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Maeve blinked against the dark room. She’d barely slept last night and was seriously considering canceling this morning. Nothing had gone right yesterday and she wasn’t sure just how eager she was to keep pushing.
She’d tried to stand up to Ethan about how she was feeling and instead had started a fight. He didn’t seem to understand why she was feeling neglected, instead saying she didn’t trust him.
Maeve threw her arm over her eyes. How in the world could he accuse her of not trusting him? She’d forgiven him, pushed past her fears and had put her heart in his hands, but it was currently being trampled on.
What she’d wanted was to be held and told it would all work out. What she’d gotten was a pat on the head and told to let Ethan handle it.
“Men,” she grumbled. Pushing herself upright, Maeve had a debate with herself. To go surfing? Or not to go surfing? What did she really want?
As she sat in the darkness, listening to her own breathing and feeling her heart beating against her chest, Maeve’s mind churned. “What do I really want?” she asked herself. The question sat on repeat in her mind. Instead of just pushing past the painful thoughts, she truly let them simmer. She thought about her life without Ethan. Her life with Ethan. Her current struggles with Ethan. She thought about her business, her fears, her buried emotions and worries. And just like the day she’d finally thrown away her glasses, Maeve came to a decision.
“I want to live,” she whispered into the room. “I want to truly live and if at all possible, I want to do it with Ethan.” Despite their current fight and how hurt she was at being brushed off yesterday, she loved him. This current behavior wasn’t normal for Ethan. He usually took great care to be attentive and in the moment, which was part of why his disappearing act was hurting so badly. It felt as if it were her fault that he was suddenly gone all the time.
“He asked for time,” she reminded herself. “Time and trust.” Maeve blew out a breath. “I can give that to him. I can choose to give that to him.” She threw off the covers, determination pushing her to her feet.
Fumbling her way across the room, she flipped on the light switch, then shuffled to the dresser to find her swimsuit. Next came her wetsuit in the back of her closet. It was a little tighter than when she was younger, but with a lot of grunting and wiggling, Maeve managed to get it over her hips.
Deciding that cursing her shape wasn’t the best way to start her morning, Maeve slipped on her shoes, then headed downstairs for a quick bite of breakfast before driving to the beach.
The sun was just starting to come over the horizon as she pulled into the parking lot next to Ethan’s shop. Stepping out of the car, Maeve stood still. It was so beautiful! Mist rose off the water, hitting her directly in the face, making her feel alive and eager to accomplish her goals.
She hurried up to Ethan’s shop, but it was dark inside. In her excitement, she hadn’t bothered to grab the key for the storage unit and would have to take Ethan up on his offer of a board. Glancing at her watch, Maeve realized she was five minutes early. Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned and rested her back against the door. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen. Maeve tapped her foot. Where is he? She walked back to the car and pulled out her phone. No texts.
Are you coming?
She waited another ten minutes, but there was no answer. The same hurt and frustration that Maeve had been feeling yesterday began to simmer in her stomach. She had half a mind to drive back to his house and give him a piece of her mind, but she forced herself to pause.
“He asked for time and trust,” she reminded herself. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath of the salty sea air. “I chose to distrust him once, and it wasn’t right. This time I’ll choose differently. This time I’ll choose to move forward.”
Throwing her cell back in the car, she locked it and headed to the back entrance. She knew where Ethan kept a spare key and she used it to get inside. Going up to his rental boards, she wracked her brain to remember how exactly to find a board for her size and did the best she could, considering the circumstances.
Lugging the board outside, she locked the door, replaced the key and faced the ocean. The board was awkward under her arm, but she made her way to the waves, stopping twenty feet from getting wet. Slowly, she took off her shoes and shoved her arms into her wetsuit, zipping it all the way up. Bending over, she attached the ankle strap to her leg and straightened.
Her heart rate skyrocketed. She was really going to do this. She was going to go back out on the water just like she had when she was sixteen. Memories of that day tried to surface and Maeve ruthlessly shoved them aside. “No fear,” she reminded herself. “No fear. I choose life.”
She watched the couple of other surfers out on the water, reminding herself of how it was done. Swimming out, paddling on her belly until she caught a wave, then rising to her feet to ride it in. Easy peasy. She could totally do this.
“It’ll all come back. Just like riding a bike,” she murmured.
Her legs felt stiff as she walked to the water and the temperature bit into her toes, making her wish she’d worn booties. Next time, she told herself. And there would be a next time. She was determined to win this battle. There would be no more nightmares, no more reliving her almost drowning in the night, no more waking up gasping for breath.
She was choosing to trust Ethan. She was choosing to trust herself.
Hiking up the board, she waded deeper, then laid it down and climbed on, wobbling only a little bit. Paddling out was harder than she remembered, but the workout felt good on her muscles. It got her blood pumping and she began to feel eager and alive, just like she had when watching the sun rise only a few minutes before.
Wanting to make sure she was being as safe as possible, Maeve swam out near another surfer waiting for a wave.
“Morning!” he shouted, waving.
Maeve smiled and waved back.
“Ready to catch a ride?”
She nodded. “I’m gonna try anyway. Still pretty new.”
“Eh...all it takes is practice,” he assured her. Glancing over his shoulder, he grinned. “Get ready. It looks like a good one’s coming.”
Maeve noticed the wave he was speaking of and felt a swell of nausea in her stomach. I can do this. I can do this. Positioning herself just right, she watched the other surfer, hoping to catch her timing from him.
“Here we go!” The young man began moving his arms and Maeve joined in.
She cupped her hands, tugging at the water and ignoring the freezing sting against her palms. Anticipation fueled her movements and her breathing grew erratic. It was as if the wave behind her were a living, breathing thing and she could feel it bearing down.
The water beneath her shifted and Maeve felt a slight jolt before her board began to pick up speed. She’d done it! She’d caught it! Gripping the sides of the board, she held her breath, watching the wave begin to rise higher, the white water starting to curl.
It’s now or never.
Tightening her hold, she locked her muscles and did her best to remember Ethan’s instructions so many years before. Her legs came under her and Maeve used her muscles to push upward, throwing out her arms for balance.
For one fleeting moment, she felt as if she were flying on top of the world. The rush of the water, the spray against her skin and the wind stealing her breath, but when her weight shifted too far to one side, Maeve flailed and the sense of euphoria came crashing down in tandem with her forehead, aiming straight for the board.
*****
A LOUD BARK WOKE ETHAN from a heavy slumber. He coughed and rubbed his sore neck. “What the heck?” Groaning, he realized he had fallen asleep on his desk. “Idiot,” he muttered.
Standing on shaky legs, he twisted his body every which way, trying to work out all the kinks he had developed while sleeping in such an awkward position. “I’m getting so old.”
He had spent most of the night working on the board and he was proud to say there was only one step left. Yawning, he made his way to the kitchen, feeling desperate for a drink to hydrate his dry mouth and throat.
Grabbing a glass of orange juice, Ethan went to stand at the window, smiling at the bright, rising sun. His eyes strayed to the driveway next door and he froze. Maeve’s car wasn’t in the driveway. He jerked around, looking for the time on the microwave, and nearly dropped his glass as he began running.
Every curse word he had ever heard began to play through his mind, but he didn’t waste the air in his lungs bringing them to light. Instead, he saved it to help him move faster, but it still didn’t feel fast enough.
Tox barked again and Ethan pinched his lips together. Shoving his feet into his flip flops, he ran over, scooped up Tox, who had never been kennelled last night, grabbed his keys and ran to the garage.
Wetsuits and boards were easily found at the shop, so Ethan didn’t waste precious time grabbing the ones in his closet. It took a great deal of effort to set the dog down nicely, rather than throwing him across the seat in his haste, but Ethan forced himself to slow down enough to be safe. Crashing before he could get to the shop wouldn’t help anyone.
The ten minutes down Main had never felt so long. “Please say she waited, please say she waited,” he muttered under his breath. The more he chanted it, the more he worried she had simply gone home and would never speak to him again.
He blinked several times, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes and head. He still felt groggy. While he’d accomplished his work last night, he was a little worried that the price wasn’t going to be worth the cost. Maeve was already upset that he was spending so much time on the project. How would she feel now that he was late...really, really late...to their surfing lesson?
A large crowd of cars were gathered around the parking lot at his shop and Ethan’s heart dropped to his stomach. Blue and red flashed through the early morning air. “No...”
Bile rose in his throat and Ethan threw the car into park, not caring that he was stopped in an illegal parking zone. Tucking Tox under one arm, Ethan tore through the crowd, pushing the gawkers aside. “Who got hurt? Who was it?”
Call it premonition, call it intuition, but when Ethan saw Maeve sitting on the step of the ambulance, shock was not among the multitude of emotions that burst into his system like a tsunami.
“MAEVE!” he bellowed. Shoving through the last of the crowd, he stumbled toward the emergency vehicles.
“Whoa, sir,” one of the responders said. “I’m going to need you to stay back.”
“That’s my girlfriend,” Ethan argued. Tox yipped several times. “Hush,” Ethan told the dog.
“Sir, just calm down,” the responder said, holding up his hands.
“I’m telling you, that’s my girlfriend,” Ethan argued. His voice grew louder as Tox’s barking increased and the man continued to try and hold him back.
“Hang on,” another voice shouted.
Ethan sighed in relief when Gavin walked up in his fire uniform. “Gav. Tell this guy to let me through.”
“I’ve got him,” Gavin said to the emergency worker.
Scowling, but nodding, the man let Gavin take over.
“Man, you can’t just jump in like that,” Gavin said in a much lower tone.
“Sorry, but I need to see Maeve. Here.” Ethan shoved Tox into Gavin’s chest and then rushed over. “Sweetheart, what happened?”
Maeve winced when the worker dabbed at the large cut on her forehead.
“You’ll need to come in for stitches,” the female emergency worker said. She glanced toward Ethan. “Do you want a minute before we go?”
Maeve looked at Ethan and he couldn't quite interpret the look in her eyes. “No,” Maeve said, her voice flat. “Let’s go.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“No.”
Ethan stilled. “You don’t want me to come?”
Maeve didn’t answer for several heartbeats. “No.”
Ethan turned to the worker. “I promise not to keep her long, but I do think we need a moment, please.” He had to work to keep his words in a civil tone. Why was Maeve being like this? Yes, he’d been late, but he’d come as soon as he’d woken up. It was an honest mistake. One made while he was trying to secure their future together.
The woman looked back to Maeve, who sighed and nodded.
“Thank you,” Ethan said as the responder left. “Mae, what happened?” He reached for her, but she pulled back.
“I went surfing,” Maeve said bluntly.
“Did you hit the board?”
She blinked, not offering any verbal confirmation.
Ethan shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry I was late. I fell asleep in my office and didn’t have my alarm. I came as soon as I woke up.”
“You weren’t here.”
Ethan opened his mouth to defend himself, but she plowed on.
“Every single time I give you my trust...you aren’t there.”
“That’s not fair,” Ethan said fiercely. “I’m only one man, Mae. I can’t do it all.”
She stood up. “Maybe not,” she snapped. “But I’m not asking you to do it all. I’m asking you to be here when you say you’re going to be here. You said you would be there eight years ago and I nearly died.” Her tone had dropped to a low, steely sound. “I asked you to be more present for our relationship these last couple weeks and I got brushed off. And today you said you would be here...where it all started...to help me start over.” She pointed a finger at him. “You. Weren’t. Here.”
He groaned and threw his head back. “I know!” He brought his volume down when Gavin glared. “I know, Mae. I know I wasn’t here. I know I made a stupid mistake eight years ago. I know I’ve been absent this last week and I know that I missed our date this morning. But has it ever occurred to you that I might have a reason?” His chest was heaving and his emotions were pinging through him with reckless abandon. It made Ethan feel out of control, a sensation he wasn’t used to and didn’t appreciate, but how could she not see his side?
“I’m all ears,” she said sarcastically. “Tell me what was more important than being with the woman you claim to love?”
Ethan pinched his lips, doing his best to ignore the accusation in her words. “I was trying to save my business,” he whispered harshly. “I was trying to make sure that when it was time to propose, I actually had a way to support the only woman I’ve ever wanted to spend my life with.” He leaned in. “So don’t accuse me of lying about my feelings. I’ve spent years trying to prove how I felt and all you’ve done is hold onto a grudge about a mistake made when I was a teenager. Well, guess what?” He slapped a hand to his chest. “I’m not perfect, Mae. I’m just a guy, trying his best to be worth something.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks, but Maeve didn’t budge. She didn’t seem moved by his words at all and Ethan realized everything he’d been working for had just been lost.
He took a step back. “But you know what? You don’t have to understand. That’s fine. If you can’t see that what I’ve been doing was for you, then I suppose you were the wrong person to set my dreams on.” Spinning on his heel, Ethan grabbed Tox and marched back to his car.
Once inside, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away until the ambulance had left with Maeve in the back. Despite their breakup, he didn’t want to see her hurt. Yes, he knew he’d screwed up, he wouldn’t deny that. But her refusal to understand his side wasn’t right either, and right now...Ethan was far too tired to keep fighting for it. If Maeve didn’t trust him and didn’t want to be a part of his life, then fine. He’d save his business for himself instead. He’d get that board finished early and send it off to Ollie and if everything took off as planned, then maybe he’d consider moving his shop to somewhere else. Somewhere he could forget all about golden-eyed Italian women who made him feel whole.