It was another one of those freak days today: Arthur in the afternoon, Max in the evening. I’d seen Arthur earlier that week already – he’d received some negative feedback from one of his art tutors and had been in a foul mood, so to be frank, I was really not looking forward to seeing him again.
I had become very immersed in my art lately, and had managed to wean myself off constant thoughts about Jack. And, although I wasn’t much looking forward to Arthur, I found myself looking forward to Max. I felt the need for some mindless sex today. All the things I’d started to hate about Max – today I craved them again. And, no doubt, I would have them.
At around noon, as I was cutting carrots into chunks to make a soup, my phone rang. Arthur.
‘Morning Silvia.’
‘Morning,’ I said, even though it wasn’t, anymore. ‘What’s up?’
He cleared his throat, ‘Sorry Silvia, I don’t feel too good today, I don’t think I can make it.’
Arthur had never cancelled before. By the sounds of it he was hungover, but I didn’t bother to pry, it wasn’t in my nature.
‘Sorry for the short notice.’
‘It’s okay.’ It was okay. After all, I didn’t really want to see him anyway. ‘Hope you get better.’
‘Thanks Silvia.’
‘Okay. Bye.’
‘Bye.’
The moment I hung up, my mind catapulted straight back to Jack. This was the perfect excuse I had been waiting for. He probably wouldn’t be free at such short notice, but that wasn’t the point – the point was to make contact.
Jack: the mysterious character that, against all my will, I was being drawn towards. He had imparted to me an inexplicable sense of possibility. But possibility of what, I didn’t know. Such feelings were dangerous. It was easy to get too comfortable, lose self-control and say too much. And yet, even as I mulled this over, my fingers were typing a text message to him. I pressed send and felt a pang of fear, followed by a sense of relief. I didn’t know which of those two feelings to trust, so instead I carried on chopping carrots.
As I switched off the blender I realised my phone was ringing. I honestly hadn’t expected him to get back to me so soon. I let it ring for a few seconds longer and then I picked up.
‘Hey,’ I said.
‘Hey. How are you? I just got your message.’
‘Oh yeah, sorry about the short notice. I just thought y’know, if you’re around and free and feeling up for it, then that’d be great, but I realise it’s a pretty big ask, so…’
‘Well, actually, I just had an interview a few blocks down from you, so I’m in the area. I was just about to head home, but… I don’t know. I mean you need someone for 2pm, is that right?’
I looked at the clock. It was 12:30 exactly.
‘Well… I mean not really. I was just about to have lunch. Have you eaten? I’ve made carrot and coriander soup.’
I honestly felt that there were two Silvias operating in me: the one who was doing all this talking, all this action, and the one who was observing her in fear, trying to scream to her no, don’t!
‘No, I haven’t eaten yet. But are you sure?’
‘Yes.’