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Mike woke up in the strangest place ever, stranger than waking up in a fantasy world as a megrym. He was in bed with Runt. The big man took up most of the bed, but Mike was in it all right, nestled in the crook of Runt’s arm.
He didn’t care what world he was in; there were some things Mike Morrow wasn’t down for. He bolted up in an attempt to get out of bed but ended up falling to the floor as his head pounded in agony.
It felt like his brain was swimming. Least he wasn’t in bed with another dude anymore. As he lay on the floor trying to get his bearings, memories of the recent past started filtering in through the grog.
He was cracking undead heads over and over and over again in a battle he was sure he couldn’t win. Then this flying, pitch-black movie monster thing flew past, punching a hole in the ceiling on the way out. One of its wings cut through the stone bridge he was on. Then the corpses dropped dead and stayed dead. The whole place started falling apart.
Melvin. Him and his stupid friends had jumped into some disco light whirlpool. Meanwhile, him and Runt had to book it out of Fort Law. Last thing he remembered was looking up as a baseball-sized rock was coming down.
Mike sucked in his breath as the pain stung where he touched the throbbing spot on his head. He looked around at a room of brown wood floors and mud bricks walls. The rock to the head must have knocked him out, which meant Runt had carried him here. The room only had a window, a chest of drawers, and a big man on a small bed. Where was here?
He got up from the floor wobbly, feeling like he had a hangover without the benefit of a kickass night prior. He managed to steer himself over to the window. What he saw was better than an old fortress and rotting corpses, but it wasn’t exactly inspiring either.
It was a small dusty town. Most of the buildings were single story and uniformly square, flat-roofed and built of brown brick and wood. A lot of the roofs were hosts to clotheslines and dudes who lounged and played board games. The street below buzzed with activity, where Mike saw various shops selling stuff he recognized, like meat and jewelry, and other stuff he didn’t.
“What is this, hood B.C.?”
“This, Mike Ballztowallz, is Tirys.” Runt stayed motionless on the bed, talking without opening his eyes.
“Ain’t a whole lot to it,” Mike said.
“Never was. Most likely will never be. It is trade land. People come to make deals, good and bad. That is all it has ever been.”
“You think that light show my brother hopped into brought him here?”
“Doubtful,” was all Runt said. He looked like he had fallen back into sleep, but hell, the whole time he had talked it looked like he was asleep. He was still recovering from a long night. And the peaceful look on his face was almost inviting enough to coax Mike back to bed. Almost... Mike opted to stay awake and feel like roadkill.
“What now?” Mike asked.
“Hierophane still. Best place for answers. Soon, I’ll work on getting transport for us. You should clean up and eat. Meal’s paid for.”
That was good advice. A bath and some food would probably do wonders to clear the cobwebs. He followed some more advice, this time from his inner voice, and grabbed his club on the way out.
Outside the room, nothing in the hallway or on the other wooden doors looked promising. He headed downstairs and discovered a big open room full of tables and chairs and a bar.
“Bathroom,” Mike said to the wiry dude behind the bar.
“Town baths are around the corner on the right,” the barman said like it was scripted, pointing to the open doorway.
Mike made his way through the throng. Different people and races pushed carts and hawked wares and moved about. Almost everybody was taller than him. A sign with a rough picture of steam and water let him know to turn the corner. At the end of the street was a big domed building with the same sign out front... had to be the bath house.
Two guys preoccupied with talking blocked the walkway in front of the bath house. They both looked aian like that kid Jason, all gray with the eyes that couldn’t keep still, but these two had animal traits. One had antennas sticking out of his head and the other had a lion mane and cat ears. Despite their differences these two held common ground in they were both in Mike’s way.
“Yo, could you move?”
“Go away, we’re talking, twee,” said Antennas. His hands and forearms were armored like an ant’s exoskeleton.
Mike had never been called ‘twee’ before. It wasn’t a name he dug.
“Problem is this here’s a walkway. That looks like the talkway,” Mike said, pointed to a bunch of small rocks that lay on the side of the path. “You best to get on that if you wanna conversate.”
Antennas looked down at Mike, a sneer on his lips. “You had best use that same talkway to go around or you may find your brains on this path you’re so fond of, twee.”
“Word? So that’s what you do when somebody calls you out for being wrong? Go all fire ant on people... or am I just the lil’ dude you think you can punk in front of the bath house?”
Antennas looked at lion-cat guy, maybe for backup or maybe because this was strange new territory for him. Mike kept at him.
“Why you looking at your friend? He knows you wrong, too. Everybody knows you don’t hang out in the middle of a walkway when people are trying to walk on it. Bet them antennas can get you free cable so I know they can tell you something that simple.”
“You mock me?!”
“You movin’ or what?”
Before Fire Ant could respond, Lion-cat put a hand on his shoulder.
“Avus, think of our contract work today. How would we explain any unnecessary violence to the local peacekeepers? Or to Taldin? Don’t ruin our payday. Let it be.”
They exchanged looks until Avus nodded in agreement. Then Avus looked at Mike with daggers in his eyes. “Fortune favors the small in large doses,” he said as he turned to go.
Mike shrugged. “Yo, it’s whatever.”
His immediate vicinity free of dumbasses, Mike headed into the bath house. There were different chambers with swirling hot water pools and steam rooms and even a courtyard in the middle where folks just hung out. It was definitely nicer than he expected or was used to. Coming from Afghanistan and the conditions on some of the forward operating bases, he would have been cool with two bottles of water and a bar of soap.
He had no trouble enjoying the bath or finding his way back, where Runt was at a table eating. Mike pulled up a seat next to him, feeling a lot more refreshed. He had his appetite back and didn’t hesitate when Runt nudged the plate in his direction.
“Caravan leaving today,” Runt said as Mike ate things he didn’t completely recognize. “Headed to Maltep to trade with nasran hexers, then onto Hierophane. Our best option.”
Mike smiled between mouthfuls. “Bet.”
It took longer than Mike thought possible to find the caravan. Asking about Ruki Provos or his caravan either got them indifferent shrugs or guys trying to sell them something sworn to be at the lowest price ever. And not buying their junk meant not getting any info. Tracking, backtracking and asking around in a sea of people who feigned deafness made for a grueling search.
They finally found the caravan on the outskirts of town. The caravan consisted of four wagon cars attached in line to a small steam engine contraption with tread wheels like a tank. Folks were moving about checking the engine or loading the wagons.
One man sat in a chair underneath a four-post canopy shade, calling out instructions. His linen shirt and pants were white, which meant he didn’t do any dirty work. Mike and Runt made their way over to him.
“Ruki Provos?” Mike asked. “We wanna ride this caravan.”
He didn’t bother to look Mike’s way as he watched people haul crates. “Sorry, caravan’s full.”
“We can pay.” Runt said.
“It’s still full.”
Runt got into Ruki’s direct line of sight to the caravan. “Telling us our money’s no good offends us.”
Ruki rose from his chair. Now his gaze lingered on the big man and occasionally drifted down to Mike when he spoke. “You got me all wrong, friends. Don’t take my distraction with the caravan or my rejection as offense. Honestly, I would love to take along two paying passengers. It would no doubt please uncle that I exceeded expected profit when I finally return to my homeland. But there’s no room unless I remove some of the shipment. These goods have been prearranged. Spoken for. I refuse to sully the name of the Provos Trading Company by not honoring established contracts.”
“So you telling us there ain’t a single passenger on this ride?” Mike asked.
“Just me and the security detail.”
“Then make us security.”
Ruki shook his head. “I already hired a five-man team of locals. Not only will they provide security, but they’re going to guide me through the dry flats to Maltep—and all at dirt cheap prices. I like the size and stature of your friend here,” Ruki said, looking Runt up and down, “I mean, I stood up and I’m still intimidated. But I just don’t have the room to accommodate more.”
“Is there a problem, boss?” a voice asked behind Mike.
“Not at all, Taldin,” Ruki said. Mike turned to look, bothered by the familiarity of hearing that name before.
If Taldin was the guy in the lead, then he was backed by four more, all of them aian. Four of them sported the ant antennas and armor, and a fifth one in the back had a lion’s mane and cat ears. Now the name clicked. Directly behind Taldin, the sneer Mike remembered from in front of the bath house returned to the guy’s face.
“Friends,” Ruki Provos said, “this is my team of local security. As you can see, they’re a mean looking outfit. So procuring your services would be a little redundant at this point.”
Mike whirled to face Ruki. “You can’t be serious?!”
Ruki looked confused, like he had missed out on the punch line of a joke. “Why... wouldn’t I be?”
“These guys are a comedy act, not security. ‘Giant Pussy and the Picnic Raiders’. You’d get more security from wishful thinking than these clowns.”
Ruki laughed hard, then his face straightened. “As entertaining as you are, insulting my security detail won’t get you hired. It’ll likely get you into trouble more than anything else.”
Mike’s megrym ears twitched. Behind him he heard the voice he recognized as Avus saying, “Allow me, Taldin. I owe this twee.”
Mike put up a closed fist and looked at Runt. This signal meant “freeze” in Army close range engagement. He hoped Runt would get it. Mike kept talking to Ruki, seemingly oblivious that he was pissing off the aians behind him.
“Look, I got five good reasons why you shouldn’t hire these dudes.”
Being so close to the ground, Mike didn’t just hear footsteps behind him; he could almost feel and taste them too.
“One...” Mike began as the footsteps were nearly upon him.
He whirled, bringing his club around at the sound of that last footfall. It smashed into the side of Avus’ knee with a sickening crunch. The leg bent inward and Avus collapsed with a roar of pain.
The remaining four aians unsheathed their swords. Runt disassembled his Z-blades into twin axes.
“No, no, no!” Ruki Provos got into the middle of the standoff. “I do not have the time to go rooting around for another security detail because the lot of you are violently disagreeable.”
“I cannot allow this insult to stand,” Taldin said, his teeth clenched and sword pointed.
“What insult?” Mike asked. “Last time I checked, I put down a grown ass man... and a security professional. Am I wrong? Is Avus really your daughter? You mad cause she’ll never dance at her wedding the way you always dreamt about?”
“Insolent twee!” Taldin roared.
“No!” Ruki yelled. “He’s right. Avus approached the megrym with hostile intent and he defended himself. There is no insult to hold. Any more violence and I will summon the peacekeepers. Stow your weapons.”
Grudgingly, the aians complied. Mike and Runt followed suit. The cat guy helped Avus to his feet. Avus had to hop on one foot, as the leg Mike clubbed was bent at an awkward angle.
Ruki looked at Mike. “I’m afraid all you’ve done is shorten my security staff by one. I’m still not going to hire you.”
“Don’t you want to hear my other four reasons why you shouldn’t hire these dudes?”
“You actually have reasons? I thought your other four reasons were just euphemisms for clubbing my remaining guards out of commission.”
“I mean, I guess that woulda worked, even if it’s kinda played out. Naw, I got real reasons. One, as you saw, is that they’re short one. Two, judging by how easy it was for me to drop him, it’s obvious they’re not pros.”
“Damned twee!” Avus roared. “You’re a cowardly wretch, sneaking an attack before I was ready.”
“Three,” Mike said pointing at Avus while he spoke. “If you stay ready then you don’t have to get ready. Four,” he turned his gaze back to Ruki. “This is the most important. These guys are all local. They’re all boys, tight with each other. And you’re out-of-town Rich Guy. What’s to keep them from leading you away from town, killing you and taking all your money and all your product?
“You know what keeps that from happening? Reason number five: a diversified security detail,” Mike finished pointing to himself and Runt.
Ruki looked down at Mike then at Runt, then at the aians, chewing on his lip. Long moments of silence stretched. Finally he turned to Taldin.
“One more comes off of your team. The new guys come with us.”
“That was not our deal,” Taldin said.
“No, our deal was for five guys in working order. You cannot provide this. So I’m augmenting the deal. Meanwhile, I will pay you for four men even though you’re only providing three. You two,” he said to Mike and Runt, “I won’t pay anything. But neither will I charge you for passage. We all come out ahead. Deal?”
Mike and Runt agreed. Taldin spent a long time looking back and forth between his guys. None of them spoke the whole time, which was weird... like they were all playing poker and trying to figure out who was bluffing. Finally, Taldin looked at cat guy, the only one of his folks who he hadn’t been making eyes at, who was still holding Avus up.
“See he gets care. We’ll have a share for you when we return.”
“Then it’s all settled,” Ruki said. “And just in time, seeing how the caravan is loaded and ready to leave.” He put out his hand to Mike. “Welcome to the temporary unpaid employ of the Provos Trading Company. Since I can’t call you ‘friends’ any longer, seeing our affiliation is a business matter now, what are your names?”