In Xfinity Series races, where we compete, races are held on Fridays and Saturdays, thirty-three weekends a year. We have forty racecars, and we send eight of them to the race location each weekend of the season—one primary car and one backup car for each of our four teams. A total of forty cars compete in each race, and the maximum number of cars any owner can enter is four. As of 2019, JRM is the only owner with four teams competing.
After each race, cars return to our shop in Mooresville, North Carolina, via tractor-trailer trucks. When the checkered flag falls in one race, we immediately turn our focus to the next green flag, usually six days later. First thing Monday morning after a race weekend, our team begins tearing down the cars used the previous weekend and rebuilding them for the next weekend’s races. Their work is not like building passenger cars, which are mass-produced with standard equipment. Each of our racecars is a unique piece of specialized machinery designed to get the driver across the finish line safely and faster than anyone else.
In addition to my responsibilities at JRM, where I’m a business owner and a boss, I’m also a wife and a mother. Many days my husband, L.W., who is a valuable member of our JRM team, drops by my office to discuss various work issues or just to go to lunch with me. Sometimes my children do their homework in my office or play on their phones while I finish my work in the afternoons. Our family also has a dog we love very much, and it’s not unusual for him to be lounging under my worktable in the office.
I take my job and my responsibilities seriously, but I don’t pretend to be 100 percent boss 100 percent of the time. I’m determined not to act as though I don’t have a husband or a family when I am at work. For me, part of being real is saying “This is who I am. Every member of my family is important to me, just as this organization is important to me. If I’m going to lead this company, my family will be in and out of the office at times. In addition, I’ll also be in and out at times, because my children have only one first day of kindergarten. They have only one high school graduation. They’ll have many milestones that matter to them and to me, and I’m going to be there for all of them. I may be working at midnight to compensate for time out of the office, but I will get my job done. I’m determined to lead this organization effectively while also fulfilling my responsibilities at home.”
Sometimes I have to get creative in order to do everything I need to do. I prioritize some activities over others because there are only so many hours in each day. That’s part of being a real leader with a real life.
I know what it feels like to pretend to be someone I’m not. I refuse to do that anymore. If you are ever tempted to do it, I hope you’ll refuse too. Trying to fake anything leads only to conflict and unhappiness. In contrast, learning to be authentic has been not only personally rewarding but also integral to my business life.
REAL LEADERS ARE THE BEST LEADERS
Being authentic and approachable is another way of saying, “Be real.” In fact, I would feel I was losing in every way if I couldn’t be authentic with the people around me. Being real is something I require of myself, and it takes many forms. It may mean being brutally honest while still being kind. It may mean asking for help when I need it. Or it may mean making a decision that I know in my heart is right, though my head cannot tell me exactly why.
I believe real leaders are the best leaders. Many people have a sixth sense about the people in leadership roles in their lives. Whether that person is a CEO, a schoolteacher, a pastor, a board chair, or the leader of a neighborhood garage sale, we are sensitive to phony people. We know when someone is not authentic, and we don’t like it. People who try to fake it may seem to thrive for a while, but they rarely achieve true or lasting success.
I grew up in the shadow of a famous racecar driver, a bigger-than-life personality around whom I felt I couldn’t be real. In order to remain in my dad’s good graces, I felt that I had to be who he and the people around him wanted me to be—not who I truly was. I did not want to disappoint him. Maybe that’s why I try so hard to teach my children not to be someone they’re not or not to pretend to be a certain type of person simply to impress or win favor with someone else. I speak to them about this every day, but that’s not nearly as powerful as living it in front of them.
I didn’t enjoy sharing my dad with thousands of fans, but I couldn’t stick my tongue out at them or tell them to go away—even if I really wanted to. Sometimes I felt that way because I believed they were taking my dad away from me. But I lived by the unwritten rule that I had to behave certain ways because fans were watching.
To be clear, the fact that my dad wasn’t available to me was not about the fans; my dad’s passion for racing simply didn’t leave much room for anything else in his life. As a child, all I knew was that everywhere I went, I was part of a family that seemed to exist to serve a legion of others—people I had not met and did not know. In my mind, they dictated too much about my life, and I couldn’t understand why making them happy was so important. It took a few years for me to understand how much they mean to our sport and to realize that they were not taking my dad away from me; they were simply excited to see him.
Now that I’m older, I genuinely love, appreciate, and value our fans. I’m convinced NASCAR fans are the best fans in the world. We wouldn’t exist without them, and on some level, everything I do in my roles as a NASCAR executive and member of the Earnhardt family ultimately influences the fan experience. I want that experience to be amazing for them. Helping them enjoy everything NASCAR offers brings me joy and satisfaction.
BEING REAL MEANS BEING HONEST
I know now that my job is to be true to myself, not to make anyone else happy. Ten years ago, I couldn’t have brought myself to share the truths I have about my father because I would’ve been afraid that something I said about my dad would somehow reflect badly on my brother. When Dale and I were younger, trying to paint a perfect picture of our family didn’t seem to matter as much to him as it did to me. He never hesitated to dye his hair, and his reputation for partying is well known. The fans never seemed to judge him negatively for that; it was all part of his persona. As I saw the situation, he was free to do whatever he wanted to do to affect his public image, but I didn’t want to risk damaging it.
I’ll never know whether candidly sharing my struggles with my father would’ve had negative consequences for Dale. What I do know is that I still have great love in my heart for my dad. Honoring his memory as best I can is important to me, but I’m no longer willing to protect a false image. I need to be real about who he was because that helps me be real about who I am.
If you have someone in your life with whom you have a complicated relationship, I hope you will be real about that person too. Understand that people who see you from a distance don’t know the full story. They’re only aware of what a person does in public and of the image that person has created. They base their judgments only on what they do know, even if it is incomplete or incorrect.
It’s so important to be real, but being real is risky. That kind of vulnerability puts a person at risk for rejection and disappointment and for being misunderstood and judged. Having tried to live as someone I wasn’t—and having now learned to be who I truly am—I can say that while the risks are real, they’re also worth taking. You will gain more than you lose. You will find a sense of inner peace that can’t be explained, and you will enjoy the satisfaction and rewards of living an authentic life.
ALLOW OTHERS TO BE REAL TOO
Part of being authentic in a business environment means making an effort to help others feel they can be real too. That includes respecting and listening to someone who presents fresh ideas or takes different paths to a goal, whether that person is a new entry-level hire or someone who has worked in the business for decades. I’ve learned to be willing to rethink a situation, to recalibrate our route to success if the ideas are good and workable, or even to disrupt our old way of doing things in favor of a new and better way.
In some work environments, innovation is encouraged—in theory. It may even be included in the company’s values. But when employees actually introduce a new idea, management feels threatened and downplays the attempt at creativity or presents it to superiors without giving the employee credit for it. Employees then feel silenced and disrespected.
I would like to think that JRM is a place that appreciates and makes space for innovation, as long as it’s done respectfully. We can’t upset our workflow with unproductive or poorly conceived ideas, and we can’t allow negative employees to affect the entire company. But if someone tries to break a mold with a good heart and in an attitude of humility, I want to respect that person. That one employee who dares to be different may lead our organization to a completely new and wonderful way of doing business.
MAKE YOURSELF APPROACHABLE
Another way to be real is to be accessible to the people who keep your company going. Maintaining an attitude of professionalism in your role is important, but being in charge doesn’t have to mean acting bossy or aloof. You can be friendly, genuinely interested in the people around you, and easily approachable and accessible.
I’ve heard that people have said of me, “She can see all sides of an issue. She’s a great analytical thinker. She knows how to solve problems. She understands the consequences and potential results of different decisions. She clearly sees and articulates pros and cons.” I appreciate all of these descriptions, but I think what I most like to hear is “She’s approachable” or “She’s accessible.”
Being approachable is more than a goal to me; it’s a value. I deeply desire for people to feel they can talk to me and that they can be honest. I start by making an effort to know each employee by name. It feels good to walk into our race shop and hear the mechanics say, “Hi, Kelley!” I have to assume that when I respond with “Hi, Jake,” “Hi, Carl,” or “Hi, Terry,” that makes them feel good too. This is an easy way to show that I notice them and care enough about them to call them by name. I do the same thing as I walk around our accounting office or down the hallways in our marketing area.
NASCAR is a small world, so I occasionally meet people who come to work for us and find out that their uncle worked for my dad or that their neighbor works in our human resources department. Making those family or friendship connections is important. As much as possible, I try to remember those details, and people appreciate that.
Another simple example of making myself accessible is this: if I want a bottle of water while I am working, I get some money from my purse and walk to the vending machine, just as every other employee is expected to do. My assistant would be happy to do that for me, but I do it personally—not just because I think it’s the right thing to do, but because it is a way to be accessible to the people I lead. I don’t hold impromptu meetings while getting water, but I do use those opportunities to smile and greet employees, ask them how they’re doing, and say, “Have a great afternoon!” This is one of many quick and easy ways to connect with people. It allows me access to them, and hopefully that causes them to realize I am accessible too.
In late 2018, a new JRM driver named Noah Gragson visited our facility and brought some family members and friends with him. He was standing in our shop, surrounded by his guests, when I walked in with my arms full of boxes that needed to go in the trash. When I saw the group, I simply said, “Hi! You guys caught me on my way to the dumpster.” They seemed surprised, and they, along with others in the shop, offered to take the boxes for me.
I appreciated the offers, but I don’t ever want anyone to think I expect people to do things for me when I can do them myself. People all over our company take their own boxes to the dumpster, and I can do that too. I’m not above doing it, and I do not want anyone to think that I am.
Not long after that incident, L.W. and I were on my way to pick up Rick Hendrick for our company Christmas party. My car was not as clean as I wanted it to be, so I pulled it around to our shop and asked, “Do we have a shop vac handy?”
L.W. wanted me to let one of the workers, who had offered, vacuum for me, but there was no reason I couldn’t do it myself. Plus, I don’t feel comfortable letting other people clean out my personal car or clean up my personal mess. I try to keep everything real. L.W. understands that, and his encouragement to let someone else vacuum the car wasn’t about my not being real; it was about the fact that he thinks I deserve better—and I love him for that!
Across our company, people volunteer to do personal tasks for me, but I hardly ever take them up on their offers because I want to keep us all on a level playing field. I need to maintain their respect for my knowledge, my leadership, and my position, but I don’t ever want to take advantage of it.
“Because management says so” and “because we’ve always done it that way” are two common leadership responses that shut people down quickly and send the message that a leader is not approachable. When people have legitimate questions about why we do certain things, those responses are not helpful. They’re old-fashioned answers that reflect an outdated mind-set toward leadership and collaboration. Sometimes “the way we have always done things” needs to change, and sometimes managers need to stop and think about what they are asking of people instead of expecting their word to become company law. As leaders, we don’t need to feel pressured to justify our decisions, but we are wise to want the people around us to understand our thinking so they can support and participate in our corporate vision and efforts.
At JRM and in companies around the world, I would love to see the phrases “because management says so” and “because that’s the way we’ve always done it” traded in for thoughtful, articulate explanations employees can understand and embrace. Growing up, I often felt I did not get the answers I needed to my sincere questions, and that’s probably why helping people feel they can approach me and be heard and respected is so important to me now.
This holds true in my personal life too. Sometimes my children ask, “Why do you have to work all the time?” I try to answer them honestly and not just by taking the easy way out, which would be to say something like, “Because everybody works.” Instead, I respond with questions that will help them understand what’s going on so that they can form their own conclusions. Our conversations go something like this:
“Mom, why do you have to work so much?”
“Do you like where we live?” (They do.)
“Do you like being able to go to the grocery store with me and buy some things you want?” (Yes.)
“Do you like to play extracurricular sports and do things with your friends?” (They like that too.)
“Do you like to go on vacation?” (They really like that.)
As they answer my questions, they realize why I work so much: so we can live the life we enjoy. But I’m also quick to let them know that because of the racing season schedule, I do have to work some weekends, but I can take more time off during the summers than most parents can.
Real leadership in a business setting doesn’t consist of sending emails and barking orders. It’s more interactive than that: it’s saying what we need to say, when we need to say it, and standing firm in our positions while also being authentic, accessible, and open-minded.
Being real is a bold action. It requires the courage to break the images and expectations others may have of us and to live and lead from the very core of our beings. Anyone who operates with that level of authenticity is someone who inspires good work, loyalty, and a willingness to make great things happen.