Jeanie and Xander continued walking down the street, the silence a relief after the hullabaloo of the café. He had his leather jacket hooked over his index finger and slung casually over his shoulder and appeared so relaxed, whereas Jeanie might as well have been balanced on a tight rope strung across the middle of the high street.
“Would you like to go out for dinner somewhere?” he asked.
“Where?”
“There must be somewhere open.”
His tone only served to underscore the chasm separating them. The city slicker used to the bright lights and twenty-four hour service, not a hick town where even the streetlights dimmed after nine o’clock. “On a Monday night in Oldbridge? The choice is the pub, but it’s probably a bit late for a meat pie, or the Club.”
“And that’s it?”
“Pretty much. Actually, I didn’t think I’d ever say this but I’m not hungry.”
“Did you have lunch?”
“Just a salad sandwich.”
He spun her around, his face creased in concern. “Are you sure? I want you in an amenable mood. I don’t want any falling sugar levels.”
Jeanie laughed. “We can go to the Club. You eat and I’ll watch. I’ve eaten everything they have on the menu anyway.”
Every inch of the town, every fence and every paving stone was as familiar to her as the lines on the palm of her hand, and she’d thought this was what she wanted, the safety and security of home, knowing where she was and what to expect. But suddenly she realized it wasn’t a place that made safety and security. She could go to the ends of the earth, all those far flung places she had once dreaded, if Xander was with her. His thank you gift after the photo shoot at the café had been far more than she had realized. It wasn’t simply a photograph for Gran to hang on the wall. He had shown her who she truly was.
“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” he asked again as she signed him into the club — as a visitor.
“There are two things I’m sure of. One is I’m not hungry.” She paused, knowing she couldn’t stop herself and knowing once it was done there would be no going back. She might be being selfish but she simply couldn’t keep it to herself a moment longer. It had to be said and if she made a fool of herself so be it.
“And the other is?” he prompted.
“That I love you.” There, she’d said it.
Jeanie led the way to the restaurant. For a brief moment, she wondered if she had made a mistake, but she knew she hadn’t. She stopped and waited until he stepped up next to her.
“I think I have loved you from the moment I saw you chatting up Gran,” she said. “You were so kind.” There it was said and it was such a relief. “Sorry, I just needed to say it. It’s been clattering around in my head all muddled up for days and I needed to say it.”
“For days?” The toe of his boot kicked against the plush purple swirled carpet.
“Probably closer to a week now actually.”
He stopped moving and stood very still and she did too. Then he turned to her and spread his hands around her hips, pulling her toward him, moving his hands up her back until she was close enough to kiss him.
“I’d actually prefer it if you had fallen in love with me for myself, for the way I make you feel, not because of the way I treat your grandmother.”
His voice was so low, she wondered if he was talking to himself, and then he lifted one arm and ran his hand through his hair for what must have been the millionth time, making it stand up like a cockatoo’s crest.
They stood right in the front foyer of the club, the centre of town, but Jeanie didn’t care, she pressed her lips tightly together trying to prevent herself from blurting anything else out. She’d said quite enough for the time being and although she hadn’t known what his reaction would be, this was all a bit strange. Certainly not what she had expected. Then Xander leaned in closer.
With his face only an inch or so away from hers, she could feel the warmth of his breath, see the tiny wrinkles around his blue black eyes and then with a start he pulled away, almost as though he was afraid of something.
“Let’s eat,” he said.
They gazed at the motley assortment of offerings in the restaurant. Something bright red labeled sweet and sour, a crumbed creation with a bone that might once have belonged to an animal, and some dubious creamed potatoes and peas drowning in a rather nasty yellowy-greenish bath.
“I don’t think I’m hungry either,” he said with a grin. “Shall we get a drink?”
This time she followed him, dodging the swinging glass doors and the nods from the locals until they found a small table for two overlooking the darkened grassed area. In better days it had passed as a bowling green.
“What can I get you?”
“Just mineral water please.” She stared out into the night, waiting for the conversation around the room to pick up and the poker machines to rattle and clang again, signaling the loss of their celebrity status.
Xander put the glass of mineral water in front of her and she nodded her thanks, pushing the ice around with the garish pink straw.
“All right?” he asked as he settled in the chair opposite her.
Jeanie nodded. He’d got a schooner of beer in his hand and the moisture on the outside of the glass clung to his long fingers like crystals. She rubbed her forehead. So much for talking, they would have been better off sitting in the park; at least it would have been quiet there.
The sip of the mineral water moistened her dried mouth but his eyes tracked her every move, waiting for her to say something — except she had nothing left to say. She’d already done that — blurted it out in the foyer. How indescribably unromantic.
Oh, by the way, the second thing is I love you.
Not even the first thing, which was nonsense, because loving him didn’t just come first it totally absorbed her, and despite the fact she knew there was no future for them it made her incredibly happy.
“At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, just as long as you are a good person and happy in your own skin. The mistake I made was taking myself too seriously — life’s too short and you’ve shown me that.”
Where in God’s name had that come from?
She sounded like something out of a self-help manual.
“Jeanie.” He sighed loudly and gulped a mouthful of his beer.
She couldn’t stop. “I love living here, being part of things, being part of a community where I feel safe, but in Sydney I seemed to be different. A different incarnation of me somehow. Braver and more real, almost invisible, and it’s not such a bad feeling. In a way, it was strangely liberating. But I don’t expect anything from you. I know you have your own life and I know it’s not where I belong, but it was great to visit in your world. And thank you — for everything.”
Chapter Ten — the world according to Jeanie Baker.
She bit down on her lips, holding back any more rubbish that might inadvertently come bubbling out of her mouth.
Xander leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his face cupped in his hands, covering the lovely stubble on his cheeks. “Have you finished? It’s my turn.”
“Yes, I’ve finished.” She dodged the pink straw and took a sip of her water then leaned against the back of the chair, the plastic digging into her back. “I just needed to say it — and the other thing.” She waved her hand in the direction of the foyer. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Not at all. I need to explain a few things to you, things we should have talked about before. About the business and William and Jaz.”
She swallowed, unsure whether she wanted to know about William and Jaz. If she was going to be able to put the whole escapade down to experience, she’d rather remember just the good bits. The way he had made her feel, the touch of his hand as he traced the line of her hips, the sheer bliss of waking next to him. The fact she loved him was something extra, something she’d keep tucked away, and take out on a rainy day. She shouldn’t have blurted it out. He didn’t need to know and quite honestly there wasn’t much he could do about it. And then there was the problem of Billy. Should she even tell him? Did it matter anymore? There was no way she could expect Xander to give up his life and there was no way she could be a part of anything that included Billy Westward.
“I started the company when I was at university, years ago. I think I told you about it when we were in Sydney. I was sick of working at night in the pub, so I began taking photographs — weddings, christenings, things like that. The money was great, but there was no way I could handle the bookings and office work, so I employed Jaz part time to give me a hand. We were doing quite well and then William arrived on the scene.”
Jeanie sucked in a great breath of air liberally laced with fizzy mineral water and her breath caught and she spluttered. What did it matter? It was a simple equation and anything that included Billy Westward couldn’t involve her.
“Will had found a group of would-be models who wanted portfolios. I was all for it. If the portfolios were a success then maybe I’d pick up some extra work. It seemed like a great way to pay off my university fees and maybe even give me the chance to do some landscape photography — it’s what I love.”
She nodded, remembering the article in the Sunday magazine she’d seen before he’d even turned up at the café. A lifetime ago.
“Will and I spent more and more time together and he invested some money in the business. It meant I could buy some new equipment and rent some offices. All Will wanted was a piece of the action when things picked up. He moved into the flat with me and wanted to expand the business and the injection of some money helped no end with equipment. Then I got wind of the kind of life he was living and I didn’t want a bar of it. He was into dodgy real estate deals, gambling and making a quick buck and I was spending all my spare time and money doing landscape photography. We drifted into a business relationship out of convenience and we drifted apart in much the same way, but I never got around to paying him back the money he’d invested in the business.”
It took a moment or four for his words to sink in — we drifted apart. She tried to concentrate on what he was saying and not do something totally embarrassing like throw herself across the table and into his lap. “Jaz said it was Billy’s idea to … ” She clamped her hand over her mouth and stared at him as his head tilted to one side and his gaze roamed her face. And then his eyes widened.
“Billy? I was talking about William, my business partner. Jeanie?”
She swallowed so loudly it almost drowned out the ping of the poker machines and the conversation around the bar. Closing her eyes, she leant back against the ridge of plastic on the chair, feeling it grind against her spine. “Billy is William, William is Billy. Have you ever talked to him about his past? Where he came from? Your business partner William West is actually Billy Westward, born and brought up in Oldfield, just down the road.” She flicked her finger over her shoulder. There, it was done and surprisingly it hadn’t been as difficult as she had expected it to be. The look on Xander’s face was a strange mixture of incredulity and realization.
“Billy Westward, as in the creep who … ” His voice trailed off.
She nodded — there wasn’t anything to say.
“And that’s why you left Sydney so suddenly?”
She gave another nod, willing the color in her cheeks to subside.
“How did you know? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t he tell me?” Xander’s fingers raked his chin backwards and forwards and she leant across the table and gently took hold of his hand.
“Which question would you like me to answer first?”
“Any, all of them. Just tell me. Billy Westward — the one you told me about?”
“I knew the moment we shook hands,” she said, remembering the horrible damp clammy feel of Billy’s hand and the way he had clasped her fingers just too tightly. “But I didn’t know if he recognized me and there were so many people around, the crew, the dressers, Jaz, and I didn’t want to make a fuss.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
It was a good question and she wasn’t sure she knew the answer. “After you left with him, Jaz said that it had been Billy’s suggestion to use the café for the photo shoot in the first place and I thought, I thought perhaps … ”
“You thought perhaps Billy had told me about you, just the way he had told everyone when you were at school.”
Jeanie lifted her hand and tried to pull away from him but he just clung on tighter, refusing to let her run away this time. And this time, she couldn’t run home even if he let her, she was already there.
“You didn’t trust me.”
The flat statement made her heart sink. Truthfully, she hadn’t trusted him, hadn’t trusted herself either. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Xander. I know now I was wrong and I shouldn’t have run away, but it is so much easier to walk away than hear something you don’t want to hear.”
“I think you should hear this — and don’t run away. I had no idea Billy was William or William was Billy. I had no idea it was his idea to use the café for the photo shoot. He didn’t even mention you. My feelings for you have nothing, nothing whatsoever to do with anything William may or may not have said.”
A bubble of excitement blossomed in the pit of her stomach and she clasped his fingers tightly across the plastic table.
“I have spent the last couple of days sorting out the long overdue mess of my business because I want us to start our life together with a clean slate.”
The bubble exploded and Jeanie managed to cover her mouth with her hand and prevent the little whoop of excitement from escaping. She knew she was staring and if she moved her hand, her mouth would probably be hanging open so she stayed as still as she could, waiting to hear the rest.
“The loan to William has been paid out. Jaz is going to take a few weeks off and go to Paris and I would like us to spend some time together — learning to trust each other.”
Jeanie lowered her hand, incapable of keeping quiet any longer. She needed this clarified. “So you and William are no longer partners.” She had to speak slowly, enunciating each word carefully just to make sure she was saying it properly and he understood.
“That’s right. William turned up at the shoot to ask me to do a job for him. Some work in Kakadu. He thought I would jump at the chance because it’s the kind of photography I love, but when I did some digging I found out he’s trying to pull a swiftie and get around the Aboriginal land rights and make a profit … ”
His words swirled around her like spun sugar softening the harsh fluorescent lights and bathing her in a very warm rosy glow.
“When you left … ” His warm smile sent shivers of pleasure tracing every nerve ending “And I realized how much I wanted you to be there … ”
“But I thought I was just a bit on the side, something Billy put you up for — you know — end of the shoot photographer takes all — including the model.”
“Jeanie, you have no idea how wrong you are.” His hair moved from side to side as he shook his head then suddenly his hand was across the table his palm flat. A pretty square turquoise box sat balanced in his hand. He moved it a little closer, offering it to her with one eyebrow raised and a bit of a twinkle in his eye.
Jeanie reached out slowly and took it, hearing herself swallow again even above the non-existent rattle and clang of the poker machines. It was so quiet, as though the two of them were locked inside some clear plastic light fitting at the centre of the Bowling Club in Oldbridge.
Jeanie opened the box and her gasp of surprise reached the walls. She blinked. What was he doing kneeling on the floor?
“Jeanie, will you marry me?”
Xander took the box balanced precariously on the palm of her hand and removed the ring. The silence was thicker than whipped cream.
Incapable of speech, Jeanie nodded her head, just once, and he slid the simple square cut diamond onto her finger.
Then the applause broke out — raucous applause, foot-drumming applause liberally laced with whoops and cheers.
“Good on yer, love.”
“Give her a kiss.”
“That’s our Jeanie.”
And the next thing she knew, they were standing and he had taken her in his arms. Her eyes flew open then fluttered shut as he slowly, slowly leaned down. She gasped as his warm lips pressed down onto hers, her heart stuttering so loudly she was certain he could feel it. Finally, he pulled away from her and his breathing sounded ragged. She opened her mouth to speak but suddenly his lips were on hers again, his hands cradling her face, then he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly in a bear hug. She let her head drop to his shoulder and she realized she’d be quite happy to do this every day for the rest of her life.
Xander’s warm sandalwood scent enveloped her, overlaid with a sudden waft of lemon and passionfruit as Gran dropped kisses left, right, and centre on anything and everyone she could reach.
“Gran. What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t think I was going to miss out on the ending, did you? I love a good ending.”