Somehow Dani’s kiss pushed away the darkness that had hung over him all afternoon, since he had walked into that heartbreaking scene. He couldn’t say she kissed him and made everything better, but at least he could focus on something else for now.
Her mouth was cold and tasted of chocolate. He wanted to savor every inch of it. It was crazy to kiss her out here, with the snow settling on his hair and his shoulders, and his feet cold in the snow, but he didn’t care about any of that. She was here, in his arms again, as he had dreamed about all week.
She gave a soft little noise and wrapped her arms more tightly around him and Ruben pulled her close, wishing he could absorb all the cold and give her back only heat.
He was falling for this woman. He never would have expected it, even a week ago, but Dani and her curious mix of vulnerability and defiance were somehow managing to wriggle into his heart.
He knew he couldn’t keep her out here all night, not when the temperature was dropping and even now a fine layer of new snow covered where he had just shoveled, but he couldn’t make himself end the kiss.
She was the one who finally pulled away after several long moments. Her nose and cheeks were rosy from the cold and she looked completely irresistible.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“You don’t see me complaining, do you?” The only thing he wanted to complain about was that she had stopped.
She made a face. “You should be. I’m being completely irrational. I told you not even a week ago that we shouldn’t kiss again, yet here I am breaking my own rule.”
“You know what they say about rules. The only reason to make them is to break them.”
She didn’t smile, only continued looking at him with those shadows in her eyes. Was it really such a terrible thing that they had kissed again?
She shivered and he couldn’t resist pulling her into his arms again, if only so he could steal a little more peace from having her in his arms. She nestled against him with a little sigh, her arms going around his waist and her cheek resting against his chest.
“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured. “That was a sympathy kiss. It doesn’t count. I had a rough afternoon and you were only trying to help, which you did perfectly. I needed the reminder that I’m still alive and the world still contains magic and wonder, like Christmas trees and kisses from beautiful women. Thank you.”
She gave a small half laugh he felt through the layers of his clothing. “Nice spin.”
He did feel better. That heartbreaking scene would still haunt his dreams for nights to come, but she had helped counterbalance the tragedy through a bright, shining moment he would never forget.
He kissed the top of her head and she stayed there a few minutes longer, her arms around his waist while the snow swirled around them.
“I need to go inside.”
“You do. It’s freezing out here. I’m sorry I got distracted and didn’t finish the hot cocoa you brought me.”
She reached down and picked up the mug, already covered in a thin layer of snow. When she straightened, she gazed at him, eyes solemn and the wind tangling strands of her hair.
“I don’t make smart decisions where men are concerned. I never have. I can’t afford to let you be yet another mistake, Ruben. I have too much to lose here in Haven Point.”
This wasn’t the place he would have chosen for this conversation, outside in her driveway in the middle of a storm—especially not after the day he’d had, when his emotions were raw and exposed.
“What makes you think we would be a mistake?”
“Years of experience. Let’s leave it at that. Look, I’m very attracted to you, Ruben. That is probably obvious. I’m having a very hard time resisting you.”
“Good. For the record, I’m having a hard time resisting you, too.”
She sighed. “We both have to try harder. I’m not good at relationships. Trust me when I say I’m not the kind of woman you need.”
How could she know what kind of woman he needed, when he was only now beginning to realize it for himself?
She was shivering and he wanted to tuck her against him again, to keep her warm and safe against the elements and against those shadows in her eyes.
“We don’t need to talk about this right now. Why don’t you go inside and we can have this conversation another time?”
“I’d rather finish it now.”
He didn’t like the hard finality of her words. “Finish it?”
“I want to make a life here in Haven Point with my daughters. They deserve so much better than I’ve been able to provide to this point. Your father has given me a chance at a future for them I never imagined. I can’t screw that up. I won’t screw that up.”
“You’re saying a relationship with me would have the potential to damage your future.”
“I’m saying I can’t take that risk.”
“I sure would like to know who hurt you so badly.”
She gave a ragged-sounding laugh. “I could probably come up with a long list, but at the top of it would be myself and my own choices. I’m trying to make decisions with my head these days, not with my heart.”
“We’ve all made poor decisions, Dani. At some point you might want to think about not beating yourself up about them any longer.”
She gazed at him, the wind tangling her hair. When he saw she was shivering, he knew he couldn’t push her about this now.
“Go on inside. I’ll finish up out here and leave your snow shovel by the door.”
“I... Thank you.”
Gripping the mug of cocoa she had so sweetly fixed for him, she fled, leaving him outside in the cold.
Dani was absolutely the world’s biggest sucker.
All day long, she had been telling herself she didn’t need to go along with Ruben and the girls while they made that night’s Secret Santa delivery. Her presence wasn’t necessary anyway, and she really didn’t want to be alone with him in his pickup truck.
Despite all that self-talk, here she was, trying her best to avoid Ruben’s gaze while she put on her coat and gloves, Mia dancing around her.
She was the reason Dani was doing this, when she wanted to stay home where she would be safe. All afternoon, her daughter had begged and begged Dani to come with them.
You have to come, Mama. You have to.
She really didn’t, but Mia was so excited at the prospect of helping her sister with the gift drop-off, she was practically bouncing off the walls. She had spoken of nothing else all day.
Dani didn’t want anything to spoil Mia’s joy in the small act of service. If that meant Dani had to endure Ruben’s company, she would figure out how to survive it.
“I can’t wait,” Mia said.
“You’re going to have to be quiet, though,” Silver reminded her. “I’m not sure you can do that.”
“I can! I promise I can!”
“If you don’t, you’ll blow everything. They’ll see us and the whole thing will be ruined.”
Nervousness suddenly flitted across Mia’s features, replacing any trace of excitement. “I think I can be quiet,” she said, though her voice didn’t seem remotely confident about the possibility.
Ruben knelt down to her level. “I have faith in you, sweetie. I know you can do it. You’re going to be great.”
Mia’s exuberance returned and she threw her arms around his neck. Ruben gave a surprised laugh and hugged her back for a moment before he stood up.
“Everybody ready?”
No. Dani wasn’t at all ready, but she had promised Mia.
“Let’s go,” she said, doing her best to ignore the simmering tension between them.
When she again climbed into his pickup truck, the familiar scent of him seemed to surround her like an embrace. She wanted to close her eyes and lean against the seat and simply savor it.
“I’ll take you to the same place as last time,” Ruben told Silver as he started up the truck. “Follow the same route you went last night. As I’ve said, from here on out, we’ll probably have to mix things up a bit in case they’re watching for you but I don’t think you’ll have trouble tonight, especially since we staggered the delivery time.”
“Don’t worry about this. We got it,” Silver said, nudging her sister in the back seat.
Now that she had done it one night, Silver seemed to consider herself something of an expert. She was also more excited than she’d been the night before.
When Dani had asked her earlier if it had been difficult to keep quiet around her friends about the Secret Santa project, Silver had shrugged.
Not really, she had said. I’m not hanging out with the twins much right now.
Dani had tried to press, but Silver had become evasive, almost cagey.
They’re busy with other friends right now, she’d finally said. You’re the one who told me friendships sometimes come and go at my age.
Dani had said that, but she had also liked the twins and considered them a good influence on her daughter.
Oh, the capriciousness of teenage relationships. She had certainly seen that in her own life. It hadn’t helped that she had moved schools so many times, with each different placement in the foster care system.
With luck, this would be Silver’s final move during her school years. Her daughter would have plenty of time to make good and lasting friendships—unless Dani screwed everything up and they ended up having to leave Haven Point.
The storm of the night before had dropped about five inches of snow on Haven Point. Everything looked festive and charming, with icicles dripping off eaves and Christmas lights sparkling under a layer of white.
The sidewalks had been shoveled, which would make it easier for the girls to walk across the landscape.
“Good luck,” Ruben said after parking in the same spot as the night before and turning off his lights.
“Here we go,” Mia exclaimed as she climbed out of the vehicle.
“Remember,” Silver said. “You have to zip your lips and keep up.”
“I will,” Mia promised.
Dani watched until they were out of sight, wishing she had gone with them. The time she dreaded was here. For the next ten minutes or so, she would have to be alone with Ruben.
She often had heard people say the phrase the silence was deafening but she had never really considered what that meant until right this moment. Usually she liked quiet moments of peace and reflection, but she would have described the hush inside Ruben’s pickup truck at that moment as heavy, oppressive and excessively awkward.
She curled her fingers inside her gloves and was just about to say something banal about the weather when he spoke.
“Tell me about the girls’ father.”
The question coming out of the blue hit her like a punch to the gut. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t even know the guy’s name. I’ve been wondering all day about him and what he did to leave you so gun-shy about even kissing another man.”
She caught her breath, not at all prepared for the question, for the world of pain and guilt it sent churning through her.
“He is not the reason I can’t have a relationship with you, Ruben. At least not the only reason.”
“But he’s part of your past. A big part. What did he do to hurt you? Was he abusive?”
“I don’t see how that’s your business.”
“You’re putting something between us. If it’s your husband, then it’s my business.”
“Maybe I just don’t want a relationship right now. That’s not a crime, Deputy Morales.”
“No, it’s not. But you’ve kissed me twice. There is something between us. I’d like to know the reason you’re fighting it so hard.”
“So because I kissed you twice, you think that gives you the right to know my entire life story?”
“Only the parts you want to tell me. I would like to get a clearer picture. You could at least tell me his name and how he died.”
If she told him that, he would undoubtedly know everything—or at least could do an internet search and find the entire ugly picture.
She had legally changed her name and Silver’s for a reason after her divorce. Mia had been born after that, so she had always been a Capelli.
Even then, she had worried that Tommy’s choices, like toxic seaweed, would tangle up her and her girls and drag them under along with him.
Tommy had done nothing to support them. In fact, his choices had virtually guaranteed that he wouldn’t be around to help raise his daughters, that he would be once more back in prison, paying for his crimes.
In her fury and hurt and fear, she had acted to protect herself and her daughters from being tarnished by their father’s actions. Why should he have the right to share his name with his daughters?
It had seemed one more way to put distance between them. She had wanted no connection with him after he broke parole and was returned to prison. It had seemed easier for her and the girls to share the same name.
How grateful she had been for that fortuitous decision, especially after the events of three months earlier. It made it that much harder to trace a connection between Mia and Silver and their father. She didn’t want them growing up under the cloud of having such a notorious man for a father.
She looked at Ruben now. She didn’t want to tell him. It reflected so poorly on her and her own lousy judgment, that she had once been naive enough to fall for a man who turned out to be capable of such terrible things.
Ruben was a dogged investigator. Something told her he wouldn’t rest until she told him. He would wrangle the information out of her, one way or another.
Somehow she knew he wouldn’t interrogate the girls, but she also knew Silver might let something slip. Despite Tommy’s poor choices, Silver had loved her father and missed him. Dani could envision a scenario where she mentioned his name, then Ruben would find the information out anyway.
Maybe it was better for her to tell him herself—not to control the narrative, but to be clear with Ruben about just how very bad she was for him.
She didn’t want to tell him. Some part of her wanted to hold on to the last few moments of his good opinion, before he knew the truth. That was cowardly, though. She owed him honesty. He had been kind to her and to her daughters. She also trusted that he wouldn’t spread the information around.
She let out a breath and gathered her courage.
“His name was Tommy,” she said. “And he was—”
The rear doors of his pickup opened before she could complete the sentence. Mia and Silver climbed in, both out of breath and laughing, and the moment was gone.