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Maeve’s head felt like someone had hit her with a...well...a surfboard. She’d been so proud of herself for getting a wave so quickly and scrambling to her feet, but it had all been in vain. Her lack of experience had swiftly pulled her feet out from under her and her head had taken the brunt of the fall, clipping the board as she went down.
She sighed and rested her head back. She had a mild concussion and wasn’t allowed to drive home, so now she was waiting for Estelle to come get her and it was the longest hour of Maeve’s life.
No, the five minute fight at the beach felt longer.
Immediately, Maeve’s chest began to ache, almost worse than her head, and tears trickled down her cheeks. She hated crying. She rarely ever showed her emotions, but Ethan had brought her to tears twice now and Maeve was sick of it.
Every doubt and fear that she had worked so hard to get rid of, every part of her past that she was running from, had come barreling back to her with the force of a hurricane.
Now, however, instead of the incident from her teen years, the vision she couldn’t get out of her head was the sight of the board coming to meet her and not being able to stop it. Over and over again, the dark blue came rushing toward her and Maeve felt helpless to do anything.
“Maeve.” A hand shook her knee.
Maeve opened her eyes and she tried to smile. “Oh, look. It’s my favorite oldest sister to the rescue.”
Estelle chuckled softly. “Well, someone has to take care of the baby of the family. It’s a wonder you lived this long with how much you like to live on the edge.” She patted Maeve’s leg again. “Come on. The paperwork’s done and I’m breaking you free.”
Maeve stood on shaky legs and numbly followed Estelle out of the waiting room. By the time they made it to the car, which was practically sitting at the entrance, she was already feeling overtired again. Flopping into the seat with a groan, Maeve gave a half hearted apology. “Sorry about being wet.”
“That’s the least of my concerns,” Estelle said wryly. She pulled out and began maneuvering the streets toward the highway. There were several minutes of silence as Estelle began the hour long drive home, but once the cruise control was on, the questions began. “What happened?”
Maeve blew out a breath. “I’m sure you can guess.” She rubbed the spot on her sternum again. How was it that breaking up with Ethan could hurt so much? She should have seen this coming. She had never been more important to him than that stupid board. And why in the world did he think he needed to prove himself with his business? When had Maeve ever told him that the amount of money he was making made her feel differently about him? All she’d ever wanted was to be able to trust him. To have him be there when she needed him...when he promised. And he’d broken that trust over and over again.
“I’d like to hear it from you,” Estelle responded easily.
Maeve turned to look out the car window. “I’m not sure it’s worth telling.”
“Maeve,” Estelle snapped. “I’m going to be really blunt right now.”
Maeve frowned and turned to look at her sister.
“You can hate me if you want, but someone has to say something.” Estelle glanced over, then took her focus back to the road. “Wake up and stop being a victim.”
Another slap of pain hit Maeve. First the injury, then Ethan, and now Estelle? What was this? Were they out to kill her? “Victim?” Maeve cried, then brought a hand to her forehead and brought her volume down. “I’m not a victim,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Well, you’re certainly good at acting like one,” Estelle shot back.
Maeve turned back to the window. They still had a long ride home, but she wasn’t going to sit here and let herself be insulted by her sister, who didn’t even know what was going on.
“I know you were hurt,” Estelle continued, her tone softer this time. “But have you listened to Ethan’s side of the story?”
“As a matter of fact, I have,” Maeve shot back. “He was working late on that stupid board and fell asleep in his office, which meant there was no alarm to wake him up.”
“So it was an honest mistake.”
“No,” Maeve argued. “It was a man who has promised me multiple times now that he would be there and he wasn’t. It was a man who claims to love me but keeps putting work and other things first. It was a man who said he was working for our future, but is doing it by sacrificing me!” She was shouting by the time she finished, despite her headache, and her breathing was shallow and erratic. Maeve didn’t even know where the level of hostility was coming from. Inside she was hurting, but she hadn’t meant to become a screaming machine. It was rare for her to raise her voice and she loathed confrontation, so the amount of vitriol in her tone surprised even herself.
Estelle didn’t respond right away and Maeve folded her arms over her chest, trying to keep herself together. She felt wild and reckless and like she would fly apart at any moment. In truth, she didn’t even recognize who she was at that moment and it frightened her a little.
“Feel better?” Estelle asked.
Maeve grunted. No, she didn’t feel better. She felt worse. Physically and emotionally.
“I’m sorry he let you down,” Estelle continued. “But you still need to own your own pain. It’s not Ethan’s job to make you feel safe and secure in the relationship...it’s yours.”
“So, what?” Maeve whispered, losing the energy for the fight. She’d had too many of them lately. “I’m just supposed to let him walk all over me?”
Estelle shook her head. “No. You’re supposed to be in charge of your choices. If you’re hurting, it’s because you choose to hurt. And honestly, sometimes we need to hurt. Sometimes we need to feel pain so that when the good times come, we enjoy them all the more. But sometimes pain becomes a distraction. It keeps us from enjoying the people around us and seeing all the wonderful things life has to offer.” She hesitated. “Including boyfriends who make mistakes, but are doing their best. But I have to wonder...you might...” Estelle sighed. “You might need professional help, Mae. How deeply this is hurting you might be more than you can handle on your own.”
Maeve shook her head and turned away. She didn’t need to hear this. She was the one who had been hurt, no one else. And she didn’t need therapy. She needed people to keep their promises. Why her sister wasn’t willing to see Maeve’s side was a mystery, but there was one thing Estelle was right about.
Maeve was able to make her own choices. And in this case, those choices included tuning out her sister, stepping away from the man who couldn’t be trusted, and nursing her wounds in private.
A deep and heavy loneliness, one more familiar than Maeve wanted to admit, settled on her shoulders. It was the same weight she’d dealt with the first time she’d been through this with Ethan.
And yet you survived, she reminded herself. And she could survive this time as well. It might not always be pretty and it definitely wasn’t as exciting as she would have hoped, but survival wasn’t about feeling happy. It was about enduring when hope was lost. And right now, that was all she had left.
*****
ETHAN PULLED INTO HIS driveway and threw open his car door, storming into the house and slamming the front door behind him. He only slowed himself long enough to drop Tox to the ground without hurting the small creature before hurrying through the house, into the backyard and into his workshop.
The surfboard, in all its glory, was sitting on the sawhorses, glinting in the sun pouring through the side window.
Ethan took a moment to study his work of art. It was nearly perfect, just like he’d hoped it would be. He only had one more coating to put on it and after curing for several hours, it would be ready for shipping on Monday, just like he had hoped.
But looking at it now was painful. The picturesque sunrise he’d created reminded him of one person and it wasn’t the soon-to-be owner of the board.
Maeve.
Everything he’d done had been with her in mind. With their future in mind. And because of one...alright...two mistakes, she was willing to throw it all away.
A sudden burst of righteous anger made him want to grab a tool and destroy the board, but instead of giving into the impulse, Ethan held back, clenching and unclenching his fist. He didn’t like anger. In fact, he avoided it like the plague.
His shoulders slumped and his chin fell to his chest. He hadn’t avoided it this morning. He’d given into it, in a way that was out of character for him. He rubbed his aching forehead and shuffled to a chair. He was so tired. His head hurt, his entire body ached and his heart felt as if it would never beat normally again.
Rubbing the area did no good, but Ethan couldn’t seem to stop himself from trying. This was why anger was so horrible. It caused people to say and do things they didn’t mean. Maeve was angry, he was angry and now they’d separated and lost something Ethan had hoped to hold onto for the rest of his life.
He jumped when someone pounded at his door. Frowning, Ethan tried to figure out who would be coming to his work area this early on a Saturday morning. “Come in.”
The latch turned and Gavin poked his head inside. “Hey.”
Ethan fell back into his seat, suddenly feeling idiotic and vulnerable. Gavin had seen too much this morning and Ethan wasn’t sure how to address it. “Hey.”
Gavin walked farther inside, leaving the door open behind him. “I, uh...wanted to check on you.”
Ethan gave a dark chuckle and spread his hands to the side. “As you can see, I’m just fine. It’s Maeve who was injured.”
Gavin rolled his eyes. “She might have been the one to go to the hospital, but she wasn’t the only one hurt this morning.”
Ethan groaned. “What do you want from me, Gavin? Are we having a girl chat here?”
Gavin’s jaw clenched. “I’m sorry. I was under the impression we were friends.”
Ethan blew out a breath, then leaned forward onto his knees, covering his face with his hands. “No...I’m sorry. We are friends.”
A creaking stool let Ethan know his large friend had sat down. Gavin was a firefighter and looked the part with his large frame and defined muscles. The guys used to tease that he needed to model for romance novel covers, but Gavin paid them no mind. He was a simple guy, but very focused when he wanted something. He of all people would understand Ethan’s dilemma.
“Do you want the short version or the long version?” Ethan asked wryly.
Gavin smirked. “What do you want to share?”
Ethan shrugged. “None of it. But misery loves company...or so they say.”
“Then lay it on me.”
Ethan spent the next twenty minutes spilling the whole story. All of it. He didn’t hold anything back, including his frustration with how Maeve was reacting to the whole situation. “I thought we’d gotten over the trust thing,” Ethan said as he wound up. “She said she was willing to wait and yet...” He splayed his hands to the side. “Look where that got us.”
Gavin didn’t speak for several moments. “She has a point.”
Ethan jerked back. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
Gavin shrugged. “I’m friends with both of you,” he said easily. “I’m not on anyone’s side. I’m just telling you how I see it.”
“And that is?”
“That you made a promise and broke it.”
“Nice.” Ethan leaned back, crossing one leg over the other. “So you’re also going to hold my teenage years against me.”
“I’m not talking about when you were young,” Gavin said. “But I think you’ve let the board blindside you. I heard what you and Maeve said to each other this morning. Honestly, I think you’re both being idiots.”
“But you still think it’s all my fault.”
Gavin sighed and tilted his head. “No, Ethan. I’m not saying it’s all your fault. I’m simply saying she wasn’t wrong in accusing you of breaking a promise. You promised you’d be there this morning. You weren’t. That means you broke your word. So can you really blame her for being hurt?”
“But what about my business? My board? Would you be willing to ask a woman to marry you if you had nothing to your name but an old house your parents left you in their will?”
Gavin scratched at his chin. “I think you’re missing the point.” Standing up, he walked back to the door. “I’m sorry you two are fighting. But if you want to have any chance of getting back together, one of you needs to be humble enough to actually apologize and own up to what you did.”
The giant was gone before Ethan could come up with a response. Shaking his head, Ethan snorted. Gavin had no idea what he was talking about. The man had never been in love. Had never been planning to ask a woman to marry him. He was just a guy who put out fires.
“Well, he can’t put this one out,” Ethan grumbled. Standing up, he checked on Tox, who was digging up a spot in the backyard, and walked back over to the surfboard. As of this point in time, it was all he had left. “You’ll live,” he told himself. “You did before and you can do it again.”
Only this time...I won’t follow her around like a lovesick puppy dog, waiting for any crumbs she sends my way.
Grabbing the can of resin, Ethan put on his gloves and mask and got to work. The sooner he finished, the sooner he would see his business take off. And the sooner his business took off, the sooner he could leave Seagull Cove behind. There was nothing left for him here.