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Too many emotions were bubbling just under the surface as Ethan talked. Maeve could barely distinguish one from another, but the strongest ones were love and hope. Of that she was certain.
Seeing him had been a bit of a slap in the face, especially after she realized he’d been tricked into being locked into the room as well. When she got out, she would have words with Jayden and his meddling ways.
And if Riley thinks I’ll ever consider fostering a dog for her, she’s dead wrong.
But the fact that both she and Ethan had come to the same conclusion about reconciling...well, it sent her dreams through the roof. Somehow, he must have missed her the same way she missed him, even though she’d been an absolute shrew. And she still needed to give him a proper apology, but she also didn’t want to interrupt his own. It seemed they both had things to get off their chests.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there that morning,” he continued. “I’m sorry I was oblivious eight years ago. I’m sorry I blew you off to go work on the board and that when you tried to tell me how you were feeling, I brushed it aside.” He sighed and slumped in his seat. “I’m sorry it took you getting hurt and leaving me to make me realize just how stupid I’d been.” He rubbed his chin, where several days’ worth of whiskers were visible, even with their blond color. “I’ve lived by myself for quite a few years now, but I don’t think I ever truly realized what it meant to be alone.”
Maeve felt the sting of tears when his hazel eyes latched onto hers.
“I finally had a glimpse of what heaven was like,” he said hoarsely. “And I blew it by working too hard to try to keep it.”
Maeve blinked several times, opening and closing her mouth as she tried to figure out how to ask the right question before finally admitting, “I...I don’t understand what you meant by that last part.”
Ethan stood up and came around the desk. He offered his hand and Maeve prayed he wouldn’t see how much hers was shaking when she reached out, closing their fingers around each other.
She stood and craned her neck to look up at him. Dropping her hand, he cupped her cheeks.
“I realized, after we started dating, just how little I had to offer this relationship,” he said softly.
Maeve started to shake her head, but he cut off the movement.
“No. Hear me out.” Ethan swallowed. “You’re so beautiful. You’re well educated, you’re logical and you’re a fantastic businesswoman. I’m...” He shrugged. “A surfer bum. I keep my business afloat, but I’ve never tried for more because I enjoy the pace at which it all moves. And this year it caught up to me. I flirt so much with the line that with one bad season, I nearly lost the shop.”
“That’s alright,” Maeve assured him. “We can save it.”
He chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. “We did save it, but the prize wasn’t worth the cost.”
Maeve frowned. “I’m still lost.”
“That board? You heard me at the beach about it being my ticket for success?”
She nodded.
“I pushed so hard and sacrificed our relationship because I knew that if the board got attention at the competition, my sales would go through the roof. And when my shop was a success, I could finally stand up to you as an equal, not some lazy surfer who couldn’t support his family.”
Her eyes widened. “Family?” she croaked.
Ethan smirked. “Eventually. But I knew I needed to have everything in place so that when the time was right, I’d be ready to go. So that board was more than a board.” He brought their foreheads together. “It was my ticket to you.”
“Ethan,” she whispered thickly, a fat tear running down her cheek. “I’ve never cared that you enjoy a more laid back lifestyle. I wanted to help you save your shop because it was yours. It was important to you and that made it important to me, even though I hated to admit it in the beginning.” She hiccuped a laugh and wiped at her face. “But I love my work and could easily expand without it being too much of a hassle. If we got married, you wouldn’t have to change yourself or your business. If I married you, it’d be because I wanted you, the beach bum who adores his work, not this other person you think is more worthwhile.”
“And that’s why I love you,” he said before sneaking a quick peck. “But it’s not a matter of if,” he corrected her with his signature cocky grin. “It’s a matter of when.”
Maeve playfully smacked his chest. “That’s a bold claim. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks and as of five minutes ago, we were still broken up.”
“But we’ve known each other for years,” he corrected her. “Our get-to-know-you round is long gone. We can jump straight into can-this-work-for-the-long-term.”
Maeve rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And that’s why you love me.”
Maeve laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her head against his chest. “Maybe,” she admitted. “But we can’t move into any stage at all until I apologize as well.”
Ethan squeezed her tight. “You don’t need to apologize, sweetheart. I understand that I hurt you.”
Maeve shook her head. “No. You didn’t hurt me.” She leaned her head back. “I hurt myself.”
He frowned. “What?’
She pulled away completely, needing to stand on her own two feet in order to get the words out. “I...I’ve let fear win for so long,” she admitted. “First, when I almost drowned back when we were teenagers. I let it ruin my life for years, convincing myself that if I gave in to my feelings for you, I would get hurt. I would regret it. I would be letting you get away with something horrible.”
He pushed his hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “You weren’t wrong,” he said in a low tone.
“I was dead wrong,” Maeve said fiercely, drawing his attention back. “You made a mistake, Ethan. You were young, I was young and we both made mistakes that day. But the biggest mistake of all was that I was unwilling to let go of it. My mistake became a festering wound and it’s only grown heavier and more infected over the years.”
Her legs were shaking and Maeve leaned back against her desk. She hadn’t realized just how much it would take out of her to admit to all of this. She’d made a few first steps when she’d made that life list and thrown away her security glasses and started dating Ethan in the first place, but she hadn’t truly cleansed the wound. She’d simply wiped at it, making it better for a few days, or weeks, but with the infection still simmering below the surface, it hadn’t taken much for the worries and pain to come racing back, eager to take over their standard place as her default decision makers.
“The more I talk about it and realize just how deep it all goes,” she said, her tone dropping into a whisper, “the more I think that I might actually need professional help. I think I’m broken.” The words stung, but the ring of truth to them felt freeing. For the most part, Maeve knew she was a healthy, normal woman. But this situation, the memory of her near drowning, had traumatized her and she was tired of it. She wanted freedom, and her break up with Ethan had shown her that she couldn’t do it on her own.
*****
ETHAN TUCKED MAEVE under his chin, resting against her hair. “You’re not broken,” he assured her. “You’re just a little bent. We can fix that.” He leaned back just enough to look in her face. “We can totally fix that, together, with a therapist, or whatever you want.” He wiped a tear with his thumb. His heart was about to break in half as he saw the anguish on her face. “If you’ll have me, I’ll be with you through it all, sweetheart. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Even if I struggle for a while? Even if I get scared and don’t want to do things?”
He shrugged. “Why would that matter? You said you loved the easy-going, non-ambitious me. Why can’t I love the working-on-getting-better you?”
Maeve’s face crumpled and she began to cry in earnest.
Ethan wrapped his arms fully around her and held on. She shook against his chest and her hands clung to his shirt, gripping tightly. He had no idea how much time had passed before her crying subsided, but the moment was so potent that when she pulled back, Ethan almost didn’t let go.
He knew they’d just taken a step in their relationship, one that was much different than the others. They’d been attracted to each other for years, but misunderstandings and trauma had kept them apart. A topic they’d barely breached during their few weeks together.
This was something different. Both of them had just shared their deepest heartaches and pains and neither had gone screaming to the door, demanding to be let out. She’d stayed. She’d stayed and assured him that it didn’t matter. He knew his business would be just fine. He already had proof of that with the hits on his social media during the surfing competition that afternoon.
But to know that she would have taken him, accepted him, loved him even without the business? Even without a way to take care of their future family? It meant more to him than he could say. And so when words failed him, Ethan had only one other way to express himself.
Reaching out, he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled their lips together. Maeve squeaked slightly, caught off guard, but didn’t resist in the slightest. In fact, she stepped closer, reaching up on her tiptoes, and hung on his neck as if he were her lifeline.
Oh, how he’d missed this. Missed holding her and kissing her. A week was too long to go without his favorite activity. He couldn’t get enough. His hand slid down her back and he pulled her in until there was no space between them. Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss, loving how she seemed just as eager as him to reconnect the bond they had broken.
“Knock, knock...oops.” Jayden’s deep voice chuckled.
Ethan pulled back, fighting with the desire to glare at Jayden. “What do you want, Jay?” he asked, his voice lower than normal. He couldn’t take his eyes off Maeve. She was staring at him in wide-eyed wonder, as if she’d felt everything he’d been trying to convey through their kiss. Every ounce of love and support and gratefulness had apparently been received the way it had been intended.
“Uh...” Jayden chuckled again, the sound slightly uncomfortable. “Well, we were going to check to make sure you hadn’t killed each other, but I didn’t expect to find you practically eating my cousin. It’s a bit disconcerting, actually.”
Maeve rolled her eyes, finally turning to her family member. “Then close the door.”
Jayden scrunched his nose. “I don’t think I should. Your mom would boil me with her pasta if I left you two alone any longer.”
Ethan sighed. Jay was right, but Ethan would never say it out loud. He was running high on adrenaline and hormones. It was probably best they weren’t alone. “We’ll have more of that later,” he assured Maeve, who gave him a commiserating smile.
“I’ll hold you to it.”
“I won’t let you down.”
“Stop whispering sweet nothings and get out here,” Jayden whined. “My ears can’t handle it.”
Ethan looked over to see his friend covering his ears like a child.
“You’re a dork,” Maeve said, though there was no bite in her tone.
“And you’re an accountant,” Jayden shot back.
Maeve paused at the doorway, frowning. “Since when is that an insult?”
Jayden shrugged. “Sitting behind a desk counting all day? Sounds like punishment to me.”
She smacked his chest and Jayden rubbed the spot as if he’d actually been hurt. “Dude,” he said to Ethan as he walked through the threshold. “Are you sure she’s the one you want? Seems a bit violent to me.”
“Not as violent as I’m gonna be in a second,” Ethan threatened with a grin. “You locked us inside.”
Jayden backed up with his hands up. “Someone had to take a stand. You were both miserable and nice talks from friends and family weren’t working. So...drastic measures it was.”
Maeve put her hands on her hips. “You wait until you fall for a girl. I’m so using this against you.”
Jayden scratched his chin, his cheeks slightly pink. “Guess I’ll have to be grateful that day’ll never come, huh?”
Ethan flung his arm around Jayden’s neck and gave him a half headlock, half hug. “Thanks, man.”
Jayden straightened and smirked. “You’re welcome.” He looked around. “Where’s your cake?”
“In the office, on the desk.”
“Didn’t you eat it?” Jayden asked, his jaw dropping.
“Uh...no?” Ethan’s eyebrows shot up. “I was a little busy.”
“Again! Not for my ears!” Jayden put his hands over his ears again and ran for the office, retrieving the uneaten cake. Smiling, he shoved a large bite in his mouth. “Never let a good piece of cake go to waste.”
Ethan wrapped an arm around Maeve’s waist. “Have it. I have something better.”
“Awww...” Maeve said dramatically.
“Ewww,” Jayden grumbled. He looked at his plate. “Don’t worry. I think you’re the superior specimen here.”
“Talking to cake again, Jay?” Aspen asked as she walked in from the front of the shop. “We talked about that, right? It’s not healthy.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Jayden continued to his half eaten slice. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
Aspen laughed, then turned to Ethan and Maeve. “So...we all better?”
Maeve huffed. “Pass it down the gossip chain. We’re fine.”
Aspen put her hands on her hips. “We were worried because we love you both. Don’t be snarky. That’s my job.” She smiled, softening her scold, and walked over with her arms out, hugging her younger sister. “I’m happy for the two of you. You belong together.”
Ethan accepted the hug when it came his way as well. “Thanks.”
Pulling back, Aspen took a deep breath. “This calls for cake.” She narrowed her gaze. “But something...different.” Muttering to herself, she walked to the pantry.
“Better leave her be,” Maeve said, tugging on Ethan’s hand. “She’s going to be testing things out until she figures out what she wants.”
“Does this mean we’re free to take a walk on the beach together?” She smiled and Ethan hurried his steps. Maeve and the ocean. Two of his favorite things. He glanced back at Jayden. “Coming?”
Jayden shook his head. “No way. Aspen’s in a creative mood.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’m sticking around for samples.”
“He’ll need an antacid after he’s done,” Maeve muttered.
“Then I suppose his punishment is just.” Ethan entwined their fingers and took the lead, guiding Maeve out of the shop and into the partly sunny day. With his shop closed, the competition still in swing and his heart mending, Ethan knew there was no better way for him to spend his time than soaking up all that Maeve had to offer. He’d sacrificed too much of their time together and now he’d start to give back. And when the time was right, he’d give her all the time in the world.