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Drew said he didn't want to get in the way of my friends. He didn't want to intrude. "You won't be intruding," I said. "We're not some tight-knit group where there's no room for anyone else. We just go to the same diner and sometimes go bowling and stuff. There's always room for more! Actually, I'm not sure if we're always all friends. Sometimes Elias and Theo really don't get along very well. I'm pretty sure Dani and Jasper never chat. But we like to hang out sometimes, anyway."
I studied his face closely. "You can say no. But you've got to say no, not hint, otherwise I'm just going to think you're being shy or something."
His expression, when I said that, proved it was shy, not that he was trying to say no. He looked and smelled really embarrassed, but just for a second.
"If you want, I can text everybody and ask if it's okay," I said.
He cleared his throat, rubbing a thumb against his nose. "That would be good," he managed eventually.
It was nice. Drew and I were going to go on a training course together to get our certification. In the meantime, I was on consultant status and barred from field work. Mostly, that meant I hung around the precinct and got more time off. It was kind of nice. I got to see more of Elias, because his schedule was often weird. Now I had more flexibility in mine, I could see him more.
Sometimes, I went to the grocery store and hung around and went through his line a bunch of times with just one or two item purchases, so I could at least see him that day. He always tried to act very professional and like he didn't know who I was, mostly so he wouldn't get in trouble with his job, but also to tease me, I think. He definitely wasn't annoyed. Trust me, I know when Elias is annoyed. His eyes don't do that sparkle thing when he's annoyed with me.
Everybody texted and said it was okay if I brought Drew along to the fair, and also they'd be glad to see him at the diner any time. I wasn't sure he was ready for the amount of scrutiny he might get from everybody at once. Much less any of Theo's frank thoughts. Don't get me wrong. They wouldn't be mean to Drew. But they'd be unfiltered and maybe too much. It would be better to ease him into things.
I went to chili night at the fire house. I ate a lot of chili and they teased me a lot, but they also showed me the fire engines and explained some stuff to me, like my own personal tour. I ate so much food that I promised I'd bring something next time I came, so I wasn't just using up their food.
They said as long as I didn't run into any more burning buildings it was all good.
Some of the firefighters were really curious and wanted to know more about wolves, and about what I'd done the day of the fire—my reflexes and stuff like that. I know some shifters don't like talking about shifter stuff with non-shifters, but I've never minded.
Anyway, we all got along.
I was feeling pretty cheerful afterwards, and I went to go see Elias at his job yet again. I was feeling brave and silly and like maybe I could tackle the world. I'd also been thinking about something for a while without talking to anyone about it, which is not normal for me. Anyway, I was ready to talk to Elias about it.
I grabbed a bunch of bananas and got in his line. He worked register a lot. He was good with customers, I guess. He'd said he'd rather stock shelves, but I guess he didn't get to pick.
I waited my turn. There were people behind me, so I let them go first. I didn't want to be rushed. As soon as it was my turn, I started talking to Elias. "So I was thinking. There's someone I'm dating, and they work all the time, but they're also going to school?" I said.
"That'll be a dollar fifty-two, sir," said Elias, trying not to let it show that he knew I was talking about him.
I pulled out a handful of coins. "Hope you don't mind if I pay with change," I said, looking up and giving him an evil grin. "I've got a lot of coins."
Elias gave me a stern look, but he was still amused, so I wasn't really pushing it that far yet. I began counting them out while I talked, sounding as casual as I could. I kept my face down, looking at the coins and not at Elias.
"The thing is, he works really hard, and I'm sure he'll earn a lot more money when he's a college graduate. He's really smart and stuff. I wondered if maybe I should ask him to quit his job and just...do school and let me pay the bills for a while? Because later he'll make a lot of money and can pay for more stuff if I want to take time off. You know. That's fair, isn't it?"
I dared to look at his face, then.
"You think you'll want to take time off later?" Elias gave me a concerned look. Good, he wasn't freaking out about the offer. He could pretend to ignore it, he could think about it and not talk about it for a while if he wanted, but as long as he didn't freak out, it was okay that I'd said it.
I shrugged. "It doesn't seem like I always know what I want to do with the future. Maybe I'll need time away from my job, if I get ever get injured or something. Or maybe I'll want a different job someday. Maybe something else."
He gave me a long, thoughtful look. Then he remembered to count my change, give me my receipt, and ask if I wanted a bag for my bananas. "No," I said. "I'm just going to eat them in the car."
For an instant, his calm, professional expression slipped, and he looked appalled. "Not while you're driving, Rory Bevan!"
"Not while I'm driving," I promised. But I laughed quietly all the way out the door.
#
Elias and I dared to hold hands in public at the fair. It seemed safe enough. We felt brave enough. Our friends were all wandering along in little clusters. Everybody was slowing down a little after a lot of fried food and a few fast rides. It was starting to get not just hot, but really hot. Probably we'd find an excuse to do something in one of the indoor buildings soon.
Drew had gone home already. He'd come with his girlfriend and introduced himself and her to the group. I liked her. We'd wandered around for a while, chatting. But they hadn't wanted to stay long. Maybe he didn't need the pressure of a full day of socializing in the hot sun. Anyway, it was nice to see him, and nobody was mean to him. I was glad I didn't have to give anybody a death glare. My friends were nicer than my coworkers...
Soon, Drew and I would be going on the training course together. It shouldn't take long, and I knew Drew would do great. But he was anxious about it. I knew he'd also gotten some snide remarks from some guys at the precinct.
Not when I was around, though. I wouldn't put up with anybody being mean to Drew. He was too decent.
Sage and Dani had shied away from each other at first, avoiding one another, but before long they were walking together, talking quietly, in their own little world. I still didn't know what was going on with them, and maybe they didn't, either. But at least they seemed like friends again. I figured friends was a pretty good place to end up—or to start out, too.
Now Elias cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm not ignoring your offer, Rory."
"Offer?" Had I suggested something in bed he was shy about? I searched my memory. Because yes, my mind goes to sex a lot when I'm with Elias.
"About taking care of the bills while I work on school. It's kind, it's sweet, and I know you mean it. But I still have to really think about this."
"Okay," I said. "I figured you would." Money was a hard subject for Elias. "I wouldn't want to push you into it."
He gave my hand a little squeeze. "You really are a good boyfriend, you know. How am I the first guy you dated?"
I couldn't imagine all that many people had wanted to date me before. I'd certainly never ended up having a big conversation about it and having to make a decision, the way I had with Elias. But maybe he was right, and I'd missed a lot.
"Maybe you were the first one who really wanted to? Or who stuck around long enough to try?"
"Or maybe I debated you into it and wore you down?" He sounded embarrassed.
"I don't think you did that," I told him. "Anyway, I'm glad it worked out like this."
"Me, too." He squeezed my hand and smiled at me, shy but happy.
I returned the squeeze. "Which ride do you want to do next, or should we just get out of the heat?"
"Ugh, yes please. I'm starting to melt." We turned and headed towards the indoor arena. "I'll text and let everybody know where we're going."
"I think there are some fancy pigeons in there, getting blue ribbons and stuff. Maybe that can be our excuse."
"There's also a pie judging. That can be a backup excuse," he said, his gaze on his phone as he nimbly tapped at it. He was good at that, my Elias. He was good at a lot of things. Maybe one of them had been getting me to date him. Or at least not giving up on me till I could see it was worth working through my fear and trying.
Would the future hold even more serious commitments for us, like being mates, or married, or raising a family? That all felt like pretty heavy stuff to figure out when we were older. Right now, this was enough—and it was really mine.
I smiled at him as we finally got into the shade. For so long, I'd felt not quite real, like I would never be good enough, smart enough, pulled together enough. But somehow when Elias saw me as real, it was a little easier to see myself that way, too.
I might not feel very grownup and pulled together, but the fact was, I had a job, a boyfriend, and a lot of the things in my life were finally starting to go well. I wasn't working with Walt anymore, and soon I'd have a partner who was my friend and respected me.
We'd even had a conversation about paperwork, Drew and I. "I've seen you struggling," Drew had said. "With Francis. I won't act like that. I can't promise it will always be easy, but that's part of what we'll be practicing in the course, right?"
"But Walt and I practiced, and it was still horrible in real life," I'd pointed out.
He'd started to say something, then cut himself off. He'd hesitated, pursed his lips, then shook his head. "No. I'm not going to be the bigger person this time. Walter Francis didn't treat you respectfully, Rory. That's on him, and it doesn't mean it will be the same with me. Even if paperwork is the worst part of the day, I'm not going to act like that, okay? Everybody saw it and we didn't like it. But what could anyone do? He was your partner. The paperwork was stuff other people couldn't see, let alone help with. But you didn't deserve to be bullied and...and looked down on about it. You still don't, and if I get like that—"
He'd laughed, suddenly. "No. Elias would call me on it, so I could never get that bad! But I'm saying right now I don't think I could or would treat you that way. If it's really an issue for us, we'll deal with it before it gets that bad, okay?"
"Okay," I'd managed, smiling at him, but sort of a hurt, vulnerable smile. "Everybody sees things I miss, huh?"
"No. Hardly that. You're quite observant. But everyone has blind spots sometimes, Rory. I'll need you to look out for mine, and I'll look out for yours when I can. But either way. When you see it and when you miss it. If people don't treat you with respect, it's not about you, it's about them." He looked at me closely. "You know that, right?"
"I'm working on knowing that," I said. "But it's still easier to believe I'm worth being respected when people treat me with respect."
"That," said Drew, "is certainly fair enough." He looked like he knew how that felt, too. Maybe we were more alike than we'd thought.
At the fair, Elias and I wandered around and looked at exhibits in the buildings for a while, with our friends and on our own. We started getting goodbyes from them, as they were ready to go home or do other stuff. After a while, it was our turn to say goodbye and head home.
"I need a cold shower," said Elias.
I made a noise of dismay.
He gave me a quick, laughing look. "Not like that. I just want to cool off and get unsweaty...before we get sweaty again doing something else."
"Good." I laughed. "In that case, me too."
He needed to be really clear with me. I appreciated it when he was, not talking down to me, but also not letting me misunderstand what he meant. And I was getting better about asking and not just trying to guess.
We headed home. We hydrated. He showered off first while I ate some ice cream straight from the container. I took a quick shower after he did, so we'd both be nice and clean. Then we went to bed.
This wasn't the adrenaline rush of hookup sex. At this point, we had all different sorts of sex: sleepy sex, lazy and slow sex, fast and urgent sex, even silly and giggly sex. It was nice to have all the different moods, like the weather, and they were all still good.
So far, we hadn't had any angry or makeup sex, and I was glad about that. I didn't know if that was something I could do, even with Elias.
Fortunately, he didn't seem to get mad at me much anymore. It used to feel like every time I turned around he was in a bad mood or avoiding me, but not so much these days. Theo had said that was just the sexual frustration, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to believe him.
Today was lazy, relaxed, happy sex. I liked that.
I guess we fell asleep and had a nap afterwards, because when I woke up, the sun was slanting in low through the curtains, and Elias was stretching and yawning, waking up beside me.
I just watched him for a while, my eyes half closed.
"What are you thinking?" He leaned in and snuggled up against me, his face open and calm. It was good for him to have a day off. He was usually so rushed and stressed. Maybe he'd think seriously about my offer. But only if he could do it without losing respect for himself.
If I was good at words like him, I could talk him into it. Not against his will, just show him the merits of it, and then let him decide, the way he could do with me sometimes. But I knew Elias. He was already having both sides of the conversation. I trusted him to involve me if he wanted me in it, but mostly, he was already doing all the work. And I trusted him to make a good decision, even if it wasn't what I wanted. I really did trust Elias.
"Lots of stuff," I told him. "You know I love you, right?"
He leaned in and kissed me, looking really happy. "I love you, too."
I stretched, leaned in, and kissed him. "It's true," I said in a teasing voice. "I'm such a catch!"
He narrowed his eyes at me. "You laugh, but you are." He poked me lightly on the chest. "Are you getting hungry? Because I am."
I nodded. "What do you want to eat?" Maybe he'd cook. Maybe we'd get takeout or something. I was up for any of it.
"How does pulled pork sound?" He'd started making big batches in a slow cooker. He had a great recipe.
"Sounds good." We got up and headed towards the kitchen.
"If I do stop working to focus on school, I'll have to cook more and we'll have to go out less," he pointed out, as he heated up the food.
"I'm okay with that," I said. "Whatever works for you."
He glanced at me, kind of shy. "You really are great, you know that? Is there one guy in ten who wouldn't try to talk me into doing what he wants, instead of waiting till I figure out what I want?"
I grinned at him. "Sure, if they knew you were already having both sides of the argument."
He laughed and came over and kissed me again, firmly and meaning it a lot. "You know everything about me, huh?" He wrapped his arms around me, and I put my arms around him, and we kissed some more.
"There's stuff I don't know yet," I pointed out when we drew apart. "I don't mind waiting to learn it."
He turned away, embarrassed and happy. "The things you say! We'll never eat at this rate."
"Starving to death through kissing," I agreed. I leaned on the counter and grinned when he laughed at my joke.
We did eat pretty soon after that, though.
––––––––
the end
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