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"How's the hero this morning?" asked Drew. He gave me a friendly look. I was snacking on the spread someone had laid out this morning at the precinct.
"Huh?" I looked up. "Who?"
His grin came quick. "Come on, there's such a thing as being too modest!"
"Oh, yesterday. Thanks. Okay, I guess?" I'd kind of forgotten about that. Obviously it was a big deal. I could still get in trouble for rushing in like that. But I'd had to, and people were probably alive because I had. The firefighters had been fast, but not fast enough.
Anyway, it was over now. I was thinking about Elias, and whether he was the calculus to my addition—or if it was even more complicated than that. He was on a whole different level, maybe not even the same school subject. It was really confusing.
And he was gonna be moving in this weekend, which was tomorrow, so I didn't really have time to figure it out before he was there with me all the time. I hoped this hadn't been a mistake. I also really wished he'd sleep in my bed every night because it had been so cozy and I'd actually slept. Somehow, after everything awful about the day, everything overstimulating and distressing, I'd slept so, so well.
"I don't get you," said Drew. "Why are you and Fisher both downplaying this? The captain was talking about a press release. We need good publicity—and if we don't grab it, your organization probably will."
"What's my—oh, the S&P. Yeah. I don't know. They'll probably yell at me. But what else was I gonna do? You'd do it." I gestured to him.
"We all like to think we would. You actually did."
I shrugged uncomfortably.
"Are you going to tell your pack if you get a medal or something?" he asked.
I may have told him about my pack. I ended up telling people all kinds of things I never actually planned to say aloud. I was kind of an open book that way.
"I haven't thought about it. I doubt they'd care. My dad just wants me to be straight, and his is the only opinion that matters in that pack." I scowled, the food tasting less good all the time.
"What about your mother? Doesn't she have a say?"
"Well, she might, but she died when I was real little, so..." I shrugged.
"And there's no other relatives who'd want to keep up with you or wish you the best? Or pick your side?"
"What side is there? I left the pack so I didn't have to follow my dad's rules."
"You didn't even think about overthrowing him, or whatever it's called? You can't tell me they're all happy, if he's that strict with his own son."
"No, he's that strict with everybody." I snorted and shook my head. "I'm not competent enough to run a pack. I can barely take care of myself. Plus I'm..." I hesitated, trying to remember. "I'm twenty-two now. I was even younger when I left. Who the hell would follow an alpha that young?" I laughed at the thought.
Drew's eyes widened. "Wait, you're how old? I thought you were at least—"
"Rory. There you are. Come on. The captain wants a word." My partner frowned at me, holding a hand out towards the captain's office, as if they'd been waiting already for a long time.
But I just got here? I thought. How could I be in trouble already? The answer was easy: any way at all.
Sighing, I headed towards him. "Later," I said to Drew. "If I make it out alive!"
"The man of the hour," said the captain, looking at me like he wasn't sure what to make of me. "We've got a representative from the S&P wanting to speak with us. He'll be here early next week with some follow-ups and interviews to conduct. God knows what triggered that; they hadn't heard about your little rescue mission yesterday, but now that they have, they'll be looking into that, too. In the meantime, we've got some grateful families and a curious public that would like a photo op. We can get some good press if you can show up and be charming and heroic. I'm afraid procedures says that you've also got to get a couple of sessions of counseling, because, whatever you think of your capabilities, and however glad we are that nothing happened to you, you could have died yesterday."
"Could I?" I blinked. "No, I don't think so."
"The bomb could've been a two stage thing," said the captain. "The guy could've come back and shot you. Something else could've gone wrong. The truth is you rushed in and if you'd died, we'd be having a news conference of a whole different nature. Anyway, just talk to the shrink and let them make sure you're not scarred for life or a danger to yourself or something."
"I'm not!" How was I in trouble for this?
His expression got slightly nicer, like he wasn't actually annoyed with me at all. "You don't have to think about these things, but I do. Now go on—you're not in trouble, but I expect you to mind your Ps and Qs for a while and not make any waves. We'll have a bunch of people breathing down our necks over this, and I don't want any slip-ups. Stick with your partner, follow the rules, do the counseling—and for God's sake, smile when they take your photograph."
I nodded hard, standing as straight as I could. "Yes sir."
Walt and I left. He had the details, so we started following up on everything right away: making the appointment with the shrink, figuring how what I should wear to the press conference and what, if anything, I should say.
Walt thought it would be best if I said as little as possible. Let the firefighters tell the story, which was newsworthy enough. They knew the details. I should look humble and shake hands for the photographs, or whatever they wanted.
Between one thing and another, I had a really busy day. Also, an investigator from the fire department showed up and wanted to go over what I'd seen and done, to confirm a few details. They had a pretty clear-cut case on this one, but she wasn't letting anything slide, and I was glad of it.
I went over everything twice with her, and when we were done, she said the fire department would be glad to have me drop by sometime so they could give me a proper welcome to the world of firefighting—and a warning that it had better be my last unauthorized rodeo.
"Yes ma'am," I told her.
"There are chili nights," she added. "Every Thursday. We'd be glad to see you there."
#
By the time I made it to the diner after work, I was exhausted. Nothing physically tiring had happened, but I'd been on the hop, and it was just a lot to take in, and a lot of attention focused on me. Some of it friendly, some less so.
Walt was still pretty terse with me, so I knew he hadn't quite forgiven me for being such a problem for him to look after. Maybe Elias was right, that he minded not being the hero. But I didn't think it was that. I was pretty sure he just wished he'd chosen literally anyone else for his partner, anyone who didn't need as much babysitting.
"The man of the hour," said Jack, slightly less sourly than usual, when the bell announced me and I entered the diner after work. "What'll it be?"
"Whatever's good," I said.
"Hey, we saw you on the news!" said Dani, waving from a booth.
I waved back distractedly. I was looking for Elias. He was either here now or had been here recently, because I could smell him. There. He waved from his table in the back. "I'll be with Elias," I said, and headed straight over. I knew it would be quiet there. Maybe I could collect the pieces of my mind that seemed to have gone everywhere but inside my head.
He was spread out on the small table with his stuff, and he had been hunching over it. He straightened up as I arrived and brushed some curls out of his eyes.
"You looked great on the news," he said, giving me a careful look. "You don't look so great now."
"I'm tired." I plopped down. "There's so much happening." I gestured to my brain. "I can't keep up with it all. The assessor is due next week. He'll have questions about the fire, too. I have to talk with a professional therapist because the cops say so. And Walt's still mad at me. But at least I'm invited to chili night at the firehouse. I just want to forget about it all for a while. It's too much to think about, but I can't turn my brain off."
He gave me a thoughtful look. "Would bowling help?"
I shook my head.
"Dancing?"
I shrugged, mouth turning down. "Sometimes. Maybe. Sometimes it just gets me more wound up and then I can't sleep all night." Why was I admitting this to him?
He frowned. "And you didn't get to hook up yesterday, which would've helped?" It was a question.
"Maybe. I'm not sure."
"I'm sorry I interrupted your night." He looked like he was trying to mean it, but he had some thoughts about shifters who only had casual sex. None of them exactly flattering. He pursed his lips, trying not to say any of them aloud.
He made up his mind about something. "You eat your meal. I'll finish this up. Think of somewhere fun you want to go, and we'll go, my treat." He turned back to his books, sliding a pencil from behind his ear. Then he looked up again, pointing it at me. "Oh, and if you don't decide, I'll pick, and it will be somewhere very cheap if I pick."
I couldn't hide my grin. "Because of those tight fists?"
"Exactly." He barely blushed at all.
It wasn't more than a couple of minutes later—and I hadn't thought of a single thing I wanted to do, ever—he flung down his pencil and said, "The thing that gets me is it was a second date! And he just walked away! He saw I was having trouble, and he was just like, 'I'm out.'" He frowned at me, raking fingers back through his hair. "Who does that kind of thing?"
"People never know how they'll react in an emergency. But that was pretty shitty, I agree."
I pushed the fried clams closer to Elias. It was not something I would have picked, but Jack was right. They were good. Everything else was, too. You could trust Jack.
I said, "You've been thinking about this all day. Did you tell your date off?"
"No. Obviously I'm done. I'm never speaking to him again. Not that I have to worry about it. I'm clearly being ghosted." His scowl was horrible. "What kind of shitty person does that? Like it was my fault I was being harassed? Or did he assume it was something else? Assume, because I'm a shifter, I couldn't possibly be in a situation against my will. Maybe I'd asked for it somehow?"
"You tell your guys you're a shifter, then?"
He looked at me like I was insane. "Of course. Dating is about honesty."
"Oh. I don't tell anybody. You know. When I'm not dating."
He thought about that for a second, then nodded. "That's more of a safety issue. I've already vetted the guys I'm dating, enough to want to be honest with them, because I'm not just looking for one night that's not too risky. That seems to be what you're after."
"Not a whole night," I said, shocked. "Just a hookup."
For some reason, he blushed. I don't know why. It wasn't like we hadn't already talked about this stuff. "Well. That." He looked back down at his book and tapped the pencil against it, fast. That seemed like the sort of nervous energy I would display, not calm, clever Elias.
"You're really upset about this guy," I said. "But none of it was your fault."
"Well, maybe it was." He grimaced. "I could've suggested meeting somewhere safer. Only I didn't realize it wasn't safe until—well—" He dropped his gaze back to his books, slumping forward. He made a sound that was half growl, half whine. "Why does everything have to be so. Damn. Hard."
It wasn't really a question. If so, he wouldn't expect me to have the answer. He'd know better than that.
I put a hand over one of his, feeling sorry for him. Poor Elias. He was so sensible and hardworking and aboveboard. He didn't deserve so much hassle.
#
In the end we went back to my place, and somehow or other ended up inviting a lot of friends to come along and play poker.
"I'm not even sure if I know all the rules to poker," I admitted to Elias as he was gathering his stuff.
"You should have thought of that before you decided to go with that...that card sharp."
I looked at him, surprised to hear him saying that. "Henny? You're calling him a card sharp?" It was true I'd lost—and lost some money—but that was just bad luck. It hadn't been Henny's fault.
He grimaced, waving a hand in front of his face. "Forget I said anything. I forgot. The sun shines out of his ass."
I gave Elias a long, sober look. He sounded so bitter. "Do you and Henny have an issue with each other I should know about?" I swallowed a bitter pang. Maybe they'd had a relationship of some kind and it hadn't worked out. Maybe they'd had something together that I would never have with either of them.
"I doubt he knows I exist," said Elias, looking a little embarrassed, but also defensive. He hugged his book bag. "You think he's so great, Rory, but most people wouldn't trust him as far as they could throw him. He gets up to some pretty dodgy stuff. I hope you know that."
I thought about that. I knew it was true, but it didn't change how aware of Henny I always was, or the way I lit up around him. "I could probably throw him pretty far," was all I said.
Elias snorted, half amused despite himself. "You probably could, at that. I wish sometimes that you would! Let's just say that's probably going to be the only bad thing about living with you. That guy!"
"No," I said. My voice came out small. "He doesn't come around."
Elias gave me a quick, sharp look. He looked like he had a lot more to say. But he reined it in. Toby arrived just then, gave me a one-armed hug, asked where we were going.
"My place, a friendly game of cards, maybe some pizza. We won't play for money," I added, because that had been important to Elias.
"It's not a friendly game anymore if people can lose money," he'd told me, pretty firmly.
I felt both odd and excited about inviting people to my place. I didn't have enough chairs, for sure. And I would probably be a terrible host. But somehow, when Elias thought it was a good idea, I was just excited and flattered. After all, he'd actually seen the place. He'd be living there soon.
Maybe we'd end up having people over a lot, hosting parties and stuff. Maybe we'd be cool and popular! I imagined the place decorated in a way that would make it look friendly and welcoming. Lots of chairs, probably. While I couldn't imagine what it would look like, I'd bet Elias would have some ideas. But he'd also said he didn't want visitors, and that he wanted somewhere quiet to study. So which was it?
He caught me giving him curious little glances as we got ready to go. "What?" he asked defensively, bristling. He probably thought I was going to say something about Henny, but I wasn't ready to open that can of worms.
"You said you didn't want us to have visitors, but now you want us to have visitors and play cards," I pointed out quietly, nudging his shoulder gently with mine as we walked in step. "I don't mind. It's a good idea. But why the change of heart?"
"That wasn't the kind of visitors I meant," he said in a low voice. "I meant hookups."
I felt, suddenly, exposed and embarrassed. I stopped walking. He stopped abruptly and turned back.
"Did we get our wires crossed?" he asked, looking up at me.
"No. Yes. You know you've got to say what you mean with me, Elias. You can't hint!" I was appalled to feel close to tears. Maybe it was because of the long day I'd had. But finding out I hadn't understood one more thing—and an important one—was the last straw. From Elias, too! I frowned at him. "It's an unwritten rule. That's not fair. You didn't even have the—the guts to say it properly."
"I'm sorry," said Elias humbly. "I thought we were on the same page. If it's a deal breaker, I'll look for somewhere else. I just don't feel safe living in a den where random strangers can show up anytime, unvetted, for sex."
I looked at him, really studying his face. I saw honesty there. He hadn't been trying to trick me. He wasn't laughing at me. He'd just thought I knew what he meant. I guess for fox shifters, sometimes strangers, sex, and that kind of thing could be tricky—even risky. Some people thought fox shifters were all sex workers, or always ready for sex. Him wanting his home to be a safe zone wasn't so odd.
"Don't use code words when you talk to me about important stuff," I told him. "As it happens, that's fine. I don't bring guys home."
"You don't?" His glum expression lightened again. He'd really been thinking he couldn't move in with me, hadn't he?
I shook my head. "No, I don't like strangers in my space, where I eat and sleep. There's always somewhere to hook up that doesn't infringe on my den." He'd called it a den, so I could, too. Usually I felt stupid when I used a word that fitted more in a shifter's view of the world, like saying "pack" instead of "extended family," or "den" instead of "home."
It wasn't weird that we'd both be funny about our personal home space, though. That was kind of an essential for feeling safe, as a shifter. I might not spend a lot of time as my wolf self, but that part of me still informed a lot of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes stuff that seemed super obvious to me, but other people didn't seem to get at all.
Calming down, I realized this was actually good news. I put an arm around his. "That also means you can't bring home strangers," I told him.
He rolled his eyes. "I wasn't going to."
I smiled. "What about dates?"
"Because that's going so well for me," he muttered. "Look, the point is—and clearly I didn't make it—I need to feel safe where I live. For me, that means there aren't going to be unexpected strangers. And I'm very unlikely to bring someone home unless I'm intensely serious about them, and I would definitely bring the subject up with you first. Okay? No strangers. Nothing unexpected."
I grinned. "It sounds like I have to meet and approve of all your boyfriends."
"That's not what I said."
"That's what I'm hearing," I told him. "You don't want to date anyone I don't approve of."
His quick grin was fierce, showing me a glint of teeth and danger. "Not that I don't trust you, Rory, but unless I get to approve of your hookups, that's not going to happen."
"What are you two going on about?" asked Theo, sliding in between us, putting an arm around us both. "Roommate stuff?" He gave us a nudge.
"Roommate stuff," I agreed.
"Arguing already," he teased. "I wonder how long this whole thing will last."
Elias glared at him, offended. "For your information, I am not difficult to live with."
"It's like the Odd Couple, but you're both gay."
"That's such a dated reference," said Elias, giving him a haughty look.
Theo was instantly offended. "It's a classic! You don't know your classics?"
"Don't be such a film bro," said Elias. "Not everybody likes stupid old movies from the seventies."
"It was also a TV show!" said Theo, putting a shocked hand to his chest. He turned to me. "Rory, you can't live with this heathen! He has no cinematic taste."
I raised my hands, hoping to back out of the conversation. "Don't talk to me about that. I don't know about that kind of thing."
"Why, what do you watch?" he asked, nudging me, teasing me. He leaned closer to me. "Lots of adult films, maybe?"
"I don't watch kids' shows," I said, trying not to be insulted. "Of course I watch stuff for grownups." Mostly.
Elias glared at Theo, hard. To me he said, "Rory, he means porn."
"Aw, you're no fun. Let me tease him!" said Theo. "He's so cute when he's confused!"
My face felt hot. "Sometimes I watch porn," I admitted. "But they're not films, and they're not always very grown up, so why say 'adult films?'"
"It's just a euphemism," said Elias. "Like saying 'friends with benefits' when they really just mean fuck buddies. It's supposed to sound slightly nicer." He gave Theo a dismissive look. "You're too sweet to be friends with this guy, Rory."
"Oh, and you're not a bag of teeth and venom?" said Theo to Elias. "You're the meanest fox I've ever met!"
"And you've met so very many, have you?" said Elias, sweetly, showing his teeth. He got back between me and Theo and put his arm around me. Pointedly, he didn't put an arm around Theo. "By the way, what are you bringing to the poker game, or are you just coming to sponge as usual?"
Theo took immediate offense. "You didn't tell me snacks were required!"
He hadn't told me, either. I looked at him.
Elias shrugged. "Suit yourself. You'll have to settle for whatever we pick out, then. Whatever super tasteful items we choose, in all our heathenish ways."
"Chips and dip?" said Theo, looking concerned. "Right? It won't be anything worse than that."
"Maybe one bag of chips," conceded Theo, wrinkling his nose. "It won't go far, but we're really there for cards, right?"
"I'll see you there," said Theo, moving away quickly. "I'll find something to bring. Heathens," he added.
I looked at Elias. "You didn't tell me we had to get snacks!"
"Well, it's sort of like a party, so I thought that went without saying."
I thought about it. "How about pizza? I could order pizza. But it's not gonna be fancy, Elias. I don't even have chairs!"
"When I move in," he said, "we'll have chairs."
I wasn't sure if that was a threat or a promise. But it felt right. Elias would know what to do. He'd figure this whole living together thing out.
All the same, I kind of wished he hadn't brought up friends with benefits. It made me want things I couldn't have.