Former presidential speechwriter and author James Humes said, “The art of communication is the language of leadership.”1 He’s right—the ability to communicate effectively is one of the key skills that empower a leader to actually lead, to get things done. Without it, a leader can end up creating confusion and even chaos in his or her organization. The same principle applies to our personal lives. If we can’t communicate well, we won’t make much progress toward our dreams.
People in leadership roles are intimately familiar with the various logistical elements of their companies—budgets, schedules, contracts, forecasts, technology, administration, and other activities specific to certain industries. For me, those specific elements include racecars, parts, transportation trucks, marketing and public relations materials, and licensing agreements.
Do you see what all of these have in common? None is a human being.
The human component is part of what makes each company unique, and it’s often what separates mediocre ones from good ones, and good ones from great ones. No matter how amazing a product is—whether it’s a racecar or a tube of toothpaste—it can never rise above the abilities of the humans who created it. The people behind a product cannot do and be all they are supposed to do and be without effective communication.
This saying is one I have to laugh about because I know it’s true: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”2 Sometimes we think we’re communicating when we really aren’t. We are talking or sending emails, but they aren’t producing the results we need. Great communication moves a process forward; it does not allow anything to stall or move backward.
Libraries, magazines, and the Internet are full of advice on how to communicate effectively. Entire books have been written on that subject. My goal in this chapter is not to repeat information that’s already available; instead, I want to share with you general principles of effective communication. Then I will focus specifically on learning to communicate effectively when dealing with conflict.
GREAT COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDS THE AUDIENCE
I’ve come to realize the importance of learning how your employees hear or read your communication and then tailoring your message to their style. When new employees join our company, one of the first tasks we ask them to complete is their Management by Strengths profile, because it’s a great tool to help everyone know how to communicate most effectively with each other. For example, some people need direct, concise communication, and others need details and background information.
Just as you communicate differently with a spouse than you do with a sibling, you speak differently with various members of your professional team as well. Next time you get ready to share something important, regardless of the audience, these three simple questions can help your communication become more effective:
What Do They Already Know?
If people already know something, there’s no need to repeat it. For example, everyone at JRM knows we will be racing at every event on the calendar. A complete schedule for the racing season hangs on a whiteboard in our shop so everyone can see it, and many conversations around the office pertain to upcoming races. I don’t need to tell anyone when the Daytona season opener is; they already know.
Instead of rehashing what’s already common knowledge, simply reference it as needed and then move on to make your point. You can do so quickly with a sentence such as “With the Daytona 500 coming up in February . . .”
What Needs Additional Clarification?
One reason progress slows in many organizations is that people are informed but confused. This is usually the result of a communication breakdown at some point in the process. Occasionally you might think people know what to do simply because you’ve asked them to do it. That is not always the case; sometimes they need additional information or direction. Confusion often results when people are given a specific assignment without the context of a broader goal. In those cases, the only clarity needed is for them to understand how their role fits into a larger initiative.
What Do They Need to Know to Take the Next Step?
The best way to empower people to do what needs to be done is to make sure they have all the information they need to do it. This could include details as simple as a clear deadline: “I’ll need this report by EOB on February 1.” It could also involve more comprehensive instructions, such as “Form a team of six people to study the potential impact of this decision and meet weekly for a month to discuss it. Then give me a recommendation.”
The test of whether or not our attempts to communicate are successful is this: Do they cause others to take the actions we need them to take? Truly effective communication moves a process forward.
GREAT COMMUNICATION FOCUSES ON FACTS, NOT FEELINGS
Generally speaking in business, the more we stick to facts and leave out feelings, the more effective our communication will be. Feelings do not normally enable communication that moves people toward getting things done; facts do.
Not long ago I needed to conduct a performance review for an employee. To my surprise, she asked to write her own review. I wondered if she might end up giving me a story about how much she loved her job (I hoped) or maybe how and why she struggled with certain parts of it. In other words, I was curious to see if her review might be more emotional and less objective than I needed it to be. But she seemed to be a smart, valuable employee, and her idea was so intriguing to me that I agreed to let her do it.
When I read it, I saw nothing but facts. Many of the sentences in her assessment began with the words “I did . . .” By the time I finished the report, I could clearly see that she was indeed as smart and as valuable an employee as I expected her to be. The unorthodox review process was positive because she understood that I needed to see facts and measurable results, and she communicated them clearly.
The employee didn’t waste my time making statements about how she felt. She simply reported what she had done, offering one example after another to substantiate her claims, and I couldn’t argue with that. She made a case for her value based on specific examples and a facts-based assessment of her accomplishments. Her communication was terrific, and it helped her reach her goal of a pay increase.
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY DURING CONFLICT
For many people, the most difficult form of communication is communication during conflict. I don’t know anyone who is eager to see conflict, but great leaders understand that disagreement, when it happens between two entities who are passionate, can make a company (or, in your personal life, a relationship) stronger. William Wrigley said, “In business, when two people always agree, one of them is irrelevant.”3
Conflict that is about a person or an ego doesn’t serve anyone well. But I believe in embracing conflict that happens as a part of positive growth and change. I also admit that dealing with conflict isn’t pleasant. At JRM we do it as best we can; and we do our best to make it a stepping-stone, not a stumbling block, to the next level of greatness we want our organization to reach.
People may react in surprising ways when a conflict arises. Those who normally seem outgoing and talkative may suddenly withdraw from communicating. Those who seem quiet and reserved may find their voice and speak up, especially if they feel they’ve been violated or treated unfairly. This is because conflict pushes people into an entirely new realm of communicating. Making small talk with friends, coworkers, bosses, or employees around the break room or over lunch requires a “gift for gab,” but dealing with differences of opinion or with volatile issues demands a completely different set of skills and priorities.
As happens in any healthy company, I empower managers to handle conflict between employees, and I expect them to do so. Anytime a conflict arises, employees know to go to their immediate supervisor about it before escalating it to anyone in a higher position on our organizational chart. If the immediate supervisor doesn’t handle the situation to the employee’s satisfaction, they can move to the next supervisory level. If at any point during the situation others need to get involved, the supervisor may call in a representative from human resources. Once a matter reaches human resources, someone has made me aware of it, and I usually need to address or mediate it.
By the time a conflict gets to me, emotions are usually high, especially if strong personalities and strong feelings factor into it. So the first step I take is what I’ve already noted—to put emotion aside. If I allow myself to feel too passionately about the issue, especially if the conflict involves a person or situation close to my heart, I may not assess it accurately. Besides, the people involved typically have enough emotion about the situation without having me get emotional about it too! My job is to bring peace and diffuse the situation, not to intensify it.
Next, I gather as much information as possible. I talk to each party involved individually so I can hear everyone’s perspective. I ask them exactly what they think the problem is, because I know each person will view it and articulate it differently. The better I can understand how they interpret the problem, the better I can think through how to lead everyone to a resolution. Some people are able to talk about a problem objectively and clearly, while others tend to use feeling words and talk emotionally. Regardless of how they communicate, my goal is to encourage them to focus on facts and use concrete examples to articulate what they see as the bottom-line issue.
This is important to understand because the parties are not always willing to tell “the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” due to their desire to protect themselves or someone else. These dynamics are tough because, as a manager and leader, I have to put together all the information I have with the understanding that I may not have been told accurately everything I need to know.
A good barometer for truth, almost a sixth sense to know when people are or are not being honest, is an important quality to have. We all want to be surrounded by honest people, but we occasionally find out that we are not. Sometimes circumstances or further developments vindicate those who are honest or indict those who are not. Sometimes intuition tells us certain people are telling the truth, while others are not. Sometimes coworkers, vendors, or others inadvertently provide us with insight that lets us know the truth. Sometimes dishonest people trip themselves up and we catch them in a lie, which can ultimately lead us to the truth.
As a problematic situation unfolds, nothing serves us better than asking the right questions of the right people—asking for details, examples, and cold, hard facts. I try to contain conflict to the fewest possible number of people because having too many aware of a problem is bad for morale and can create gossip. At the same time, I don’t hesitate to ask anyone who knows about the problem to provide me with information I believe I need.
Given the size of our company and our family-oriented, all-in atmosphere, I bring everyone in together face-to-face when I can’t get where I need to by talking to people individually. I start the conversation by setting up the situation and the facts as I have heard them. From there, we discuss a solution and give each person at the table the opportunity to offer his or her input. If people were not honest previously, that usually becomes evident and the truth comes out. In most cases we end up in a good place, having learned how we could have avoided the scenario that unfolded and how to keep it from happening again.
Recently I learned a lesson from a conflict at JRM: if I (yes, I) had copied a member of the team on an email, we could have avoided a problematic situation with another department in our company. The problem started with me, and I took ownership of that. My staff could have brought the other department into the discussion, but that didn’t happen. Next time I’ll make sure all parties are copied from the beginning.
No matter the conflict, I live by three values: Be honest. Be respectful. Be professional. Let’s look at each one.
Be Honest
The only way to get to the bottom of any conflict is to talk about it forthrightly and openly. Some people avoid speaking honestly to protect themselves or others, to hide a mistake or failure, or to avoid looking like they can’t do their job. Honesty requires trust. I do my best to earn and build the trust of my team and of people in my personal life because being trustworthy is the right thing to do and because when they trust me, they will tell me the truth.
I believe I have a responsibility to model the qualities I want in our team at JRM. I’m the leader, so I need to set the example. I don’t want to hold the people around me to a higher standard than the one to which I hold myself. I can’t expect them to give me anything—such as honesty—if I don’t give it to them first.
In Tao Te Ching, the philosopher Lao Tzu wrote, “I am honest to those who are honest. And am also honest to those who are not honest. Thus is honesty attained.”4 He’s right: not everyone we deal with will be honest, but that’s no excuse for us to compromise the truth. Our job as leaders and as people is to be honest with everyone.
I want to offer one caveat: not everyone in an organization needs to know everything. That’s why there are tiers of management. In some cases, leaders have knowledge that could help resolve a conflict, but sharing that knowledge simply to solve a problem between two employees would not be wise. In moments like that, being honest can be a challenge—but that’s no excuse to compromise. We can find ways to tell the truth without disclosing information to people who do not need to know it or cannot be trusted with it.
Be Respectful
Most people can handle being disagreed with if they feel respected. Be courteous, speak kindly, and give others a chance to communicate what they need or want to say. Respect involves a willingness to truly hear what another person is saying and consider what that person thinks.
As a child and a young adult, I rarely felt heard and didn’t feel that I mattered. I did not feel respected. That’s one reason I want respect to be a key part of our corporate culture at JRM. It’s important to me that each person on our team feels that he or she has a voice worth listening to, is able to speak, and expects to be heard. As the leader, I may not agree with everything employees say, but I respect them enough to listen without interruption and without judgment. Even if I disagree with or correct them, I do that with kindness and do my best to leave the person feeling respected.
In my personal life, instead of simply telling my children what to do, I ask them and explain why it’s important. With my older children, I try to let them know I have heard them before offering my opinion. I don’t discount what they say but respond by saying something like, “I can see how you felt that way, but have you thought about this . . . ?” I also try to be respectful in my choice of words when communicating with my family by using words such as please and thank you.
I once read an observation that 10 percent of conflicts are due to difference in opinion and 90 percent are due to wrong tone of voice. I don’t know whether those statistics are accurate, but I do know that in most conflicts there’s a real issue and a perceived issue. A true disagreement may exist, while the heart of the problem may not be the argument but the attitude one person perceives from the other. If a person feels disrespected, conflict probably isn’t far behind. If I can help both parties treat each other with respect, the conflict or difference of opinion is usually easier to resolve.
Be Professional
Racing, like many sports, includes various levels of competition. Amateurs race for fun and may earn a little money doing it, but they are not professionals. Professionals are those disciplined enough, trained enough, and skilled or gifted enough to devote their lives to the sport as a career and to earn enough money to live well because of it. Professionals are the best of the best, and more is expected of them than of amateurs.
This is also true in the workplace. Even if the culture at your office is relaxed, standards of professionalism apply in behavior. Professionalism includes honesty and respect. It also includes being prepared to discuss a matter when the time comes, just as we would be prepared to make a presentation at a meeting. Professionalism involves the discipline to deal with disagreement in a way that keeps it focused on the matter at hand and not on secondary issues. It seeks to resolve conflicts as thoroughly as possible, but also as quickly as possible so everyone can get back to work. Because conflicts can be emotionally intense, they can easily spiral into pettiness or unfounded accusations. Professionalism doesn’t let that happen.
Professionalism keeps the level of conversation high, not allowing the parties involved to take cheap verbal shots at each other, to scream or rant, or to resort to name-calling or inappropriate language; a conflict within a business is not a bar fight. Professionalism requires one to be reasonable, respectful, focused, and productive.
To resolve a conflict in a professional manner, all parties have to keep the organization’s best interest, not their personal agendas, in mind. They also should avoid bringing up past problems that have already been resolved. If the conflict has deep roots, sorting it out may involve dealing with unresolved situations, but mentioning previous problems for the sake of stirring up trouble is not helpful or professional.
Conflict is unavoidable, but treating everyone involved with honesty, respect, and professionalism—and requiring them to deal with each other the same way—enables me to make great progress toward a resolution with maximum benefits.
Both at work and in other areas of life, effective communication is foundational to success. No matter whom we speak with or what the subject may be, the ability to clearly articulate information or opinions will contribute to a positive outcome.