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I guess it was the first time we'd been back to the diner since we started seeing each other. I mean, sleeping together. I mean, whatever we were doing.
We'd both been busy. I hadn't planned that we'd be making a grand entrance together. Except, apparently, that's what we were doing.
The hooting I didn't mind. The whistling, yes, I did mind. Theo went so far as to stand up and clap.
"About time!" called Jasper.
By now, Elias was blushing and looking halfway pissed off. I knew it wouldn't take much more to really piss him off. Maybe I was blushing some, too. "Calm down," I said. "Let's eat!"
They finally stopped making such a fuss and let us get ourselves seated and order. Elias sat close to me, like maybe he didn't want to get too far apart with everyone watching us like this. Or maybe he just didn't want anybody else to sit next to me instead of him.
They wanted details; Elias gave them nothing, so I didn't either. Eventually the topic moved on to food, to my job, to catching up with everyone. Sage wasn't here, and I missed her. I asked Dani where she was.
She shrugged, avoiding my gaze. "I don't know. She's been busy lately."
"Did something happen? You two aren't friends now?" I asked sympathetically.
"Nothing like that," said Dani, too quickly. "She just...doesn't really want to hang out lately."
I looked at Elias for help. "Do you have her number? Maybe I can give her a call?"
"She'd probably prefer if you texted her," said Elias. "Sage doesn't like talking on the phone."
"Okay," I agreed. He got me her number. I was busy with that for a little bit then, while the conversation swirled on around me.
I looked up when I became aware they'd stopped talking.
And then I saw it was Henny. Henny! How my heart always leapt when I saw him. But, somehow, not so much now? He was looking pissy and hot in his leather jacket and ripped jeans. He gave me a cold look as he swept by. It was definitely aimed at me, not Elias.
I guess he takes rejection badly. But he should've known he was asking me for things I couldn't give, in the worst possible way he could ask. If he wanted to hold a grudge about that, it wasn't very mature. We could still be friends. But I wasn't going to have him trying to ruin whatever Elias and I had going on.
I turned to look at Elias and shrugged. Elias was holding himself very still. I went back to texting. After a bit the conversation started up again.
"That's how you know it's serious," said Theo in a loud whisper to his husband.
"I'm not going to sit here for this," said Elias. "Either stop being smug gossipy bitches or I'm gone."
I looked up from my texts. "Huh?"
He was red in the face and pointed accusingly at Theo. "They're harassing me and I won't stand for it!"
"Maybe you could sit for it?" suggested Theo with an evil grin.
I gave him a stern look. "Could you maybe be nice to Elias? He's been having some rough days."
"I'll bet he has," said Theo, grinning even wider. Then he put his hands up. "Okay! Okay! I'll be nice." He said it like it was a dirty word. "But don't blame me if Elias drops dead from shock. I'm never nice to him."
I put an arm around Elias, giving him a half hug. "Babe, help me figure out what to say to Sage. I can't tell if she's sick or sad."
Theo and Jasper looked at each other, eyes wide. "Babe," mouthed Jasper.
Elias, though, gave me his full attention, accepting my phone from me. "If she's sick, soup," he said. "If she's sad...hm. Maybe flowers? No, maybe a visit? I don't know. Dani?" he asked, looking at Dani.
"Uh." Dani waved her hands, embarrassed. "I guess we could make plans to go to that fair that's coming up this weekend. I mean, if we all wanted to."
"You think that would cheer her up?" I said, looking at her closely. If she was suggesting an event like that, then she was pretty sure Sage wasn't sick. Just sad. Sometimes, sad is enough. Maybe she also wanted to spend time with Sage again without having to commit to anything one-on-one.
I'd had a feeling about those two. I'd told myself I was wrong, because I was wrong a lot and it was stupid to think there could be something, when Dani acted so aggressively straight. Plus, they were so different.
But maybe. Maybe. Maybe...
"That's a good idea," said Theo, jumping at it. "Let's all agree to go."
"Sure," said Elias. "It'll be nice to get out and do something mildly wholesome for once."
"What, bowling isn't wholesome enough for you?" asked Theo, giving him a snarky look.
"Not the way you drink," shot back Elias, making a face at him.
"It would be nice if you two could get along," I said.
Elias turned an appalled look on me. "You're supposed to take my side!" He elbowed me lightly in the ribs.
"I'll take your side about important stuff, not getting in a fight with Theo about things that don't matter."
"It doesn't matter if bowling is less wholesome than a county fair, due to the proximity of alcohol?" he asked. Then he thought about it for a second and shook his head. "No, in the big scheme of things, that's not an important question."
"The question is whether Sage will come along on the trip to the fair," said Jasper, getting us back on topic. He pointed to the phone. "Text her and ask."
"Tell her we're all planning to go," said Dani quickly. She leaned on her elbows and eyed my phone worriedly, as if hoping I wouldn't mess up the text.
"You could text her." Jasper pointed out the obvious.
"No, I—it would be better coming from Rory. Everybody respects Rory," said Dani, scrambling for a reason.
I snorted, because they most definitely did not. Elias put a hand on my arm. "Everybody who matters," he corrected gently, giving me a squeeze.
I looked at him. I wanted to say something, but I didn't have words for what I wanted to say. It was kind of a full feeling in my chest, but not tight. It felt good, and it made me feel bigger and broader somehow, expansive, in a good way. Not like I took up too much room or anything. Like maybe I could touch the ceiling if I tried, and it wouldn't be awkward. I gave him a sideways sort of grin and then went back to texting Sage.
I really didn't know what else to do with myself.
"What, no PDA?" said Theo, and then he said "Ow!" loudly.
Elias straightened up again, with a grim, pleased look, as if he'd just gotten done kicking someone under the table.
#
Curt told me I really should join a pack. I told him I wasn't going to. He said that I should meet some of the local ones. There might be a good fit for me.
"I'm not joining a pack," I told him, making eye contact hard. "When I know what's right for me, I don't back down, and it's not right for me to have another alpha having any say, ever, over my life. I lived through that with my father. But it's not happening again."
He studied my face for a long moment, then nodded, like he didn't want to agree, but sort of had to. "An alpha is likely to feel challenged by you anyway," he said. Whatever what meant. I decided not to ask, since I'd won that round.
He did much better with other areas of my life. He told me which therapist I was going to, someone who'd worked with their organization before and had experience working with shifters.
As for Walt. He wasn't going to be my partner anymore. He had some stuff to figure out for his career, but I wasn't going to be part of it anymore. He could stand or fail on his own now. I think we were both glad about that. We never really talked about it. There was no big goodbye. We just separated our lives and didn't look back. I was more relieved than sad. Working with Walt—and feeling like a failure in his eyes—had been weighing on me pretty heavily.
Now he was free of me. And I was free of him.
Even though Curt was still working out the details, and nothing was for certain yet, I didn't want to move ahead with the idea of Drew as my new partner unless he and Elias met each other at least once. I needed to know if they could like each other. Or at least tolerate each other. Face it, they were both going to be hearing about one another a lot if they were both in my life.
Anyway, I arranged for them to meet.
It was at the diner. Elias, seated with me at a booth, looked up and gave Drew a cautious look when he held out his hand. We'd been killing time just eating and, for Elias, working on homework while waiting for Drew.
I could see that Drew was also looking at Elias cautiously. They seemed wary of each other.
They shook hands and Drew introduced himself but didn't sit down.
"Why don't we move to a table?" suggested Elias, uncurling himself from the booth. "It's a little crowded here." I looked at him, surprised. He never minded a crowded booth before.
Then I realized. Drew wasn't going to fit into this booth. Booths could be a little bit of a squeeze for me, and Drew was bigger than I was. I hadn't even thought of that. It hadn't even occurred to me.
"Thanks," said Drew, trying not to look embarrassed.
Damn, I was going to have to get a lot more thoughtful if I ended up as his partner. I'd gotten this wrong. Drew was already sensitive about his weight. People bugged him at work. He had self-conscious feelings about it.
I even kind of thought that was why he hadn't gone after a shifter partner in the first place, hadn't even applied for the position he'd have been better suited for than Walt. "Not a go-getter," was how he'd put it when Curt was asking him questions. But what he'd meant was that they probably didn't want people like him in the program at all.
Anyway, he didn't need more trouble from me.
I'd remember about the booth thing next time. But what else was I missing, or would miss next time? The more I thought about it, the harder and sadder it all seemed.
Elias looked at me. "You're getting in your own head. What about?"
I shook my head.
"It's all right," said Drew. He seemed a little more comfortable now that we were seated and looking at menus and making small talk. "You two can talk. It doesn't have to be here in front of me, and I don't mind if it is. Rory is an open book." He looked at me, smiling a little. "You'll end up telling me, anyway."
"Oh god, does he tell you everything?" Elias sounded appalled. He gave me a wary look, worried.
"No! Someone usually stops him before he shares anything explicit," said Drew with a laugh. "But it's not like plenty of them don't share explicit stories, so I don't know why it's so shocking."
"It's because I'm gay," I informed him.
I hadn't kept my voice down low enough. There was a couple at the next table—old people—and one of them glanced at me, looking shocked.
"It's true," I informed her. "I know I look like a meathead, and I kind of am, but I'm still gay."
"You don't have to explain yourself to people," said Elias, putting a hand over mine, casting a stern look at the lady. "And this is just a friendly meal. No excuses, no pressure. Let's just eat and chat."
I nodded, grateful to him for making it easier for me.
And that's what we did: chatted and ate. It got easier pretty soon. I was pleased that Elias and Drew seemed to like each other okay. Overall, it was a good meal and a good chat.
"Do you like him?" I asked Elias when we were alone together later.
Elias didn't dodge the question. He nodded. "He's much nicer than Walt. He cares about you being comfortable, and he clearly respects you as a person." He studied my face. "He also seems to like you."
"Not like that," I pointed out.
"No, I'm not getting jealous. But you were starting to freak out at first. What was that about?"
"Oh. You noticed he couldn't sit at the booth, but I didn't. Am I going to do stuff like that a lot? He gets bullshit about his weight already, and I don't want to make it worse."
Elias nodded. "I get that. Maybe you could ask him how to not make him uncomfortable. Otherwise, you could wait and see, or learn as you go. He might not want to talk about it. I sure as hell don't want people to ask me about things I feel self-conscious about."
I looked at him. "You? You don't feel self-conscious, do you?"
He leaned forward on his elbows, facing me seriously, slightly exasperated. "Of course I do, Rory. Everybody has insecurities."
I stared at him, trying to guess. I couldn't think of anything he might have to be insecure about. He saw my assessing look, and his face got a little red.
"But what do you have to be insecure about?" I asked him. I gestured to him. "You're you."
He shook his head, but he was blushing bright red now. "Never you mind. We can have that talk another time." And he wouldn't say more.
"You definitely like Drew, though?" I asked him.
"I do. He's kind to you."
I nodded. "He's nice, even when it's not part of his job. That's a good sign, right?"
"I think so," said Elias. "But it might be good to have a conversation about paperwork at some point, so he doesn't go into it with Walt's level of expectation and frustration."
I stared at him. "You think Drew would get as frustrated as Walt does?"
"No, but you're jumpy about paperwork already. You need to have clear expectations of each other."
"I think I already told him. I think he knows." I frowned, trying to remember. I was sure I'd mentioned how tough I found that, and I was sure Walt had mentioned it, too. More than once. I made up my mind. "Yes, we'll talk about paperwork. Just in case!"
"Good." Elias put a hand over mine. "I'd love to see you have a partner who treats you right."
"Me, too."
He was still looking at me. I looked back, confused. His eyes looked sort of...intent? Like maybe there were words he wasn't saying. So I just stared back, waiting for them.
He cleared his throat. "I guess one thing I'm self-conscious about is not measuring up to a certain hot, flashy guy who always holds your attention. Henry," he added, in case I wasn't sure who he meant. "But not today. Today, you didn't go after him. You barely said hi."
I shrugged. "Maybe I'm finally over him, now that I know how badly he can behave." It really hadn't been proper for him to say the things he'd said about me and Elias.
"But you've known what he's like for a long time now," said Elias. "And you didn't care. Am I actually hotter to you now than he is? Is that part of it?" He looked a little scared of what the answer might be.
I spoke, as usual, without thinking. "You're always hotter than Henny," I said. "You're just not off limits anymore."
He looked at me, and there were things sparking in his eyes, hot and bothered things. He stood up suddenly, his face red. "Maybe we should go home."
I grinned at him and waggled my eyebrows. I didn't have any argument, though. I thought it was actually a pretty good idea.