Mark and I lived in an old house only a block from a huge city park with grand old trees, a serene lake and abundant bird life. This beautiful haven became my sanctuary. We had enthusiastic plans to renovate then sell our home, but a special nursery for our beautiful baby daughter was our first priority.
But here too I would suddenly have the unnerving feeling of being watched, while washing the dishes or cooking. One day I shared my experience with my friendly Italian neighbour Maria, over the top of her trellised tomatoes. Maria suddenly became quiet, explaining that an Italian woman who lived in my house in the 1950s had tried to gas herself. Though Maria was unsure whether the lady had died from the incident, she never recalled seeing the woman from that point on.
As my sensitivity was heightening, I developed a great thirst to know more. After speaking with a friend, I decided to book a psychic reading with a woman she’d seen and recommended. This was the first time I had done anything like this and I was understandably nervous.
What was the psychic going to look like? Was she able to read my every thought? What insights was she going to reveal? Was she going to tell me something that I didn’t want to hear?
I felt anxious as I drove into her street. However to my surprise, when she opened her front door a completely typical middle-aged woman greeted me. I was ushered inside. Everything appeared comfortingly normal. ‘Mind if I smoke?’ she asked, as she casually lit her cigarette. ‘What’s your date of birth?’ she continued in a businesslike manner. Then, copious quantities of personal information were revealed. She spoke about the challenges in my life, my likes, dislikes, travel experiences and health.
This was confronting. How could she pick up on so much detail, without previously knowing anything about me? Staring at the numbers she was scribbling down furiously, she looked more like an accountant doing a tax audit. She informed me I would soon be healing people.
‘Me, healing people? How?’ I asked, bewildered.
‘Oh, with your hands.’ Her reply was casual, matter-of-fact. Then, with her eyes fixed on the page in front of her, she quickly drew again on her cigarette.
To her this information seemed normal and acceptable. To me it was weirdly confronting, yet strangely familiar. ‘Oh, I can see that you will also be able to hear information from the spirit world in your mind; it’s known as telepathic communication,’ she continued. ‘Your main path, your purpose in this lifetime, is a spiritual one,’ she said, leaving my mind in a blur.
I was taken aback. Until now, my life had been fairly straightforward. I had supported my husband to begin a new business as a property developer. We were both enjoying regular dinners out, fashionable clothes, cars, life’s little luxuries. We dreamt of making even more money, so we could buy an even larger house. Suddenly, I had been woken from a long, materially-based sleep into a whole new world, nothing like the one I envisioned. Somehow I possessed abilities that I would use to help others.
Within three days I called to book a second appointment. There was so much more I craved to know. It was as if all my life I had lived in a grey colourless world, then suddenly I had been introduced to colour.
A week later I was knocking on her front door. This time when she opened it, she was more reserved.
‘Why have you come back then?’ she asked.
‘Well, I have so many more things I want to know, so many questions, so much direction and guidance I feel I need,’ I replied.
‘If you need more guidance, then you can just take yourself off down to my back room and get it for yourself. You are just as capable of doing this as I am!’
This lady revealed a knowing that took me to a deeper place within. It was a place that felt mysterious, infinite and strangely familiar. I was effectively launched into a frenzy of self-discovery and seeking of spiritual truth. I had to know more.
This was before the massive explosion of self-help books and psychic TV shows. There was no internet, emails or social media connectivity. So I began to simply pray for direction and guidance to help me find my way. My daughter Jessica was then just two years old. I was a full-time mother and housewife. I wanted to take full advantage of the special years with my most precious little girl. So I took the opportunity to use her afternoon sleep time for meditation and self-inquiry.
In these moments of quietness and contemplation I would be very patient and simply observe what unfolded, rather than feeling like I had to control anything. It was a state of openness and trust. Before long I’d begin to see a swirling shape of colour in my mind’s eye, as I deepened my level of relaxation. I slipped fully into a peaceful state of letting go. Then my body would suddenly become filled with an intense energy that was wise, loving and pure. This powerful energy intensified as I continued my practice. It was as if the universe was responding to my yearning to know more, experience more. This new and fascinating world was more compelling than anything I had ever experienced before. It was not something away from me, but a part of me. I found my intuition grew, helping me see my choices and make good decisions. It guided me into a deeper expression of myself.
For the very first time, I felt my soul begin to awaken. My spiritual journey became my life’s passion. I began to experience a feeling of love so powerful, so unconditional it often moved me to tears. I’d never felt such unconditional love. It pervaded every cell and left me with such a deep reverence for everything around me.
After each session, I would notice how much greener and more beautiful the trees looked. The blue of the sky was more striking than before. Something deep inside me began to recognise and remember this heightened state of awareness. This ability to experience life more fully, lovingly and intently was what I had been missing all my life.
One night, not long after I had begun my relaxation and meditation, I heard a woman’s voice ask: ‘Could you help me? I am lost, and I can’t seem to find where I am?’
Though shocked, I replied instinctively: ‘Look for the Light and go into it. Don’t be afraid; there is only love waiting for you there.’
It seemed that my sojourn into the world of meditation and spiritual energy opened a connection to the spirit world. At first I found this challenging to accept, and would feel quite frightened by the whole experience. Like many of us, I was influenced by the terrifying depictions of psychic phenomena in movies and on television. But perhaps the voices were showing me there was life beyond the death of the physical body? So many questions began to take shape. What really happens when we die? Where do we go, and what’s it like there? I also began to experience a strong clear knowing about things, to tune into information as if it were floating in the air around me.
One day, as I stood in the warm afternoon sunshine hanging out the washing, I suddenly experienced a random pouring in of information about a client of my husband’s, who I knew nothing about. Within a short time, Mark arrived home. ‘Oh, hi!’ I said, eager to share the information I had just received. ‘You know the big house you are building? His wife doesn’t like the front door you’ve ordered, and she wants it changed.’
‘Why, has she called? I spoke to her just twenty minutes ago. It should be all sorted by now,’ my husband replied.
‘No, I was just given a message about it.’
My husband remained silent. My attempts to try to explain my new-found psychic ability to him had been unfavourably received. Perhaps he wondered if I was going crazy, but it felt effortless and normal to me. ‘Oh, and you had better phone your mother. She’s really upset. Her dogs are very sick and she’s had to take them to the vet,’ I continued.
‘Well, I find that very hard to believe!’ my husband replied, then turned away and walked back inside.
I suggested he call her and see for himself. Strangely, I had no attachment to this information—whether it was correct or not. I felt only peace. It took Mark several days before he reluctantly phoned his mother, to discover she was very upset. Her champion show dogs had been at the vet all week. After the call, he put the phone down and walked away. His silence told me everything.
I was longing for support, interest and understanding. He saw the woman he had married changing into a woman he didn’t understand and could no longer relate to.
It was at that point our paths began to separate. He began to involve himself even more in his business, working longer hours and increasing his workload. I began to seek out other spiritual friends who could support and honour my journey, and the new person I was discovering myself to be.