VEDA GRADUATED IN May and moved back to Arkansas with her daughter, Marian. After graduation, I spent a week in Philadelphia with Cheryl. When we went to the zoo, one of the animals inspired a title for the children’s book I vowed to write, The Great Escape of the Barbary Ape. That creature looked so miserable in that cage. He seemed to understand he was boxed in.

We went to the theater to view French foreign language films. Indulging our inner children, we read from Michael Bond’s Paddington. We spent time with Cheryl’s older sister whose self-confidence inspired me. On the final night of my stay, Cheryl’s mom took us to an Atlantic City casino. It was my first and only casino trip. I won $25.00 playing the slot machines. Not a gambler, I pocketed my winnings.

Then I returned to Baltimore for Kelvin’s graduation. Her mom had passed away in April. I persuaded Penny to join my family for the weekend. In an attempt to cheer herself up, she referred to herself as Orpheline, the French word for orphan. My family offered emotional support. My cousin Lela adopted her as a little sister. Karen’s date got us tickets to see a Patti LaBelle concert. Patti’s incomparable performance seemed to brighten her spirits a little.

After Kelvin’s graduation, I went to Chapel Hill, North Carolina to spend time with Granny Lillian by myself, willingly this time. My paternal grandfather had passed away when I was in eleventh grade. I spent time with my father’s brother Haywood and his wife, Betty, who radiates a calm that always balances my energy.

When I returned to Wesleyan, I sublet a room for a month while I worked for the University, painting dorm rooms. My African-American crush, Iju, was also on the painting crew. Still no interest.

On June 25, 1979, I created the following list:

My professional goal is to become a child psychologist.

Other major goals

       •  Understanding of God’s teaching through Bible study

       •  Children’s Theater Workshop—founding a black children’s theater organization in Middletown, CT

       •  Semester in Paris (January to August 1980)

       •  Trip to Jamaica

       •  Top physical condition (weight around 135 lbs.)

       •  Becoming a true Christian

       •  Theater company at Wesleyan

At the time, everything on my list seemed reasonable. I had reached out to a children’s theater professional in New York whom Esteban had referred me to for information on establishing a children’s theater company. I would continue to work through my list.

In July, I worked as a Creative Theater Techniques teacher and counselor at the Center for Creative Youth. CCY was a residential arts program for students who had been identified as gifted and talented in music, dance, drama, vocal music, and visual arts—similar in focus to the Park Summer Arts program from my high school years, except these students were required to audition for slots in the various disciplines. I supervised a group of twelve girls, several of whom I grew close to, remaining in contact with them after the program ended.

I team-taught Creative Theater Techniques with two other counselors in the afternoons, leaving me time in the mornings to rest and think about the kind of person I wanted to be. I decided I wanted to exude compassion and to show forth love.

Each student was required to devise a project that they would implement in their high school during the upcoming school year. Inspired by that concept, I created a project combining theater techniques and literacy that I eventually executed at The Long Lane School in the spring semester of 1980.

In August, I participated in Wesleyan’s residential Intensive Language Program (ILP), studying French. Planning to complete my application for Wesleyan’s program in Paris in the fall, I needed additional language immersion. I had dreamed of studying in Paris since middle school. I completed the program successfully and was later selected for the study cohort that would convene in France from January to May 1980.

From summer 1978 to summer 1979, busier and more energetic than ever, I was calmer internally than I had ever been.

I believed those dreadful depressions were over forever.