SHE SCREAMED SO LOUD I thought I’d burst an eardrum. Then she leapt off the couch and started pummeling me. She is slender but strong, and taller than me, and also I had zero peripheral vision, so pretty soon I was flat on my back on the carpet. She started kicking me. I tried to shout, but my voice was muffled, and her screams drowned me out.

Then I could hear man-shouts and pounding on the patio doors, and from the eyeholes I caught a glimpse of Ashley running toward the kitchen, screaming, “Daddy, Daddy!” I tried to stand up, but, next thing I knew, Ashley and Phil were standing over me, and Phil was wielding a baseball bat. Then another guy appeared behind him, wielding an umbrella.

“Don’t hit me!” I shouted. It was hot and smelly inside the head.

“Stewart?” said Phil, peering down at me. I could tell he and the other guy had just come back from a ride, because they were wearing spandex bike shorts and club jerseys.

“Yes!”

Phil lowered the baseball bat. I raised my furry paws and yanked on the head. It came off with a few good tugs.

“Oh. My. GOD! You little freak!” Ashley screamed.

“Stewart, what on earth are you doing?” asked Phil. “Why are you in a bear costume?”

“It’s not a bear. It’s a bulldog. I’m the new school mascot. Borden Bulldogs.”

“You scared the crap out of me!” Ashley wailed. She clung to her dad.

I stood up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Wait, that’s not true. I did mean to scare you, but not that bad.”

Phil shook his head. “You should never sneak up on anyone like that, Stewart. Especially not a woman.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, and I really, truly was.

“This is what I have to live with!” Ashley cried, and she buried her face in her dad’s shirt.

Phil held her close, stroking her hair. “It’s okay, my baby girl, it’s okay.”

It was a very touching moment, father and daughter reunited, and I felt a bit proud of myself, since, technically speaking, I was the one who’d brought them together.

But it was over in a flash because suddenly Ashley registered the man standing behind her dad.

She pulled away from Phil. “Who’s he?”

I recognized the guy; he was the driver of the silver MINI. He looked like he was a few years younger than Phil, shorter than him by a few inches, with curly brown hair and dark skin and broad shoulders. I wondered if he’d forgotten his own name because he looked to Phil for help.

“This is Michael,” said Phil. “He’s my…new friend.”

“Hi, Ashley,” Michael said, extending his hand, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Ashley’s face crumpled. She walked out of the room. Michael stood there with his hand out. I felt awful for the guy, so I extended my own furry paw instead. “Nice to meet you, Michael. I’m Stewart.”

Michael mustered a smile. “So I gathered.” He shook my furry paw. Then he turned to Phil. “I think I’ll head back to your place.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Phil said as Michael headed out the patio doors.

“I’m sorry I caused any trouble,” I said.

“It’s okay, Stewart. I know you didn’t mean it.” He looked really sad all of a sudden.

“Is Michael the guy you said you were interested in?”

Phil nodded.

“So you got up the guts to ask him out.”

“I did. I decided you were right. I do have it better than Alan Turing. So I seized the day.”

“Good for you.”

“We’ve seen each other a few times now. Turns out we have a lot in common. We both love the outdoors, skiing, kayaking—and biking.”

“I like someone, too. Her name’s Phoebe. We have a lot in common, too. We’re in Mathletes together.”

“Well, I wish you luck with her.” He glanced toward the ceiling and got that hangdog look on his face again.

“And I wish you luck with her,” I replied.

“Thanks. See you later, Stewart.” He gave my furry shoulder a light punch, then slipped out the patio doors.