“Just look at them!” Gwendolyn Carmichael said as she and Heather watched their parents dance the anniversary waltz. The sisters were forced to wipe tears from their eyes. Forty-five years today, and the entire family had come together to celebrate.
What had started as a small family gathering had mushroomed into a formal dinner dance at a fashionable downtown restaurant, complete with indoor waterfall and a jazz band. Their family was large enough with all four Gregory brothers and their wives and children to fill the private ballroom. Friends of the family were also included, plus aunts, uncles, and cousins. The restaurant had provided an elaborate spread with a distinctly New Orleans flare.
As the celebrating couple slowly circled the floor, their deep love for each other and appreciation for all that had been done to honor that love was easy to discern.
Once the dance floor began filling with other couples, Gwen tugged Heather’s arm. “Come on, sis. You can keep me company while I repair the damage.”
“Ericia and Angela look so grown up tonight in their evening gowns.” She smiled warmly. “Do you know what those two are up to? They want to fix Cynthia up with cousin Sammy.” Heather laughed, not waiting for an answer as they threaded their way through the crowd. “Cynthia looks so pretty in that frothy blue gown we found at Jacobson’s, doesn’t she? I’m glad the girls are still such good friends. It means so much to her.” Heather sat on one of the vanity stools in front of the long makeup mirror.
“Uh-huh,” Gwen murmured absently, retrieving a compact and tissue from her purse. Her eyes were on the blue pumps in the stall behind them. This was one conversation she didn’t want overheard.
“I’m so glad we did this. Mom and Dad are on top of the world.” When her sister failed to comment, Heather questioned, “Gwen?”
“I’ll tell you in a minute,” she said in a whisper. “That’s a lovely dress, Aunt Naomi.” She winked at their great aunt slowly making her way to the sinks.
“Thanks, child,” she beamed, every bit as petite and lovely as her two grandnieces. “You girls sure know how to put on the dog. Can’t wait to get a piece of that bread puddin’ they got out there.”
Heather laughed. “Thanks, sweetheart.” Giving her a hug, she said, “My, you sure look cute tonight. Great uncle Jeff is gonna have to watch you.”
The older woman giggled like a schoolgirl. “Shame on ya! Your mama and daddy sure look happy. Sweet girls, the both of ya.” She kissed them both. “Now you two hurry. The dancing has started.”
Once they were alone, Gwen burst out with, “No point in prolonging this. You’re going be furious anyway.”
Heather teased her. “Can’t be that bad. You didn’t tell Mama and Daddy about their surprise, did you?”
“I invited both the Montgomerys,” she blurted out.
“Quinn?” Heather’s eyes widened.
“That’s the one,” she said, biting her bottom lip as she waited for her baby sister to explode. She didn’t have long to wait.
“Gwen! You didn’t!”
“I couldn’t help myself. Honey, I’m tired of seeing you so unhappy. You love that man.”
“That’s my problem, not yours! Why can’t you mind your own business?”
“You’re my business. Now sit down and listen to me.”
Heather was fuming, but she complied.
“How are you going to work something out if you won’t talk to him?”
“I don’t have to listen to this! Gwen, you had no right!”
“I have every right. You’re my baby sister—and I love you.”
Heather glared ungraciously at her. “Gwendolyn Gregory Carmichael, don’t start that baby sister and I love you stuff.” But she didn’t make an effort to leave. She couldn’t, she was on the verge of tears. All because of her meddling sister. “I have nothing to say to him. And not much to say to you, either.”
“You haven’t talked to Quinn since he was in the hospital. That was two months ago. It’s about time you stopped running from your feelings for him. Besides, I’m sick of that man calling me asking about you.”
“You’ve discussed me with him?”
“Well, not exactly. Sis, he cares about you.”
“It’s over.”
Gwen was right. Heather hadn’t seen or spoken to him since she’d visited him in the hospital. Thoughts of Quinn were still so painful that Heather forced her mind toward other safer channels. Yet at the most unexpected moments, his image would flood her senses to the point that she couldn’t stop herself from remembering. And with those memories inevitably came bittersweet longings.
The cruelest part of it all was that her love for him hadn’t stopped. She actually worried about him, wondered if he was taking better care of himself. But her hopes and dreams of a future together were gone. She no longer believed he would conquer the demons that haunted him. In her estimation, Quinn didn’t want to let go of the past.
All they ever really shared was Cynthia’s love. She was a wonderful girl, and Heather truly appreciated the time he allowed her to spend with his daughter.
Why had she ever confided in her softhearted sister? Stupid! Stupid! Gwen couldn’t stand to see anyone she loved in pain. Little Miss Fix-it!
“Heather, please don’t be mad. John told me to stay out of it, but I wanted to help. I hate knowing you’re miserable.”
“Who’s miserable? I’m getting my doctorate next month. I’m happy!”
“Like hell.”
“I refuse to even think about this, especially tonight of all nights. Gwen, you knew I wouldn’t want him here.”
“Heather, you love that man. And I honestly believe he cares for you. Why should you both be alone? The anniversary party seemed as good an excuse as any. Besides, you would have killed me if I invited the two of you over for dinner. At least here there are so many people no one will notice.”
“If he has nerve enough to show up and spoil Mama and Daddy’s party, I won’t ever forgive you!” Heather picked up her purse and stormed out of the ladies’ room. She bit hard on her bottom lip to keep the tears burning her eyes from falling. Her own sister... She and Gwen had worked so hard to make this night unforgettable for their folks. Nothing must spoil this tribute to their parents’ love, not even thoughts of what couldn’t be.
“You girls sure did a great job. This is some sha-bang, kid. And the music is perfect. The folks love this muddy water blues.” Mark, Heather’s eldest brother, swung her around the dance floor.
“Thanks, I’m just so pleased that everyone made it. Even out-of-town folks like you. Isn’t that band something? No Hammer time tonight,” she laughed.
“Yeah. Mama’s been crying nonstop all night. And Daddy is booming with cheer. Great idea.” He smiled down proudly at his baby sister as they danced.
Having the family together was a major accomplishment. The siblings threw themselves into sharing their parents’ joy, as well as catching up on everyone’s news.
“We don’t get to see nearly enough of you, Dr. Gregory, big-time professor,” she teased.
“Look out—come December and we’ll have another Dr. Gregory in the family.” They both laughed.
“I can’t get over how tall the boys are. You and Janice seem especially pleased with this latest pregnancy. Trying to get it, right this time?”
Mark chuckled. “We’re praying for a little girl, that’s for sure. This family could always do with another caramel-eyed midget.” He gave Heather an affectionate squeeze.
She laughed, not the least bit put out by his teasing. “I miss you, big brother.”
“Ditto! It’s great to be back home, even if it’s only for a weekend. Gwen’s girls are even prettier than they were last Christmas. They look more like Mama each time I see them. Who’s that dancing with Sammy?”
“Cynthia Montgomery,” Heather said with a smile. Her eyes strayed to the door, and suddenly the air rushed from her lungs.
Standing not five feet away was the last man in the world she wanted to see. And the one she ached to be with. The white dinner jacket set the deep brown tones of his skin into stark relief. He was as good to look at as she remembered. Quinn’s eyes slowly swept the room until they reached her. Heather quickly looked away.
“Heather?”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing, just trying to place that name. Montgomery? Is she any relation to the guy Gwen told me about?” Mark frowned when he realized what he’d let slip.
But Heather never heard Mark’s question. Her large troubled eyes repeatedly traveled across the room. Why had he come? She wanted to shout at him that he didn’t even know her parents. And who was that woman talking to him? That dress looked as if she had been poured into it.
“Are you angry with me?” Mark said, finally intruding into Heather’s thoughts.
“No, of course not. Gwen has never been one to keep her mouth shut. Even as a kid she was a known blabbermouth.”
They shared an understood laugh.
“Is Montgomery responsible for the shadows under your eyes?”
“Mark... it’s a long complicated story. Let’s talk about something else... please.”
Heather watched as her sister greeted Quinn, then took his arm and walked him over to the head table where their parents were seated. To Heather’s dismay Gwen introduced him to everyone, even all the aunts and uncles. In a few minutes she would no doubt be introducing him to the brothers.
“Would you like me and the boys to take him outside into the alley? No trouble.”
Heather laughed in spite of herself as she looked up at her tall, handsome brother. The men in the family were all tall and lean, with skin the color of crushed walnuts, just like their father, while Heather and her sister favored their petite mother.
“I love you. But Mama would take a switch to all of us if you guys got into something here and spoiled their party. I just wish you didn’t live so far away.”
She refused to think of Quinn.
“I’m a telephone call away, whenever you need me, sis.” Mark reminded. “Getting excited about graduation?”
An all too familiar deep baritone spoke from behind her. “May I cut in?”
“Quinn...”
“Heather?” Mark was clearly ready to refuse.
Heather reluctantly made the introduction. “Mark Gregory, Quinn Montgomery.” The two men shook hands. The music had stopped, momentarily.
Quinn held out his hand as a sultry ballad filled the softly lit room. “Please...”
Irresistibly drawn by the mesmerizing warmth of his skin, Heather placed slim fingers into his palm. She managed to give her brother a reassuring nod before Quinn applied gentle pressure against the curve of her spine and eased her into his arms. He slid both hands around her waist, his large body moved with sensuous ease to the pulse of the music. His breath was a warm caress against her gleaming ebony braids. Neither spoke.
Four long desolate months since he’d held her in his arms. Four months since they’d made love. It was all he could do not to crush her to him. He was hungry... hungry for Heather. She couldn’t help but feel his masculine response to their closeness.
She shivered, hoping to put some space between their bodies. He held her fast. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“You’re beautiful. Is this a new dress? You do wonderful things to it. But I admit I’m prejudiced where you’re concerned.” He said huskily, “I’ve missed you, sugar,” caressing her soft cheek with a fingertip.
It was hopeless. She just wasn’t up to it. “I can’t!” She pushed herself away from him and hurried toward the exit. She had to get away before she embarrassed herself and ruined her parents’ anniversary party.
The door opened onto a stairwell. When Mark and Carl saw her leave, they started after her. Gwen managed to stop them. Quinn, she noted with satisfaction, was right behind her sister.
Heather leaned against the cool concrete wall near the stairs. She was angry, she was hurt, and she was resentful—all because of him. Despite Gwen’s invitation, he had no right to be here! He’d gotten what he wanted... everything she had to give. There was nothing left. So why couldn’t he leave her alone?
“Heather... are you alright?” Quinn was careful not to touch her, but he was close enough to appreciate the floral scent of her perfume.
She’d pulled her curled braids up into a cascading ponytail. Gold clips held it in place. He yearned to kiss the spot where her slender neck and smooth shoulder joined. His intense gaze moved over her bare shoulders and upper swells of her full breasts visible above the black silk strapless sheath. The bodice was embroidered with gold thread as was the wide belt that cinched her narrow waist. The floor-length gown was slit high on one side, tantalizing his senses as he caught an occasional glimpse of her lovely legs. He buried his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her.
“No! I’m not alright! I can’t believe you could be so cruel as to come here tonight.”
“Cruel?”
She finally lifted her tear-filled eyes to his. “You have no right to be here. And I don’t care if you were invited by my meddling sister.”
“Yes, damn it, my motives are selfish. I admit that. But I’m not here to hurt you. I needed to see you.”
“Liar!” She pounded her fists into his chest, frustration and anger erupting inside of her. “Who asked you to stay away from me? Who? That was your idea!” Heather was past the point of even trying to conceal the bitterness she felt toward him.
He caressed her balled fists. “I had no choice.”
“You walked out on me!” She fought to maintain her anger, her only real weapon against him.
Quinn’s eyes were heavy with grief as he cupped her chin, his strong fingers prevented her from turning away. “Heather, you know why I left.”
“Yes, I know. You’re still in love with Cynthia’s mother. And you have no room in your heart for me. That doesn’t justify your being here. Your selfishness is unbelievable.” Heather jerked away, unable to tolerate his touch. Her legs were so unsteady that she took advantage of the only means of support. She sat down on the bottom step, the silk dress forgotten. “Please... just go away. And leave me alone.”
“Heather, please—just give me a chance. You’ve always been so generous, since the very beginning. Even after we broke up, you’ve been kind to my daughter. You didn’t have to help her through that time while I was in the hospital. You didn’t have to continue seeing her. She isn’t even one of the kids you work with any longer. So please, baby, can’t you be generous now? Listen to what I have to say.”
“No, Quinn. You made your choice. And I’ve finally accepted that you don’t want me. We have nothing to say to each other, Counselor.”
Quinn was on shaky ground, and he knew it. She’d spent too many months alone while he fought every feeling she aroused within him, fought them until he had no choice but to accept them. He had no peace without her. He had no life.
“You’re wrong. I’ve never stopped wanting you, not for one single second of the time we’ve been apart.”
“You left me—” she choked out, hugging her arms around herself, suddenly cold.
“I had to. Sweetheart, for years I’ve lived with a guilt that consumed my every waking hour. Then you came into my life and shook my foundation. I couldn’t let go of the past, yet I couldn’t stop myself from reaching for the sunshine... you.”
Quinn slid out of his white dinner jacket. He dropped it on her shoulders. When she tried to give it back, he stepped out of her reach.
“Words... empty words. You’re very good at them, Quinn. I’ll give you that.”
Quinn almost laughed. Good with words? Professionally he was an expert at finding the right phrase that would sway the jury into agreeing with him. His personal thoughts, hopes, and dreams were left to languish inside of him. No, he had no talent for expressing his emotions. He hadn’t ever told Peggy that he loved her, yet he had.
And now if he weren’t careful, he might lose Heather for good. His options were severely limited. He sat down on the step beside her, careful to keep a distance between them.
“I haven’t done very well at reaching the one person I need. I haven’t been able to talk to you about my past. This secret has been locked inside of me for years.” He sighed, nervously smoothing his mustache. “I’ve reached for the phone more times than I can count, hoping I could tell you all of it. I told myself that if you wound up hating me, so be it. You would know all of it.”
He was afraid to look into her eyes... afraid of the possibility of condemnation. “I’m a coward where you’re concerned, Heather. Like any man I wanted to impress you, and instead I’ve shown my weaknesses, my vulnerability, and an inability to cope with my personal problems.” He wiped nervously at his damp brow with a handkerchief. “Sweetheart, after four months of torment, I couldn’t take any more. I had to come.”
“You hurt me,” she whispered.
“I know. But I never meant to. When I think of how much you’ve helped me with Cynthia... how you’ve always been there for her—” His voice broke. “She needed you. But I also needed you. I was just too caught up in my own grief to realize it.”
“You don’t have to say these things.”
“Yes, I do. I should have told you during the summer. I knew that I loved you then, but I still hadn’t fully accepted it. I certainly hadn’t come to terms with my part in Peggy’s death. I was so torn inside.” He sighed before saying, “I know I shouldn’t have flown in for that barbecue. But Heather, you were such a temptation. I couldn’t control my need for you. I know I did a lousy job of keeping my hands to myself and ended up hurting us both in the process.”
Heather’s heart started pounding when he said he loved her. Unable to keep quiet about her part in all of it, she said “It wasn’t all your fault. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me.”
“Thank you for that much,” he whispered heavily.
“Nothing’s changed, Quinn. I know nothing about you.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” she said, lifting her chin.
“My older brother Chad raised me after our parents had been killed in a car accident. I was twelve, Chad seventeen. Chad wouldn’t stand for us being separated. He quit school and went to work to help support us. Chad did well.” Quinn swallowed. “It wasn’t until my high school graduation that I found out how my brother managed it. Chad was arrested for murder in a drug-related incident. He wasn’t a bad kid, Heather. He got caught up with the wrong people.”
“Quinn, I’m so sorry.” She looked at him with wide troubled eyes.
“Heather, I’ve changed. I want to go on with my life. It’s taken me close to six years, but I can finally say I have fully accepted Peggy’s death.”
“I’m glad for you,” Heather said with genuine sincerity.
“I know you mean that,” he said, taking her hand.
She allowed him to hold it then she pulled free. She began pacing in front of him. Her black heels clicked against the concrete. Her voice was tight with bitterness when she said, “We were once on the brink of finding something very special together, then you pulled away. Now tonight you’re here. I don’t know what I think or feel.”
“Just hear me out. Peggy and I were making love...” Quinn knew that he had startled Heather, but went on as matter-of-factly as he could manage. Hell, this must be worse than arguing a case before the Supreme Court. At least his whole future wouldn’t depend on the outcome.
“... when I discovered the lumps in her breasts. She promised to see her doctor. And it wasn’t much later that she finally did. Peggy was afraid of cancer. She couldn’t forget that her mother had it when she was a child. In fact, Peggy’s mother died of the disease. The poor woman had had a radical mastectomy and lost her husband because of it. Anyway, we had some terrible fights after we learned from the biopsy that her doctors recommended immediate surgery. To make a long story short, the next few weeks were pure hell for us. She refused to so much as consider the surgery, while I insisted on it.”
He didn’t look at Heather, he couldn’t just then. “The truth is I badgered her into agreeing to the surgery. Peggy signed the consent forms only because she couldn’t withstand the pressure I placed on her. If it had been left to her, she would have lived and died a whole woman.”
To his horror his eyes filled with tears. Shit! Quinn was infuriated with himself. He dropped his head, struggling to regain control. He was unprepared for the soft hand Heather placed on his shoulder. He didn’t look at her. He couldn’t... not yet. But her warmth seeped through the layers of clothing separating them, providing support and understanding.
“The only reason she went through with it was to please me. Me! She died on the operating table. A perfectly healthy young woman died not from cancer, but of heart failure!”
He wanted to slam his fist into the wall. The rage was just that keen. With difficulty he swallowed the harsh sob rising through his chest. When he was able to speak his voice was gravelly from turbulence. “For five years I’ve lived with grief and guilt. God knows she had a right to die the way she wanted. Surgery was never the answer for her. I understand that now. 1 should have listened. But I didn’t.”
“No. Don’t you see, you fought for her the only way you knew how. There’s no crime in doing what you believe to be right.”
“All these years I kept thinking that if I’d just been able to convince her that I loved her, no matter what, then—” He stopped, unable to continue. After a time he said, “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get through to her. There was no earthly reason why she shouldn’t have survived that surgery and had a complete recovery. The odds were in our favor!”
“Only one reason, Quinn. Peggy didn’t want to live without her breasts.”
“I know that now. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to accept it. I’ve been living with the guilt for so long.”
“But Quinn, it wasn’t your fault. How long could she have lived without that surgery?”
“That’s not the point. I didn’t respect her last wishes.” He scowled. “I had to either find a way to finally accept my part in Peggy’s death, or spend the rest of my life regretting what it was too late to do a damn thing about.” He paused, then cradling her cheek in his wide palm and with a finger beneath her chin, he turned her face so that he could look into her eyes. “Finally I can say I’ve worked my way through the self pity and guilt. At last I can honestly say I feel I’ll make it.”
“I’m glad for you... so glad.” Heather stood on tiptoe and lightly brushed her lips against his.
The simple gesture was impossible to resist. Quinn groaned deep in his throat. He pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Her responsive kiss was not only unbelievably sweet, but also offered an underlying sense of comfort.
“I would have never made my way through this emotional maze without you, Heather. I love you. You’ve made the difference in my life. You’ve filled the empty spaces within me, sugar. Through you, I’ve come to realize that part of my life doesn’t have to be over. Can we try again, baby? I know I’ve hurt you when I only meant to protect you... from me.”
“Stop,” she whispered, pressing her fingertips to his mouth. It was too much. And it was happening so fast. Feelings of disbelief and fear outweighed the hope fighting for survival inside of her. Slowly yet firmly she shook her head. “I don’t see how—”
“Have your feelings changed for me?” He forced the words past the constriction in his throat.
“We’re not discussing me.” She took a deep breath before she said, “You say you love me—but Quinn, love involves sharing the bad as well as the good. What kind of relationship can we have if you can’t talk to me? Unless you can be open with me, how am I going to know that you believe in me? How?”
For weeks she’d lived on nothing but hope that he would change his mind and give love a chance to grow. He was doing that now. And with a sinking heart, she recognized it wasn’t enough. She needed to know he had absolute faith in her.
Quinn stared at her, not knowing what more she wanted from him.
“Oh, what’s the use!” Heather cried in frustration. She scrambled to her feet.
Quinn was at the door ahead of her. His hand prevented her from opening it.
“No more. I can’t take any more of this,” she said raggedly, resting her forehead against the door’s smooth surface.
“It’s true, then,” he whispered. “Cindy told me you were seeing some jerk who drives a Jag.”
“So what? I haven’t asked you who you’re sleeping with these days, now have I?”
“I sleep alone. So who is he? Is he the reason you’ve stopped loving me?”
“His name is George Parker. He’s a friend of my brother’s, nothing more. Quinn, please. Let me pass. I’ve got to get back before the others start searching for me.”
“It’s not finished between us, Heather. Not by a long shot.” Quinn bent his head and tasted the creaminess of her nape and bare line of her soft shoulders. His hands spanned her waist, easing her back into the cradle of his thighs. His lips traced the delicate shape of one earlobe. His voice was rough with anger, frustration, jealousy, and desire. “I won’t give you up. I can’t!”
Heather leaned against him. “Oh, Quinn...” She’d missed him desperately. Her body was sheltered, wrapped against his. “What do you want me to say?”
“Say you love me. Say that when it’s time to leave tonight, we’ll leave together.”
“And what about Cynthia?”
“She already knows about us. In fact she’s rooting for us. No more excuses. Tell me...”
Slowly turning and sliding her arms up his chest, she sighed. “I tried to stop, but I couldn’t.”
“Tell me.”
“I love you.”
His mouth was relentless as he claimed hers. His tongue plunged inside. It was the sweetness of her response to him that seemed to seep inside of him, warm him, ease his doubts and soothe his worries that he had taken too long too get his life back together. His mouth gentled over hers.
When he eventually lifted his head, he smiled that slow sexy smile that always made her heart pound wildly in her chest. It was no different now.
“My whole family is on the other side of that door, Quinn. What about them?”
“First we dance. Later we talk and talk and talk. Afterward I plan to make some slow, sweet love to you until the sun comes up.”
Heather laughed at the sheer arrogance of the man. “You’re awfully sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Mmmm, come on, we have an anniversary to celebrate.”
As Quinn escorted her back onto the dance floor, he felt lucky. She was giving him an opportunity to salvage what had begun that day in his office. That was why he’d come. Pride hadn’t eased the loneliness he’d endured since their separation. Nor had pride filled his arms as perfectly as she was doing now. His blasted pride had provided no comfort in his empty bed. He’d laid night after night aching for her. He couldn’t lose her!