For tens of centuries, powerful pressure has been put on couples to stay united for the sake of the children they’ve made. It was considered appropriate that both members of the couple renounce their personal ambitions in order to stay together and bring up the kids. But nowadays, the theatrical “I have sacrificed myself for you” seems a bit outdated; many parents have adopted a line more in vogue with the times: “I have given up my dearest hopes for you, so that you will be happy. Fulfilled. So that you will have an excellent education. So that you can do graduate studies.” The words have changed, but the hypocrisy is just the same. People who have no children are sometimes astonished by the amount of sacrifice made for kids who never asked for anything, and the answer they get is, “You could never understand: you don’t have kids.”
To paraphrase Céline about love, infinity, and poodles, the child is immortality at the level of a sheep. No, the child is not the adult’s future. That is another lie society created to keep us quiet, and it goes like this: Your children will succeed where you failed; we will give them the means through education and social advancement; it’s guaranteed in the contract. Paradise is for tomorrow, not today. Happiness is for your kids, not for you. While you wait for the great tomorrow that is winging toward your progeny, just keep quiet. One “My child may have this one day” is worth far more than any “I want this, here and now.”
Isn’t it?
Well, that’s debatable.
You will often hear parents who have spoiled their own lives in the name of their kids say something like, “What else could I do – I have children to raise!”
“I can’t quit a job I hate because I have kids”? What an excuse! “I haven’t been able to pursue my own dreams – I had to feed the kids.” What an awful thing to say, no? Before, in my parents’ time, my mother said: “If I can’t leave your father, it’s for your sake.” I realized that the real motive was that she would rather stay home and drive my father crazy and be driven crazy by him. There are those who would rather be unhappy together than happy on their own. That’s the way it is.
In reality, children are often used as an excuse for giving up on life without even trying. The moral of the story is, when you do not do what you really want to do, there is no excuse. Not work, not the family, not your country.