Kabir

People have different things on their lists of stuff that makes them feel good. Sex tops a lot of lists. Massages. Showers.

But I tell you, there’s nothing to beat a pee. Not when you’ve been holding it in for ages, and thinking that at any moment now you’re going to let go and disgrace yourself. All that damn pressure builds up. In the head and lower down. And it gets to the point where you think that you’re going to burst. And then you pee.

Best thing in the world.

I’m grinning idiotically. I keep grinning while washing my hands. Mr Bhonsle is at the next basin. He glares at me. ‘What in this particular situation do you find so funny?’ he asks.

‘Nothing,’ I say. I’m not going to explain.

‘Youngsters of today!’ he snaps. ‘I don’t know what they take seriously. In a life-and-death situation, they are laughing.’ He turns to Harish, who has just stepped out of a stall and is also grinning.

‘I stuck two rolls of toilet paper in my pants, and I have an empty bottle to pee in,’ he says. ‘I’m prepared!’

Mr Bhonsle glares at him. ‘So you also find the situation funny, young man.’

‘What?’ says Harish.

‘We are being held hostage by a madman, who has made impossible demands that are unlikely to be met. He is threatening to kill us all one by one if they are not. You find that funny?’

‘But he’s going to let us have food and water,’ says Harish, trying to look on the bright side of things. ‘That’s kind of good.’

‘Bah!’ says Mr Bhonsle. ‘Useless! Today’s children. Useless!’

He storms out of the bathroom. The terrorist watching us indicates that we need to leave as well.

‘What’s his problem?’ asks Harish.

I know what his problem is. I’ve seen the shaking hands, the frantic look in his eye. My brother has the same problem. It comes in the form of empty bottles that he throws every morning against the wall. Mr Bhonsle is an alcoholic. And he is being put through an unexpected and thorough detox.

We walk back to the electronics section. Harish keeps chattering about what we might get to eat. I’m not listening. I’m mapping the place. Checking out exits. Places to hide. It’s training. An old habit. You never know when you might need a Plan B. I intend to have one.