beautiful and intelligent children, God put the equivalent characteristics into one perfect child.”
“I’m far from perfect, but I know you and Father love me dearly. I never lacked for love from either of you.” Lizzy squeezed her mother’s hand.
“I’m glad. I know I’ve never felt a lack of love from you and certainly never from your father. I don’t even feel that lost to me now, which is why you must listen to me. Lizzy, avoiding love because you’re afraid of losing it will leave you a very lonely and empty woman.”
“But it will also keep me from knowing the pain you now know.”
“Life is full of sorrows and pain. But it’s also full of joy and love. Would you turn away from me because of the pain you’ve experienced losing your father? Would your fear of losing another parent result in you leaving me for good?”
Such a thing was unthinkable, and Lizzy was quick to say as much. “Never. That would be beyond reason.”
“So too is hardening your heart against falling in love. You love Wes, and I believe the two of you belong together. Don’t avoid love because you fear what might happen should he die. Don’t sacrifice what is real for what may never be.”
“But everyone dies.” Lizzy felt her emotions welling up inside and pushed them back down. “You can’t say that it may never be, because death will come.”
“Yes, because it’s part of life. But Lizzy, your strength is found in the Lord. I remember when you were very little and asked me what happened to us when we died. Do you remember that talk?”
“I do. I was five years old, and one of Grandmother’s cats had been killed by the dog. The dog had threatened her kittens, and she died protecting them.”
“Yes.” Mother brushed a strand of brown hair from Lizzy’s face. “I told you that when a person died they would either go home to be with God or they would be forever separated from Him.”
“And I asked why.” Lizzy smiled. “I used to ask why all the time.”
Mother laughed. “You did indeed. But that was perhaps the most important time of all.”
Lizzy remembered it well. “You told me about Jesus dying on the cross for me to take away my sins. It made me cry because all I could think about was how that poor cat had been killed.”
“I know, but it was a good way to teach you about Jesus dying for us. He saw that we were in a bad way without Him. Satan was always threatening His children, just as that dog threatened the kittens. He gave His life so that we would be able to escape Satan’s torment.”
“You told me that if I put my trust in Jesus and confessed my sins, I would never really die.”
“And you got confused and thought I meant you’d never die at all.” Mother smiled. “Death in this life isn’t the end. We certainly needn’t fear it if we have given our hearts to God. We will see your father again. Of this I’m certain, even though it is hard to be without him now.”
“It is.”
Mother got to her feet and drew Lizzy up with her. She hugged her long and hard, and when Mother pulled back, Lizzy could see the tears that streamed down her cheeks. With her guard down, Lizzy could hardly bear it.
“Lizzy, I want you to know the truth for what it is. I would bear this pain and even more. Your father’s love was worth the price. Just think about that, will you?” She kissed Lizzy’s cheek, then walked away. Prince cocked his head to one side as he looked at Lizzy, then took off after his mistress.
“Yes. I will.” Lizzy sank back onto the bench.
The door to the arena opened, but Lizzy didn’t look up. She heard Mother say something but paid no attention. No doubt Ella was coming to work on their act.
“Lizzy?”
Wesley’s voice so surprised Lizzy that she jumped to her feet. He stood only a few feet away, watching her. He looked tired and worried. Had Mother said something to him?
“I’m sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” She smiled and squared her shoulders. “What can I do for you? How’s the calving going?”
“Everything’s going well. We’re ninety percent done. I think everything will finish up by the first of the month.”
“That’s good.” Lizzy made her way back to Longfellow to finish saddling him. She took up the breast collar and secured it in place. “I’m sure you’ll be relieved to have it all done before you head out with the show. Although I still don’t understand why you said yes. You hate the show.”
“I do not.” He moved to stand beside Longfellow. “I never hated it.”
“Then why do you give me such a hard time about performing?” She straightened and raised her brow.
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt. Those stunts you create are dangerous. They’re getting more and more dangerous just so you can thrill an audience.”
She sighed. “Stop acting like an overprotective big brother.”
Wesley growled and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her with great passion, nearly bending her over backward. Lizzy gave in to the moment and let the love she felt for Wes surge. It surely couldn’t hurt just this once.
When he straightened and let go of her, Lizzy could only stare at him. Her pounding heart and panting breath hardly allowed her to speak. Slowly, rational thought returned. “Why . . . why did you . . . do that?”
His eyes never left hers. “Because I want to be clear on one thing: I do not think of you as my sister.”
“Then what—what do you think of me as?”
He pulled her back into his arms. “My heart.”
He started to kiss her again, but a scream sounded, and Lizzy pushed back.
“That’s Ella!”
Ella flew through the open door. She was nearly hysterical.
“What’s wrong?” Lizzy went to the crying girl and took hold of her. “What is it?”
Ella’s eyes were wide with fear. “My father . . . Jefferson . . . they’re here!”