Kabir

The phones ring all together again, making us jump. Official communication. At last. Salim storms into the room and picks up one of the instruments. He never gives whoever it is at the other end a chance to speak.

‘I don’t want to hear anything. I don’t want to hear the word complication. You now have twenty-three minutes. And then I kill someone else. After that I will kill two hostages every hour. Do you hear me?’ He slams the phone down.

Twenty-three minutes.

Salim storms up and down the room, screaming. ‘They think I am a fool! They think they can play me! They think they can put me back in their stinking jails. I will not go. I will kill every single hostage. And then I will take this entire place with me.’

We can see his men moving around the mall with stuff. They’ve pulled it out of their backpacks. Wires and some bricks of brown stuff. I know what it is. I’ve practised setting a bomb like that myself.

Salim turns to one of his men. ‘Have you placed the explosives?’

‘Yes,’ says the man.

‘Good. We have enough to give them a new Diwali.’

He turns to where we all sit, cringing. His voice changes and becomes the fervent tones of a priest. ‘Tonight, we die. I have nothing to fear. My conscience is clear. I have done the work of God. Pray now for forgiveness all of you. Go to God clean and new.’

Everybody begins to pray. Some loudly. Some softly. The irony of it is that the terrorists pray as well. All of them praying at cross purposes. Who is God to listen to? I say no prayers. There is no God I can believe in.

Twenty minutes.

Harish’s eyes keep sliding nervously to me. Even Diya constantly glances in my direction. They both know what Salim had said. I’m next.

If I believed in God, if I could have asked for something, I would have asked for forgiveness. But I know I can never be forgiven. The best I can do is atone for all that I’ve done.

There’s one last thing I have to do. One promise I have to keep. The letter still lies against my heart. It’s not sealed. I know what it says. I have read it again and again as I made my long way to her. Now it’s time to hand it over.

I tap Diya on the shoulder. She turns and looks at me. I put the letter in her hand.

‘What is this?’ she asks.

‘It’s a letter. You need to have it.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I think this is the end. We’re out of time. I know that I am next.’

She starts to shake her head and then stops. There’s no point lying. She looks down at the letter. Before she can speak, Salim does. He’s lost his patience.

‘Come on, come on! Let’s go. I want to send a message ahead of schedule. Come on, Majnu.’

Nineteen minutes.

I look away from Diya. If I see her, I won’t be able to keep pretending I’m brave. I take a deep breath and get ready to stand. I hope my knees don’t shake.

Jhansi ki Rani stands up. ‘Shoot me,’ she says.