SO, MAYBE YOUR TODDLER CAN WALK THE WALK (or is well on the way to those momentous first steps). But when will he or she start talking the talk? When will that frustrating communication gap—the one that stands between you, your toddler, and the unknown toy he or she has been pointing at insistently but futilely for the last five minutes—finally close up? Listen carefully, and you might be surprised to hear who’s talking. Whether your tot is already stringing words into phrases (or even basic sentences), or still hasn’t uttered word one (at least as far as you can tell), there’s one thing for sure: Language development is in full swing.
“My son babbles plenty—so why doesn’t he say anything anyone can understand?”
Just because you can’t understand a word your toddler is saying doesn’t mean he isn’t saying a word. Your beginner-talker’s language may sound like gibberish to you, but if you listen carefully, you may notice that it actually has rhythmic patterns and inflections similar to that of your speech (they don’t call it the “mother tongue” for nothing). This practice language—known as “jargon”—may mean nothing to you, yet it speaks volumes to him, enabling him to start filling the language gap (letting him chat to himself, to you) even before he can say real word one.
Is your tot babbling more than just jargon? Maybe he’s moved up one step on the language ladder from jargon to single- or double-syllable sounds that mimic real words (though they’ll probably still be hard to decipher). “Ba” may mean bottle, “uh” up, “da” that. Until you’ve broken the code (and you will), you may feel like you’re in a round-the-clock game of charades (“sounds like...”), especially if your toddler combines those sounds with gestures, which he likely does. But at least it’s a start.
Making it even more difficult to interpret these early “words”: Single syllables may also stand for complete, if primitive, sentences. “Ga” could mean “Give me that” or “What is that?”
Confused yet? But wait, there’s more: Those first words may also be multipurpose. “Da-da” may mean Daddy, but it might also be used to call Mommy, the babysitter, even the dog—or a random man on the street. “Ma-ma” could, at different times, mean, “I want Mama,” “That is Mama,” “Feed me, Mama,” or “Pick me up, Mama.” Or it could refer to Daddy or anyone else in a little one’s life. Or a one-size-fits-all label for any woman, anytime.
It takes years of practice to perfect speech, but it won’t be long before the communication gap between you and your toddler starts to narrow. He’ll get better at speaking, you’ll get better at understanding. Sometimes it’ll seem like the verbal floodgates are opening, sometimes those language skills will seem to lag—especially when a busy toddler is busier than usual building on physical skills, or when he’s sick or out of sorts (aren’t there times when you don’t feel like talking, either?).
“I’ve heard other 1-year-olds talking, but my daughter doesn’t seem ready yet. What’s going on?”
The average child says her first word sometime between 10 and 14 months—and whether her parents understand it or not, that word counts. But once in a while, a little one will start speaking up when she’s younger (as early as 8 months) or older (as late as 18 months). Exactly when your toddler first opens up to say “Ah” (as in apple), or “Mmmm” (as in Mommy), or something equally cute, if incomprehensible, depends on:
Heredity. Were either you or your spouse an early verbal bloomer, or a late one? Or did both of you get an “A”—for average speech development? Obviously, you won’t remember when you first started talking, but your parents might. Kids may follow in their mom and dad’s verbal footsteps—thanks not only to inherited natural acumen (or lack of it)... but to inherited mouth and tongue muscles (believe it or not).
Birth order. A first child often speaks early because she has no siblings (yet) competing for mom and dad’s attention and verbal encouragement—or for airtime. The more sibs a tot has, the less opportunity she may have to get a word in edgewise. Plus, she may not be in as much of a hurry to speak, since her needs may be filled quickly by a household that’s now more accomplished at picking up on nonverbal cues. Of course, this pattern doesn’t hold up in every home. Sometimes words are contagious—which means a subsequent child may catch the talking bug faster (much as they catch the colds older siblings bring home from school or play-dates). Or she may speak up sooner, just to get heard.
Gender. On average, girls say their first word sooner. Chromosomes may contribute to this verbal edge, but environment almost certainly does, too (parents tend to chat up their female offspring more, right from the start). Of course, averages are just that—an average. Some girls are slower talkers, and some boys are the first in their playgroup to string together sentences.
The language backstory. Whether she ends up speaking on the early side or the later, a child will speak sooner if she’s spoken to—so speak up. If there’s more than one language spoken at home, your child may learn to speak each one more slowly than if only one language is spoken, but if there is a lag it’ll be temporary. And you can’t beat the ultimate pluses of a strong bilingual background.
MILESTONE
Your toddler is an individual when it comes to everything—including language development. So try not to compare number of words (or number of words in a phrase, or number of phrases in a sentence) against other kids your little one’s age. As long as your toddler is plugging away at verbal skills, and making steady (not necessarily speedy) progress, all is going according to plan—your toddler’s genetic plan, that is. As always, if you have any concerns—or just that gut feeling that something’s not quite on target—check in with the doctor. Most likely you’ll get reassurance, but if a little something else is needed, it’s always best to get that early on.
12 to 15 months. It’s pretty remarkable how much a 12-month-old can get across without speaking a single recognizable word. Like a resourceful little caveman (or cavewoman), your young toddler hauls you by the jeans into the kitchen, pushes your legs in the direction of the back door, grunts or nods in response to questions, points to the cup he or she wants. And as long as your tot’s actively trying to communicate, you can be impressed by that communication ingenuity. By the first birthday, most toddlers will be able to use one to five words meaningfully. By 15 months, that number could jump up to 5 to 10 real words for some.
15 to 18 months. Most toddlers age 15 to 18 months old can say 10-plus words—usually “Mama,” “Dada,” and other nouns (like “ball,” “cup,” “baby”)—as well as some action words (“up,” “down,” “eat”). Some gifted gabbers may be able to use 20 to 30 words by this point. There may be other sounds (or “words”) your little one makes—and makes meaningfully (at least to him or her), but at this stage, it’s likely only you (and others close to your toddler) will be able to recognize their meaning.
18 to 24 months. Get ready... get set... go. The second half of the second year is when a toddler’s language engine really gets revved up. Vocabulary will likely increase by leaps and bounds now—and you may find your little one using anywhere from 50 to 200 words by the time he or she reaches 24 months. Even more exciting (for both of you) is your toddler’s use of primitive two- or sometimes three-word sentences: “No milk,” “Aiden up,” “Mama kiss.”
Be on the lookout: If your 1-year-old doesn’t gesture or point to things he or she wants, or try to communicate with you using nonverbal language, mention it to the doctor. The same goes if by 16 months you still haven’t heard your toddler’s first word. Some later talkers just take their sweet time to speak, but the doctor might recommend a hearing test to see if a problem as simple—and as simple to clear up—as residual middle ear fluid that lingered after a cold or ear infection or an excessive buildup of earwax is limiting clear hearing and thus clear speech. Ask the doctor, too, if a formal assessment of language skills by a certified speech and language pathologist is a good idea if your toddler:
Isn’t using more than one or two words by the 18-month mark.
Seems to have poor receptive language (he or she should understand simple questions, be able to follow simple requests, and respond to simple statements).
Is unable to communicate non-verbally (by pointing at a toy that’s out of reach, for instance).
Doesn’t mimic simple words and sounds (if you “moo,” your toddler should be able to “moo” back, for example).
Has underdeveloped mouth muscles (a more-than-typical amount of food drops out of his or her mouth when eating, he or she regularly rejects food that requires chewing, or there’s excessive drooling).
If a problem is found to account for your child’s slower verbal skills, therapy can make a tremendous difference and help him or her catch up and even zoom ahead.
Child care. Kids who are talked to early and often speak sooner than they would without a language-rich environment, that’s a given. But other factors come into play—including where a toddler plays. A child in day care may learn to speak up sooner just to get her needs met, or may shut down when she isn’t listened to. Little ones who do a lot of socializing with other kids—especially older and more verbal ones—may pick up language skills earlier. What’s clear is that regularly receiving verbal reinforcement—whether it comes from parents, childcare providers, babysitters, grandma, other kids, or a combination—is what matters most in a child’s speaking future.
The schedule. Her schedule, that is. You already know this, but it’s worth repeating: Your toddler is one-of-a-kind. Incomparable to every other child in every way—including in the language department. Without a doubt, every word that’s said to her can nudge her toward speedier speaking, but try to remember this isn’t a race. Perfectly normal toddlers speak their first word before they can walk, others do it the other way around. Today’s late talkers can become tomorrow’s chatterboxes. Your toddler’s timetable, like your toddler, is unique.
Also remember that before a toddler can say a word, she needs to understand many words. Call it by its official term (receptive language) or just call it comprehension (that’s all it really is)—it’s the first step in learning to speak, and a step that your toddler is probably taking without you even noticing it. When she points to the cereal after you ask what she’d like for breakfast, when her whole body buzzes with excitement after you announce a trip to the swings, or when she grabs her favorite book when you suggest storytime, your busy preverbal bee is telling you that she’s in the language loop. What’s more, she’s building vital verbal skills she’ll tap into big-time once she takes the next step: speaking (or, as it’s officially called, expressive language).
If your child doesn’t attempt to vocalize at all, and especially if she doesn’t seem to understand or hear what you’re saying, bring your concerns to her doctor.
“We know she’s trying to talk to us, but we don’t have the slightest idea what our toddler’s trying to say. We’re frustrated—and she’s frustrated, too.”
If only toddlers came with subtitles. Or translation software on their hard drive. Or even a phrase book.
Of course, they don’t. Instead, they come with primitive verbal skills that evolve at an impressive rate—but never quickly enough to satisfy a toddler in a hurry to be understood, and parents in a hurry to understand her.
That challenging transition period between happy babbling and successful communication is frustrating on both sides of the conversation, yet it’s completely normal. As her age-appropriate jargon progresses to syllables that sound more like words, single words, clumps of words, and finally, sentences, she’ll start speaking your language and you’ll start understanding hers. She may have a meltdown when you won’t stop for ice cream, but not because you can’t figure out that she’s asking for ice cream.
While you’re waiting to close (or at least narrow) that communication gap, try to keep in mind that she just wants to be understood. Also be sure to:
Listen carefully. Sometimes there’s a consonant clue in there, sometimes it’s a vowel, sometimes a combo. “En-to” might be French toast. “Eh” might be egg. “Ohg” might mean yogurt. She may not use labels consistently (cheese might be “eeeezzz,” but it may also be “eee,” which to further confuse things may also be a pet name for a blanket), but attention to those patterns may at least help you narrow down the field.
Look while you listen. Don’t understand your toddler’s verbal language yet? Her body language can speak volumes. Look for hints in those adorable smiles, pouts, raised eyebrows, drooping shoulders, stomping feet, folded or outstretched arms. Obviously, pointing fingers are going to be your best go-to clue.
Make talking interactive. She needs all the help she can get, so offer up tools. Invite her to “Show me what you want. Point to it with your finger” or to “Take me where you want to go,” and encourage her to take your hand and direct you.
Let her take her time. Yes, your watch may be ticking, reminding you that you both should have been in the car 20 minutes ago. But try to take a few minutes to calmly figure out what she’s trying to ask for. The calmer you stay, the less frustrated she’ll be. Plus, you’ll be giving her the ultimate positive verbal reinforcement: “When I talk, they listen.”
Can’t wait for your tots to start talking in tandem, but wondering if you’ll have to wait longer than a parent of one? Twins (and other multiples) are often on a different—and usually somewhat slower—talking track than singletons. Here’s why:
Slower speech development. Research shows that twins exhibit speech delays more often than singletons do—especially twin boys, who can lag behind in the language department by months. Sometimes those delays are due to prematurity, low birthweight, or birth complications (all of which are more common in multiple births) or gender (even singleton boys develop speech at a slower rate, on average, than singleton girls). But more often, there’s a surprisingly simple explanation for speech delays in twins: They’re spoken to less frequently. Studies show that parents of twins talk directly to each twin less than they would to a single child—and for an obvious reason: They’d have to talk twice as much (and there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do that). The result of being exposed to less targeted language than a singleton toddler is? Somewhat slower language development.
Fewer words. Research also shows that even when twins do start talking, they tend to speak up less—with fewer words and, later, shorter sentences. That probably has something to do with the fact that twins don’t need as many words to communicate with each other—since one’s needs and wants are often so similar to the other’s, they can rely on intuition, hand gestures, eye contact, and so on. Consequently, they’re often toddlers of few words, at least in the early language-development stage.
Secret language. Do your tots have “twinese” on their tongues—a seemingly secret language all their own, unintelligible to outsiders listening in? There’s actually a medical term (or two) for this extremely common twin phenomenon: cryptophasia or idioglossia. Are your twins using their secret language to plot late-night escapes from the crib, a car seat rebellion, or a breakfast-time cookie coup? Probably not. Experts believe that twin talk is less about keeping their communication private and more about their mimicking each other’s rudimentary (and often incorrect) attempts at language. While the language models for a singleton are usually those who speak the language well (parents, older siblings, care providers), twins often model their emerging speech after each other’s emerging speech—complete with word-mangling mispronunciations and butchered grammar. One twin hears the other say “ooh-ide” for “good-bye,” so he or she copies it. Pretty soon, both twins are waving “ooh-ide” when someone leaves. Can’t crack the code? Not to worry—twin talk is both normal and temporary. By the time your twins reach age 5 or 6, their “secret language” will all but disappear.
Designated speaking. When you’re a twin, someone’s always got your back. And that’s a good thing—except if that someone is always doing the talking for you. In some cases, one twin may take the verbal responsibility for the other (asking for the milk they both want), leaving the other twin speechless (and possibly, slower in speech development).
To encourage language development in your twins, check out all the tips in this chapter, but also:
Talk it up with each twin. Though you can’t reasonably expect yourself to double talk (talking twice as much, so each twin gets a targeted earful), try to spend time every day talking to each of your toddlers individually. Some one-on-one interaction and communication—combined with the usual team talk, which also counts—can help each twin beef up his or her language development.
Encourage each child to speak up. Is one of your twins a spokes-tot for the other one? It’s bound to happen to some extent; even identical twins have different personalities, so one’s likely to be more outspoken than the other. But if you notice that one twin is always taking the communication lead for the other (and never letting the other one get a word in edgewise), try to break up the talking monopoly: “Aisha, Nahla told me you want something. Can you please tell me what you want?” Be sure, too, to give each twin ample airtime—even if one is easier to understand or more verbally advanced than the other.
Branch out. Provide your little ones with opportunities to interact with other kids, not just with each other. Joining a playgroup or visiting other tot hangouts, like the sandbox, will give your twins a chance to mimic—and learn from—other language models.
Don’t talk their talk. Even if you’re able to decipher your twins’ secret language, don’t adopt it as your own (as cute as it might be). Follow up their twin-speak with your adult-speak so they’ll learn the real words.
Give it time. Most twins catch up on their communication skills by the time the preschool years roll around. But if your twins aren’t combining two simple words by age 2, or if they have a vocabulary of fewer than 10 to 20 words by the time they hit their second birthday, mention it to the pediatrician and consider getting a speech evaluation. Ditto if by age 2 your twins aren’t able to be understood at least 25 percent of the time by someone who’s not a family member.
“For a while, our son was using a wide variety of words, but in the last week or so, he seems to be using fewer. Shouldn’t he be adding to his vocabulary instead of losing from it?”
Before you assume your son is losing his vocabulary (he’s most likely not), take a step back to look at the whole developmental picture. Ask yourself: What skills has he gained in the last week or so? Has he learned how to kick a ball? Paint with a paintbrush? Climb up stairs? Has he mastered using a fork? Is he trying to figure out how his new truck works? Or how to fit the puzzle pieces together? The truth is, he’s probably so focused on polishing a new skill-of-the-week (“Watch me kick that ball!” “Whoa... I can stick this fork right into my pasta!”) that he’s neglected to practice the others (including adding more words to his growing vocabulary). And that’s typical of toddlers—one week they concentrate on verbal skills, the next week physical skills, the following week social skills, the week after that verbal skills again, switching back and forth in an attempt to master as many different skills as possible.
It’s also possible that your tiny talker is taking the same hiatus from speaking that many young toddlers take after they’ve mastered their first few words. The break allows beginning speakers the time they need to consolidate their gains and strengthen their receptive vocabularies (words they understand), so that they can prepare to start learning a whole new list of words.
It could be, too, that he’s been feeling a little too much pressure to perform his newly acquired verbal tricks, or to add to them. If your cheering has crossed that very fine line into pushing (however well-intentioned), try easing up a bit. Encourage—but try to avoid the kind of verbal hard sell that could lead him to clam up.
A cold bug that’s just started biting can also temporarily slow speech (talking can seem too much like hard work). So can a change or disruption in your toddler’s routine or his life. If so, bring on the hugs, extra cuddles, and reassurance—all of which will help get him talking again.
If your toddler’s loss of language skills seems to be more than just temporary, mention your concern to the pediatrician at the next visit.
“Our toddler has been talking up a storm lately. But I don’t think there’s a single word she pronounces even close to correctly. Is that normal?”
Imperfect (yet always achingly adorable) pronunciation is standard during the second year—even for a serious toddler motormouth. Often, only mom, dad, and maybe another regular care-giver will be able to translate that tot-speak (and not always with 100 percent accuracy, either). In fact, it’s usually not until closer to age 3 that most little ones stop mangling language and start mastering proper pronunciation—and even then it’ll still be far from perfect.
And it’s easy to understand why your little one is still so hard to understand, particularly given the age-appropriate limitations of her mouth. The manipulation of tongue and lips necessary to produce most consonant sounds—a skill you probably aren’t even aware of having—is a maneuver she can’t yet manage (try reading this paragraph out loud without using either your tongue or lips and you’ll see what your toddler is up against). When she can’t produce a particular sound, she resourcefully replaces it with one she can handle. So a child who gets tripped up on “d” but has no difficulty with “g” may call her father “gaga.” Another may say “dute” for “cute,” “ditty” for “pretty,” “hewwo” for “hello,” and “biper” for “diaper.” Consonant blends spell trouble, too, so “flower” may become “fower”; “tree,” “tee”; “shoe,” “soo.”
Clarity isn’t the name of the game now for your little garbled gabber. Learning how to express herself is. Eventually, clear speech will take the place of those precious mispronunciations (though you’ll probably never forget the cutest of them—and you’ll almost certainly share a few with your daughter’s future boyfriends, much to her teenage horror). In the meantime, don’t drive her crazy with corrections—there’s plenty of time for English lessons later. And besides, are you really in a hurry to stop hearing “I wuv you”?
“My son has a pretty big vocabulary—maybe 100 words—but he mostly uses just one word at a time, maybe throwing in an occasional two-word phrase. When will he start using sentences?”
Imagine if you moved to a foreign country where you didn’t speak the language... at all. First, you’d communicate with the native speakers using gestures, smiles, pointing, an awkwardly pronounced word or two tossed in here and there. As your vocabulary picked up, you’d start stringing two, maybe three words together—phrases without much in the way of structure. But full, spot-on sentences? Since grammar’s always tougher to conquer, that would take far longer. It’s the same for your novice English-speaker. He may be accumulating words at an impressive clip, he may have mastered a few two-word combos (such as “go out” or “more milk”)—and if he’s truly precocious, he may even be closing in on three-word phrases that combine nouns with a verb (“Daddy read book”). But constructing even the most basic sentence isn’t likely to happen until he’s closer to 2, and if you’re waiting to start hearing complete (if not consistently grammatical) sentences, think third birthday, or thereabouts.
Of course, the more sentences your little talker hears, the faster he’ll start speaking them. So talk him up in full—though simple—sentences, and avoid baby phrasing (say “We’re going to leave now” instead of “Justin go bye-bye”). Add on to his one- or two-word comments. When he says “car,” respond: “Do you want your car? Here is your car.” When he exclaims “Swing up!” help him expand on the thought: “It’s fun to go on the swings. Do you want me to push you high up?” Read simple rhyming books to him, and once he’s heard one several times, let him finish the final rhyming word on each page. Then move on to letting him fill in the last two or three words of each rhyme, then finally let him say the whole last line.
As always, however, don’t let encouragement slip into pushing. Keep up your side of the conversation—and before you know it, your toddler will start to make sense out of sentences... and you’ll never hear the end of them.
Babies are born communicators—and at first, crying says it all: “Feed me!” “Clean diaper over here!” “Cuddles, stat!” But as the urge to connect with others—especially significant others, like mommies and daddies—gets stronger, babies add smiling to their communication tools. Then cooing. Pouting. Breathy sounds. Vowel sounds. Vowel sounds combined with consonant sounds. Sounds strung together. Word-like jargon, followed by real words, groups of real words, and finally, grammatically complete sentences. In the space of about two years, a crying infant goes from 0 to 250 words—fully half the 500 used in a typical adult conversation. Fast-forward a year, and a 3-year-old’s vocabulary is closing in on 1,000 words, a number that’s likely to double again within a few years.
Some tots are fast talkers, while others take their talking time. But no matter what verbal timetable your toddler’s running on, you can help him or her reach destination communication if you:
Expand the world. It may be a small world after all, but for your little one, it’s getting bigger by the day. Expand your toddler’s environment and experiences and your toddler’s vocabulary of words expands, too.
Take a trip to the zoo, then reinforce the concepts learned there by reading a book about the zoo (“Remember the monkey we saw at the zoo? The monkey was swinging on the tree!” “That’s a giraffe. We saw the giraffe at the zoo—remember its long neck?”). Take a trip to the park, and point out the flowers growing (have your toddler take a sniff, too), the birds singing, the children playing. Even that dreaded trip to the market can provide more than milk and bread—it can offer up aisles of vocabulary and concept building. The ice cream is “frozen,” the fresh brownies in the bakery “smell sweet,” you have to be “careful” with the carton of eggs so the eggs “don’t break,” that box of cereal is “big” and that one is “little.” Turn your toddler into a minimeteorologist (“It’s hot today.” “Look at the rain!”), scientist (“If we put that ice cube in hot water, it melts!”), architect/contractor (“When you mix sand with water, you can build a sand castle.”), and mood reader (“That little girl looks happy.” “That man is sad.”).
Talk the talk. There’s no overstating the importance of the obvious: The more you speak to kids, the faster they’ll speak back. So talk up a storm. Even the mundane is compelling to your toddler when it comes from your mouth: “We’re going to have carrots for dinner. Carrots are yummy!” Showing while you tell will help crank up comprehension: “Look, carrots! First I peel the carrots. Then I chop the carrots. Now I’m cooking the carrots. Mmmmmm, carrots!”
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Don’t forget the oldest trick in the language teacher’s book: Repetition. Hearing a word or a phrase once doesn’t cut it. For language to start making sense, your toddler has to hear the same words and phrases over and over.
Sound like a grown-up. Out of the mouths of toddlers come the cutest mispronunciations (if you haven’t heard them yet, you will—and they’re worth the wait). It’s tempting to mimic those endlessly endearing attempts at words, but your little language learner’s better off hearing the word the way it’s supposed to sound. So when your toddler says “baba” for banana, reinforce the effort while making the proper pronunciation clear: “That’s right, banana.” Adding a “y” to certain words (“kitty,” “doggy”) to make them more toddler-friendly won’t confuse—and let’s face it, diminutives and little ones are a natural combo—but use grown-up words most of the time.
Be animated. You may have sworn you’d never talk to your child with that overanimated tone of voice parents naturally seem to adapt as their own. But (A) you know you want to and (B) that up-and-down inflection makes it easier for your toddler to pick out words as familiar. Plus, it gets and holds your little one’s interest longer than a monotone does.
Label if you’re able. Identify everything in your toddler’s environment, so your little sponge can absorb new words. Point to and label what (and who) you see on the street (truck, girl, bicycle, traffic light, dog, stroller, tree), at home (table, spoon, cup, sofa, lamp, pot), on line at the supermarket (a man, a woman, a baby with a balloon). Labeling what you see in books also gives you a chance to identify things your toddler might not otherwise encounter on a daily basis (elephant, boat, forest, caterpillar, airplane).
Book it. Story time is everybody’s favorite time, but it’s so much more than just one-on-one fun. Sure, picture books are full of pictures, but they’re also full of words. And even if your toddler doesn’t know all of those words yet, pointing to the pictures as you say the words can help make that comprehension connection. See page 271 for more on reading to your toddler.
Sing a song. There’s a reason why certain songs stay kid crowd pleasers for generations: They’re musically catchy, verbally simple, and use repetition—over and over again. So sing those children’s favorites, and learn some more, too. Sing along to a CD or an iPod, or just sing without musical backup (your voice is always music to your toddler’s ears, even if to others... not so much). Topping the charts for young listeners: songs that involve hand clapping or finger play or other interaction (including those golden oldies, like “Wheels on the Bus,” “Open, Shut Them,” “Ring Around the Rosie,” “Itsy Bitsy Spider”).
Tune in. You appreciate being listened to, right? So try to be all ears when your toddler’s babbling your way—and all eyes, too, since eye contact is a vital part of satisfying communication. On the phone? In the middle of something important? No need to drop everything. But next chance you get, try to give your toddler’s efforts at conversation the attention they deserve. Keep in mind, though, that toddlers also like to talk to themselves, to toys, and to pets. Unless you’re the object of your little one’s babble, there’s no need to barge in.
RSVP. It’s French for “respond, please,” and it’s a good toddler mantra to live by. Try to speak when you’re spoken to by your little one—even if you haven’t made out a single word. Think about it this way: If someone who didn’t speak English came up to you and tried to speak, you’d try to understand—and you’d make an effort to respond, too (with the old smile-and-nod, at the very least). Well, your little one’s new to English, too, and definitely far from fluent. Understand what you can, piece together what you can’t (read that body language, invite your toddler to “show me what you want”), but even if you end up drawing a blank, RSVP any-way—with that warm smile and a convincing “Hmmmm, that’s interesting. Tell me more,” if nothing else. Any positive feedback is positive reinforcement for your toddler’s verbal efforts.
Hand over the mike. Sometimes, especially in busy homes with other kids hogging the stage, toddlers hardly ever get the chance to flex their communication chops. So be careful to leave some airtime for your littlest speaker. Eventually, it’ll get filled with words of his or her own.
Don’t make it too easy. Good communication is hard work. If you anticipate your toddler’s every need, there won’t be as much incentive to work those verbal skills. The results aren’t so much what matters, but you do want your little one to strive for an “A” for effort.
Ask away. Your toddler may still be short on answers (that you can understand), but asking questions is one of the best ways to get little ones talking. So ask away: “Do you want a snack?” “Which book do you want to read?” Answers can come in all forms at this age—in a shaking head (though if your toddler hasn’t worked out the nodding kinks yet, “no” can still mean “yes”), a grunt, a point, and more gestures and noises. All of them count—and any response lets you know your toddler is listening, understanding, and trying to communicate. After your little one has answered in his or her way, follow up with the words: “Oh, you want the book with the bunny in it!”
Get your words’ worth. Clear and concise (and animated) is the best way to speak to your toddler. But once comprehension is starting to add up, you can try working a word into a couple of different contexts: “See the bicycle? The boy is riding the bicycle” or “Yes, that’s a flower. The flower smells good.” Once this word use sinks in, try using the word in a sentence, injecting an adjective: “Let’s smell the pretty flowers.” “Daddy is singing a funny song.” You can also add an adverb once a verb is conquered: “We are walking fast.” “That man is talking loudly.” But try not to overload your toddler conversations. The idea is to keep it simple and layer it on gradually. And speaking of adverbs (like “slowly” or “quickly” or “gladly”), it’s fine to use them, but remember they’re a pretty nuanced part of sentence structure. You’ll want to work up to pronouns, too (“me,” “we,” “I”)—using them in tandem with proper nouns when possible: “Daddy is hungry. I am hungry.” Or “Isabella is in the bathtub. You are in the bathtub.”
Be a translator. No U.N. experience necessary—just the willingness to serve as translation go-between for your toddler and others. Maybe the woman at the checkout says, “I have some balloons for nice little boys. Would you like one?” Give your toddler a moment to respond, and if he’s drawing a blank, or is mumbling something that someone who doesn’t speak his language would never understand, step in and translate. You: “Would you like a balloon?” Your toddler: Gives an excited yelp, jumps up and down, and reaches for the balloon. You: “Say thank you for my balloon.” Toddler, possibly: “Ta-uh.” You: “He says thank you.” Communication established—the checkout lady’s happy, your toddler’s happy, you’re happy.
Remember those earmuffs. Since toddlers are sponges for language, they pick up just about anything they hear. Including words you might not want your toddler to hear—or repeat at family gatherings.
Don’t believe every word. Another heads up: Toddlers don’t necessarily mean what they say, any more than they say what they mean. Not just when it comes to... ahem... inappropriate words, but also when it comes to words that are conceptually way over that little head. So when your toddler says: “po-mis” (promise), well—let’s just say a promise probably won’t be a promise.
Support free speech. Your job is to encourage talking, not to push it. So nurture verbal development, but also let nature (and that timetable of your toddler’s) take its course. Cheer, challenge, but don’t turn life into an endless English lesson (boorrring!). Or a praise-fest, either. Conversation is also its own reward, so hang on to your toddler’s every word—or attempt at a word—but no need to give every syllable a standing ovation.
Know when to push “pause.” Getting that glazed-over look from your little listener? Your toddler may have reached conversation saturation. Or may just want some quiet time to think or babble to himself or herself. Give it a rest for a little while, then start up again later.