Oakland, CA
Cassy did not feel as if she could breathe easily until she was in the air on her way home. She had convinced him to let it go. The crushing pressure of that acceptance weighed heavy on her heart. She had done what she had to do. And yet, she hurt more than she ever thought possible.
She was exhausted when her plane finally touched down in San Francisco. But, at least she was home.
“Auntie!” Her niece, Mandy, spotted her first and ran to embrace her.
“Hi, baby girl,” Cassy said, returning her niece’s hug and kiss. “Have you grown another inch while I’ve been away?”
Mandy giggled. “I’m glad you’re home. Please, Auntie, don’t ever go away again.”
Sarah laughed. “She’s trying to say we missed you,” Sarah said, as she kissed her sister. “You have to be exhausted. How was the flight?”
“Long. Where is the baby?”
“We left him with Delia,” Kurt said, with a welcoming hug, and referring to their housekeeper. “He’s cutting his first tooth and isn’t pleased about it. This everything?” he asked, indicating the luggage she had brought from the plane.
“Yes. Let’s get out of here.” Cassy linked her arms with Mandy. “I have something for you.”
“What?”
“You’ll have to wait until later. But I think you’re going to like it.”
Mandy beamed. “You give the best gifts, Auntie.”
“Thanks.’’ Cassy smiled, really glad to be with her family.
She could see the concern in Sarah’s eyes and was grateful that she did not voice them. Just the mention of Gordan’s name would be enough right now to send her into a fit of weeping. Her emotions were just that frayed.
Cassy also knew it was only a matter of time until her sister found out what she wanted to know. Sarah would not rest until she was certain that Cassy was all right.
When they reached the inn, Sarah volunteered to help her get settled despite the late hour, telling her husband go on ahead. She would call when she was ready to go home to their ranch. Although sleepy Mandy was not pleased about being left behind, but Cassy’s promise to make chocolate ice cream with her the next day soothed her.
Inside, Cassy was greeted by Edna Wagner, Sarah’s assistant. “Hey, Cassy. Good to have you back.” She stood at the door of the small business office just off the foyer. “Did you have a nice time?”
“Wonderful, Edna,” she said. “I missed the old place. Are there any messages for me?”
“I put all your correspondence on the desk in your apartment.” Sarah assured her, “I tried to leave everything just the way we found it.” Sarah and her family had been using Cassy’s apartment while she was away. Following Cassy down the central hallway and into her private apartment near the back of the inn, she said, “I had Gina clean in here this morning, but you still might find one of the kid’s toys.”
Cassy sank down into the sofa in the lavender-and-cream colored sitting room. “Doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you were able to move back into the inn while I was away. It had to be crammed with the kids and Kurt with only two small bedrooms.”
“It wasn’t a problem. Kurt and Mandy preferred to stay here rather than the ranch. Well?”
Cassy settled back wearily.”Can’t it wait until morning?”
“Not when you’re this upset. Are you okay?”
“Not really, but I will be someday soon.” She dropped her head, biting her lips, determined not to cry. “When it stops hurting.”
Cassy wept against her sister’s shoulder. “Oh, Sis. What am I going to do? What if I can’t make myself stop loving him?”
Sarah held her, letting her cry it out.
“I’m sorry.” Cassy eventually collected herself enough to mop her damp face with the tissues on the side table. She tried to laugh, “You’re all wet,” but failed miserably.
“Feel better?” The two were seated side by side on the sofa.
Cassy shook her head, sniffing. “I had no choice but to come home early. I needed things to get back to normal.” She sighed tiredly. “It’s over, Sarah. Really over.”
Sarah hugged her. “Give it some time, honey. Little by little, you will feel better.”
Suddenly restless, Cassy walked to the French doors and opened them. They led into the garden. She stood inhaling the fragrant roses, their grandmother’s favorite. There were many varieties that she had cared for and tended over the years before she had turned the property over to her granddaughters.
“I messed up big time,” Cassy revealed.
“What did you do?”
Cassy’s laughter lacked humor. “I was so sure of myself. So sure I had made the right decision and nothing Gordan could say or do could make me change my mind. I actually thought I could be fair—spend time with him and show him that I no longer loved for him.” She turned to face her sister before she said quietly, “I ended up not only in his arms, but worse—in bed with him. I made love with him.” Fresh tears spilled from her eyes before she could wipe them away. “How could I do that, feeling as I do?”
“It’s not that hard to understand, Sis. You’re still very much in love with the guy. You have been for a long time. When the Mosley women fall in love, they fall hard.” She grinned, “You know how many times Granny told us about Granddaddy. Why do you think a good church woman like Granny married a pool shark like Granddaddy? The man owned a pool hall for heaven’s sakes.” Sarah laughed, reminding Cassy, “She loved that man until the day he died.”
“You aren’t helping.” Cassy couldn’t help smiling.
“It’s the truth.” Sarah’s thoughts flew back to her own tremulous relationship with her husband. She had been in love with him since they were teenagers. Even a disastrous marriage to another man and the loss of their child had not lessened what they felt for one another.
“I know. What is wrong with us? Is it some terrible character flaw that we really only love once?” she said, in apparent frustration. “Remember how deeply Daddy loved Mama? They were so happy together. It took years after her death for him to recover enough to go on with his life. His grief nearly destroyed him.”
“Yes, and it was why he couldn’t take care of us and sent us to live with Granny. Sis, give yourself some time to think about you and Gordan. I’m sure after you calm down, in a few weeks you’ll see...”
“No. We’re not talking about you and Kurt. Gordan and I don’t have a romantic connection that can withstand the test of time. There is nothing left but empty promises and broken dreams,” Cassy ended, bitterly. “Two months—five years; it makes no difference. Gordan doesn’t want to marry me and have babies. He has already been married and has a child.” Wiping at tears, she whispered, “I can’t give that up. It means too much to me. And the worst part of all this, is that I met Adam. I told you about him. He’s someone who actually wants to marry.” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “I didn’t have any problems telling him no. I didn’t even want him kissing me.”
“He’s not Gordan Kramer,” her sister said.
“No, he’s not. He can never be Gordan. I kept telling myself that if I had just met him first or a year from now, then maybe...” Her voice trailed away.
“Why? He’s not right for you.”
“No. Seriously, I keep telling myself that someday I can make myself care for someone else. I know I’m sounding a little confused, but it’s late and I’m tired. I think I’ll turn in.”
“Good idea. Are you sure you don’t want me to help you unpack before I leave?”
She shook her head. “It’s late. Time for you to go home.” She walked over to her desk and opened a small, glass, velvet-lined box. “Here, take my car.” Handing the keys to her sister, she gave her a hug. “I’m certainly not going anywhere tonight.”
“Okay.” Sarah did not look convinced. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine. See you in the morning.”
“‘Night.”
Cassy knew she was a long way from all right. Flicking off the lights in the sitting room, she went tiredly into her bedroom. Tomorrow, she would unpack and get back to work, focusing on only the million and one things that needed to be done to keep the inn running smoothly.
At the end of each new day, Cassy congratulated herself on making it through. Even as she smiled for the benefit of those around her, she cried herself to sleep each night. Yet, she kept right on trying not to dwell on what she could not change.
She was surprised a few weeks later when Sarah looked in on her as she checked the cooking supplies in the kitchen’s roomy back pantry.
“There’s someone in the foyer waiting to see you.”
“Who is it?” Cassy asked.
“I don’t know. He said he’s a friend of yours.”
Cassy’s heart skipped a beat for a second. “He?”
Sarah teased, “Tall, brown, and gorgeous.”
Her hands were unsteady as she untied her apron and hung it on a hook.
“Nothing to say?” Sarah grinned.
“Nope,” Cassy called, as she walked past her sister and took a short cut through the dining room. As she stopped to smooth her hair in the mirror, she realized she was wearing her chef cap. She snatched it off her head and handed it to one of the maids in the hallway. “Gina, would you please take this back to the kitchen for me?”
“Sure.” The girl was one of the college students they’d hired to help out.
Suddenly, Cassy realized what she’d been thinking. “It can’t be Gordan,” she mumbled to herself. Continuing, she reassured herself that Sarah would have told her. She paused to speak to a guest. He stood near the office door talking to Edna.
“Adam!” she smiled, berating herself for being disappointed. “What a surprise.”
“It’s so good to see you, pretty lady.” He grinned.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, as he took her hands and kissed her cheek.
He quirked a brow. “I’m here on business, but I might be swayed to stay the weekend.”
“Wonderful,” she laughed.
“How have you been?”
“I’m well. Have you checked in?”
“Yes, Mrs. Rogers took care of it before she went to find you.”
“That’s my sister, Sarah.”
“I saw the family resemblance. You’re both very beautiful.”
“Thank you. Which room do you have?”
“The Blue Room,” he said, glancing at the tag on his key.
Cassy smiled. “I’ll show you. Do you need help with your luggage?”
He grinned, holding a leather duffel bag. “I think I can handle it. I’ve started going back to the gym. I’m working off the extra pounds I gained in Martinique.”
Cassy laughed with him. “I know what you mean. Your room is upstairs.”
They climbed the wide central staircase, which was carpeted in rich burgundy and complimented the pale pinks, cream, and deep-rose floral patterned wallpaper.
“My sister and I grew up in this house. Of course, in those days it was a rooming house. Our grandmother took in boarders to help with the upkeep.” She chatted, telling him a little family history, as well as about the inn. She paused at the second door, letting him inside. “Your room overlooks the side garden and Lakeside Park. We’re within walking distance of the park.”
His gaze had not moved to encompass the large featherbed, deep, cushioned armchairs with ottomans, and plush carpet underfoot. He looked at Cassy when he said, “You and your sister have quite a nice place here. Everything is very elegant, yet it has all the comforts of home.”
“I’m glad you like it. Our grandmother left some lovely pieces, but we used to spend our weekends hunting estate sales and yard sales to furnish most of the place. Your bathroom is here.”
She glanced quickly around to make certain nothing had been overlooked, from the flowers on the side table, or the complimentary basket of fresh fruit, cheese, and wine.
Moving to the hall door, she asked, “Do you have everything you need?”
“Almost.” Before she could take another step, he said, “I’m not here to tour Oakland, or San Francisco, for that matter. I came because of you. May I take you out to dinner this evening?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m cooking tonight. If you plan to eat here, I’ll be your chef.”
Adam laughed. “I’m looking forward to it. What time are you free? Can we have a drink later?”
“Yes, I’d like that.” she smiled at him. “We serve cocktails in the Garden Room until one. I can meet you there around eleven.”
“Wonderful.” His warm gaze caressed her face.
***
“Have you been waiting long?” Cassy was out of breath. She had stopped in her apartment to freshen up and change into wide-leg crinkled deep mauve evening slacks and a cream, lace-edged blouse.
“No problem,” he said, rising from a deep armchair.
He had selected a set of dark green chairs, positioned on the far side of the room, away from the large, plush sofas that faced each other in front of the fireplace, and the various coupling of armchairs around the room.
“You, pretty lady, are worth waiting for. What will you have to drink?” He was nursing a brandy.
“Wine, please,” she said, settling back and tucking her legs beneath her. Her eyes moved over to the table tucked beneath the archways where their guests were free to help themselves to liquid refreshments as well as assortments of homemade shortbreads, pastries, and desserts.
She admired Adam’s long, lean good looks as he filled a crystal wine glass before he joined her. He was not only a nice man, but he was also easy on a woman’s eyes, Cassy decided.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you. Did you enjoy your meal? What did you select?”
“The marinated chicken in rosemary and wine sauce.” He grinned. “My compliments to the chef.”
She nodded her thanks. “Glad you enjoyed yourself.”
“It’s funny, but after a week back at work, I feel as if I’m ready for another trip back to Martinique. It’s a place I will never forget.”
“It’s a magical place. Unfortunately, we have to go home and get back to our real jobs.”
“You once lived and worked there.”
Cassy stared down into her untouched wine, before she said, “Lucky me.”
“Was there a reason you left in such a hurry? I hope there wasn’t a problem with your family.”
“My family had nothing to do with my decision to leave early.” She hesitated, then said, “It was time for me to come home. I would not be surprised if you told me your desk was piled high with work when you returned.”
“I’m a lawyer, Cassy. I know a diversion when I hear it. But, yes, it has been hectic.” He touched her hand, where it rested on the arm of her chair. “Should I assume by your hasty departure that you did not enjoy your stay this time?”
She shifted in her chair while letting him play with her fingers. “Martinique is always fabulous. What’s not to like?”
“My thoughts exactly. We didn’t spend as much time together as I would have liked.”
Her eyes widened, but she made no response, merely taking a sip from her glass.
“Did you enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed yours?”
“Yes, I did. But –” She stopped abruptly.
“No buts. I’m here for some answers, Cassy. You’re the first woman I can really talk to and whom I’ve cared about in some time. I decided long ago that once I found that special lady, I would not hesitate to let her know how I feel. Cassy, I hope that you...”
“Surely, you are not asking...” Her voice failed her.
His eyes were intent on hers. “You’ve had time away from the island. Away from distractions.”
She knew what he meant by distractions. He was referring to Gordan. And he was making her very uncomfortable. Cassy repositioned her legs.
“Would you consider...”
“Marrying you?” she gasped.
“Eventually. But, for now, I was asking if you would consider seeing me on a regular basis. Oakland is not that far from San Diego.” He began to caress the palm of her hand with long, blunt fingertips. He smiled as he said very quietly, “I care for you, Cassy. I would like to get to know you very well. I’d like you to get to know me. Who knows? Maybe eventually you would like to come down and visit with me. I’d love to show you my city.”
“Adam, you’re a very special man” she said, briefly squeezing his hand. She went on to say, “I’m glad that we met while on the island. You helped to make it easier for me. But...”
“But you’re still in love with Kramer. I know that, Cassy. Given time...”
She shook her head. “Adam, what I’m saying is that I’m glad you and I are friends. It’s enough for me.”
Adam heard the sorrow in her voice. “It isn’t going away, is it?”
“My feelings for him? I don’t know. Yes, I’m in love with him and I can’t change that. You have no idea how I wish I could.”
Cassy was horrified by the tears that suddenly filled her eyes. She swung her legs down, then whispered, “Excuse me.”
“No, Cassy. Don’t go.” He held on to her hand.
“I’m not going to sit here in front of our staff and guests and make a fool of myself,” she sniffed.
“Never that.” He reached into his suit coat and gave her a handkerchief.
“Thank you.” She blotted her tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Kramer and I talked after you left.”
Her head shot up. “Why?”
Adam chuckled. “As surprising as this might sound, he’s a good man. I probably will kick my own butt in the morning for saying this, but the brother was really torn up after you left.”
“I don’t believe this.” She stared at him.”Are you telling me that you and Gordan are now friends?’
“I wouldn’t go that far. We ran into each other in one of the hotel’s bars. It seemed we both lost. So we sat down and had a couple of drinks.” He laughed. “You might say we tied one on. Cassy, Kramer was really hurting. He’s in love with you.”
“Not enough to change,” she hissed, trying not to care one way or the other. “Why are you telling me this mess? Are you on the brother’s payroll?”
Adam grinned, roguishly. “As a matter of fact, I’m considering it. He made me a hell of an offer. It certainly would be a big step up for my firm.”
“So that’s why you’re here?” She glared at him.
“Believe me, I’m not here because of him. I care about you, girl. I had to know if I had a chance.”
Cassy looked into his eyes when she said, “And I care about you, Adam. But our timing stinks.”
“Yeah. I’m almost five years too late,” he said, somewhat dryly. “I hate to see you so unhappy. Is there any way I can help?”
“I wish.”
“I can wait.”
“For what, to pick up the pieces?” she said, unhappily.
He squeezed her hand. “Kramer is a man I can’t help but respect. But, the brother is out of his mind if he turned his back on a life with an exceptional woman like you.”
“Is there anything he hasn’t told you?”
“Not one intimate detail. You, pretty lady, deserve the best life has to offer.”
“Enough. I’m trying to be mad at you.”
He chuckled. “Let’s remain friends. Do you have another sister? That gorgeous lady I met earlier had a huge rock on her finger.”
Cassy giggled. “Sorry. My niece, Mandy, is available. But you’ll have to wait a few years. She’ll be eight this summer.’’
They both laughed before they settled back to talk about anything and everything, except what stood between them: Gordan Kramer.
It wasn’t until the next afternoon, after Cassy had seen Adam off, that her sister cornered her in the walk-in linen closet on the third floor.
“Well?”
“What?” Cassy was busy folding towels.
“Don’t play with me, Sis.”
Cassy laughed. “I told you all there was to tell.”
“Except why he was here?” she asked, as she began folding pillowcases and sheets.
Cassy rolled her eyes at her sister. “Did it ever occur to you that it’s none of your business?”
“You might as well tell me, because I’m not leaving until you do.”
“That may become a problem. Baby Kurt won’t take kindly to missing his lunch,” Cassy teased, well aware of the fact that her sister was breast feeding her son.
“He’s had his lunch and having his nap. Now start talking.”
“Adam says he cares for me and wants to get to know me better. Suggested we start spending time together.”
“Evidently the brother does not ring your chimes.”
“I don’t believe you said something that corny,” Cassy giggled.
“Am I right?’
She nodded. “Adam can only be a friend, no matter how much I wish it were different.”
Sarah gave her a reassuring hug. “It will work itself out.”
“Not this time, Sis. I don’t want to care about Gordan, but I still do. Why can’t I make myself stop?”
“I wish I knew. Maybe, if you called him and really told him how you feel...”
“No way!” Cassy yelled, leaving Sarah staring behind her.